When someone asks how much weight you have lost...

grannygethealthy1111

He might have been trying to give you a compliment. It is not real "classy" to ask someone how much weight they have lost, but I would not get my panties in a bunch over it. Maybe the guy is just a little clumsy in the compliment department.

Sidesteal

I think you're reply was rude. I mean you obviously have the right to be as uptight as you want to. He did not ask how much you weigh, he asked how much weight you lost. A big difference. A compliment even.

^ This, IMO.

lissypriss

That's all up to you! I tell anyone who asks me, because I'm proud and have worked my butt off to get this far!

SarabellPlus3

I think when people say things, their intent generally matters. You can be offended and put off, or you can think of the compliment he was trying to give, and just accept it happily. I do the latter, and I just think it's the easier and happier way to be.

BUT, I'm often at odds with people on this website, who often get hurt and offened when people offer them compliments, or even food.

fyfi_fendir

Reading all this, it seems lots of people are really touchy about their weight. I use to (but not to that extent) and part of my weight loss journey was to accept where I was, what got me there and make the changes. I feel very proud of the weight I lost even though there is still so much to lose. A few people ask me my exact weight, which is more uncomfortable for me. Yet I know that was a cultural difference and actually it felt good to say it out loud. For too long, my weight has been taboo, the secret thing I didn't want to talk about. And talking about it now makes it less an issue. Doesn't matter how much I weigh because I am working on it!

Learn to be tolerant and express your feeling, position without attacking other.

fisherlassie

I think it is rude to ask someone about numbers. Is it then ok for someone to ask how much you have gained just because they are curious? I think if a person is really giving you a complement they will talk about how great you look today or how fit or how healthy. I think talking about it on this site is a different matter. We are here to support each other in this specific area of our lives so we can share our numbers. I also think that we are all human and maybe in an ideal world we would always respond to rude questions with infinite tolerance. In the real world just as people sometimes ask rude questions sometimes they get a less than tolerant response. I also think that just because someone is a private person this doesn't mean they don't have self confidence.

cjpg

!! All good in the hood !!

lacroyx

I get asked alot and I tell people. it never has bothered me nor do I think it's rude and never will. friend or stranger, boy or girl, doesn't matter. I usually refer people to this website.

asaba1013

i think u should be excited that he even noticed!!! if people werent noticing or commenting on ur weight loss then you might really not like that!

fteale

It sounds like he went through all the trouble to ask everyone around you to get the guts to ask you. He might actually like you and thinks you look great I would totally think this as a compliment.

And if he does have a wife then he might be very aware that women like to be noticed for their hard work. You have worked hard to get to where you are and you do look great, and he might just be admiring that. If he came out sounding rude, remember he's a man and not very articulate (no offense to men) *happy face*:flowerforyou:

Surely if he has a wife he should know you never comment on a woman's weight.

stronglikebull

its funny, you advertise exactly how much weight you've lost with your ticker for anyone who reads these message boards to see, but you have a problem with it when someone asks you the same question in person?

you're answering it for the whole world already anyway. i think you were rude in your interaction, sorry.

fteale

Reading all this, it seems lots of people are really touchy about their weight. I use to (but not to that extent) and part of my weight loss journey was to accept where I was, what got me there and make the changes. I feel very proud of the weight I lost even though there is still so much to lose. A few people ask me my exact weight, which is more uncomfortable for me. Yet I know that was a cultural difference and actually it felt good to say it out loud. For too long, my weight has been taboo, the secret thing I didn't want to talk about. And talking about it now makes it less an issue. Doesn't matter how much I weigh because I am working on it!

Learn to be tolerant and express your feeling, position without attacking other.

I wasn't touchy about my weight when I was podgier. I don't mind people telling me I look good now, but asking someone HOW MUCH weight they have lost is just mawkish and rude.

SarabellPlus3

It sounds like he went through all the trouble to ask everyone around you to get the guts to ask you. He might actually like you and thinks you look great I would totally think this as a compliment.

And if he does have a wife then he might be very aware that women like to be noticed for their hard work. You have worked hard to get to where you are and you do look great, and he might just be admiring that. If he came out sounding rude, remember he's a man and not very articulate (no offense to men) *happy face*:flowerforyou:

Surely if he has a wife he should know you never comment on a woman's weight.

I think that's at least 95% untrue. Almost every woman I know likes people to notice (& comment) on their weight loss.

IvoryParchment

I think people are getting hung up on this being about numerical weights.

A married man has been asking about how much weight a married woman has lost. All of them refused to tell him. Her husband found it creepy enough to tell him to mind his own business. Yet he persists and asks her in person. If a single man comments about how great a single woman's body looks, it's flirtatious. I would have been just as stunned as you were that he asked, but I probably wouldn't have been clever enough to reply in a way that lets him know I am fully aware he is married and has no business flirting with other women.

belinda_b

It is weird how he is asking others about how much you have lost. I liked your answer to him. He should focus on his wife, not another woman.

fteale

It sounds like he went through all the trouble to ask everyone around you to get the guts to ask you. He might actually like you and thinks you look great I would totally think this as a compliment.

