Once a cheater, always a cheater?

lizzue

I think that if A cheats on B and B forgives A then A is more likely to do it again as they know that actually B will forgive them. But if A cheats on B and B kicks em to the kerb then B is less likely because they know their actions have a consequence.

But saying that everyone is capable its whether you act on it or not! :-)

(dont even get me started on what C has been up to! :laugh: )

HisPathDaily

People can and do change.

However, it's not about finding the right person so much as it is finding the right path in life (in my opinion). Cheating is a choice, plain and simple. You can say it's caused by being unhappy, or being with the "wrong" person, but it's a choice. If I'm going to rely on my wife as my source of happiness and affirmation in life, then there will be days with great disappointment. We as humans all struggle, that's not going to change. However our perspective can change.

Love is more than a feeling, and if you ask me, it's primary definition is not a feeling. I love my wife, but there are days that I choose to be patient, kind, gentle, understanding, etc when I don't "want" to.

I have an absolutely amazing marriage ... truly. Though it's through the same understanding and foundation that we stand on that we have succeeded.

Just my 7 cents

~Matt

Vaanja

This thread should be titled:

Ladies, keep your man happy.

Aaaand a little known fact - studies have shown that women are actually more likely to cheat than men. So if someone's not getting the job done....ahem, cough...

_beachgirl_

Once someone cheats, I'm not sticking around to see if they will again.

PippaJo_

It depends on *why* they cheated.

If they did it because they were looking around, and thought they could get a little cake and eat it too - then yeah....I think the phrase fits. A leopard like that doesn't change his spots.

But someone who cheats due to other reasons (for instance, reasons within the relationship they're supposed to be in) - I think that if they then work on those reasons, and fix them (whether in that relationship, or if necessary, the next one), that it is certainly possible for someone to refrain from cheating again. (I do think that it may be easier to fall into that temptation, but it doesn't guarantee it, especially if both partners are aware and alert.)

Onesnap

This thread should be titled:

Ladies, keep your man happy.

So that means that gay marriages/ long term partnerships do not apply, correct? (where I live gay marriage is legal).

amysj303

I think it's interesting, obvioulsy some people can change, but I don't think I could stay with someone who cheated on me, but that doesn't mean they will cheat on everyone they are with. We all know some people, men and women, who are always on the prowl, who need to prove something to themselves about how attractive they are and can't seem content with one person. But both my mom and her mom left a marriage after 18 years to be with the man they were cheating with and they remained with that man, so they weren't "seriel cheaters".

skierxjes

I always say once a cheater, always a cheater. All the cheaters I know have done it repeatedly, whether it be in the next relationship or years down the road after they marry the first person they cheated with...

Laces_0ut

i cheated on a girlfriend or two in college but does that even count? havent done it since and wouldnt do it again.

running_mom

I don't think people can change. I think that if it's in them it will always be in them. They may want to change for the person but like stated many times before.... temptation will always be there. If it stays there long enough how do you know they won't give in again? I've been burned by my husband cheating. So I'm a little bitter. But as far as changing goes...I've wanted to change things on my end for him but couldn't. No matter how hard I tried.

PBJunky

I will say there are 2 types of cheaters.

There are the ones that truly honestly made the biggest mistake of their life and will prove themselves to you for the rest of their life (if they have to) that you are safe with them, that they screwed up and that they'll never hurt you like that.

Then there are the ones that although they know they messed up, and might regret it (or not), they don't feel remorse, therefore, most likely it will happen again. They don't understand (or care) of the impact their cheating has on anybody. These are the cheaters that most likely will always be cheaters or at least always have the potential to cheat again.

I agree

Prozack1964

I have to agree my kids mom cheated on my 5 times and every time swore she would never again but she always did

muffyjog

I think it depends on so many more things than just putting it in the little box of "cheater". Maybe their relationship has come to a point where they are feeling overly restricted and, like dieting, are self-sabotaging. Maybe they are polyamorous by nature and aren't owning it, maybe they are simply failing to communicate and are causing each other to fail for lack of support. And there are tons of other things I can think of that might come into play.

Some people have open relationships because they love each other, respect each other and want to have sex elsewhere. Is that cheating? When all parties are aware and in consent?

Some people cheat, by which I mean either purposefully or without forethought have intimate relations with people outside of their dedicated partnerships. I wouldn't say it's the diagnoses, I'd say it's a symptom of something. Whether it's one person or the relationship is something only they can figure out.

dandrews010

To an extent. People can cheat for a whole range of issues from low self esteem to a short attention span to, ets be honest, just having no morals. If its the first few then they will probably stop if they find the right person then i'm sure they would stop, the last one falls into the title question.

LuciaLongIsland

I think it depends on his cheating. Has he made it a habit? Has it been once? This "keep your man happy" is ridiculous!!! So it's the womans fault..I think not.

He could be addicted to the drama of the situation. I have never been with a cheater, but I have been with an alkie and an angry person. I was with them for over 20 years and it has been MY experience that PEOLE do NOT change. This man got therapy, AA you name it. People do not change...

