Smug marrieds? **generalization alert!**

4thehardman

Um, let me think about this.
I met a guy who became a great friend and I fell head over heals in love with him. For some strange reason not only did he feel the same way but he decided to honour those feelings and our relationship infront of the people in our lives we hold closest to our hearts by promising that he would love and honour me forever. I grew up thinking I was worthless, miserable fat and ugly. I found a guy who all of a sudden made me feel like he was my home. I'm not smug. I'm happy. Happier than I ever thought i could be, much happier than i thought i deserved to be. It hasn't been an easy ride. we have had to work hard to hold our family together through financial and emotional rollercoasters,
I'm not smug that I'm married but I'm damn proud of how far we have come and I'm sorry if that bothers some people. Some people with new cars may seem smug, some people with cute kids, a big house, new boobs, whatever but its perhaps happiness not smugness and you don't always know the story of what got them there. Sometimes the happy took hell of a lot of obstacles to get over first.
That said. When I lose my weight I will be smug. Really annoying smug. I really will and I am going to piss so many people off and I won't care. Bring on the Happy!

Katefab26

I only find them to be smug when they are recently married and wanting to show off how great their new life is.

Generally I avoid them for a few years after that.

EDIT: Those are just the annoying "friends" who would be impolitic to "unfriend".

Unfriend me and see what happens, Kate....

Hahaha I don't think you're smug...so there!!

Katefab26

My definition of "smug married": Someone who gets married after years of singleness just like me, then feels that it is their duty to give me relationship advice when really they've only had one relationship that happened to work out. They also look at me pityingly and tell me not to worry, they're "sure" I'll find that right guy sometime, then proceed to try to set me up with the oldest friends they have.

Make sense?

ETA: "Oldest" really means age -- I think men in their late 40's are great, but I'm not really interested in dating someone who is within 10 years of my father :ohwell:

TheRoadDog

I have no idea shat smug means in regards to my marriage.

Other than those in my "inner circle" I could care less how anybody characterizes me or my marriage.

We make it work by not allowing outsiders influence our relationship.

_SusieQ_

Oh I am not smug. Marriage is hard. So even though I am happy, wouldn't trade him in, glad to be working on year 14... I don't think it makes me special. And I have total jealous days of single friends when they do what they want, when they want without having to worry about anyone else.

I like this answer! ^^^

george_ie_girl

I generally think people in relationships or marriages are boring - this isn't everyone, but some of my friends anyway. They don't go out as much, aren't as keen to meet new people, don't have as much time for friends, they think about money and responsibility, they have to take their partners into consideration before making any decisions and don't do as much stupid *kitten* when drunk.

fteale

I don't see any evidence of married couples being smug, but sometimes when friends first get a boyfriend/girlfriend, they aren't very good friends for a while as they tend to be wrapped up in the new relationship. After a few months things settle back into more normal, and I think the smugness stops there. Most people I know ***** about their OH, which I think is rather sad.

melizerd

I generally think people in relationships or marriages are boring - this isn't everyone, but some of my friends anyway. They don't go out as much, aren't as keen to meet new people, don't have as much time for friends, they think about money and responsibility, they have to take their partners into consideration before making any decisions and don't do as much stupid *kitten* when drunk.

some of this is just growing up, and realizing that doing stupid stuff while drunk isn't that fun anymore. I'd rather go to a good show and have a good dinner with friends (single or married) than get **** faced and fall down the stairs.

I'm 29 and got over doing that stuff awhile ago, most of my other friends who are the same age, even the non-married ones, aren't doing that stuff anymore either.

fteale

I generally think people in relationships or marriages are boring - this isn't everyone, but some of my friends anyway. They don't go out as much, aren't as keen to meet new people, don't have as much time for friends, they think about money and responsibility, they have to take their partners into consideration before making any decisions and don't do as much stupid *kitten* when drunk.

some of this is just growing up, and realizing that doing stupid stuff while drunk isn't that fun anymore. I'd rather go to a good show and have a good dinner with friends (single or married) than get **** faced and fall down the stairs.

