Those with children

momof3and3

Parenting is hard, and exhausting, and yet so rewarding! I am still waiting to find that parent manual that I am sure I was supposed to be given when my oldest was born

I have a child like yours, who is now 14. I found it was best to give her choices....i.e. "Do you want to brush your teeth now, or after I read a story" "Do you want to wear the pink shirt or blue shirt" Do you want to get dressed before breakfast or right after". I also gave her minute warnings.. "Bedtime is in 10 minutes....5 minutes....1 minute" These are just examples. She liked having "control" over the decisions, and I got her to do what I wanted/needed.

I don't like offering rewards for good behavior, children need to learn to listen and behave "just because"...

I have 6 children...3 are grown and out of the house, the others are still home...16, 14 and 12...each child is different and what works on one doesn't work for another...

It is a thankless job at times, but they do learn to appreciate you when they grown and are on their own....it is just getting them there that can be a trial...LOL

SinIsIn

Does anyone else find raising children is MUCH harder than they thought it would be? I have one 3 year old daughter and she is literally driving me and my husband crazy. She's defiant and sassy. I feel like I spend all my time with her correcting her and threatening her with punishments (no cartoons, time out, etc) to get her to behave like a human being and we're both exhausted. She fights us on EVERYTHING. Doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to wear this, and brushing her teeth is a nightmare. We have to literally hold her down to brush them (she's already had 2 cavities). Doesn't want to go to bed, I could go on, but I'm sure you understand. I am very firm with her and let her know that her behavior will not be tolerated and I am consistent about it. It's just exhausting.

Does it ever end? Maybe I'm just not cut out for parenting. :sad:

I think you have just described my 4 year old boy! LOL... I swear if I had had him before my daughter.. I probably would not have had any more kids! My daughter was easy compared to my boy. Jebuz!

42hockeymom

Everyone talks about the terrible 2's but they forget to mention the terrifying 3's! I remember those days so well! I'd take them back in a heartbeat. My girls are now 21 and 14. I'm now dealing with the terrorist 21's! My 21 yo was the easy child, she did what she was supposed to when she was supposed to, never really rebelling. Now, OH.DEAR.GOD. Sure she'd not want to wear something, and we'd give her an alternate (appropriate) choice, that sort of thing.

My 14 yo was just like your daughter. I remember the day she crossed her arms across her chest stuck her stubborn little chin out and told her father "NO". He was so SHOCKED! But now she's a pretty easy going teenager giving me lip and such but not too bad, I'm not expending the energy on her like I used to.

Three year olds are great! These little humans are now able to talk and can make decisions, and want to. And they're going to try and push boundaries and your buttons every chance they get. Your daughter sounds like she's right where she needs to be in development (Thank Heaven for that!) she's finding her place in the world. Yes, you need to curb this and nip a lot of the defiance in the bud, but don't break her spirit whatever you do.

The reason I say don't break her spirit is this: My 14 yo (who sounds just like your daughter when she was 3) is the only girl on her hockey team. She is one of the biggest hustlers on her team, she plays defense and goes up against some pretty big opponents. She loves every single second of it. Even when she has a bad practice, she'd never give it up. It's that stubborness in her that allows her to do that. And she is such a girl off the ice. What I'm trying to say is take that spirit and nurture it, find a way to channel it.

Do you give her choices? Maybe give her some, appropriate ones for clothes and such. And while sometimes it doesn't feel like it gets easier, it does get.......... different. Heck, I say strap a pair of skates on the girl! LOL

liftingbro

My 4 year old girl is a total pain in the *kitten* sometimes. She fights everything, hits, scratches, bites and yells at us or throws things when she's mad. I think at this age it's pretty normal as they are testing bounderies. Best thing to do is ask them to stop nicely and say, "If you don't... this will happen". Most importantly, you must follow through with what you say you will do. Even so they are going to be difiant no matter what you do, that's just the nature of 3-5 year olds and kids in general.

messyinthekitchen

I have a 2.5 year old. He doesn't want to listen. He has to be told 2 times or be told he will be put on time out to listen. Not all the time but most of the time. And trying to get him to eat is a nightmare. One week he loves chicken the next he hates it. Or bananas, grapes you name it. If it isn't a carbohydrate he may just decide not to eat it at all. Makes me want to pull out my hair when he does it. Those are really the two things that get me. For the most part he is a funny, beautiful charming 2.5 year old boy, and I love him to pieces. But when they want to test you they will. And you just gotta keep at it. Our hard work will pay off. I don't think parenting is nearly as difficult as I was told it is going to be (so far) but I would never ever say it is easy it's a 24/7 job literally. I'm sick today, sore exhausted have a headache slept only 3 hours and when 8am came I still had to wake up. Thank goodness for coffee and Tyenol and that little bum decide to today was a good day to behave.