Iamfit4life

simply put
no

seehawkmomma

I think they were on a break.

ha!

Momma24

I think it depends on so many more things than just putting it in the little box of "cheater". Maybe their relationship has come to a point where they are feeling overly restricted and, like dieting, are self-sabotaging. Maybe they are polyamorous by nature and aren't owning it, maybe they are simply failing to communicate and are causing each other to fail for lack of support. And there are tons of other things I can think of that might come into play.

Some people have open relationships because they love each other, respect each other and want to have sex elsewhere. Is that cheating? When all parties are aware and in consent?

Some people cheat, by which I mean either purposefully or without forethought have intimate relations with people outside of their dedicated partnerships. I wouldn't say it's the diagnoses, I'd say it's a symptom of something. Whether it's one person or the relationship is something only they can figure out.

I would say that is a whole bunch of excuses for stepping out! We can commit to someone if we truly want to.

Rae6503

Nah. People can change.

JasonSwetland

Ive been one AND had it done to me. It can happen in the best, most ideal relationships, no matter how much you love each other.

The reason people cheat is because there is something wrong with the relationship and its not being communicated or not being heard, and you are not ready to just end it.

Dont want to be a cheater? (talking in general here not a specific person) Sit down think about the reasons why you might then get your partners attention and spell it out for them, letting the know you have felt tempted. Youll feel better about it if you do. Getting caught can ruin your self image.

You can't do much about your partner once they decide to cheat. But before you play the blame game and slaughter their names to the heavens, remember there were issues caused by both them AND you. They didn't cheat because they were happy. They cheated because you quite probably ignored issues that you may not have thought they were a big deal, but they did. Were you listening? Cause quite often people tell us whats wrong but we don't listen to what they had to say, even when we think we did. We tune it out because we dont want to hear our flaws.

Im not refering to you but speaking in general, of course.

rml_16

I think they were on a break.

We were NOT on a break!

HisPathDaily

Happy wife happy life ... but seriously, as men we need to lift up and look at our wife's needs above our own. Submission is the true measure of manhood ... when my wife and I are looking at one another first, we rock ...

It doesn't mean that we can't look after ourselves ... we need to be strong, healthy, and loving ... but if our goal in life is to lift ourselves up, then we missed the point. Society has put a damper on the word submission ... but it's a beautiful thing when done properly and out of love.

After 10 years of marriage, I can truly and honestly say each year has gotten better and better ... we are blessed indeed to have that mutual perspective!

This thread should be titled:

Ladies, keep your man happy.

Yay, I guess I keep my man happy has never cheated in 19 years and still calls me his girl!

Helkaahaien

I personally agree with once a cheater always a cheater. But honestly it goes by the person's opinion. If you want to give someone a shot well only you can stop you. Everyone has a different view of everything. So sadly no one can really help in this area.

But honestly when I started dating my husband and even now he knows (I stated this from day 1) you ever cheat on me, even just kiss a girl, and I'm gone. But that's just me.

CJK1959

This thread should be titled:

Ladies, keep your man happy.

And the flip side....Men, keep your ladies happy.
After falling in love with someone, it can be easy to forget what made your eyes roll back in your head in the first place. Don't become complacent with your relationships.....don't take your partner for granted.....

Clinno

I tend to agree with your mum. People are very capable of change and regardless, your sister has made an important decision which should be respected. It is her right, weather It's a mistake or not. We live, we learn.

Momma24

My husband actually knows that if he was ever caught cheating he would wake a year later from his coma and say "The last thing I remember is I was with this chick and my wife walked in" That is how we have kept happy and faithful for 19 years fear and lots of it.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

LuciaLongIsland

Nah. People can change.

Secret_Agent_007

I cheated on almost every S.O. I had, until I hooked up with my now-husband. 16 years of monogamy so far.

Hmm, good on ya for having the satchel to own it. I'll be cold n lonely out there by yourself but I gotta give credit where it's due.


I'll agree that once doesn't mean doomed. Now if the guy stays with the same partner he cheated on ... I'm slightly less convinced but still believe in humanity

HMonsterX

IMO, once you've proven you had the lack of morals to cheat once, it means you will be able to do it again.

Whether you actually will or not cannot be foreseen. But just the fact you've done it once will mean you can never be 100% trusted again.

Dauntlessness

Once a cheater, not always a cheater. I think unless you and they figure out why they cheated, there is a much better chance at them never doing it again. Cheating is not about the person cheated on, its about the person cheating too. It usually not the act of sex, its something else they are searching for.

Also, I think its about personality. Some people are still very loyal and trustworthy but just got into a bad situation. I think some cheat and regret it for the rest of their lives. They also have to understand that if they have cheated their relationship will change and they will be on a tighter rope then they were in the past. You have to build that trust back. If they are willing to jump through hoops, they might be worth keeping.

People are human, they make mistakes. If someone makes the same mistake over and over again, then you probably wanna get out of that situation. If its one time and you truly believe they are sorry and want change, I would give them another shot. Screw me over once, shame on you, screw me over twice, shame on me.