I'm 29 and got over doing that stuff awhile ago, most of my other friends who are the same age, even the non-married ones, aren't doing that stuff anymore either.

Exactly. It's not boring, it's just having a different definition of interesting. I'd rather go to an exhibition of illuminated manuscripts these days than go out and get ratted and fall into bed at 4am and spend the next 2 days feeling rough.

odusgolp

Some people are helplessly Smug. I'd argue, divorcees may tend to also be smug :bigsmile:

george_ie_girl

I generally think people in relationships or marriages are boring - this isn't everyone, but some of my friends anyway. They don't go out as much, aren't as keen to meet new people, don't have as much time for friends, they think about money and responsibility, they have to take their partners into consideration before making any decisions and don't do as much stupid *kitten* when drunk.

some of this is just growing up, and realizing that doing stupid stuff while drunk isn't that fun anymore. I'd rather go to a good show and have a good dinner with friends (single or married) than get **** faced and fall down the stairs.

I'm 29 and got over doing that stuff awhile ago, most of my other friends who are the same age, even the non-married ones, aren't doing that stuff anymore either.

Exactly. It's not boring, it's just having a different definition of interesting. I'd rather go to an exhibition of illuminated manuscripts these days than go out and get ratted and fall into bed at 4am and spend the next 2 days feeling rough.

LOL my point exactly! I'm only 22. Not over it yet - and whilst I can appreciate the enjoyment received by an exhibition of illuminated manuscripts (I am a history major), I would much rather spend my days off at the beach or doing something with friends. Or with my head in a bucket laughing about the night before

LilMissFoodie

I generally think people in relationships or marriages are boring - this isn't everyone, but some of my friends anyway. They don't go out as much, aren't as keen to meet new people, don't have as much time for friends, they think about money and responsibility, they have to take their partners into consideration before making any decisions and don't do as much stupid *kitten* when drunk.

I think for some people, going out and meeting new people was all about finding a man/woman rather than having fun so now that they have that, they don't really want to go out. I mean, I think most of us grow up and grow out of going out getting drunk but I do know couples that literally leave their houses about once a year other than for chores or work and seem to spend their whole life planning things that they never end up doing. So I get where you are coming from. I'm married but I still love to go out and do things outside of my work and home life (not so much on the getting drunk side of things) with or without hubby.

LorinaLynn

Hey! I do just as much stupid **** when drunk!

It just takes me longer to recover now.

JulieSD

Some people are helplessly Smug. I'd argue, divorcees may tend to also be smug :bigsmile:

LOLOLOL

I just had a HUGE response about how I am smug divorcee and then I felt weird so I didn't post it!

kirstiey

It was my original post and the "joke" of it was the IRONY. I wrote that the word Hubby is an annoying term used by Smug marrieds...not that I am bitter or anything...LOL

Read it back. Work it out.

kirstiey

Also, to be pernickety it doesn't even imply that all married people are smug, its just that some are...and they are usually the ones who end up divorced after 2 or 3 years. I.E. they are more in love with the idea of being married, than the marriage itself.

The rest of you are the Happily Married. You decide which category you fall into.

Hope this ends the attempt to Troll!

beccyleigh

It was my original post and the "joke" of it was the IRONY. I wrote that the word Hubby is an annoying term used by Smug marrieds...not that I am bitter or anything...LOL

Read it back. Work it out.

Not all SMUG married use the word Hubby & not all people who use the word hubby are SMUG marrieds.

You made a lazy generalization about people you know nothing about & got called on it. That is not irony.

Just saying.

kirstiey

I said to quit the Trollin...and this isn't what I am saying...its your interpretation of what I am saying.

The IRONY part is that I AM in fact jealous as I would like to be married. That's the bit that's Irony. Flippin nora

catshark209

Also, to be pernickety it doesn't even imply that all married people are smug, its just that some are...and they are usually the ones who end up divorced after 2 or 3 years. I.E. they are more in love with the idea of being married, than the marriage itself.

The rest of you are the Happily Married. You decide which category you fall into.

Hope this ends the attempt to Troll!