And if he does have a wife then he might be very aware that women like to be noticed for their hard work. You have worked hard to get to where you are and you do look great, and he might just be admiring that. If he came out sounding rude, remember he's a man and not very articulate (no offense to men) *happy face*:flowerforyou:

Surely if he has a wife he should know you never comment on a woman's weight.

I think that's at least 95% untrue. Almost every woman I know likes people to notice (& comment) on their weight loss.

Really??? I am mortified if anyone comments on it, and most other women I know are too. Telling someone they've lost weight is saying your mental image of them is fat, basically. That strikes me as terribly rude.

SarabellPlus3

That's funny! Fteale, you should start a thread/poll. LOL I think everyone I know is happy to hear "have you lost weight?" Or "you look like you've lost weight!" etc. Without question.

When you get a new haircut and someone compliments it, do you take it as meaning that they thought your hair was ugly before? Is it rude to compliment a new style?

fteale

That's funny! Fteale, you should start a thread/poll. LOL I think everyone I know is happy to hear "have you lost weight?" Or "you look like you've lost weight!" etc. Without question.

When you get a new haircut and someone compliments it, do you take it as meaning that they thought your hair was ugly before? Is it rude to compliment a new style?

I don't really ever get my hair cut, and I don't think anyone has ever complimented me on it when I have! But commenting on someone's hair isn't in the same ball park as commenting on their weight.

SarabellPlus3

That's funny! Fteale, you should start a thread/poll. LOL I think everyone I know is happy to hear "have you lost weight?" Or "you look like you've lost weight!" etc. Without question.

When you get a new haircut and someone compliments it, do you take it as meaning that they thought your hair was ugly before? Is it rude to compliment a new style?

I don't really ever get my hair cut, and I don't think anyone has ever complimented me on it when I have! But commenting on someone's hair isn't in the same ball park as commenting on their weight.

No, it's not the same thing, I agree. But the intent is. If commenting that someone has lost weight is admitting your mental image of them is fat, then complimenting a haircut is saying their old haircut was not so great. I don't think either is true-- I'm just pointing out that if the principal is true in one place, it's true in another.






THOUGH, this thread is really is a great example of why people should lighten up, IMO. I mean, to you it's blatently obvious that no one should ever comment on a woman's weight. Looking around this site, though, people get offended and angry when someone DOESN'T comment. How can people win? We all need to lighten up. If someone's trying to compliment us, take it nicely.

PJilly

When someone asks me how much weight I've lost, I tell them. When someone asks me how much I weigh, I tell them. When someone asks how old I am, I tell them. Why are these such taboo questions, and why assume the worst when someone asks them?

ChasingHaven

"Wow you look really fat, how much weight have you put on?" <--- Rude

"Wow you look really great, how much weight did you lose?" <--- Not rude

Losing weight is an achievement, one that a lot of people aspire to, I totally fail to see how the question can be construed as rude.

ChasingHaven

"Wow you look really fat, how much weight have you put on?" <--- Rude

"Wow you look really great, how much weight did you lose?" <--- Not rude

Losing weight is an achievement, one that a lot of people aspire to, I totally fail to see how the question can be construed as rude.

(I guess it would be best to reply before hitting reply...)

Perhaps the best reply would have been "Apparently enough to make people notice." I think i've replied "Well, I've been working on it." before. I agree, he doesn't need to know numbers. The fact that he keeps asking others? Creepy busy body..

What I found REALLY rude was, after I completely bombed and started gaining after losing 30 pounds before was "What size are you now? Because I've lost weight because of the divorce and all, so I have some pants you might fit into...."

B**ch

chevy88grl

I think it's rude. I get asked it a lot. People are weird, though. My sister gets asked how long her hair is all the time, and are genuinely shocked when she replies she's never measured it, and you can SEE how long it is.

When my hair is down and straightened? I actually have people ask me if it is real. I'm like "Are you serious? Of course it's real!". I realize that people get hair extensions and all that jazz, but really? I would never ask someone "is your hair real?" it's just a weird and off the wall question. (BTW, you can tell it is real and NOT extensions as it matches up perfectly, doesn't have the telltale signs of being extensions, etc. You can just look at it and KNOW it is real!)

mshidden

Well good job on losing 14 lbs. You could have said join fitness pal and you can find out there? no!
I agree many women feel this way, but your looking for justification for being rude then clearly you already have figured out that perhaps you were being rude. Their are nice ways of saying " I am sorry only share this with fitness pal members"

ElizabethRoad

That's funny! Fteale, you should start a thread/poll. LOL I think everyone I know is happy to hear "have you lost weight?" Or "you look like you've lost weight!" etc. Without question.

When you get a new haircut and someone compliments it, do you take it as meaning that they thought your hair was ugly before? Is it rude to compliment a new style?

Technically yes, it is rude.

missikay1970

I think you're reply was rude. I mean you obviously have the right to be as uptight as you want to. He did not ask how much you weigh, he asked how much weight you lost. A big difference. A compliment even.

this is what i was going to say. i think some people are naturally more curious.