This has nothing to do with food, exercise, or nutrition

Phoenix_Rising

I'm just now seeing this thread, for whatever reason.
I read your post and started to get emotional.
I had to stop short reading the responses you got.
You know I'm going through a separation too, and it's hell no matter which side you are on.
I just wanted to thank you for posting this.
I need to read what's been written.
I needed this. Thank you.

Oh Hon , I'm so sorry, I didn't know! :brokenheart: You'll be in my Heart:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
FC

Thanks.
Phew, fighting back the tears now!!

1Corinthians13

I'm just now seeing this thread, for whatever reason.
I read your post and started to get emotional.
I had to stop short reading the responses you got.
You know I'm going through a separation too, and it's hell no matter which side you are on.
I just wanted to thank you for posting this.
I need to read what's been written.
I needed this. Thank you.

Oh Hon , I'm so sorry, I didn't know! :brokenheart: You'll be in my Heart:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
FC

Thanks.
Phew, fighting back the tears now!!

PM me anytime. I know how you're feeling, sweetie. I know. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

fitchick99

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

Remember you don't miss him, you miss who you thought he was, I can so relate to the pain, I went through a very nasty divorce/child custody that left me, financially and emotionally bankrupt, take it one day at a time, find a wonderful support group and just try to get up every morning and feel like you miss everything just a little less, each day will get easier...i'm so sorry you're going through this :flowerforyou:

1Corinthians13

Okay, the latest.

It's looking the courts are moving nice and slow, and my ex's lawyer isn't being entirely cooperative. So it's looking like we won't go to court until March 13.

That's my birthday.

I cried today for the first time in a long time. I mean long, drawn out sobs. I was watching Grey's Anatomy and suddenly felt so alone. If something were to happen to me - and in fact I had my stomach pains last night again. They woke me up at 3am, and I've felt yucky every since. And he's not here! He's not here to hold me and tell me it's gonna be okay. He doesn't even care. He knows what my bills look like, yet he stopped giving me money. He took advantage of my love for him, and he's not here when I'm hurting. It's not fair. I hate feeling sorry for myself, but it's not fair.

Hannah_Banana

Oh sweetie!

I'm so sorry to hear about this. Next to losing a loved one, I can't image anything worse. The first year of my relationship with my partner was very, very rough. We both came from very 'free love' backgrounds and neither of us really knew what it meant to be monogomous, I just picked it up faster than he did and ended up being wounded very deeply.

The point of sharing that is because I SAW the texts and emails and I KNOW how painful that is. It is so much harder when you have to read what the man you love(d) says to another woman. Its a different kind of betrayl, and you see those words again in your mind again and again.

One last thing I would like to ad because it stuck out so much to me in your post - how he's become nasty to you. I think a lot of that might come from him feeling ashamed and angry at HIMSELF. He musth have had some sort of a concience for you to fall in love with him, and he probably feels terrible and defensive. AS HE SHOULD. I am not defending him AT ALL, just saying that it probably isn't you he is angry with. :flowerforyou:

Chin up, honey. YOU are all you need. You are a strong, beautiful woman and so worth a loving, loyal man. :smooched:

AmyNVegas

Thank you very much.

Last night was rough. I dreamed all night. Some good, some bad, but all about him, and each time I woke up I expected him to be there to assure me it was just a dream, and he'd never leave.

*sigh*

Still awaiting a court date too. Getting more and more nervous.

Wish I could tell you this will stop but I still have dreams with my ex in them and frequently and we have been divorced for almost 12 years. I had to laugh at the thing he cheated with (woman was too nice for her)- she said if I had kept him "satisfied" he would not have come to her. Ha! I told her she was stupid because he would be cheating on her within a month she laughed and said she kept her man satisfied and he didn't have to stray. :laugh: Then why was he knocking on my door in less than a month begging to come back??? Still divorced him the next year when I had the money. That was the 3rd time he had cheated. I can tell you though that the best thing I did for myself was forgive them both. Had to for my own soul. The cramps in your stomach I knew then too well. Felt like I was eaten up inside. That went away when I forgave them and released the hatred and anger I felt. You might need the anger to get you through the hurt, but make sure you let it go so you can be happy. I'll pray for you hun!:flowerforyou:

Amy:bigsmile:

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1Corinthians13

Thanks. The cramps are actually something else. They've been going on periodically for years. i've been through all kinds of tests, and the doctors don't know what the problem is.

