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It's not you except remember to be consistant let your no mean no. PLus each kids different but that age isn't it called the horrible three's they are learning to be alittle more independant. She may be one that needs spankn's(not abuse but a swat to the butt to make her realize whose boss). I have four kids and some are so hard headed you have to spank and one is so sensitive all you have to do is say no and she bawls.
She does get a swat on the bottom here and there. It doesn't hurt her but she gets the message. And she always gets fair warning it's coming if she doesn't quit so that's on her, lol.
I just want to be a good Mom and not raise a heathon child who turns into a spoiled evil adult
I will have to check out the books-thank you. I am up for any new ideas at this point! 0 -
To the OP... your daughter is exerting her independence. She is rebelling against control and authority. Where possible, give her the opportunity to make choices. For example, if it is time to get dressed, tell her that she can pick out what she wants to wear that day. If it is dinner time and you want her to eat vegetables, let her pick out which vegetables to eat. With some kids, you almost have to have a degree in psychology to deal with them.
Trust me. I have two overly independent daughters myself. Giving them choices makes them feel as if they have some control over their own lives and reduces the frequency of rebellion. You will still have to deal with rebellion. She will never be a completely submissive, obedient child. But you can make it a little easier on yourself.0 -
The more involved you are, the easier it becomes. Raised 3. It was a piece of cake.0
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I didn't have those issues with my son, but when my daughter reached that age...holy guacamole! She was a little *kitten* sometimes! LOL What worked for me, was when I put her in pre-kindergarten (aka preschool). I put her in a private christian pre-k program. It was cheaper than regular daycare and was super close to my work. It took some extra work/attention but after a couple of months of pre-k, that helped TREMENDOUSLY. Keep in mind I did meet with her teacher before she started, so she was aware of her behavioral issues. She wouldn't say sorry, she didn't like sharing, she was a typical 3 y/o. She wasn't potty trained until about a month before she started pre-k.
I also found that turning stuff into a game (even brushing teeth) really helped. I bought a cheap egg timer and let her pick out her own tooth brush, little things like that.
On my days off, I would get her up at her reg time, and keep her on a schedule (breakfast, bath time/getitng dressed, etc..) and made sure I had stuff for her to do (playdoh, coloring, etc...) just to keep her occupied.
I also made sure she got LOTS of exercise, ya gotta wear those little twerps out so you can have some peace @ the end of the day. LOL0 -
Someone told me the other day that defiant behavior is to get a rise out of you. When she gives you sass or doesn't want to do something, don't give her the time of day. Do not recognize that she even said anything. If you do not give her any attention when she is misbehaving she will realize, okay when I act like this mommy plays blocks with me and we have fun but when I act like this mommy doesn't even respond. She will do exactly what gets her the attention she is craving.0
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oh yea my darling little "angel" is a total nightmare!!!! shes 4 and to smart for her own good knows exactly how to push mines and partners buttons to were we want to pull our hair out and she just then walks away and smiles!!! the little diva she is. she also knows when im feeding my son whos 7 weeks that i cant go see were she is so she finds the chance to go into the bathroom to fill her pots and pans up with water and soap and take them to her room :grumble:
shes also got some attitude! she has an answer for everything
we count to three and if shes not done as told shes told shes put to bed for a few mins or no treats when partner gets hom frm work i now get to 2 and a half an shes usually done as shes asked
god help me when shes a teen :sad:0 -
Does anyone else find raising children is MUCH harder than they thought it would be? I have one 3 year old daughter and she is literally driving me and my husband crazy. She's defiant and sassy. I feel like I spend all my time with her correcting her and threatening her with punishments (no cartoons, time out, etc) to get her to behave like a human being and we're both exhausted. She fights us on EVERYTHING. Doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to wear this, and brushing her teeth is a nightmare. We have to literally hold her down to brush them (she's already had 2 cavities). Doesn't want to go to bed, I could go on, but I'm sure you understand. I am very firm with her and let her know that her behavior will not be tolerated and I am consistent about it. It's just exhausting.
Does it ever end? Maybe I'm just not cut out for parenting. :sad:
I have nine teens love, and I'm a single parent. Does it end? No. You will be a parent the rest of your life, and if you've done a good job and you're lucky, they will always depend upon you for some things.
