How about instead of "look how gross I was" we say...

LuckyLeprechaun

@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?

Free speech is important especially when it's unpopular. Sorry. I'm not into candy-coating and pre-worrying over how I speak so I can prevent someone else from misinterpreting it and hurting their own feelings.

Free speech refers to the government limiting your speech, not to someone suggesting that you should be considerate of other people. Of course you can say whatever you like. That doesn't mean you should. And really, you're implying that it's somehow "important" to say that you feel fat?

I believe it's more important to acknowledge that someone's hurt feelings over my description of MYSELF are their choice, not my responsibility.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent. How I describe my former fat self is my decision and no rational person should allow it to have even the slightest effect on them.

kristilovescake

I think it's a good point, but...

I think it all has to do with how a person feels about themselves and shouldn't be implied that they are saying others at that weight are gross. People should really try to not be offended by what someone says about themselves (Unless they say something like "everyone who weighs 200 pounds is disgusting" .. yeah, that's rude).

I felt disgusting at 155, but there are other ladies who are 155 and look fabulous. If I say I was gross at 155, I don't mean everyone that is around 5'-1" at 155 pounds is gross; it means that my self esteem was low at 155 and I was unhappy with my weight and I felt gross.

I don't think we should have to censor our feelings about ourselves just to try to not hurt other people's feelings, but it's a good point to remember there are others that have more weight to lose than us and would love to be our size.

LuckyLeprechaun

Could you have a little consideration for others, possibly?

The problem with this seemingly simple statement is: you are asking me to be able to accurately predict how you will react to any given thing I may think to say. Not being psychic, how am I to accomplish this? This is the underlying problem with the political correctness malarkey.

How about this: I'll go my way, you go yours, and if I say something you don't like, please feel free to not be my friend, OK?

MrsCon40

Absolutely agree guys. But we are on a support forum for overweight people, and going hand-in-hand with that is low self-esteem. I think most people here will admit to self-esteem issues. And I think everyone will agree that only you can make yourself a victim. But that doesn't change how people actually feel, and it's nice to consider other people in this type of environment.

This is not entirely true. There are A LOT of people here to improve their already fit bodies, and there are A LOT of people here to gain weight.

This isn't MyWeightLossPal. We are all here to get more fit.

Part of this process should be thoughtful self examination and work on ourselves. We don't need to be telling other people to phrase things certain ways to be sure as not to mistakenly and unintentionally offend someone who may be here to lose weight.

Vaanja

@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?

Free speech is important especially when it's unpopular. Sorry. I'm not into candy-coating and pre-worrying over how I speak so I can prevent someone else from misinterpreting it and hurting their own feelings.

Free speech refers to the government limiting your speech, not to someone suggesting that you should be considerate of other people. Of course you can say whatever you like. That doesn't mean you should. And really, you're implying that it's somehow "important" to say that you feel fat?

I believe it's more important to acknowledge that someone's hurt feelings over my description of MYSELF are their choice, not my responsibility.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent. How I describe my former fat self is my decision and no rational person should allow it to have even the slightest effect on them.

I guess it's just a difference in how various people see this group, then. Some people see it as a community of many people working together and encouraging eachother through their own personal challenges, and some people see it as a sounding board for self-loathing. Shrug, to each their own.
I'll agree with you on one thing, though. I could never imagine letting one person's crappy, selfish attitude deter my pride in my own accomplishments or the happy sense of camaraderie I get from checking in with my MFP peeps.

LuckyLeprechaun

I rarely use MFP for self-loathing. LOL How inventive.

However, I dislike any and all efforts to restrict our communication. I'm just a jerk that way. Shrug. To each her own.

lisaidem

Ah, I never should have suggested we be considerate (and maybe compassionate), especially on Veterans Day. My bad everyone! :laugh:

Vaanja

*NEED HELP!*

I'm looking for volunteers to promise to hold me down and stuff bacon cheeseburgers down my throat if I ever get to the point where I think the size of my butt is more important than loving and supporting my fellow humans.

HeelsAndBoxingGloves

statement one: I was so disgusting when I was 238 lbs.

statement two: You are so disgusting at 238 lbs.

One of these is an insult. ONLY one.
The other is my opinion, of myself, who I AM allowed to judge. As much as I want.

I'd rather be held accountable for the things I DO say rather than the things other people's emotional baggage causes them to *imagine* I said.

^^ This

When other people talk about themselves and you allow it to hurt your feelings you need to examine yourself for why. That's not healthy.

^^^^ this! and everyone is entitled to their own opinions on the subject..... I know that I've seen people post pictures where they weigh what my starting weight was (140ish) and they look incredible and I felt like I looked disgusting at that weight.... everyone holds their weight differently and thusly looks different even if they are the same height and weight.

LuckyLeprechaun

*NEED HELP!*

I'm looking for volunteers to promise to hold me down and stuff bacon cheeseburgers down my throat if I ever get to the point where I think the size of my butt is more important than loving and supporting my fellow humans.

I hate bacon cheeseburgers. I think they're DISGUSTING. They're full of FAT.

nboot1

I support Lisa, and all of her points. I am 140 and I am not happy with my weight, however i have friends and family that are MUCH bigger than me and I would not dream of telling them how terrible I feel aboutt my size. It has nothing to do with freedom of speech, or being honest. So yes, I stand by my statement. In fact I do NOT support her at all, I kind of hope she gets fat again! Ok, I am going to stop, I don't like to be mean...

