This has nothing to do with food, exercise, or nutrition

ttoombs

Your right on that. I wish I would have figured that out 20 years ago. But I finally learned to let go and let God do what He needs to do.

velvetwing

I dont know you and this was my first time reading this post and I am just feeling your pain. I dont have words of wisdom and I really wish words could heal. I just wanted to tell you that you WILL get through this. You WILL survive. You ARE strong. When all of this is behind you, you will realize just how strong you are! I know. Ive been there too. My ex always told me I would crumble without him LOL. Wow.... what a difference time makes, and how utterly wrong he was. I am now 10 years out away from that and it did not take long for me to realize that I am doing great! I am now remarried and happier than I have ever been. I am truely loved the way I deserve. You are going to get through this no matter how difficult it seems at time. Put your trust in your lawyer and leave all that stress of yours with him. This is what they do. I still find myself getting wound up from the ex ( we have kids together that we still need to parent) I get very stressed at times because things never seem fair or they are one sided. This is when I ask God for help, patience, calm, everything just to get me through a moment. I always find peace even if it takes me some time to get through that moment, and you will too! Be strong, be calm, allow yourself to smile because you are beautiful and you will overcome all of this.

mommared53

Well, I am relying on God. He's the only reason I'm somehow making it through this. I don't know how people do it without Him.

I know I couldn't get along without Him. I can't say I know what you're going through because years ago when I got divorced, it was mutual. My husband and I had been separated for two years and we were living in different states. I'm praying for you though. Just hang in there. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

1Corinthians13

The latest -

No court tomorrow anymore.

Elizabeth (my lawyer) just called.  This is why she hates Prince William County.  It wasn't Nate or his lawyer - it was the country clerk .  The judge is being a jerk and now no longer available to hear the motion tomorrow. 
 
Elizabeth's giving my husband's lawyer 3 options -
 
1. Prince William Country Circuit court has time available on Tuesday.  We go then.
2. My husband gives me $1000 now, and we'll go the first week of April, whenever Ron (husband's lawyer) can find it in his heartless...heart to grace us with his presence.
3. We withdraw my petition for divorce and go to juvennile court.  This can be good - they use the sliding scale, so I'd get over 1k a month.  But the bad things is that I have to withdraw my petition for divorce and wait.  My husband could potentially make up a lie (as he all ready has by telling people he only cheated because I cheated first) and petition for divorce on his own.  And it could drag out - more attorney's fees because we'd have to go from juvennile court to circuit court etc.  And it would be a longer divorce.
 
She'll keep my posted.  Hopefully Ron will not take too long to get back to her. 

Losing_It

Hopefully things will get settled for you soon!!:flowerforyou:

kleimola

I am crying just reading your story! I am so sorry you are going through this. Just know that now you are open for the one who will treat you like a queen and love you more than anything because that is what you deserve. Hang in there!

1Corinthians13

I am crying just reading your story! I am so sorry you are going through this. Just know that now you are open for the one who will treat you like a queen and love you more than anything because that is what you deserve. Hang in there!

It's just so frustrating. Emotionally...I'm a wreck! I need to grive for our lost relationship. I need time to be angry with him for what he did to me and to cry because I miss him...but I have to worry about paying my bills and going to testify in court (which by the way when we finally get there...I have to get on the stand! How terrifying is that?), I have to worry about lawyer fees and court fees. I have to change my schedule around every week it seems to bend to the wills of the stupid legal system or my husband's arrogant, unprepared lawyer. I just wish I could curl up in a ball until this is all over.

kleimola

I am crying just reading your story! I am so sorry you are going through this. Just know that now you are open for the one who will treat you like a queen and love you more than anything because that is what you deserve. Hang in there!

It's just so frustrating. Emotionally...I'm a wreck! I need to grive for our lost relationship. I need time to be angry with him for what he did to me and to cry because I miss him...but I have to worry about paying my bills and going to testify in court (which by the way when we finally get there...I have to get on the stand! How terrifying is that?), I have to worry about lawyer fees and court fees. I have to change my schedule around every week it seems to bend to the wills of the stupid legal system or my husband's arrogant, unprepared lawyer. I just wish I could curl up in a ball until this is all over.