Make rules, stick to them, don't fight useless battles, and demand and reward affection. You will ge through this stage, I promise 0 -
Anyone read "Parenting with Love and Logic"?
Is it worth it?
My problem isn't really with my son, he's surprisingly well behaved. My issue is MYSELF and my tendency to overreact to EVERYTHING! Any suggestions?0 -
I do not have any biological children yet, but I'm a full-time mom to my fiancee's 8-year-old daughter. She is pretty well-behaved, but has gotten in the habit recently of throwing fits/pouting. Tell her she has to go to bed and she immediately screws up her face, collapses onto the ground and starts crying. O.o She also never.stops.talking. I will finally get up from the dinner table after I'm done and I will hear her in there talking to HERSELF. It takes her an hour to get through a meal because she can't be quiet. She also is too busy thinking about what to say next that she won't listen to your answer. So she'll ask a question several times in a row and not listen to what I already said because she's too busy asking it again. It drives me bonkers and then by the time she's in bed, and her dad gets home from work, I just tell him to shut up because I can't stand listening to anyone for the rest of the night, lol.0
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The more involved you are, the easier it becomes. Raised 3. It was a piece of cake.
You want one more kid? Lol
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We have 3: 15, 10 and 3. It's a never ending nightmare! But it is different with each one. Our 15 year old daughter was so good when she was younger and now, some days I just can't wait until she is 18 and out on her own to experience life and ultimately give us a break. Our middle 10 year old boy is bouncy, loud, obsessive and very emotional about everything that doesn't go his way and to get him to take a shower or bush his teeth is a never ending battle. Now or precious, sweet, perfect 3 year old..... We think she has inherited her Grandfathers OCD. her morning, afternoon and night time routine has to be the same or it is a total melt down!
From my experience, things do get better, little by little. But then you run into other issues as they get older and start to figure out the person they want to be. All you can do is do your best, have some wine and talk other friends that have kids Let me know if I can help with a should or an ear. Feel free to add me. Mommy's unite! lol. 0 -
Someone told me the other day that defiant behavior is to get a rise out of you. When she gives you sass or doesn't want to do something, don't give her the time of day. Do not recognize that she even said anything. If you do not give her any attention when she is misbehaving she will realize, okay when I act like this mommy plays blocks with me and we have fun but when I act like this mommy doesn't even respond. She will do exactly what gets her the attention she is craving.
I was given this same advice by a counselor when my daughter was almost 4..... lol It doesn't work for all kids. I would ignore her tantrums and she would follow me from room to room throwing herself on the floor. The counselor said, "If she hits and kicks, let her tire herself out" (This came from more then one mind you..... Kids have amazing will power when it comes to tantrums..... BUT just because it didn't work in my case doesn't mean that it won't work
All kids are different..... I hope that this does work for you guys, it would make life SO much easier lol 0 -
sounds like shes testing her limits.
I also agree to always keep your child on a schedule...even if its a weekend my kids still go to bed at the same time as a school night.
they are 10 yr old girl, 6 yr old boy...many days i wonder if i will EVER make it thought the teen years if its this bad now.. but then they'll turn around and do something so sweet like cuddle or draw me a picture and it makes it all worth while.
So being a parent has its ups and downs..you'll make it and im sure your daughter will turn out fine!!! 0 -
The more involved you are, the easier it becomes. Raised 3. It was a piece of cake.
There is definitely something to this. There is an underlying reason why she is acting this way-- focus on the WHY (she's doing it) and not the WHAT (she's doing) and I bet you'll find some relief!
That said-- because I haven't been through this yet, I would really like to know what you try and how it goes, in case this ends up being me!0 -
Someone told me the other day that defiant behavior is to get a rise out of you. When she gives you sass or doesn't want to do something, don't give her the time of day. Do not recognize that she even said anything. If you do not give her any attention when she is misbehaving she will realize, okay when I act like this mommy plays blocks with me and we have fun but when I act like this mommy doesn't even respond. She will do exactly what gets her the attention she is craving.
