I don't care ENOUGH.

xoAmyxo

hi all...so I have a brother whos obese..hes 250lbs and probably like 5'9-5'10. I offered to help him...even told him about this site. told him he could run with me, he said no & LAUGHED at me. & i only did this once cause i don't like people who try to force things on people. After saying this to him i said do you not care that your fat? He said yeah but not enough to do anything about it and then started stuffing his face with cheetos. That was the end of this conversation. I just sat there and watched him play WOW the whole time i sitting there thinking...why doesn't he care ENOUGH? I don't know it bothered me but i didn't say a word about it again. Anyways so has anyone ever known anyone like this? Kinda made me sad ...while he sat there eating cheetos in my face laughing at me, lol.


I just realized that I was once the same way...i got fat & i cared but i didn't care ENOUGH...now im trying to figure out what made me care ENOUGH ...wow maybe I shouldn't have asked my brother that..to much thinking going on now lolll

bethvandenberg

OMG I hate that game. It consumes people. I hope he quits playing it and starts playing outside in the real world then he'll give a darn

GibsonDarlin

Sounds like depression to me.....some never care....sometimes it takes something drastic happening to make them see the big picture!! Keep offering (now and again) you never know when he will say YES!

deeharley

Me! I'm like that. I care enough to not gain anymore, but I don't actually care enough to lose what I do have. For some reason, I'm comfortable enough here. I keep hoping I'll get over that, but so far, it hasn't happened.

TheCats_Meow

We're all here so I think it's safe to say that at some point in our lives, we've all not cared ENOUGH, otherwise we would've done something about it a long time ago.

At least I know that's true for me.

NyxDominique

I think it also depends alot on maturity too sweetie. How old is your brother, and what are his responibilities?

Most people don't start thinking about their own health until they start realize they need to be around to take care of other people ie their children or their wife.

He may just be at a different place in his life.

The best thing you can do. Is be a example. That way when he is ready to lose the weight he has someone to turn to for help, and he is not going to be alone. It won't be so hard for him. Just remember when he does come to you don't be harsh and overly critial by saying "I told you so". He will be looking for the guidance that you did when you first started your journey.

Good luck with your brother ^.^

xinahay123

food can be an addiction. As such denial is part of the disease process. He will have to hit a bottom of some sort, feel enough pain to want to do something different. Good for you for trying, be there if and when he needs a hand!

umwayes74

I hate to say it but people absolutely will not change until they are ready. I was just like that, with everyone giving me advice and offering to help, but the only thing that got me going was wanting to do it for myself. I know that it is probably hard to watch your brother but unfortunately he is the only one that choose to change. My top weight was 347lbs and it has taken me more than two years to reach 233lbs with 63 more pounds to go to my goal.

xoAmyxo

NyxDominique- hes 22, fixing to be 23 & he has no responibilities lol

Rain_Howard

Because sometimes it's easier to convince ourselves that we don't care than to do something about.
Because sometimes we have no reason to care.
Because sometimes we think that there is no point and nothing will make a difference.
Because sometimes it's easier for us to just sit and do nothing than to move and do something.
Because sometimes we are secretly suffering from severe depression and aren't even aware of it ourselves.

And there are some who truly just don't care or see a problem with it.

Umeboshi

There's nothing wrong with loving yourself the way you are. And seriously, 5'10 and 250? I'm 5'2" and 260 and there would be absolutely nothing wrong with it if I chose to stay at this weight. Health isn't a moral obligation, and so if he doesn't care about his weight.. good for him. People don't need to spend their lives obsessing over their weight and dieting.
I'm sorry that you think that you have the right to judge people based on their weight and perceived health. God forbid someone enjoy their snack and/or video game.

rochey1098

I was addicted to World of Warcraft a few years ago, it consumed my life to the point where I didn't care either. Try confronting him about his addiction to the game and you may find he'll solve the other problems by himself... reminds me of the old horror movies: kill the head vampire and all that jazz lol

kimi131

I think people just have to come to the realization on their own a lot of times. I was heavy and knew I was heavy, but didn't care for a long time. It took my "fat jeans" getting too tight for me to have a wakeup call.

