Can anyone help me please?! Sabotaged by my bf!

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Lollops
Lollops Posts: 85 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So, I'm really annoyed :mad:

We all know that exercise is 20% and diet is 80% of weight loss/health.

Well, I've been busting my *kitten* with the 60 day Insanity workouts but I've had no other choice than to eat crap!:grumble:

My boyfriend does the shopping and decides what we eat, but he keeps getting takeaway and unhealthy things!

I know what you're thinking "Just tell him you don't want any" - I do, ALL the time! :explode:

For example, last night - I'd just finished the workout (after feeling like crap all day, I had to summon up SO much motivation to even just stand up!) He came home after I'd done it and said, "shall we get a curry tonight?" I said "No, I really don't want one", "I really feel like something healthy" and "I will feel crap if I eat rubbish after my workout" over and over, but he never listens! It's more exhausting than the workout trying to convince him! :angry:

I'm just so stressed out, as if this wasn't already difficult enough! I don't even eat much, like all I ate all yesterday was about half of the curry he got me and a packet of doritos - imagine if that was healthy food, I would have saved 100s of calories! :sick:

I feel like crying! :sad: :brokenheart:

Can anyone help me? Convincing myself to eat healthy is hard enough, without this! <3
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Replies

  • rochey1098
    rochey1098 Posts: 285
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    If he isn't going to be supportive then I'm not sure what to suggest... I think you need to have a serious chat with him and tell him the score
  • avg1986
    avg1986 Posts: 69 Member
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    I know its hard but could you not.just make your own food? I cook for my hubby and 3 kids every night but i usually have a bowl if cereal because i have my main meal at lunch time! Just keep healthy snacks in the house, what he goes shopping could you not write a list of what you want him to pick up for you? Xx
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
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    Sounds like a difficult situation. Why is it that he does the shopping? Is it him that pays for the food? If he's the one bringing in the money, could you pursuade him on a money basis considering the cost of take aways, and suggest that he gets take aways if he wants them, but gives you the share of the cash for your half, and then you can supermarket shop with it for your own meals?
  • bklyngirl71
    bklyngirl71 Posts: 381 Member
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    can u do the shopping/cooking so that you know that you'll be eating healthy
  • abbie017
    abbie017 Posts: 410
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    Go shopping yourself then? Go with him and pick out healthy foods? Try to incorporate healthier alternatives into things that he likes?

    I'd be annoyed if I were in your position as well, but...you're the one eating the crap. He isn't forcing it in your mouth. I don't want to sound mean/harsh/rude, but you have to be accountable to yourself first. Prepare your own meals if he refuses to cook anything healthy or to stop doing take-out dinners.

    I think the underlying issue is, though...why isn't he supportive of your new lifestyle? I've had nothing but support, encouragement, and motivation from my boyfriend since I started changing my eating and exercise habits, and it's helped me stay on track a whole lot more than if I were just doing it alone.
  • bebbjeb
    bebbjeb Posts: 134
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    Can you do the shopping - at least for yourself? There are lots of healthy options that are quick and easy to prepare.
  • charlotte66
    charlotte66 Posts: 248 Member
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    hello

    your BF sounds like mines! he knows i have been eating healthy for 2 weeks no and saturday he came home with a big bag of doritos dip for them, apple crumble and custard, jam roly poly nd 2 packs of starburst all for me!!!!! im like WTH his reply yea but you to treat yourself. yes but not with that bloody much!

    i ask him to get dinner from the shop he comes home with 2 large pizzas one for me one for him!

    i know exactly how you feel. now if hes wanting somthing unhealthy i just make my own dinner easyer said than done tho!

    why dont you shopping with him? then you can decide on what you want. or give him a list of exactly what you want/need

    or do meal plans for the week thats what i have to do anyway with getting daughter to have a decent meal plus i find shopping easyer if i know what im going for. then that way you have to stick to whats on your plan because its what has been bought in and then maybe gives him the choice if your eating healthy that day to make his own :laugh:
  • Lollops
    Lollops Posts: 85 Member
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    I've had about 3254634 chats with him about it, but he says I'll start starving myself again (I used to have an ED)

    I've said to him loads of times:

    "This is my first time trying to lose weight the healthy way, if it doesn't work I'll probably end up starving myself again. So please be supportive."

    I feel like it's HIS love for junk food that's getting in the way. I've told him that he can eat whatever he wants, as long as I can have healthy options. But nothing.

