Can anyone help me please?! Sabotaged by my bf!

Lollops

So, I'm really annoyed :mad:

We all know that exercise is 20% and diet is 80% of weight loss/health.

Well, I've been busting my *kitten* with the 60 day Insanity workouts but I've had no other choice than to eat crap!:grumble:

My boyfriend does the shopping and decides what we eat, but he keeps getting takeaway and unhealthy things!

I know what you're thinking "Just tell him you don't want any" - I do, ALL the time! :explode:

For example, last night - I'd just finished the workout (after feeling like crap all day, I had to summon up SO much motivation to even just stand up!) He came home after I'd done it and said, "shall we get a curry tonight?" I said "No, I really don't want one", "I really feel like something healthy" and "I will feel crap if I eat rubbish after my workout" over and over, but he never listens! It's more exhausting than the workout trying to convince him!

I'm just so stressed out, as if this wasn't already difficult enough! I don't even eat much, like all I ate all yesterday was about half of the curry he got me and a packet of doritos - imagine if that was healthy food, I would have saved 100s of calories! :sick:

I feel like crying! :sad: :brokenheart:

Can anyone help me? Convincing myself to eat healthy is hard enough, without this!

rochey1098

If he isn't going to be supportive then I'm not sure what to suggest... I think you need to have a serious chat with him and tell him the score

avg1986

I know its hard but could you not.just make your own food? I cook for my hubby and 3 kids every night but i usually have a bowl if cereal because i have my main meal at lunch time! Just keep healthy snacks in the house, what he goes shopping could you not write a list of what you want him to pick up for you? Xx

Kirsty_UK

Sounds like a difficult situation. Why is it that he does the shopping? Is it him that pays for the food? If he's the one bringing in the money, could you pursuade him on a money basis considering the cost of take aways, and suggest that he gets take aways if he wants them, but gives you the share of the cash for your half, and then you can supermarket shop with it for your own meals?

bklyngirl71

can u do the shopping/cooking so that you know that you'll be eating healthy

abbie017

Go shopping yourself then? Go with him and pick out healthy foods? Try to incorporate healthier alternatives into things that he likes?

I'd be annoyed if I were in your position as well, but...you're the one eating the crap. He isn't forcing it in your mouth. I don't want to sound mean/harsh/rude, but you have to be accountable to yourself first. Prepare your own meals if he refuses to cook anything healthy or to stop doing take-out dinners.

I think the underlying issue is, though...why isn't he supportive of your new lifestyle? I've had nothing but support, encouragement, and motivation from my boyfriend since I started changing my eating and exercise habits, and it's helped me stay on track a whole lot more than if I were just doing it alone.

bebbjeb

Can you do the shopping - at least for yourself? There are lots of healthy options that are quick and easy to prepare.

charlotte66

hello

your BF sounds like mines! he knows i have been eating healthy for 2 weeks no and saturday he came home with a big bag of doritos dip for them, apple crumble and custard, jam roly poly nd 2 packs of starburst all for me!!!!! im like WTH his reply yea but you to treat yourself. yes but not with that bloody much!

i ask him to get dinner from the shop he comes home with 2 large pizzas one for me one for him!

i know exactly how you feel. now if hes wanting somthing unhealthy i just make my own dinner easyer said than done tho!

why dont you shopping with him? then you can decide on what you want. or give him a list of exactly what you want/need

or do meal plans for the week thats what i have to do anyway with getting daughter to have a decent meal plus i find shopping easyer if i know what im going for. then that way you have to stick to whats on your plan because its what has been bought in and then maybe gives him the choice if your eating healthy that day to make his own :laugh:

Lollops

I've had about 3254634 chats with him about it, but he says I'll start starving myself again (I used to have an ED)

I've said to him loads of times:

"This is my first time trying to lose weight the healthy way, if it doesn't work I'll probably end up starving myself again. So please be supportive."

I feel like it's HIS love for junk food that's getting in the way. I've told him that he can eat whatever he wants, as long as I can have healthy options. But nothing.

