How about instead of "look how gross I was" we say...

lisaidem

It can be kind of hurtful to others to say "I weighed X number of pounds and I was completely disgusting." There are plenty of people that weigh much more than whatever weight you mention, and would LOVE to be that weight. Or there are those (like myself) who have lost a good amount of weight, and are at YOUR starting weight, when you were "so disgusting."

How about the for the sake of motivating others, we just say that we weren't happy at that weight, rather than making judgement statements?

This behavior kind of reminds me of a friend I have, that makes statements about how only very thin girls are attractive. Says this to my face. Who does he think he is talking to? He doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, although I am obviously not on his radar of potentially attractive people (maybe he thinks I'm a man?), but it does anyway.

Just a thought.

april_beth

you know, i thought this post was going a different direction...

you have an awesome point...while i would kill to weight so and so's weight, someone would kill to me my weight...thanksf or pointing that out *hugs*

LuckyLeprechaun

I appreciate your kind sentiment. I imagine it's coming from a nice place.

However, I will choose to describe MYSELF as I see fit.

And I WAS fat. Very FAT. And I felt horrible, and disgusting, and I hated it. So I changed it.


The fact that other people started at other weights has nothing to do with my own journey, and if someone wants to generalize the things I say about my former self to their own situation, that's their problem, not mine.

Best wishes.
Limiting people's speech isn't an idea I like on any day, especially Veteran's Day when we're supposed to be celebrating freedom and all.

jen_davenport

i have often had this same thought. thank you for sharing, I completely agree!

Vaanja

@ OP: Amen, sister.

@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?

KateHubb

I agree. I have heard on more than one occasion someone that is now 130 lbs say "I was so fat and disgusting when I was 200 pounds..." Well I am close to 200 lbs so that does hurt my feelings. Yes, I KNOW I am fat, but just hearing it in that particular wording is harsh.

SDkitty

That is a very good idea! Reminds me of a friend of mine who talks about how pathetic people are who don't have enough money to go out and "enjoy their life" all the time to my face when I had to move back in with my mom after my ex and I broke up. People are just *doh* sometimes

MB_Positif

while it would be nice to see people not writing things like this, it'll never stop...we are our own worst critic.

lisaidem

LOL I am not limiting anyone's speech, and throwing Veterans Day in there is a cheap shot. Suddenly I'm not patriotic because I suggest people maybe think about their harsh words in a support forum...yeah.

april_beth

@ OP: Amen, sister.

@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?

^^^^^THIS!!!!

mikonei

Agreed. I topped out at 306 and though I was unhappy with myself, I never thought of it as disgusting and felt pretty bad when I saw people saying that at 200lbs.

craft338

i totally agree!!! i know it's a self perception thing, but you probably shouldn't be posting on boards about how "disgusting" you look at a certain weight when there's ALWAYS going to be someone who weights more than you!!

LuckyLeprechaun

statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.

statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.

One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.

I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.

LuckyLeprechaun

@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?

Free speech is important especially when it's unpopular. Sorry. I'm not into candy-coating and pre-worrying over how I speak so I can prevent someone else from misinterpreting it and hurting their own feelings.

SarahBrown1979

Thank you for posting this! I feel this everytime I see someone's pic that is alot smaller then me and think, "my god I love myself and think I am beautiful but just want to be healthy and they think they are fat and disgusting?!? Man they must think I look fat and disguesting". I'm 32 yrs old and have stuggled with my weight since I was in 5th grade! Not that I've not tried doing things before but when you hear people refer themselves or people in a higher weight Gross and fat and disgusting, it breaks my heart b/c I was made fun of most of my life for being fat, I didn't think anyone would ever want to be with me or marry me for that matter... Now I am engaged n working on my body issues together! Every morning before work we go to the gym for an hr! So Thank you for starting this topic!

MrsCon40

statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.

statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.

One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.

I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.

^^ This

When other people talk about themselves and you allow it to hurt your feelings you need to examine yourself for why. That's not healthy.

2bFitNTrim

When someone says "look how gross I was" at a certain weight that others would be delighted to get to, I think it's more of a statement of how they feel about themselves, not an opinion about anyone else. I agree though that it can be helpful if we could take the time to think about how our words may affect others. Sometimes, it just pops out. Personally, if I know no harm was intended, then I choose not to be offended.

mandimommy

Nobody can make you feel a certain way. You own your emotions, feelings and reactions. If I thought I looked gross at a certain size, I'd say it. It doesn't mean I feel someone else looks gross at that size... but even if it did, who cares? I am some anonymous person on the internet.

radfordgal05

I agree with this post and for what it is worth Lisa you look great, keep up the good work.

firefly171717

wow interesting conversation....I must say I did not expect it to go the way it did

2bFitNTrim

statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.

statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.