I don't know what the *kitten* is thinking. I do know that my husband was sleeping with us both at the same time - our sex life never suffered.

Anyway...time for bed. I'm going to try to get some sleep anyway.

ChubbyBunny

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

Remember you don't miss him, you miss who you thought he was, I can so relate to the pain, I went through a very nasty divorce/child custody that left me, financially and emotionally bankrupt, take it one day at a time, find a wonderful support group and just try to get up every morning and feel like you miss everything just a little less, each day will get easier...i'm so sorry you're going through this :flowerforyou:

This is good stuff....

I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

hmo4

Hey girls, women are amazing! The support you will always get from a female is no comparison to anyone else. This thread once again shows it.:flowerforyou: I went threw a divorce 13 years ago when my kids were 1,2 and 4. It was very tough! Especially not having a good job in the Nursing work force back then, juggling my babies and not having support of my family. I had my bff, who is still my bff for 20 years now! I love her for all she did to help my children and I out, when she too was not well off. I was only 27 yrs young, so most of my other friends were still single. You are a beautiful woman, and sound also like a sweety. I used to be more so too, until of what life dishes us, and we endure. I have a definite tougher, stronger, don't mess with me attitude after being on my own with 3 little ones, housework, shiftwork, etc. I met a man 1.5yrs later who I had gone to Highschool with who fell madly in love with me and my children. He moved in with us when the kids were 5,3 and 2. He's been an amazing Stepdad and husband, although I still will always know, as will my bff, that even though our kids are now 19,17,16 and 12 (he and I had one together-and married 2 mos before she was born), that I can endure anything, have my family's support, know my kids will do anything for me and I still will always have my bff's support. You will be fine, actually you will be even better because of this. Who we become is from what life dishes us and all our experiences. How he dealt with his unhappiness is not your problem, you just need to be able to forgive, trust and love again.-Especially yourself!
You weren't meant to be together, and be thankful no kids were involved. Once you can move on past your grieving, life will open many doors, be very exciting, and you will find your true soul mate! :brokenheart: :smooched:

1Corinthians13

You're so right. I really am so blessed with the women in my life - including those in this thread - my friends, family, and Christ. i am so blessed.

Thanks for sharing your story with me. it gives me hope, which is sometimes hard to feel when you just feel so alone.

keiko

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”



Remember you don't miss him, you miss who you thought he was,

I liked the relationship saying. But that next part is what really took my breathe away. It is so true. I wish I would have realized this sooner, it would have saved some emotional pain.

1Corinthians13

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”



Remember you don't miss him, you miss who you thought he was,

I liked the relationship saying. But that next part is what really took my breathe away. It is so true. I wish I would have realized this sooner, it would have saved some emotional pain.

I do know that. It is true. Even last night when I was crying, it wasn't because I missed HIM. I missed...having someone I thought loved me hold me and make everything okay. I missed the security of having someone who knows you inside out. I missed loving someone and feeling him love me. Now HIM.

Fitness_Chick

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”



Remember you don't miss him, you miss who you thought he was,

I liked the relationship saying. But that next part is what really took my breathe away. It is so true. I wish I would have realized this sooner, it would have saved some emotional pain.

Oh wow, Keiko I hear ya on that one... so true! You think you know someone and then find out you really have to wonder if you ever did when they behave certain ways.:noway:

TudorRose

You will get through this. You are a very strong person- you've come this far. You just need to push on. Divorce is rife in my family and I've noticed a trend there: no matter how hard it is, how horrible it is, it is NOT the end. It's a close of a chapter, yes, but the start of a new one, and brings you closer to your happily ever after, whatever you choose that to be. :flowerforyou:

tennetubbie

You will get through this because you have no choice but to go through it unfortunately---but you will survive!! I did---I got no child support---just walked FAR FAR away with the kids to avoid his abuse!
NETWORK---your friends can help.
Exercise-sleep
Work
Volunteer---I found this stopped my from bemoaning my fater and I met some really good people.
Dust off your resume---are you working???
Hopefully your family can help you through the crunch until you get your feet back under you.

You will be stronger for this---and I hope you will find happiness again---there are good men out there---who have had the same thing done to them by their wives! Just wait until YOU are OK--and don't rush into anything because you NEED!