You do know it is okay to feel the way you do? If you didn't, one would wonder if you were normal. When my parents divorced my mother told me that it felt like someone had died. In a sense they did, their relationship died. Both are remarried now. It is a shame that your ex is so selfish to put you through this. I will keep you in my prayers that God will comfort you, give you a place to cry when you need to and help you up when you fall down. He will do that!

singfree

May God comfort you now and always.

velvetwing

It's just so frustrating. Emotionally...I'm a wreck! I need to grive for our lost relationship. I need time to be angry with him for what he did to me and to cry because I miss him...but I have to worry about paying my bills and going to testify in court (which by the way when we finally get there...I have to get on the stand! How terrifying is that?), I have to worry about lawyer fees and court fees. I have to change my schedule around every week it seems to bend to the wills of the stupid legal system or my husband's arrogant, unprepared lawyer. I just wish I could curl up in a ball until this is all over.
[/quote]


Hold your head up high. I know its tough and I know its scarry to think you will be on the stand, but once you are there its not so bad. Getting there and the anticipation is the worst. Just stay calm, state the facts, and focus on your laywer.... he will be able to keep you focused and calm. You will be glad when its over and tell yourself it wasnt as bad as you imagined it would be. Been there, done that. You are going to be just fine :happy: and stronger in the end. Dont curl up in that ball.... head held high no matter how difficult. You are stronger than you think

1Corinthians13

And one of my best friends, she's wonderful, but she doesn't get it. She thinks that because of the way he treated me, I should be okay. That I should just be able to move on. when I'm upset or sad or depressed...she just doesn't get it. She tries, I think, but it's hard because she doesn't let me just grieve. Not that there's been much opportunity for that really. It's just hard to talk to her because she doesn't understand what this does to someone. She doesn't realize that in God's eyes...I've become one with my husband, and now he's tearing himself away...it's exactly as though he's splitting my body and heart and soul in two. I feel it. I still feel the pain, and I've known about the affair since the beginning of January, and we've been struggling since last June...it's almost been a year since he first told me things like, "I need space" "I feel like I'm not being myself with you," "I feel like we're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole," "I need more than what I'm getting from this marriage...."

age1389

I was thinking about you this morning knowing that tomorrow was the day that you go to court... Sorry yet again it's not going to happen.. Hang in there and know that there's better times ahead for you...:flowerforyou:

Love_Conquers_All

And one of my best friends, she's wonderful, but she doesn't get it. She thinks that because of the way he treated me, I should be okay. That I should just be able to move on. when I'm upset or sad or depressed...she just doesn't get it. She tries, I think, but it's hard because she doesn't let me just grieve. Not that there's been much opportunity for that really. It's just hard to talk to her because she doesn't understand what this does to someone. She doesn't realize that in God's eyes...I've become one with my husband, and now he's tearing himself away...it's exactly as though he's splitting my body and heart and soul in two. I feel it. I still feel the pain, and I've known about the affair since the beginning of January, and we've been struggling since last June...it's almost been a year since he first told me things like, "I need space" "I feel like I'm not being myself with you," "I feel like we're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole," "I need more than what I'm getting from this marriage...."

]

I really don't think that a person 'gets' it unless theyv'e been through it themselves. Corin, I felt that was as well, the biggest deal to me about the ending of a marriage in my 20's was simply ending it, realizing that we had married, said our vows and that we would be there for one another till the day we die. To realize that was not going to happen even dispite his activities did the same to me, it felt like I was only 1/2 a person then...my heart felt ripped out and there seemed to be so much missing inside. I also can't believe the round hole peg deal....he used that very same line, I mean the very same. WOW:huh:

I think perhaps these days some take the vow much more lightly but it sounds like you took it to mean exactly the words that were spoken as well. My heart has healed it is possible to feel whole again but it takes time but most of all processing......

I keep you on my heart Hon...I think of you often:smooched:

havingitall

I think perhaps these days some take the vow much more lightly but it sounds like you took it to mean exactly the words that were spoken as well. My heart has healed it is possible to feel whole again but it takes time but most of all processing......