One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.

I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.

^^ This

When other people talk about themselves and you allow it to hurt your feelings you need to examine yourself for why. That's not healthy.

Like minds

LuckyLeprechaun

Nobody can make you feel a certain way. You own your emotions, feelings and reactions. If I thought I looked gross at a certain size, I'd say it. It doesn't mean I feel someone else looks gross at that size... but even if it did, who cares? I am some anonymous person on the internet.

This!

KandieLantz

It can be kind of hurtful to others to say "I weighed X number of pounds and I was completely disgusting." There are plenty of people that weigh much more than whatever weight you mention, and would LOVE to be that weight. Or there are those (like myself) who have lost a good amount of weight, and are at YOUR starting weight, when you were "so disgusting."

How about the for the sake of motivating others, we just say that we weren't happy at that weight, rather than making judgement statements?

This behavior kind of reminds me of a friend I have, that makes statements about how only very thin girls are attractive. Says this to my face. Who does he think he is talking to? He doesn't mean to hurt my feelings, although I am obviously not on his radar of potentially attractive people (maybe he thinks I'm a man?), but it does anyway.

Just a thought.

Bravo! Very well said!

ElizabethRoad

@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?

Free speech is important especially when it's unpopular. Sorry. I'm not into candy-coating and pre-worrying over how I speak so I can prevent someone else from misinterpreting it and hurting their own feelings.

Free speech refers to the government limiting your speech, not to someone suggesting that you should be considerate of other people. Of course you can say whatever you like. That doesn't mean you should. And really, you're implying that it's somehow "important" to say that you feel fat?

Artemis_Acorn

I think this attitude tracks back to body image and ultimately self-esteem. I confess that I used to 'jokingly' call myself fat - if I said it first, no one else could hurt me with it right? I never stopped to consider that in doing so I was defining myself in the narrowest of terms. I like the suggestion of "Not happy at that weight". I had come around to saying, "I wasn't at a healthy weight." I've already had people tell me it's time to stop, and I'm like...I have 74 more pounds to go. When they protest, I tell them that my goal is in the middle of a healthy weight range for my height and they can't argue it. That is the framework that I use to characterize my journey now.

It is unfortunately a pervasive tendency in our society to characterize overweight and obese persons with nothing but negative terms. Forget that they are intelligent or kind or funny or hard-working. Forget that they may have suffered abuse, or may have a medical condition or take medications that cause weight gain. I think the sooner we humanize overweight people in society , the sooner we can find the answers to restoring a culture that promotes health rather than marginalizing the overweight.

ElizabethRoad

Nobody can make you feel a certain way. You own your emotions, feelings and reactions. If I thought I looked gross at a certain size, I'd say it. It doesn't mean I feel someone else looks gross at that size... but even if it did, who cares? I am some anonymous person on the internet.

It's great that you have such good self-esteem that you aren't effected by what other people say. Could you have a little consideration for others, possibly?

lisaidem

Absolutely agree guys. But we are on a support forum for overweight people, and going hand-in-hand with that is low self-esteem. I think most people here will admit to self-esteem issues. And I think everyone will agree that only you can make yourself a victim. But that doesn't change how people actually feel, and it's nice to consider other people in this type of environment.

Teliooo

statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.

statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.

One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.

I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.

Your emotional baggage if causing you to argue a point too. I agree and disagree. I think if you take things to much to heart then that if your problem but at the same time. seeing a young girl say she is fat when she weighs 120 pounds is just plain wrong, no because of how it makes me feel being heavier but rather that someone so thin could feel this way. At the same time I cannot help but take something a bit personally (gasp, I am human) when someone is is complaining about being fat when the are no where near over weight and the look how I have always wanted too. Yes that is my problem but I accept that.

DanyelleKimberly

I completely agree- I refuse to post my weight on here becuase as I don't want anyone to know what number I'm at. Your right somone would probably kill to be where I am. It is all a preference and we all have are own struggles to get through to where we want to be.

summertime_girl

I do feel gross and disgusting. I'm describing myself, and no one else. And there were days I felt gross an disgusting when I was a size 2.

Teliooo

Nobody can make you feel a certain way. You own your emotions, feelings and reactions. If I thought I looked gross at a certain size, I'd say it. It doesn't mean I feel someone else looks gross at that size... but even if it did, who cares? I am some anonymous person on the internet.

being anonymous does not mean that it hurts any less.