That said, continue doing what you are doing for your weight loss. Don't hide it in front of him, in fact talk about it some without going overboard, just tell him what you're doing. Like, "hey, I'm about to go jogging, see ya later." or "There are only 80 calories in these chips? Awesome!" By seeing what you're doing, you will start to inspire him. My friend/exboyfriend is overweight but he's been watching me lose. He comes from a family that overeats at every meal with a brother and father that are morbidly obese. Since I've started losing, he doesn't have an MFP account, BUT... he checks labels to see how many calories are in things now, he eats less, and he walks/exercises more. He may not be as motivated as I am, but he is making an effort. So, set an example for your brother and maybe he will follow. :flowerforyou:

Newf77

You cannot force him to lead a healthier lifestyle, it is like any changes we make, and we need do it ourselves. You can periodically ask him if he wants to join you for a walk {running might be intimidating} remember you are at a higher level of fitness so you will need to adjust your speed to his so you do not discourage his enjoyment of it.

bigwildonion

He is lucky to have a sister who cares about his well being!

Keep showing him that you love him no matter what, and that his life and health are priceless to you. Be ready for the day that he is ready to make a change, even if that takes a long time, and respond with your support, positivity and help.

I bet you already thought of all that...but I wanted to say it because it has helped me so much to take that approach when someone I care about is acting self destructive.

fatty2fit88

I was pretty skinny before, but when I gained weight (over 40 pounds) whenever someone said something, it made me mad. I used being fat as a self-defense and thought like "*kitten* you, none of your business anyway....i'll eat whatever I want, its my life....you won't ever get it you skinny b*itch!"...and trust me....a fat person does not want to hear they need to lose weight. They know it better than any one else...they live with the fat that you just see....they carry it around all day, all night.

If they do not realize for themselves they need to lose weight, there is nothing you or I can do. I give people advice to lose weight everyday at the clinics, but I know for majority it is something that goes in through one ear and out through the other ....and while they are listening to me about their need to lose weight they are thinking of cheesey pizza and chocolate cakes they are gonna munch on later in the day. I know it, I've been there.

What should you do? Nothing at all. Be an example....that is pretty much it.

xoAmyxo

Umeboshi- this has nothing to do with the game or the cheetos i was simply saying what he was doing at the moment. He can't even stand on his feet for 10 mins without them turning red/purple cause he lays on his *kitten* ALL day long. He gets out of breath doing the dishes..this is about his HEALTH. NOT his game or snack! So sorry that i want my brother to care ENOUGH so he doesn't die to soon.

melanie_J

hi all...so I have a brother whos obese..hes 250lbs and probably like 5'9-5'10. I offered to help him...even told him about this site. told him he could run with me, he said no & LAUGHED at me. & i only did this once cause i don't like people who try to force things on people. After saying this to him i said do you not care that your fat? He said yeah but not enough to do anything about it and then started stuffing his face with cheetos. That was the end of this conversation. I just sat there and watched him play WOW the whole time i sitting there thinking...why doesn't he care ENOUGH? I don't know it bothered me but i didn't say a word about it again. Anyways so has anyone ever known anyone like this? Kinda made me sad ...while he sat there eating cheetos in my face laughing at me, lol.


I just realized that I was once the same way...i got fat & i cared but i didn't care ENOUGH...now im trying to figure out what made me care ENOUGH ...wow maybe I shouldn't have asked my brother that..to much thinking going on now lolll

It may just be that losing that much weight seems so huge, that he thinks he cannot do it. Try encouraging small goals to begin with, before having him look at the ultimate goal.

Jeff92se

Probably won't care until he has health problems.

I'm working out / eating better so I WON'T have health problems to begin with.

Umeboshi

Umeboshi- this has nothing to do with the game or the cheetos i was simply saying what he was doing at the moment. He can't even stand on his feet for 10 mins without them turning red/purple cause he lays on his *kitten* ALL day long. He gets out of breath doing the dishes..this is about his HEALTH. NOT his game or snack! So sorry that i want my brother to care ENOUGH so he doesn't die to soon.