It does take time. You need to look within yourself to heal. When you do and you come out the other side of this you will be a much better and much happier person. I know now where I made my mistakes with my first marriage. I will never make those mistakes with Ben now because I know where I went wrong. As well, I finally married a man that respects and cherishes me. You will love again and it will be better than ever!

1Corinthians13

Those of you that have kept up with this and kept me in your thoughts and prayers - you have no idea what that has meant to me.

Things keep getting worse. On Thursday I found out that we weren't going to court on the Friday (my birthday) b/c the judge asked for a 2-hour motion hearing on April 6. 2 hours. My laywer says she's never heard of anything like this before.

Then on Friday...yup, my wonderful birthday...I found out that my husband's lawyer wants me for a depostion. At first my lawyer was going to depose my husband as well but decided against spending the money since we'll be in court anyway. The deposition is just his lawyer's way of dragging this out, making me spend more money, and scaring me. And he's doing a good job of it.

I did have a good weekend and pigged out with my girlfriends. One friend put highlights in my hair, and we had a girly night of drinking too much and laughing a lot! I'm glad I ate so much even though I feel fat today (and probably gained several pounds - I did NOT step on the scale). But I'm glad b/c I don't have any appetite today. I'm too nervous.

I had nightmares last night. I hardly slept, and when I did I woke up crying - dreams of my husband trying to kill me in various ways. It was awful.

Phoenix_Rising

Oh honey ((((hugs)))).
I hope those nightmares go away.
Keep the girlfriends around. They will help.

barbiecat

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

You may not believe it now, but it will get better. If you have a spiritual program in your life, make use of it. Practice staying in the moment. Turn on something (music, TV, DVD, etc.) to drown out the noises in your head.

You are not alone.:bigsmile:

1Corinthians13

I was wondering why he was being so quiet, laying so low.

I received an email from him today. A "last attempt to negotiate before court." Basically, in the email, he spewed a bunch of lies, accused me of being greedy, accused my lawyer of using sneaky tricks, and threatened to countersuit me for a bunch of different things if I take him to court.

I can't stop crying. Again. My friends are all angry, and I wish that I was, but I'm so hurt. How in the world can love come to this? First the affair, a long-term, seven-month affair about which he lied to my face every single day. Then, knowing my financial situation, he decided to stop helping me financially. And now...now he's acting like I'm the one who did wrong, like I'm greedy and selfish and only after his money and will only come to regret it. So now I'm scared. I just want this over. But I dont' know how I'll ever be able to look back on any of the time I spent with him and smile with fondness over the memories.

réalta

you are in my thoughts

i dont know what to say except we are all here for you :flowerforyou:

havingitall

He is trying to intimidate you so you will drop the support thing. Forget the person you thought he was, that person is gone. I was married for 10 years to a man who I now think is the biggest *kitten* in the world. It all comes down to money in the end. He does not like the idea of giving you money. Ex's don't....even with child support.

Phoenix_Rising

I was wondering why he was being so quiet, laying so low.

I received an email from him today. A "last attempt to negotiate before court." Basically, in the email, he spewed a bunch of lies, accused me of being greedy, accused my lawyer of using sneaky tricks, and threatened to countersuit me for a bunch of different things if I take him to court.

I can't stop crying. Again. My friends are all angry, and I wish that I was, but I'm so hurt. How in the world can love come to this? First the affair, a long-term, seven-month affair about which he lied to my face every single day. Then, knowing my financial situation, he decided to stop helping me financially. And now...now he's acting like I'm the one who did wrong, like I'm greedy and selfish and only after his money and will only come to regret it. So now I'm scared. I just want this over. But I dont' know how I'll ever be able to look back on any of the time I spent with him and smile with fondness over the memories.

He's trying to wear you down. He is trying to make you give up rather than face him and battle him. He knows how hard he's making it on you.

Don't Give Up.

Screw him. You DESERVE the financial support from him. He cheated and ended the marriage, placing you in a position where you cannot properly support yourself. Screw him.