I was given this same advice by a counselor when my daughter was almost 4..... lol It doesn't work for all kids. I would ignore her tantrums and she would follow me from room to room throwing herself on the floor. The counselor said, "If she hits and kicks, let her tire herself out" (This came from more then one mind you..... Kids have amazing will power when it comes to tantrums..... BUT just because it didn't work in my case doesn't mean that it won't work All kids are different..... I hope that this does work for you guys, it would make life SO much easier lol
This is true. It doesn't work for every child because not every child throws a tantrum to get attention. There are many reasons why children behave the way that they do. The thing that parents have to understand is that children are only just learning to vocalize their needs, particularly as toddlers. When they were babies, they cried to get what they wanted. As toddlers, they are developing their communication and social skills, and at the same time, their needs have gotten more complex. Toddler-hood is really as difficult for the kids as it is for the parents.0 -
Someone told me the other day that defiant behavior is to get a rise out of you. When she gives you sass or doesn't want to do something, don't give her the time of day. Do not recognize that she even said anything. If you do not give her any attention when she is misbehaving she will realize, okay when I act like this mommy plays blocks with me and we have fun but when I act like this mommy doesn't even respond. She will do exactly what gets her the attention she is craving.
I was given this same advice by a counselor when my daughter was almost 4..... lol It doesn't work for all kids. I would ignore her tantrums and she would follow me from room to room throwing herself on the floor. The counselor said, "If she hits and kicks, let her tire herself out" (This came from more then one mind you..... Kids have amazing will power when it comes to tantrums..... BUT just because it didn't work in my case doesn't mean that it won't work All kids are different..... I hope that this does work for you guys, it would make life SO much easier lol
I definitely agree with this.
My daughter started telling me she hated me and I was ruining her life when she was about that age. I would just tell her that I loved her, anyway and not react. Now she's 17 and all through the teenage years, we've never had one argument. Even when she's gotten in trouble for one thing or another (few and far between) she always just took the punishment without argument.0 -
The more involved you are, the easier it becomes. Raised 3. It was a piece of cake.
I agree.
I only have 1 boy though. He's a challenge at times, but not like when he was a baby. He was the baby from Hell. Cried all the time, fussed, slept in the day and kept us up at night. Very intense. I blame it on the 12 days he did in the NICU due to Stadol (spelling?) being administered to me and passed over to him.
Anyway, he's 10 and he's pretty easy. He's my little buddy.
It'll pass.0 -
Yes it does get better...When they move out!!! LOL
Hahahahahahaha!!!!0 -
I'm a mom of 4 kids, ages 13, 10, 8, and 4, and last week my 20-yr old niece moved in with us. One of my famous quotes to my kids is, "you are exhausting me".
ha ha ha. Sadly, no, it never ends. But there will be a few rewarding moments
Seriously, though, the first kid is the hardest. You went from complete freedom to none, and bc they have no siblings they demand 100% of your attention 100% of the time. Once she has a sibling (at the toddler stage) the demands on you will truly decrease. It's amazing how they all play together and occupy themselves.
We have started to regain so much freedom lately bc the 13-yr-old can babysit now; he's very motivated to make his $5/hour!
Chin up!0 -
I'm a mom of 4 kids, ages 13, 10, 8, and 4, and last week my 20-yr old niece moved in with us. One of my famous quotes to my kids is, "you are exhausting me".
ha ha ha. Sadly, no, it never ends. But there will be a few rewarding moments
Seriously, though, the first kid is the hardest. You went from complete freedom to none, and bc they have no siblings they demand 100% of your attention 100% of the time. Once she has a sibling (at the toddler stage) the demands on you will truly decrease. It's amazing how they all play together and occupy themselves.
We have started to regain so much freedom lately bc the 13-yr-old can babysit now; he's very motivated to make his $5/hour!
Chin up!
Oh! How I wish this were true for every family! I had the second one thinking they would play together too. But my oldest utterly rejected her little sister because she wanted a baby brother! And now at 8 and 12 years old, I still spend alot of my time trying to get them to play nice. That is the most exhausting part for me. I have actually been driven to creating a rule that no one under the age of 18 is allowed to speak to each other ever!! LOL! :laugh:0
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