Cool story bro.
Maybe you should read this link and kindly stop with your health trolling.
http://kateharding.net/faq/but-dont-you-realize-fat-is-unhealthy/

kit_katty

You can't force someone to take care of themselves. I agree with what's been said, that you should lead by example and just leave him be. He's not stupid, eventually he'll find his way, or not. But forcing the issue will just cause a rift between you two.

Someone I care deeply about has diabetes, and is eating sweets galore... now there's a lot else going on, major stress. He knows it's bad, he's not stupid. But my trying to help isn't. Isn't going to help.

lizziebeth1028

There's nothing wrong with loving yourself the way you are. And seriously, 5'10 and 250? I'm 5'2" and 260 and there would be absolutely nothing wrong with it if I chose to stay at this weight. Health isn't a moral obligation, and so if he doesn't care about his weight.. good for him. People don't need to spend their lives obsessing over their weight and dieting.
I'm sorry that you think that you have the right to judge people based on their weight and perceived health. God forbid someone enjoy their snack and/or video game.

^ interesting view to take. my sister was obese most of her life, at times excepting herself as that is the way she was meant to be, at other times frustrated with her inability to manage her weight. she passed away january 1, 2011 of heart failure at the young age of 59. she left behind many many broken hearts - husband, children, grandchildren, mother , brother, and one very broken hearted sister. i wish i would have encouraged her more to take care of her health. in the end it's up to that individual to help themselves and no one can make it the decision for them...but it is so beneficial to have a strong support system and know others care. it may not be a moral obligation.....but taking control of your healthy and well being for yourself and the ones you love can enrich your live and everyone around you. best of luck on your weight loss journey.

Jeff92se

Umeboshi- this has nothing to do with the game or the cheetos i was simply saying what he was doing at the moment. He can't even stand on his feet for 10 mins without them turning red/purple cause he lays on his *kitten* ALL day long. He gets out of breath doing the dishes..this is about his HEALTH. NOT his game or snack! So sorry that i want my brother to care ENOUGH so he doesn't die to soon.

Cool story bro.
Maybe you should read this link and kindly stop with your health trolling.
http://kateharding.net/faq/but-dont-you-realize-fat-is-unhealthy/

This is from your profile:

Why I Want To Get In Shape
I want to be able to live longer, feel healthier, and be able to be more physically active!

Pancake86

He needs to want to change for himself, all you can do is be there for him when he needs the support. I rem ppl trying to help me etc it never sunk in. When I decided it was time then i opened my arms wide for all the help i could get!! HE will have a wake up call we all do!!!

Ocarina

Lol! No!!! Leave World of Warcraft out of this!.... :laugh:

You cannot blame anything for his way of life. It's his body. The most powerful influence on a person is by living by example. Once he sees that your way of life will benefit him more then sitting around doing nothing he will want to change. Until then, he probably thinks you are missing out. Or that where he is at is ultimately his happiest place. Unless he is harming someone, there is not much you can do except be a good role model. Good on you for caring about him! But don't judge him as you were once in his place.

And World of Warcraft can be a fun game that doesn't have to be considered addicted. Most players only play a couple hours a day at the most. It's just those few crazies that play hours and hours that make the game look bad. Nobody forces them to play.

3GKnight

There's nothing wrong with loving yourself the way you are. And seriously, 5'10 and 250? I'm 5'2" and 260 and there would be absolutely nothing wrong with it if I chose to stay at this weight. Health isn't a moral obligation, and so if he doesn't care about his weight.. good for him. People don't need to spend their lives obsessing over their weight and dieting.
I'm sorry that you think that you have the right to judge people based on their weight and perceived health. God forbid someone enjoy their snack and/or video game.

I know this thread isn't about you Umeboshi, but I can't help but say something. Yes, I did read that article and at the least it's shortsighted.

Personally, I do think that good health is a moral obligation. I may be 20 lbs over my 'ideal weight', but I know I'm still healthy. I believe my life, and therefore my body, are a gift and I'd better take care of it if I want to keep it. What's even more of a moral obligation is to care for others.

Can you imagine a society where no one felt the need or obligation to speak up against destructive things? Maybe they feel the need, but can't because of laws or fear of retribution? We could sit here all day and name such societies and start counting the death toll. Of course that's a little more extreme than what we're discussing here, but the idea is the same.