Vaanja

*NEED HELP!*

I'm looking for volunteers to promise to hold me down and stuff bacon cheeseburgers down my throat if I ever get to the point where I think the size of my butt is more important than loving and supporting my fellow humans.

I hate bacon cheeseburgers. I think they're DISGUSTING. They're full of FAT.

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you think anything I said about myself pertained to you in any way? That's really not healthy, you know.

LuckyLeprechaun

:flowerforyou:

HeelsAndBoxingGloves

I support Lisa, and all of her points. I am 140 and I am not happy with my weight, however i have friends and family that are MUCH bigger than me and I would not dream of telling them how terrible I feel aboutt my size. It has nothing to do with freedom of speech, or being honest. So yes, I stand by my statement. In fact I do NOT support her at all, I kind of hope she gets fat again! Ok, I am going to stop, I don't like to be mean...

you don't like to be mean??? you've got to be kidding! have you read your last 2 posts?? they were definitely not nice or supportive..... and hoping that someone that has lost tons of weight gets fat again becasue you have a different opinion about something than you do is absolutely horrible!

kristilovescake

Ah, I never should have suggested we be considerate (and maybe compassionate), especially on Veterans Day. My bad everyone! :laugh:

Ha, I bet you didn't plan on starting a drama-filled forum :laugh:

It was a good suggestion, though.

LuckyLeprechaun

Pot, meet kettle.

servilia

@ Lucky...seriously, bringing Veteran's Day into it? Yeah, I guess demoralizing speech is much more patriotic than solidarity and bolstering one's community, huh?

Free speech is important especially when it's unpopular. Sorry. I'm not into candy-coating and pre-worrying over how I speak so I can prevent someone else from misinterpreting it and hurting their own feelings.

Free speech refers to the government limiting your speech, not to someone suggesting that you should be considerate of other people. Of course you can say whatever you like. That doesn't mean you should. And really, you're implying that it's somehow "important" to say that you feel fat?

I believe it's more important to acknowledge that someone's hurt feelings over my description of MYSELF are their choice, not my responsibility.

No one can make you feel bad without your consent. How I describe my former fat self is my decision and no rational person should allow it to have even the slightest effect on them.

This!!

nboot1

WOW, you are a teacher????? That is so sad.

lilac67

Limiting people's speech isn't an idea I like on any day, especially Veteran's Day when we're supposed to be celebrating freedom and all.

It really is about celebrating the people who have fought to keep your freedoms safe. Those who have gave of themselves so that you have the freedom to bring them into into a coversation that they were only drug into because of the date.

Dawn_is_getting_healthy

*NEED HELP!*

I'm looking for volunteers to promise to hold me down and stuff bacon cheeseburgers down my throat if I ever get to the point where I think the size of my butt is more important than loving and supporting my fellow humans.

This

LuckyLeprechaun

so just to get it straight:

if everybody talks the way you want them to, we can all be friends, right?

But if I have a different opinion, and (gasp) defend it, then I'm : a bad person, a hate-monger, and I ought to get fat by being force-fed cheeseburgers?

Right?

Gotcha. :ohwell:

TheKitsune6

Guys, don't you think this is getting out of control and ugly?

Peace :flowerforyou:

servilia

WOW, you are a teacher????? That is so sad.

What's sad is that you're pretty near your goal weight and want to resort to Alli. Instead of cutting down people on the internet maybe you should go for a jog instead.

LorinaLynn

I can see both sides of this. I know I bristled a little the other day when someone described herself as "very very fat" at 160. That was my starting weight, and I actually felt pretty darn sexy and hot! Most of the time. There was times I felt like the Michelin Man, and to be honest, there's STILL times I feel that way. Today is one of those days. I know logically I'm actually quite thin, but I feel blubby. Damn Aunt Flo. I hate her so much! :explode:

I don't like the idea of anyone putting their self-worth on what they weigh or how they look. I think it's sad that anyone feels disgusting and gross, at any time, size, shape or weight. I know I'm going to go blue in the face if I hold my breath waiting for that to happen, but I'm a firm believer that self esteem should come first. The changes have to happen between your ears first.

mauryr

But it is entertaining. It's the age-old debate over "politically correct" speech.

mauryr

"Blubby" Ha! good one.

HeelsAndBoxingGloves

WOW, you are a teacher????? That is so sad.

What's sad is that you're pretty near your goal weight and want to resort to Alli. Instead of cutting down people on the internet maybe you should go for a jog instead.

:laugh:

Vaanja

so just to get it straight:

if everybody talks the way you want them to, we can all be friends, right?

But if I have a different opinion, and (gasp) defend it, then I'm : a bad person, a hate-monger, and I ought to get fat by being force-fed cheeseburgers?

Right?

Gotcha. :ohwell:

Speaking of pots and kettles...please tell us how my own thoughts and feelings about the person I want to be relate to what I think should happen to you? I never said anything should happen to you, I don't even know you, and frankly I'm not even inclined to get to know you at this point.
You're you, honey, and I'm me. There's a big difference.

LuckyLeprechaun

There's a big difference.

Definitely.

thankyou4thevenom

I appreciate your kind sentiment. I imagine it's coming from a nice place.

However, I will choose to describe MYSELF as I see fit.

And I WAS fat. Very FAT. And I felt horrible, and disgusting, and I hated it. So I changed it.


The fact that other people started at other weights has nothing to do with my own journey, and if someone wants to generalize the things I say about my former self to their own situation, that's their problem, not mine.

I agree with this.

I was a disgusting fat lazy slob that ate too much at my high weight. That doesn't mean anyone who was (or is) my high weight is the same. I'm not going to say any different because that WAS me.