Good luck--and what you are doing is healthy venting.

Fitness_Chick

bumpin for a book title for later:blushing:

1Corinthians13

I thought I was doing well. I really, really did. But I'm not! i went to visit a couple, this retired couple that lived next to us that have just been amazing. And driving through the town we moved into as a newly married couple...just tore me apart.

I'm a wreck. I miss him. I know...I only miss the man I thought he was. But he WAS that person with me. That's what's so hard. Or part of what is so hard. He was this amazing man who always told me I was beautiful, who always cuddled, who always showed appreciation for the dinners I cooked, for packing his lunch, for laying out his clothes, for cleaning the house...I miss this man who loved to just hold me and love me and tell me he loved me every few minutes. Literally!

How could that man have this affair? How could that man stop helping me financially even knowing that he made three times what I make and that the bills are hard for me to pay? how could that man be so mean to me, me who gave him everything?

I hate being this "poor me" kind of person. I really, really hate being this kind of person. But tonight, I'm a mess. it's the first time in a long time that I've been just a mess. That I've cried because I missed him. That I've wished he was here...obviously not the man who's so mean to me but the man I loved. I miss him. i feel empty inside. I haven't felt this way in months - like my insides are just being constantly pulled out of my body, like there's nothing left of me but skin and bones.

Sorry. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just...trying to put all this into words. Because i'm a writer, and I do best on paper.

Fitness_Chick

I thought I was doing well. I really, really did. But I'm not! i went to visit a couple, this retired couple that lived next to us that have just been amazing. And driving through the town we moved into as a newly married couple...just tore me apart.

I'm a wreck. I miss him. I know...I only miss the man I thought he was. But he WAS that person with me. That's what's so hard. Or part of what is so hard. He was this amazing man who always told me I was beautiful, who always cuddled, who always showed appreciation for the dinners I cooked, for packing his lunch, for laying out his clothes, for cleaning the house...I miss this man who loved to just hold me and love me and tell me he loved me every few minutes. Literally!

How could that man have this affair? How could that man stop helping me financially even knowing that he made three times what I make and that the bills are hard for me to pay? how could that man be so mean to me, me who gave him everything?

I hate being this "poor me" kind of person. I really, really hate being this kind of person. But tonight, I'm a mess. it's the first time in a long time that I've been just a mess. That I've cried because I missed him. That I've wished he was here...obviously not the man who's so mean to me but the man I loved. I miss him. i feel empty inside. I haven't felt this way in months - like my insides are just being constantly pulled out of my body, like there's nothing left of me but skin and bones.

Sorry. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just...trying to put all this into words. Because i'm a writer, and I do best on paper.

:flowerforyou:

mamashrub

I thought I was doing well. I really, really did. But I'm not! i went to visit a couple, this retired couple that lived next to us that have just been amazing. And driving through the town we moved into as a newly married couple...just tore me apart.

I'm a wreck. I miss him. I know...I only miss the man I thought he was. But he WAS that person with me. That's what's so hard. Or part of what is so hard. He was this amazing man who always told me I was beautiful, who always cuddled, who always showed appreciation for the dinners I cooked, for packing his lunch, for laying out his clothes, for cleaning the house...I miss this man who loved to just hold me and love me and tell me he loved me every few minutes. Literally!

How could that man have this affair? How could that man stop helping me financially even knowing that he made three times what I make and that the bills are hard for me to pay? how could that man be so mean to me, me who gave him everything?

I hate being this "poor me" kind of person. I really, really hate being this kind of person. But tonight, I'm a mess. it's the first time in a long time that I've been just a mess. That I've cried because I missed him. That I've wished he was here...obviously not the man who's so mean to me but the man I loved. I miss him. i feel empty inside. I haven't felt this way in months - like my insides are just being constantly pulled out of my body, like there's nothing left of me but skin and bones.

Sorry. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just...trying to put all this into words. Because i'm a writer, and I do best on paper.

I know this is hard, and it might feel like you will never come out from under it, but remember, God never gives us more then we can handle. There will be some day when you realize you didnt think about him, or someone will say his name, and it wont hit you with nerves. Just keep on chugging..you can make it through this.

1Corinthians13

Thank you, and I know you're right. God gives us "strength for the days." I know that, and I've felt it from Him before. Thank you so much for the reminder.