MrsCon40

Parenting is the worst, most thankless job in the world. It sucks. It's hard. It doesn't get any easier. But it's ok to stick with one. That's what I did. I'm not a gifted parent - but some peoople are.

I think it's b.s. that it's taboo to talk about how hard it is, and that we may not always like being parents. It's ok - you're not alone. Just do the best you can with the one you've got. They all end up in therapy any way, right?

(I KID - before someone jumps down my throat!)

justle

yes every blinking day!! I say in our house we have a "threenager" as i too have a 3 year old (well he's 3.5) and add to that i have one in the "terrible twos" he's a 2 year old - well that wasnt clever thinking on my part lol!


my life is messy and stressful every day there are a million battles lol!

honestly i love my kids more than my own sanity BUT if i had could go back and leave a bigger gap i so would!

justle

i'll just add that as someone else said i feel like all i do is discipline my two boys when i'm with them - my husband and i had a frank chat the other week and decided our parenting style isn't working for us, or the boys so we have been trying our hardest to ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good stuff but it is very hard, i think the first morning i ignored the boys for about 5 hours lol!


saying that, I'm still considering having more in future.

cabaray

It sounds like she is a very independent little girl. My youngest was like this. What worked for me was giving her choices. I always kept 3 different toothbrushes. Instead of telling her to brush her teeth, I would ask her which toothbrush she wanted to use this time. I would also choose a couple of outfits and let her choose which one she would wear. The minute I told her what to do, she resisted, so I encouraged her to do things. It usually worked. She just wants to make her own decisions. Obviously, she can't make all of them, but by giving her the freedom to make some decisions, you might have an easier time.

WifeNMama

Our son is 3, and has started lying to us. He pesters us when we tell him he can't have something, to the point of me wanting to just toss him outside so I don't have to hear it. Unfortunately, there was a mountain lion spotted in our area so that's a no-go.

All I can say is keep following through on what you say are consequences, and if timeouts don't work, try a new tactic. Consistency is the great teacher. And you have to say yes to some things, so they feel like there is something in their life they can control. Like taking out two shirts and let her puck one of them. Or tell yer to get one herself, hut make sure its long sleeves, or whatever. Limit the choices but give her a choice. Same with breakfast: oatmeal or toast with peanut butter? Which fruit? And take advantage of the helpful stage. Make muffins together and let her dump in whatever you measured, and then let her put the paper liners in the muffin cups and let her scoop the batter in, have her sort socks while you do laundry, take the sharp stuff out of the dishwasher and let her unload the rest.
Find things for her to help with so she learns about chores, and feels "big", and that she is contributing to the household instead of just getting into trouble. And then praise her efforts, tell her she's growing up so fast, what a big helpful girl you have, etc.
The biggest thing for my kid is to find things to praise him for. Being kind or sharing with his brother, being a big help, etc.

TheRoadDog

The more involved you are, the easier it becomes. Raised 3. It was a piece of cake.

You want one more kid? Lol

Nope. I know you're kidding....but...NOPE!

I was fortunate enough to not have kids until I was in my 30's. My youngest was born when I was 39. Had I been a father in my late teens or early 20's, the result might not have been so good. I was way too selfish.

I had them at the best possible time, with a partner that was a phenomenal mom. We always had the same goals and I believe that was the secret.

Having said all that, now that the girls are moved out and I am getting older, I don't feel the same way about other people's children. I have no patience dealing with other kids, even my own granddaughters. I love them dearly, but when they have gone home, I like my time alone. I paid my dues and my daughters are now 29, 27 and 18.

mleoni092708

Parenting is the worst, most thankless job in the world. It sucks. It's hard. It doesn't get any easier. But it's ok to stick with one. That's what I did. I'm not a gifted parent - but some peoople are.

I think it's b.s. that it's taboo to talk about how hard it is, and that we may not always like being parents. It's ok - you're not alone. Just do the best you can with the one you've got. They all end up in therapy any way, right?

(I KID - before someone jumps down my throat!)

