Can anyone help me please?! Sabotaged by my bf!

Lollops

Most of the time, it's not even that I'm tempted at all - I really only feel like healthy raw vegetables and fruit - which is making this even more upsetting! (I don't even enjoy junk food)

As I said - going outside on my own isn't an option, and sometimes a condition I have gets in the way of me going outside at all (also makes exercising harder - which is even MORE upsetting, since all my effort is wasted!) So shopping myself isn't really an option for me.

I know not eating isn't good, but it's not as bad as eating crap - so maybe if I tell him I'm going to water fast again unless we can eat healthily - maybe that's the only way to convince him. I'll talk to him when he gets back!

thcri

Make one of your exercises a shopping trip to the grocery store and get what you want. My wife and I eat different meals at the same time all the time.

Lollops

I just said, I can't go shopping on my own at the moment. I really wish I could! :sad: :brokenheart:

Kirsty_UK

I think it's great that he's concerned about you slipping back into an ED, but eventually you need to feel in control and responsible for your own diet (and by diet, I mean what you eat, not necessarily "a diet"), not have someone else dictate it for you.

I'd suggest you have a frank and honest and mature conversation with him - by mature, I mean as equals, and non-defensive, just be honest with him about your goals, and how you want to get there and bring him in on the calorie counting so he can see it's a healthy approach, and one you've researched carefully. I'd also try and go shopping together more often if you can.

I dont have experience of eating disorders, but my comments on the type of conversation to have with him come from a different type of experience. I used to be addicted to an online computer game. And by addicted, I mean I played it all the time I was at home, whilst eating (often skipping meals), wasn't sleeping enough, and my relationships suffered. I quit cold turkey, but several years later, I have some real life friends that play it, and they play together once a week. Since I live a long way from them I wanted to play it with them. I had to sit down and have an honest conversation with my husband about doing that, knowing he was scared of my addiction (and it was also tied into depression as well, so he's also scared of that), and the way I went about it was to not be asking his permission, but to sit down as say "I've thought very carefully about this, I know you're worried about me, and how I was in the past, but I'm confident I can do this a healthy way, and I'd like your support". And he agreed, one night a week, no more. I think if I'd gone to him with a defensive approach, expecting him to be angry, or upset or say no, then I would have had a different result.

Lollops

Thank you, I'll try talking to him that way then - I was actually getting ready to yell at him haha

I've tried talking to him like that before, and had no luck. But I think if I try talking like that tonight, and add in about the water fasting - maybe that will work. Fingers crossed!

And online gaming is too addictive! Hahaha

Well done for beating your addiction!

niknak0508

Don't give up having conversations with him. If he loves you enough he will sit back and let you talk to him seriously. This is a lifestyle YOU have to make for YOURSELF. If he doesn't want to be a part of that, than honestly, maybe he isn't so worth your time. Try to make arrangements to go shopping more often together, if that's the only way you can get healthy foods in your house, than you should be making every effort to do that. Don't let him dictate your diet and what you can and cannot eat. You need all the support you can get from him. He needs to understand that this is something YOU need to do to feel good about yourself. If you had an ED before and you are trying to overcome that by losing weight the healthy way, then maybe you should tell him that in real talk.

I don't have a lot of advice because I haven't been in this boat before...... but these are things I would say/do if I was. Keep your head up!! He will come around and if he doesn't, well you need to take matters into your own hands!

fionarama

you could try Jenny Craig or some other type of meal delivery programme? and promise to eat all of the meals you are supposed to eat, make sure you still eat together in the evenings etc
You shouldn't be going all day without eating, neither of you should.

SueGeer

We shop together but buy stuff to suit our different needs/wants.......healthy, low-cal & meatfree for me - stodge & red meat etc for him. I cook separate meals most of the time but we eat together.

He'll eat cakes, etc in the evening......he's given up offering me any now. If I want it, I get it myself....but normally stick to Greek yoghurt & meringue - just as sweet but much fewer cals.

Am hoping my eating habits might rub off on him, but no luck.

Can you go out if you shop together? Or perhaps shop for your healthy stuff online?

Sue x

Lollops

I'll try talking to him like that then, I was getting ready to yell at him! Hahaha

I've tried talking to him like that before but maybe if I add in about the water fast, maybe that will work!