Well then I, being the major dorkus that I am, didn't pick up on the joke and agreed with you, which then turned into everyone insinuating I am single and bitter.
Pretty funny, since no one has any idea of my RL here.

fatty2fit88

Smugness generally depend on individuals. It's not just limited to married couples, even people in good relationships can be that way!

I've seen it countless of times...and often those couples are the ones that lose themselves in the relationship...and somehow if you can no longer be friends with one of them but they are like a dual freakin unit.

I know so many married couples who are not smug at all (most are not)...they have their individual personalities and share a loving caring relationship! Which is adorable!!!!!!! and most importantly these people usually stay the same pre and post relationship...

fatty2fit88

I don't think it's an issue of thinking marriage isn't a good thing. I think people who want to be married but have a SO who doesn't or those who don't have a SO at all get tired of hearing about how awesome marriage is. To be fair though, I think when marriage is something you really want and don't have, you tend to glamorize it. You only see the things you are wistful about, like not having someone to come home to every night. You don't usually consider the times when spouses really get on each other's nerves and would rather NOT come home that night, but they have to because they're married.

I also agree that it's the newlyweds who are the most annoying, especially in this day and age, when they're posting pictures of their happy selves all over Facebook and blogging about how awesome married life is and how in love they are. Yes, in reality, it is a beautiful thing worth celebrating, but when you don't have the same thing, it gets old. It's selfish, but it's human nature.

I can't agree more.

btw I've been in a relationship for a looong time...and marriage is definitely in the near future but I don't see what the big deal is!! Why do I need to advertise it to the world??

I HATE posting any personal details about our relationship on facebook......

teagin2002

.

12skipafew99100

You would probably think my husband and I are smug. I just call it happy.

rileamoyer

I may be smug, but I prefer 'hubby' over 'old man' and 'DH', in real life I call him honey, but he knows I call him hubby sometimes. :bigsmile:

sunkisses

There's nothing desirable to me about legal marriage. So if anyone wishes to be smug about being married, don't go to all the trouble on my account.

calibri

I've seen that kind of "know it all" behaviour when observing married friends and single friends interacting. Single friend describes abominable date and married friend does that annoying "oh I know what you mean" thing everyone does and then tops it off with "well, I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore!" Yeah, you're married, good for you, carry on please.

This has a lot to do with the "shiny new toy" phenomenon, I'm pretty sure. I've never seen any long-married friends do this kind of thing. Isolated incidents?

valeriebpdx

Married 16 years, a number of them happy, not smug in the least, and believe the term "hubby" is more offensive than the F-word (which I actually like a lot).

yoshi91610

I guess if I'm happily married, confident in our relationship and content...that makes me smug? If it does, I don't give a rats azz.

this^

christine24t

without reading any of this, this thread reminds me of a passage from Aaron Karo's "I'm Having More Fun Than You."

"I think that the longer you're in a relationship, the more you begin to forget what it was like to have ever been single, and how the game actually works. Whenever I'm in a bar with a couple who I'm friends with, they'll inevitably say "Hey, Karo, check out that girl over there. She's totally cute - you should just go talk to her." Oh is that all I have to do? Just go talk to her? Well, thanks for clearing that up. because I was just gonna whip my d**k out and hope she came over and touched it. But just go talk to her? That's a foolproof plan! Is that how the two of you met? Who knew it was that easy? Thank God I have you and your girlfrined here to show me how the world works. Now stop holding hands and drinking chardonnay and get the f**k out of my face so I can continue stalking this chick from a distance!"

I'm a girl, but this is very true! All of my friends in relationships think it's so easy to go talk to guys and stuff, but it's really not. I sometime they think judge me and my other friends for still being single when they're starting to settle down.

Hellbent_Heidi

I got married later in life (at 39), so yeah, I've seen this.

The one that used to bug me the most was the married friends who would ask you questions about dating and stuff, then say things like"I'm SOOOO glad I'm married and don't have to be 'out there in the singles market' anymore"

The funniest part about that is that a couple of these people are now divorced and are back "out there" again anyway.....

So anyway, that's one line I've vowed NEVER to throw at any of my still single (or once-again single) friends..it can come off as so condescending to the single person!