    I feel like just not eating is the only option I have anymore =[ <3
  • PrincessGlitterTush
    PrincessGlitterTush Posts: 388
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    Maybe ask if he will allow you to get half of the food money and go shopping for yourself. Ive had to do this with my boyfriend too as it's quite difficult to keep motivated if you're hungry and he's coming home with crap food. Of course you'll eat it.Just tell him that you're working your *kitten* off on the workouts and you'd like very much to eat healthier foods.
  • LemonPoppySeedMuffin
    LemonPoppySeedMuffin Posts: 302
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    I have a similar but different situation. I'm trying to recover from anorexia. My boyfriend keeps buying me junk food & takeaways to try make me gain faster. It feels like murder. I need to do this at my own pace so I can accept it better. I know he's trying to help but at the same time it messes with my mind.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I assure you - you have other choices.

    Advice:
    Don't make your success contingent on another human being. Ever.
  • babyblake11
    babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
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    i dont the situation fully. but you should feel in control of your life and what you do in it.

    i had to leave my partner as he was very controlling. i now feel amazing. its only been one day since i left.
  • zontuin
    zontuin Posts: 72 Member
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    Lollops,
    I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle and frustration! It's hard enough to find motivation and strength within ourselves, but to also fight lack of support (or hostility) in your home environment makes it so much tougher. Your issue isn't really a dieting issue, but a relationship issue. You know your boyfriend best, so you best know how to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he can't be respectful of your feelings and goals to at least find a compromise with you between what you want/need and what he wants/needs, then he doesn't really care about you. If you don't think talking with him is the best approach, then do your talking with your actions. Next time he wants to order out, tell him you're not interested. If he goes ahead anyway, then don't eat it. Either skip that meal or find/buy something else to eat. He'll get the message quickly, and you may only need to do that once for him to start listening to you. Hang in there! Don't let go of your goals. I know you'll find a way to resolve this issue. Good luck!
    -Judith
  • abbie017
    abbie017 Posts: 410
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    I feel like just not eating is the only option I have anymore =[ <3

    ABSOLUTELY NOT. Please do not do this. Don't even think about not eating. It's incredible unhealthy and has really, really, really bad side effects.

    How about going to a nutritionist or dietician with him so you can work out an eating plan that is healthy and will help with weight loss, but will also show him you're getting adequate nutrition? Maybe then he'd be more willing to help in reducing calories since he'd be assured by a professional that you're getting the calories and nutrients that you need.
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
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    Are your pictures in your profile really you? Or are they just something you strive for? Some people use motivational photos so I'm not sure...
    If they are not you, disregard this.

    But if they are....perhaps your boyfriend is terrified that if you lose 40 pounds you will die. The person in those photos can't stand to lose much more weight without becoming ill.

    If you are unhappy with your body composition you need to lift heavy weights and eat a lot of protein while keeping your calories near or at maintenance level. That's what you need when you are in the healthy range but unhappy with what it looks like.

    And like I said, if that girl in all the pics is just some model you want to look like, then never mind! (but still lift weights as it's more effective long term than cardio!)
  • 226Muriel
    226Muriel Posts: 137 Member
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    I'd be annoyed if I were in your position as well, but...you're the one eating the crap. He isn't forcing it in your mouth. I don't want to sound mean/harsh/rude, but you have to be accountable to yourself first. Prepare your own meals if he refuses to cook anything healthy or to stop doing take-out dinners.
  • firedragon064
    firedragon064 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Hold sex until you get your way!
    And if it does not work, kick him out of the house, get a new beau.
  • lorna1002
    lorna1002 Posts: 185 Member
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    I assure you - you have other choices.

    Advice:
    Don't make your success contingent on another human being. Ever.

    I agree with this...we need to take responsibility for ourselves and make our own choices. Good luck :smile:
  • Lokisul
    Lokisul Posts: 50
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    Just noticed this too... is that you in the photos?

    Have you checked your BMI lately?

    Either way, its probably best you do your own food shopping. He probably doesnt know what healthy food is, I didnt till I started dieting. Look for what you want to eat, and go out and buy it
  • MissDiscipline
    MissDiscipline Posts: 121
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    Look, my boyfriend is the same way. He doesn't understand how unhealthy some foods are, and just think I'm being silly at times when I tell him no.

    It sucks he doesn't understand ur situation, but u can't blame him entirely (unless he forces the food down your throat)

    My boyfriend does the 'main' shopping too, but every other day I make a trip to the store and get food I want to eat.

    And if I don't have time, I just write him a quick list. If I'd tell him I wanted "Something healthy" for dinner, and didn't specify, he'd probably bring back home a curry as well at say "well, there's protein and veggies." 'Unhealthy' in his eyes is chocolate and chips :P

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