I feel like just not eating is the only option I have anymore =[

PrincessGlitterTush

Maybe ask if he will allow you to get half of the food money and go shopping for yourself. Ive had to do this with my boyfriend too as it's quite difficult to keep motivated if you're hungry and he's coming home with crap food. Of course you'll eat it.Just tell him that you're working your *kitten* off on the workouts and you'd like very much to eat healthier foods.

LemonPoppySeedMuffin

I have a similar but different situation. I'm trying to recover from anorexia. My boyfriend keeps buying me junk food & takeaways to try make me gain faster. It feels like murder. I need to do this at my own pace so I can accept it better. I know he's trying to help but at the same time it messes with my mind.

sunkisses

I assure you - you have other choices.

Advice:
Don't make your success contingent on another human being. Ever.

babyblake11

i dont the situation fully. but you should feel in control of your life and what you do in it.

i had to leave my partner as he was very controlling. i now feel amazing. its only been one day since i left.

zontuin

Lollops,
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle and frustration! It's hard enough to find motivation and strength within ourselves, but to also fight lack of support (or hostility) in your home environment makes it so much tougher. Your issue isn't really a dieting issue, but a relationship issue. You know your boyfriend best, so you best know how to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he can't be respectful of your feelings and goals to at least find a compromise with you between what you want/need and what he wants/needs, then he doesn't really care about you. If you don't think talking with him is the best approach, then do your talking with your actions. Next time he wants to order out, tell him you're not interested. If he goes ahead anyway, then don't eat it. Either skip that meal or find/buy something else to eat. He'll get the message quickly, and you may only need to do that once for him to start listening to you. Hang in there! Don't let go of your goals. I know you'll find a way to resolve this issue. Good luck!
-Judith

abbie017

I feel like just not eating is the only option I have anymore =[

ABSOLUTELY NOT. Please do not do this. Don't even think about not eating. It's incredible unhealthy and has really, really, really bad side effects.

How about going to a nutritionist or dietician with him so you can work out an eating plan that is healthy and will help with weight loss, but will also show him you're getting adequate nutrition? Maybe then he'd be more willing to help in reducing calories since he'd be assured by a professional that you're getting the calories and nutrients that you need.

robin52077

Are your pictures in your profile really you? Or are they just something you strive for? Some people use motivational photos so I'm not sure...
If they are not you, disregard this.

But if they are....perhaps your boyfriend is terrified that if you lose 40 pounds you will die. The person in those photos can't stand to lose much more weight without becoming ill.

If you are unhappy with your body composition you need to lift heavy weights and eat a lot of protein while keeping your calories near or at maintenance level. That's what you need when you are in the healthy range but unhappy with what it looks like.

And like I said, if that girl in all the pics is just some model you want to look like, then never mind! (but still lift weights as it's more effective long term than cardio!)

226Muriel

I'd be annoyed if I were in your position as well, but...you're the one eating the crap. He isn't forcing it in your mouth. I don't want to sound mean/harsh/rude, but you have to be accountable to yourself first. Prepare your own meals if he refuses to cook anything healthy or to stop doing take-out dinners.

firedragon064

Hold sex until you get your way!
And if it does not work, kick him out of the house, get a new beau.

lorna1002

I assure you - you have other choices.

Advice:
Don't make your success contingent on another human being. Ever.

I agree with this...we need to take responsibility for ourselves and make our own choices. Good luck

Lokisul

Just noticed this too... is that you in the photos?

Have you checked your BMI lately?

Either way, its probably best you do your own food shopping. He probably doesnt know what healthy food is, I didnt till I started dieting. Look for what you want to eat, and go out and buy it

MissDiscipline

Look, my boyfriend is the same way. He doesn't understand how unhealthy some foods are, and just think I'm being silly at times when I tell him no.

It sucks he doesn't understand ur situation, but u can't blame him entirely (unless he forces the food down your throat)

My boyfriend does the 'main' shopping too, but every other day I make a trip to the store and get food I want to eat.

And if I don't have time, I just write him a quick list. If I'd tell him I wanted "Something healthy" for dinner, and didn't specify, he'd probably bring back home a curry as well at say "well, there's protein and veggies." 'Unhealthy' in his eyes is chocolate and chips :P

Lollops

He makes most of the income, yes. When we go shopping together, we always buy vegetables and fruit, but it's rare we shop together.