Don't Let Him Get to You.

Honey, the man you loved is dead and gone. This is some a-hole who showed up afterwards. You need not look back at fond memories--- you need to move forward and prepare yourself to have new happy times and make fun memories now!

Don't Give Up.

You can do this. Keep your chin up. He is scared of you getting any money and trying these mean ways to get you to stop because he knows he will lose.

Don't Let Him Get to You.

Keep your faith, dear. :flowerforyou:

mrsyac2

I am sorry for what you are going through ! but your feelings are normal- Now your going to go through the 7 stages of grief to getting your life back- I can't say how long you will go through this process but it will happen.

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
2. PAIN & GUILT-
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

There is light at the end of the tunnel- And just remember Karma is a ***** (sorry for my language)- and him and his little heffer will get theirs in time--
I can't stand cheaters :mad: :explode:

barbiecat

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
Continue to conduct your business with him with dignity, value, and worth. Turn a deaf ear to the ugly things that have been said.

Don't worry about the future. Just do your best today.'\
You are not alone

mrsyac2

as far as him being a douche bag- try not to take it to heart he is messing with your head since you are trying to mess with his wallet.

He probably thought he could get out of your marriage with a simple signing of the divorce papers- But since your asking for spousal support its kind of like you blind sided him just like he blind sided you-

Don't let him get to you- Use this time to become more mentally and emotionally strong- you shouldn't let anyone intimidate you- He knows your weakness's and will use them against you- You knowing that for yourself will help you stand up to him

The emails he sends you- here is an answer to that Print them out-

You 2 don't need to have any communication right now- If he emails you don't respond and if you do respond say talk to my attorney ( I have already forwarded this email to him/her)
If he calls don't answer no matter how hard it is for you to not answer- That phone call will just lead to you being more upset and him transferring his negative energy toward you. Don't let him do it.

1Corinthians13

Thanks to all of you. I did not respond to his email even though I wanted to call him out on every lie. I did forward the email to my attorney, but since it was the end of the day, she asked me to call her tomorrow to discuss it.

As of right now, my deposition is March 24 at 5pm.

Love_Conquers_All

Thanks to all of you. I did not respond to his email even though I wanted to call him out on every lie. I did forward the email to my attorney, but since it was the end of the day, she asked me to call her tomorrow to discuss it.

As of right now, my deposition is March 24 at 5pm.

1Corinthians13

Hey guys. Sorry, I've been quiet lately. I've been falling apart, bit by bit.

But the first milestone is behind me - the deposition. And it went pretty well, I think. I came across some new information when I was printing out bank statements that included the joint account we used to pay bills out of - many cash withdrawals (several from an ATM in the town where...she...lives), many electronic transfers to his account, and a ticket to Honolulu, HI. It was only $75, so he must have used airline miles or something. That pretty much devestated me yesterday.

My attorney, however, was rubbing her hands together in glee. Haha - seriously. She apologized and said she knew it was devasting for me, but it was good for the case. Which makes sense.

Today, I don't have much of an appetite. I haven't been sleeping all that well. But tomorrow, I'm going to try...again...to get back into my running routine. I'm missing it and refuse to let him make me unhealthy.

havingitall

I know the process is hard, I have been there. You are giving him far too much free rent in your head.

Exercise is the best thing you can do for yourself right now and running is free. The exercise will help you deal with stress.

Focus on the good things in your life. Deal with the legal crap when you have to and go on with life.
When I got divorced, a friend of my Mom told me that "The best revenge is living well" I can tell you my ex hated to see me going on with my life happily, but I had to do it for me.

1Corinthians13

I know you're right. And for the most part, that's what I'm doing. Then the stupid dreams tripped me up for a couple weeks...but I think I'm clawing my way out of that. I ran a couple times last week, and I'm gonna run tomorrow and on through the weekend. Today, though I don't have much of an appetite, I am back on track eating the right things.

I do wanna see him squirm on the stand - while he's drowning in his own mistakes and I'm standing there smiling sweetly b/c MY life is more together than it ever was when we were together. Which is very, very true.