Can anyone help me please?! Sabotaged by my bf!

Lollops

He makes most of the income, yes. When we go shopping together, we always buy vegetables and fruit, but it's rare we shop together.

I love raw vegetables and fruit, but he doesn't seem to like them. I don't know - it's hard to explain my situation, it just seems impossible.

I know it's my own fault for eating the crap, but it's my only option (unless I don't eat) - we don't eat anything all day, then he provides something at about 8-10pm to eat. I would cook but most of the time it's just processed crap in the cupboards.

I can't go out by myself, and sometimes I can't go out on certain days (a condition I have sometimes prevents me) so he has to do the shopping alone most of the time.

He's such a great boyfriend in all other areas. When he gets back today, I'll try my hardest (again) to persuade him.

Thanks for all of your help! If you have any more suggestions, please tell me - I'm at a loss here!

Ant_M76

Sort your own meals out and leave him to sort his out. Simple.

If he doesn't like it, ditch him!

avg1986

Could you not both sit down and do the shopping online? Let him buy the junk he wants to eat but then you can stock up on the fruit and veg that you like!?

Xx

RachelT14

Why not get him to help with your food diary so that he can see you are not starving yourself? That way he will also see why you are not happy with the junk food and the takeaways.

My hubby didnt realise just how many calories that stuff added up to until i made him a MFP account and logged the meals we ate together and the rubbish he grazed on all day, it was a huge eye opener for him.

Lollops

And yes it is me in the photos, but I think 40lbs would bring me to my perfect, healthy weight. Everyone always tells me they don't think I need to lose weight, but it's definitely there.

(The photo in my weight loss ticker isn't me by the way - that's a model I love - I know it's obviously not me haha but just incase!)

Thank you all so much for your support! I really love this website! I hope my boyfriend will listen to me this time!

Lollops

Oh and thanks for the idea about showing him my food diary! I'll try that tonight when he gets back!

firedragon064

If you can't change him then change youself.
Do IF or warrior diet then you won't eat over your calorie.

Lollops

What are IF and Warrior diets? I'm intrigued!

driaxx

I come from a Greek family. My mother's cooking is VERY unhealthy and when she goes shopping she comes back with giant cherry ripe's, snickers bars and overflowing packets of liquorice and sugar coated pawpaw.

Everyone's saying your boyfriend can't 'force' food down your throat, but I can understand that you must feel absolutely tempted to eat his junk food. This is how I feel when my mother cooks something like my favourite lasagne, hot chips, fried beef schnitzel or when my sister brings home donuts.

So I started making my own way to the shops to make my own delicious healthy foods. (I'm still a student so I make hardly any money - but when I work out portions for myself, fruits and veggies don't cost much anyway). Grilled pineapple and a healthy homemade banana shake with low fat yogurt beats a stingy piece of chocolate. After about 3 months, I started taking over the kitchen and the best thing was - when I was satisfied with plenty of clean food - I was never tempted to eat junk!

My family got jealous of the nice meals I was making and soon fruit salads became a staple in everyone's diet. I got the fatty Greek traditional recipes and made Low-Cal versions that tasted the same. Soon my mum re-wrote them in her recipe book and now she makes the healthier versions for the family herself. Everyone wins.

Anyway, I'll stop going on about my family but what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't let him control what you put in your mouth. Buy your own food. Make your own food. Be satisfied with your own food, and trust me - before you know it you might slowly convert him to a healthier lifestyle too.

Just please make sure what you're doing is healthy for you and try to stay clear from starving yourself, it'll only lead to a massive binge session (at the least) - and in that case it's you sabotaging yourself.

Carfoodel

We were very bad in our home for takeaways and convenience food - it became such a habit. Now we have a pact that the limit is one takeaway a week and one at the end of each month - which is working and the family have adapted to it. It makes it easier for me as I can think ahead and get something fairly healthy such as noodles with veg if I like from the takeaway - but it also means that if i don't want to sacrifice my calories on food.

I just make it so that when the food is phoned in - I go and cook my healthy meal - so that it still feels like we are sharing and eating together but we are all happy - and I am no longer feeling yeuchy the next day and full of guilt about eating crap. I have had one takeaway in the last couple of months - which I did enjoy, but the family is also getting the benefits of us all having much more home cooked meals too and are getting more interested in the healthy options I am making for myself.