I believe she has an obligation to at least say something to her brother. Her concern stems from love. Love is nothing if it doesn't have action behind it. She's fulfilled that obligation. Whether or not he listens is up to him. No one can force him to do anything.

Anyone who says they don't love someone 'because they're fat' is kidding themselves. They don't love that person because they don't have the capacity to love. It has nothing to do with the fat person.

Jeff92se

If you blood/urine work is fine, joints are healthy, and if you are in reasonable shape, you can weigh what you want.

Umeboshi

Umeboshi- this has nothing to do with the game or the cheetos i was simply saying what he was doing at the moment. He can't even stand on his feet for 10 mins without them turning red/purple cause he lays on his *kitten* ALL day long. He gets out of breath doing the dishes..this is about his HEALTH. NOT his game or snack! So sorry that i want my brother to care ENOUGH so he doesn't die to soon.

Cool story bro.
Maybe you should read this link and kindly stop with your health trolling.
http://kateharding.net/faq/but-dont-you-realize-fat-is-unhealthy/

This is from your profile:

Why I Want To Get In Shape
I want to be able to live longer, feel healthier, and be able to be more physically active!

Fun fact: My goal weight is right on the border between overweight and obese.

"[A] fit man carrying 50 pounds of body fat had a death rate less than one-half that of an unfit man with only 25 pounds of body fat."
-Harvard Health Policy Review, 2003

http://www.obesitymyths.com/myth4.1.htm
I suggest you check out the whole website.

"Scientists found that non-obese heart failure patients – including overweight, normal and underweight patients – had a 76 percent increase in risk of sudden cardiac death compared to obese heart failure patients. Normal and underweight patients showed a startling 99 percent increase in risk for sudden cardiac death compared to obese patients."

http://www.urmc.rochester.edu/news/story/index.cfm?id=2791

As for 'feeling healthier', I have severe clinical depression, and physical activity has been proven to improve mood (mental health) in depression patients. Eating better portion sizes and improved nutrition from getting more vegetables, healthy fats, and lean proteins in my diet also greatly improves my health and feeling of health. These things happen to contribute to my weight loss.
That doesn't mean anyone has the right to complain on a forum about my (or anyone else's) health and weight.

Umeboshi

There's nothing wrong with loving yourself the way you are. And seriously, 5'10 and 250? I'm 5'2" and 260 and there would be absolutely nothing wrong with it if I chose to stay at this weight. Health isn't a moral obligation, and so if he doesn't care about his weight.. good for him. People don't need to spend their lives obsessing over their weight and dieting.
I'm sorry that you think that you have the right to judge people based on their weight and perceived health. God forbid someone enjoy their snack and/or video game.

I know this thread isn't about you Umeboshi, but I can't help but say something. Yes, I did read that article and at the least it's shortsighted.

Personally, I do think that good health is a moral obligation. I may be 20 lbs over my 'ideal weight', but I know I'm still healthy. I believe my life, and therefore my body, are a gift and I'd better take care of it if I want to keep it. What's even more of a moral obligation is to care for others.

Can you imagine a society where no one felt the need or obligation to speak up against destructive things? Maybe they feel the need, but can't because of laws or fear of retribution? We could sit here all day and name such societies and start counting the death toll. Of course that's a little more extreme than what we're discussing here, but the idea is the same.

I believe she has an obligation to at least say something to her brother. Her concern stems from love. Love is nothing if it doesn't have action behind it. She's fulfilled that obligation. Whether or not he listens is up to him. No one can force him to do anything.

Anyone who says they don't love someone 'because they're fat' is kidding themselves. They don't love that person because they don't have the capacity to love. It has nothing to do with the fat person.

Every thread is about me. I'm just that awesome.
There is a difference between mentioning health to someone you care about, and making a forum post about how appalled you are by their obese lifestyle.

Jeff92se

Quote all the stats you want. Until you comment on our OWN blood/urine work, you don't have much to say. I've gotten my blood/urine work done last year or so.

Umeboshi

Quote all the stats you want. Until you comment on our OWN blood/urine work, you don't have much to say. I've gotten my blood/urine work done last year or so.

Congrats on your fancy urine.