how to make it up to him

AlsDonkBoxSquat
AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I hurt my DH's feelings. He was relating something personal to me and I just hadn't realized that he was very sensitive about it because for me it was business as usual. So as he's telling me the story I chuckle, not realizing that he was sensitive about this, and he told me that it's not ****ing funny and some other choice words (during which I kept saying that I was sorry he was going through this and didn't realize it was such a sensitive topic for him) and then he hung up. He's now sending my calls straight to vm.

I sent him a lengthy text paraphrased to not put in too much personal detail: I am really sorry that I'm not being sensitive to your situation, that it's a regular occurance for me and so it's difficult for me to remember that this is something out of the ordinary and highly uncomfortable for you. It was very insensitive of me and I appologize. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm glad that you had it taken care of. I love you.

He's still sending my calls straight to vm.

So, what should I do to make this up to him?
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Replies

  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    What's a DH?
  • Rob_Sarge
    Rob_Sarge Posts: 70 Member
    ^^^ What he said
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    What's a DH?

    ^What they both said.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:
  • Faith1203
    Faith1203 Posts: 5 Member
    Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    If you have already apologized, then I don't see the point to groveling. When he is ready to talk to you, he will. I would leave it alone and go about my day.
  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
    Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:

    Clearly you worry about offending people. I do not, so if it were me, I'd continue calling him hubs and tell him to get over it. But I am not sensitive. At all.
  • JennW130
    JennW130 Posts: 460 Member
    Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:
    why would anyone find that offensive?
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Dear Husband . . . this is exactly why I call him "hubs" on here, but apparently this offends some people . . . :ohwell:
    Could just say "my husband".

    He can read your text and see that you've tried to call several times, I think at this point just leave him be. Might be better to talk face-to-face.
  • jess_blonde
    jess_blonde Posts: 229 Member
    DH = Dear/Darling Husband

    If you have kids, send them to the neighbours, cook him a nice dinner and spend the evening talking to him. Really listen to what he is saying, offer advice, support and whatever else he needs from you. Ask him point blank what you can do to make it up to him and don't let him just say "nothing" or "it's fine" because then neither of you will be happy. I can't think of much else, I'm sure we're all guilty of not paying close enough attention to our significant others now and then so the best you can do is make the extra effort to really listen.
  • gdneff
    gdneff Posts: 279 Member
    DH is Darling Husband I believe.

    Not sure there is much you can do at the moment except just be there for him when he's ready. Give him some time to sulk, and just be there. Good luck.
  • Ebbykins
    Ebbykins Posts: 420 Member
    Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!

    This ^^ Let him sulk about his situation and realize it's his own beef for taking something and making it even worse by being upset with you for something so silly. Remember they are man children, they need time to diffuse and have their tantrum. Best bet is a nice meal, offer a back massage and to listen to him vent for a bit without any of that "this is what you should/feel do" BS people do when they try to help. Just listen and let him chill.
  • rubystar07
    rubystar07 Posts: 52 Member
    I say just correct your behavior in the future.
  • Kimdbro
    Kimdbro Posts: 922 Member
    Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!

    ^^^ This
    At this point, ball is in his court, if he chooses to continue on that has made it his problem. Passive aggression. If you keep on and on and on... no favours are being done. Eventually he'll come around. You've done your part and that is that.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    Leave it alone-- sometimes a person just needs a chance to get over something. If he's still upset later then try apologizing in person.
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
    Stop calling and texting him for a bit. Let him cool off, then tonight, just sit down with him and face to face apologize (I hate phone apologies). It's not groveling, it's communicating better. Then ask him, moving forward, that when sharing something super important, if it's obvious you're not getting the topic's importance, if maybe he could calmly clue you in so you're both on the same page.

    I've been here, done this. My husband is the poster boy for ADD so he totally does not tune into other people's emotions without a head's up...and sadly, I'm over reading situations so we're always clarifying tone and height of emotion. Otherwise, it would be a Nugent style "Free For All" anytime we talked! LOL!

    Good luck and, BTW...a nice dinner is always helpful! :flowerforyou:
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    I think you have a few options.

    First, I would just text him this:

    "Do you even lift?"


    Just kidding.

    You already apologized. Give him time to cool off and leave it at that.
  • lakersfan4life
    lakersfan4life Posts: 322 Member
    just to clarify, a DH is a designated hitter.

    thank you
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    So I hurt my DH's feelings. He was relating something personal to me and I just hadn't realized that he was very sensitive about it because for me it was business as usual. So as he's telling me the story I chuckle, not realizing that he was sensitive about this, and he told me that it's not ****ing funny and some other choice words (during which I kept saying that I was sorry he was going through this and didn't realize it was such a sensitive topic for him) and then he hung up. He's now sending my calls straight to vm.

    I sent him a lengthy text paraphrased to not put in too much personal detail: I am really sorry that I'm not being sensitive to your situation, that it's a regular occurance for me and so it's difficult for me to remember that this is something out of the ordinary and highly uncomfortable for you. It was very insensitive of me and I appologize. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm glad that you had it taken care of. I love you.

    He's still sending my calls straight to vm.

    So, what should I do to make this up to him?


    Well, you've done about all you can do. As Stephen Covey would say,"You just made a withdrawal from your Trust Account" with Your Husband. The only way to make that Back up is over time, being more Empathetic...One fell swoop will NOT make up a TRUST deficit. Look, we all do this type of thing now and then, but the truth is, No One REALLY knows another person. It's a feeling-out process. You have apologized enough, move on, be loving and empathetic...Let him bring up the subject again - or not.
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
    Honestly? Nothing! You already sent a lengthy apology, and told him your intentions were not to hurt his feelings. Nothing else is really needed except for him to realize you are being sincere and GET OVER IT!

    This ^^ Let him sulk about his situation and realize it's his own beef for taking something and making it even worse by being upset with you for something so silly. Remember they are man children, they need time to diffuse and have their tantrum. Best bet is a nice meal, offer a back massage and to listen to him vent for a bit without any of that "this is what you should/feel do" BS people do when they try to help. Just listen and let him chill.

    Sorry to disagree, however, I think it's demeaning to men to call them "man-children" and treat their emotions as stupid and to be dismissed. How would you like it if your husband referred to you as a little girl and blew off your feelings as being silly and childish?

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