Lollops

Most of the time, it's not even that I'm tempted at all - I really only feel like healthy raw vegetables and fruit - which is making this even more upsetting! (I don't even enjoy junk food)

As I said - going outside on my own isn't an option, and sometimes a condition I have gets in the way of me going outside at all (also makes exercising harder - which is even MORE upsetting, since all my effort is wasted!) So shopping myself isn't really an option for me.

I know not eating isn't good, but it's not as bad as eating crap - so maybe if I tell him I'm going to water fast again unless we can eat healthily - maybe that's the only way to convince him. I'll talk to him when he gets back!

thcri

Make one of your exercises a shopping trip to the grocery store and get what you want. My wife and I eat different meals at the same time all the time.

Lollops

I just said, I can't go shopping on my own at the moment. I really wish I could! :sad: :brokenheart:

Kirsty_UK

I think it's great that he's concerned about you slipping back into an ED, but eventually you need to feel in control and responsible for your own diet (and by diet, I mean what you eat, not necessarily "a diet"), not have someone else dictate it for you.

I'd suggest you have a frank and honest and mature conversation with him - by mature, I mean as equals, and non-defensive, just be honest with him about your goals, and how you want to get there and bring him in on the calorie counting so he can see it's a healthy approach, and one you've researched carefully. I'd also try and go shopping together more often if you can.

I dont have experience of eating disorders, but my comments on the type of conversation to have with him come from a different type of experience. I used to be addicted to an online computer game. And by addicted, I mean I played it all the time I was at home, whilst eating (often skipping meals), wasn't sleeping enough, and my relationships suffered. I quit cold turkey, but several years later, I have some real life friends that play it, and they play together once a week. Since I live a long way from them I wanted to play it with them. I had to sit down and have an honest conversation with my husband about doing that, knowing he was scared of my addiction (and it was also tied into depression as well, so he's also scared of that), and the way I went about it was to not be asking his permission, but to sit down as say "I've thought very carefully about this, I know you're worried about me, and how I was in the past, but I'm confident I can do this a healthy way, and I'd like your support". And he agreed, one night a week, no more. I think if I'd gone to him with a defensive approach, expecting him to be angry, or upset or say no, then I would have had a different result.

Lollops

Thank you, I'll try talking to him that way then - I was actually getting ready to yell at him haha

I've tried talking to him like that before, and had no luck. But I think if I try talking like that tonight, and add in about the water fasting - maybe that will work. Fingers crossed!

And online gaming is too addictive! Hahaha

Well done for beating your addiction!

niknak0508

Don't give up having conversations with him. If he loves you enough he will sit back and let you talk to him seriously. This is a lifestyle YOU have to make for YOURSELF. If he doesn't want to be a part of that, than honestly, maybe he isn't so worth your time. Try to make arrangements to go shopping more often together, if that's the only way you can get healthy foods in your house, than you should be making every effort to do that. Don't let him dictate your diet and what you can and cannot eat. You need all the support you can get from him. He needs to understand that this is something YOU need to do to feel good about yourself. If you had an ED before and you are trying to overcome that by losing weight the healthy way, then maybe you should tell him that in real talk.

I don't have a lot of advice because I haven't been in this boat before...... but these are things I would say/do if I was. Keep your head up!! He will come around and if he doesn't, well you need to take matters into your own hands!

fionarama

you could try Jenny Craig or some other type of meal delivery programme? and promise to eat all of the meals you are supposed to eat, make sure you still eat together in the evenings etc
You shouldn't be going all day without eating, neither of you should.

SueGeer

We shop together but buy stuff to suit our different needs/wants.......healthy, low-cal & meatfree for me - stodge & red meat etc for him. I cook separate meals most of the time but we eat together.

He'll eat cakes, etc in the evening......he's given up offering me any now. If I want it, I get it myself....but normally stick to Greek yoghurt & meringue - just as sweet but much fewer cals.

Am hoping my eating habits might rub off on him, but no luck.

Can you go out if you shop together? Or perhaps shop for your healthy stuff online?

Sue x

Lollops

I'll try talking to him like that then, I was getting ready to yell at him! Hahaha

I've tried talking to him like that before but maybe if I add in about the water fast, maybe that will work!

And I know the feeling, games are too addictive! Haha

Well done for beating your addiction!

(I just typed this out but it didn't seem to be posted =/)

Thank you all again so much, all this support has really cheered me up more than you will ever know!

blondishandbookish

I also think there is a compromise - curry is not all bad especially if made from scratch - and its quite easy to make with loads of veg in it.

If all I suggested eating was fruit and veg, my entire family including the veganish sister in law would think I was nuts and trying to starve them, and my family always eat loads of fruit and veg.