And I know the feeling, games are too addictive! Haha

Well done for beating your addiction!

(I just typed this out but it didn't seem to be posted =/)

Thank you all again so much, all this support has really cheered me up more than you will ever know!

blondishandbookish

I also think there is a compromise - curry is not all bad especially if made from scratch - and its quite easy to make with loads of veg in it.

If all I suggested eating was fruit and veg, my entire family including the veganish sister in law would think I was nuts and trying to starve them, and my family always eat loads of fruit and veg.

mummy_gerdes

how about online shopping? you can make the list and order it and then it is delivered to you?

MissDiscipline

Have you tried making a shopping list for him, or will he then not buy you what's on the list?

Lollops

Oh woops, I posted my reply twice last time - I don't know why but I didn't see it had posted and I couldn't see any of your replies!

I'll try that list thing too - I want to start dragging myself out with him, even if my condition is preventing me though, but I can't see it happening any time soon, unfortunately.

I agree not eating all day in unhealthy - I love the idea of breakfast - I haven't had breakfast in years!

I can't wait for him to get back now, it's going to be like you're all here telling him with me, part of what each of you have said will be put into what I say to him! :flowerforyou: Thank you so much!

mickipedia

My boyfriend was the same until we had this conversation:


Me: "do you have a thing for chubby women?"

Him: "Um no, why?"

Me: "oh well i thought you did as you keep trying to get me to eat crap all the time!"

or something along those lines

Lollops

Hahahaha I'll slip this into the conversation! :laugh:

Ericgunner

If he is not supporting you when you sound like you really need help get rid of him. Find someone who will support you.

Sidesteal

I assure you - you have other choices.

Advice:
Don't make your success contingent on another human being. Ever.

^ Really great post here.

Lollops

He's perfect in every other area, so it's not threatening our relationship at all.

And I know! I don't want to rely on anyone but myself, I used to be so independent, but if you've read what I wrote it's difficult not to rely on him at the moment. If I can ever overcome my condition, it won't be an issue - but in my current state I have no choice. Let's just hope I can persuade him this time, with the help from all of you!

He gets back in about 1 hour! :glasses:

elissascotland

If he isn't going to be supportive then I'm not sure what to suggest... I think you need to have a serious chat with him and tell him the score

This!

He's either on your side and your team, or he's outta there!

Show him this thread

elissascotland

If he is not supporting you when you sound like you really need help get rid of him. Find someone who will support you.

+1

Helloitsdan

Withhold sex!
That motivates me to listen to my wife!
=D

bry_all01

from what I can see of the pictures, it seems he is probably pretty worried about you and if you lost 40 pounds, there wouldn't be much left, except skin and bones. There is no need for you to be forced to eat junkfood all of the time, but saying you just won't eat at all, or even thinking that you NEED to lose another 40 pounds almost seems like the old ways might be sneaking back. Just be careful and remember to eat.

vim_n_vigor

Go Buy Your Own Food - You can do it. Your boyfriend doesn't have to be the only one supplying food.

vim_n_vigor

I just said, I can't go shopping on my own at the moment. I really wish I could! :sad: :brokenheart:

There are services that will do your shopping for you if you tell them what to get.

keiraev

If you genuinely can't leave the house to go shopping- all the major supermarkets do online delivery, why can't you use that?

Also you could give him a list of things you want him to buy when he does the shopping- tell him you at more at risk from starving yourself if you don't want to eat the food he buys, and you will eat properly as long as you get to choose what you have.

Having one takeaway a week won't affect your weightloss but more than that will.

firefly171717

You could buy your own food, I'm sure there is a compromise you guys can come up with!

bebbjeb

If you can't go out, maybe you could try doing grocery shopping on line.

Lollops

I didn't know online grocery shopping was available! Does it cost much for delivery though? Because I'm pretty poor!

But wow! A whole new option just opened up for me, thank you!

Hopefully I won't have to resort to that though, combining all of your replies in my talk with him should persuade him, I hope!

I think he's due back any minute now!

ElizabethRoad

You are not as dependent on him as you think. What will you do if he leaves you? Starve to death because you have no other way to get food?

stephabef

My boyfriend orders entire pizzas and only buys cookies and pastries for himself. I keep my own food around, and when he has his pizza, I make a salad or a can of soup. You can still eat together!