Once a cheater, always a cheater?

AZackery

I don't believe in the once a cheater, always a cheater statement, because I know of a sure way that a person can change.

Lust causes a person to cheat. If a man loves his wife, he will never cheat on her and the same thing goes for a woman loving her husband. She will never cheat on him. Love never steps outside of a shared heart.

livnlite

Not all 'cheaters' are created equal. There are cheaters who are destined to be cheaters ..

Granted, sometimes, people cheat because they have had their good character worn away by years of neglect and verbal abuse reducing their self esteem to ashes ... When given the kind of attention that makes them feel good about themselves, they crack under pressure, and falter. Then, others, perhaps they have difficulties with commitment, and have a very weak resilience or they are simply lack in good character. Then then are those who drink to excess and completely lose all self control.

In any event, not all cheaters are destined to be cheaters .. some can do it once, and feel regretful for the rest of their lives, then there are others who have no conscience at all. It would be best to identify why a cheater cheats before you pass judgment. That is not to say, that "cheating" isn't reprehensible, but, forgiveness is sometimes warranted...Maybe? Maybe Not.

JasonSwetland

The reason people cheat is because there is something wrong with the relationship and its not being communicated or not being heard, and you are not ready to just end it.

They didn't cheat because they were happy. They cheated because you quite probably ignored issues that you may not have thought they were a big deal, but they did. Were you listening? Cause quite often people tell us whats wrong but we don't listen to what they had to say, even when we think we did. We tune it out because we dont want to hear our flaws.

I couldn't disagree with this more. Every relationship has issues, no one's is perfect all the time. Cheating as a response to issues in the relationship is immature, selfish and irresponsible.

Thats exactly my point. The issues were not communicated OR they were and the other person didn't listen. Its partialy maturity and partly responsibility. Either way the person who cheated isn't the only one to blame in a failed relationship. You can tell yourself you were perfect all you want and did everything with the greatest morals ethics, blah blah blah. But the reality is If you were open communicative and mature enough to recognize your own flaws (instead of denying them and saying you acted perfectly) you wouldnt have gotten cheated on.

Case in point. I didnt listen, ignored the hints and cues, I didnt make changes where I should have and I got cheated on. Plain and simple.

PippaJo_

Cheating as a response to issues in the relationship is immature, selfish and irresponsible.

You're right. It absolutely is.


But that in no way means that a person is then incapable of maturing, growing, learning some responsibility and unselfishness.

Like I've said, and the poster above who responded to this - cheating is the result of all of those symptoms in a relationship. If you can then take a hard look at those symptoms and fix them - both of you - then future cheating is not at all guaranteed.


If a cheater has no interest in fixing any of that, well then - yeah, they 'got away with it' once, it will likely happen again.

You have root out the causes, it's as simple (and as difficult) as that.

ElizabethRoad

I am kind of shocked by all the set in stone replies - I would never stick with a cheater. Well, NEWS FLASH, half the time you will not even know the SO cheated. Just saying.

They mean they wouldn't stick with a cheater if they found out. There's no need to be purposely obtuse.

0PhAtDaDdY

Okay, so my mom and I were having a discussion last night. We were talking about my future stepbrother and I mentioned the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." She disagreed with me. She said that once someone finds the person that they are meant to be with and fall in love, she doesn't think they will cheat.

What do ya'll think? And why?

I agree with your mom, reason I'm there now....

muffyjog

I don't understand the question and need a better definition of "cheating". I ask because I realize other people don't share my views. To me, cheating is doing something and lying about it. Whether that's to yourself while eating or to your spouse while engaging in sports, sex or business elsewhere.

If the question is "once a liar always a liar" I'd say that's a medical condition.
If the question is about monogamy, I think it's a different conversation altogether.

i_love_vinegar

I dont think its true. It depends on the individual. Whilst some ppl can never stay faithful, there are ppl such as myself lol.

I will be honest, although it is shameful. I cheated on my ex boyfriend...nothing physical, but nonetheless it was very emotional and I did consider physically cheating.

I never thought I would behave the way I did, but I got fed up with him and being young and immature, I wanted revenge (he never cheated, but I wanted to make him feel bad to get even). I learned in the end how much it hurt him, and to this day regret my actions...

I would NEVER cheat again. So...from my experience, it depends.