1Corinthians13

Aside from the fact that I've lost 2 inches from my waist and 1 inch both from my thighs and hips (yay!), I thought I'd give an update to those interested:

Barring an act of God, we are going to court on the 13th - unless of course my husband decides to settle. That is highly unlikely, however, because my lawyer isn't playing games anymore - she's going for broke as the saying goes (which leaves room for negotiation). Remember - this is not the FINAL divorce decree, this is merely for temporary support while we begin actual divorce negotiations.

So please, those that pray keep this in your thoughts and prayers, and those that don't...just think good thoughts for me. I will spending my birthday in court - hopefully, I will have something to celebrate.

Shannon023

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :brokenheart: You've got a online-army of people who support you here. :flowerforyou:

Be strong!

Phoenix_Rising

I'm thinking of you, dear :flowerforyou:

barbiecat

How brave you are to reach out for support. When my first husband left me I was so embarrassed that he had left that I didn't tell anyone for weeks. :brokenheart: What a fool I was. I could have had all the love and support that you've received from MFP.

When my second husband left:brokenheart: , I reached out to friends and let them hold my hand. I took it one day at a time and reminded God that He was in charge of everything and that I would be looking for the lessons to be learned in the pain.

I am a better person today because of the pain. Today I am married to my soulmate and we have a wonderful life.:bigsmile:


More is hidden than is revealed. Be grateful for unknown blessings already on their way.:flowerforyou:

rosered51

Well, here's to hoping ALL your birthday wishes come true!:drinker:

I wish I could reach you and give you a great big hug, and maybe cry with you a little, then dry your eyes and take you out to get your mind off the "toad". Since can't do that, know that you will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers today and every day, but especially on the 13th.

You will SURVIVE! You are strong, you are a fighter and you will ultimately be stronger for all that you have gone through and will go through to get this divorce. The fires of hell forge mighty strong steel.

Just keep running to the Lord and He will be the one to hold and comfort you. He will never cheat, lie, turn His back on you or let you down.

We will also be here to help lift you up when you have your down days. It's to be expected and we will shower you with love because you are wonderful and deserving of love...please remember that! YOU ARE A WONDERFUL WOMAN!:smooched:

1Corinthians13

Rose - thank you so much! I am loving the support here. I've just been amazed with the people I've "met" and the support and love everyone's offered.

Barbie - how awful for you to have faced that alone. I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'd do without my family and friends - both online and in person.

Lauryn and Shannon - thank you.

chrissyh

1Cor this is the first time I've seen this post - so sorry you are having to go thru this. Stay strong, be brave and continue to ask God for His guidance!

1Corinthians13

Another update for those keeping themselves posted on the ups and downs of my divorce...or rather attempt to divorce. That would be more accurate.

Apparently now, his lawyer is playing games. Though he said to my attorney in a previous email (she forwards me all their correspondence) that he would be available on the 13th for this motion hearing, he now suddenly, a week before, is no longer available until the 27th. That's another 2 weeks.

My attorney is not playing his game and said that's unacceptible due to my financial situation. I have a friend who is also my financial adviser. She has put together former letters and spreadsheets showing what I make, what I pay each month, and what I should get from my husband. My attorney believes there's no way the court would NOT grant me anything. But we have to get there first.

So I'm nervous. My boss took me for a walk and let me cry. She's wonderful. But I'm on the verge of tears. Glad to go to my friend's house for some wine tonight. To hell with my calories (though I do have it all worked in). I'm drinking tonight. I'll work it off tomorrow if I need to.

ttoombs

Hang in there sweetie. :flowerforyou: I'm on my third marriage, I lost my mom and sister within 6 months of each other, my daughter has Ulcerative Colitis (like Crohns), really sick all the time, even considering having her colon taken out, etc, etc. Life is all about learning, living, loving and making mistakes. You just have to try to see the good in all things. (I know that is hard to do). I love my 3rd husband :happy: , my first was an alcoholic , the second was an alcoholic and abusive :mad: . It was only when I started relying on God and my family that total happiness came. Remember you always have the support of the people here at MFP. Chin up, back straight, go forward.

1Corinthians13

Well, I am relying on God. He's the only reason I'm somehow making it through this. I don't know how people do it without Him.