I love raw vegetables and fruit, but he doesn't seem to like them. I don't know - it's hard to explain my situation, it just seems impossible.

I know it's my own fault for eating the crap, but it's my only option (unless I don't eat) - we don't eat anything all day, then he provides something at about 8-10pm to eat. I would cook but most of the time it's just processed crap in the cupboards.

I can't go out by myself, and sometimes I can't go out on certain days (a condition I have sometimes prevents me) so he has to do the shopping alone most of the time.

He's such a great boyfriend in all other areas. When he gets back today, I'll try my hardest (again) to persuade him.

Thanks for all of your help! If you have any more suggestions, please tell me - I'm at a loss here!

Ant_M76

Sort your own meals out and leave him to sort his out. Simple.

If he doesn't like it, ditch him!

avg1986

Could you not both sit down and do the shopping online? Let him buy the junk he wants to eat but then you can stock up on the fruit and veg that you like!?

Xx

RachelT14

Why not get him to help with your food diary so that he can see you are not starving yourself? That way he will also see why you are not happy with the junk food and the takeaways.

My hubby didnt realise just how many calories that stuff added up to until i made him a MFP account and logged the meals we ate together and the rubbish he grazed on all day, it was a huge eye opener for him.

Lollops

And yes it is me in the photos, but I think 40lbs would bring me to my perfect, healthy weight. Everyone always tells me they don't think I need to lose weight, but it's definitely there.

(The photo in my weight loss ticker isn't me by the way - that's a model I love - I know it's obviously not me haha but just incase!)

Thank you all so much for your support! I really love this website! I hope my boyfriend will listen to me this time!

Lollops

Oh and thanks for the idea about showing him my food diary! I'll try that tonight when he gets back!

firedragon064

If you can't change him then change youself.
Do IF or warrior diet then you won't eat over your calorie.

Lollops

What are IF and Warrior diets? I'm intrigued!

driaxx

I come from a Greek family. My mother's cooking is VERY unhealthy and when she goes shopping she comes back with giant cherry ripe's, snickers bars and overflowing packets of liquorice and sugar coated pawpaw.

Everyone's saying your boyfriend can't 'force' food down your throat, but I can understand that you must feel absolutely tempted to eat his junk food. This is how I feel when my mother cooks something like my favourite lasagne, hot chips, fried beef schnitzel or when my sister brings home donuts.

So I started making my own way to the shops to make my own delicious healthy foods. (I'm still a student so I make hardly any money - but when I work out portions for myself, fruits and veggies don't cost much anyway). Grilled pineapple and a healthy homemade banana shake with low fat yogurt beats a stingy piece of chocolate. After about 3 months, I started taking over the kitchen and the best thing was - when I was satisfied with plenty of clean food - I was never tempted to eat junk!

My family got jealous of the nice meals I was making and soon fruit salads became a staple in everyone's diet. I got the fatty Greek traditional recipes and made Low-Cal versions that tasted the same. Soon my mum re-wrote them in her recipe book and now she makes the healthier versions for the family herself. Everyone wins.

Anyway, I'll stop going on about my family but what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't let him control what you put in your mouth. Buy your own food. Make your own food. Be satisfied with your own food, and trust me - before you know it you might slowly convert him to a healthier lifestyle too.

Just please make sure what you're doing is healthy for you and try to stay clear from starving yourself, it'll only lead to a massive binge session (at the least) - and in that case it's you sabotaging yourself.

Carfoodel

We were very bad in our home for takeaways and convenience food - it became such a habit. Now we have a pact that the limit is one takeaway a week and one at the end of each month - which is working and the family have adapted to it. It makes it easier for me as I can think ahead and get something fairly healthy such as noodles with veg if I like from the takeaway - but it also means that if i don't want to sacrifice my calories on food.

I just make it so that when the food is phoned in - I go and cook my healthy meal - so that it still feels like we are sharing and eating together but we are all happy - and I am no longer feeling yeuchy the next day and full of guilt about eating crap. I have had one takeaway in the last couple of months - which I did enjoy, but the family is also getting the benefits of us all having much more home cooked meals too and are getting more interested in the healthy options I am making for myself.