If I have anything to say about it, she will be an only child I do love her more than anything and when she's being good, she's wonderful to be around. I just feel a little sad I don't seem to enjoy it more. I don't really know how, with all the stress she causes us. There are great moments too of course but seems the awful ones tend to outnumber the good ones. I feel terrible saying that but that's how I feel. I am better from my PPD, but I guess not 100%.

ojell

Yes, it will get better.

It'll get better a little faster with persistence.

Tiny tip...Praise her as much as you can. Catch her being good. Believe it or not, our kids really do want to make us proud of them.

(((HUGS)))) It'll be ok. One day when she's all grown up, you might even miss this.

ojell

Oh and one more thing... I have noticed that with both of my kids, it was at around the age of 3 that I noticed all of mine and my husbands flaws! LOL Because it was like they magnified those behavior flaws and threw them back in our faces. They weren't really around other people a ton until they were older though. LOL I think we learn a lot about ourselves through our children.

mleoni092708

I have tried the choices method-looks like this:

Me "Ok honey, here are two shirts, which one would you like?"
Her - blank stare
Me "Do you want this one?" Holds one up
Her - "no"
Me " Ok then, we'll wear this one then" holds up the other one
Her - "no"
Me "You have to wear one"
Her - blank stare
Me "Ok how about this one" pulls a new one out of the closet to avoid a fight
Her - "no"
Me -throws hands up "Ok I'll pick then" and the wrestling match begins!

Same with teeth brushing-pick a toothbrush, pick a toothpaste, pick some food - doesn't want any of it and then it's on!

I love her stubborness in a way-takes after me but holy hell....

ebramlett

Love my two little guys to the end of the world!! I actually miss the 3 am bottle feedings, but not so much the diaper changing!! I suppose I have been lucky, both of my little buddies are courteous, respectful and well mannered. They always say yes sir, no sir, and do what I tell when I tell them. I get complimented all of the time on how they have such excellent manners and it makes me smile. They do like to fight each other over the little things, but it could be a lot worse.

TDGee

Just wait, one day you will look back almost longingly at this time. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
I have four, ages 8-25.




I will keep fighting. Until there is a cure.

marnijojo

I have two daughters, ages 11 and 9. They have been well-behaved and delightful since the day they were born. Slept thru the night, very compliant and kind to younger children and old people.......bwaaaahahahah.......clearly they have driven me completely nuts and I am delusional at this point, but I like the rainbows and lollipops world I live in. ***goes off skipping, singing 'on the good ship, lollipop...***

rileamoyer

hahahahahahahahaha Raised 3 girls, have 7 grandkids and must say, it has been exciting watching them go through what I did. hahahahahahahaha.

Elixandra

Does anyone else find raising children is MUCH harder than they thought it would be? I have one 3 year old daughter and she is literally driving me and my husband crazy. She's defiant and sassy. I feel like I spend all my time with her correcting her and threatening her with punishments (no cartoons, time out, etc) to get her to behave like a human being and we're both exhausted. She fights us on EVERYTHING. Doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to wear this, and brushing her teeth is a nightmare. We have to literally hold her down to brush them (she's already had 2 cavities). Doesn't want to go to bed, I could go on, but I'm sure you understand. I am very firm with her and let her know that her behavior will not be tolerated and I am consistent about it. It's just exhausting.

Does it ever end? Maybe I'm just not cut out for parenting. :sad:

At age 3 they are super crazy. They calm down a bit around 4 or so. My 5 year old used to drive me up a wall when he was 3. No one told me that it wasn't terrible 2s it was really terrible 3s. If you stick to showing her that you mean business she will chill out a little for you eventually. My 5 year old still pushes my buttons off and on but is much better then when he was 3.

Have you tried the supper nanny time outs yet? Mine hatted it. It may take a few hrs but it works after a wile. If you dont know what that is. Its Sit them wherever your designated spot is for time out and if they dont get off the spot for there 3 min time out. There good to go. If there like my wiggly kid was flopin all over the place and getting up. Just plop her back down in that spot and tell her do not get up till I tell you too. And repeat until she stays there. But dont talk to her after 2 warning about the getting up from time out just keep putting her there until she gives up. You can try that with bedtime too. Just more cuddly Bring ear plugs if you need too. Good luck to you. Oh and if you haven't tryed it already try to stick to a strict schedule of naps and bed times. That helps with throwing fits that mine randomly did and I figured out it was he was tired. I hope I didnt tell you anything you dont do already and I hope I gave you a few idas to try. Good luck again.