Those with children

janet_pratt

My grandkids live with me. The 4 year old boy is really good. Not much trouble at all except that he has so much energy and its hard when he can't get outside and expend it. But the girl.....EGAD! She just turned three this month and she is a complete handful. We are very firm with her as well. We raised her the same way we did the boy, with the same rules and expectations. But she has her own agenda. I have to believe that with consistent discipline she will out grow it.

Alishia_655

I have 2 step boys (ages 9 and 13) and my daughter will be 2 in January. The older two have taught my youngest bad phrases on purpose. I have gotten her to stop saying them, but it is quite a challenge. The older two have my almost ripping my hair out at times. My daughter is not that much of a challenge, yet. It is difficult with all three of them, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I just hope that she learns that Mommy loves her and wants the best for her. (The other two also, but I don't think they really care about what I want for them LOL)

It does get better, and then it gets worse, then better again. Hang in there, I am sure you are a Great Mommy!

LisaKyle11

i am 42 years old... have 4 daughters ages 14, 13, 11.5 and 4. i never expected to have another little one (btw). let me tell you that you are right in that it is NOT easy...it is damn hard. you think you may be coming to an end of a 'phase' only to have another one beginning. even as they get older, there are issues with defiance, stubbornness, etc... (i know, hard to believe).

i having been trying to seriously get back to work for so long it seems! to get 'my life back'. the thing is i realized recently that THIS/THEY are my life. this is it right now.... i don't want to miss any of it.

just hang in there. you are definitely not alone as you may feel at times. reach out to family and friends and your husband for support. get out and get time for YOU. and try to get out ALONE with your husband!

good luck. :happy:

UsedToBeHusky

I have tried the choices method-looks like this:

Me "Ok honey, here are two shirts, which one would you like?"
Her - blank stare
Me "Do you want this one?" Holds one up
Her - "no"
Me " Ok then, we'll wear this one then" holds up the other one
Her - "no"
Me "You have to wear one"
Her - blank stare
Me "Ok how about this one" pulls a new one out of the closet to avoid a fight
Her - "no"
Me -throws hands up "Ok I'll pick then" and the wrestling match begins!

Same with teeth brushing-pick a toothbrush, pick a toothpaste, pick some food - doesn't want any of it and then it's on!

I love her stubborness in a way-takes after me but holy hell....

In that scenario, you still picked out the clothes and then gave her a choice. Instead, walk into the room and say "Good morning, what would you like to wear today?"

If you ask her a "yes-or-no" question, then you only have a 50/50 chance of cooperation. However, if you ask her to pick something out of the closet (then let her wear it, no matter what it is) then she got to make the decision and she will be satisfied with getting dressed. If she picks something that is a summer dress, but its cold outside, well then she learns by natural consequences how to make better decisions about clothes. Natural consequences is the best tool in a parent's arsenal. It works until they are grown.

mleoni092708

I have tried the choices method-looks like this:

Me "Ok honey, here are two shirts, which one would you like?"
Her - blank stare
Me "Do you want this one?" Holds one up
Her - "no"
Me " Ok then, we'll wear this one then" holds up the other one
Her - "no"
Me "You have to wear one"
Her - blank stare
Me "Ok how about this one" pulls a new one out of the closet to avoid a fight
Her - "no"
Me -throws hands up "Ok I'll pick then" and the wrestling match begins!

Same with teeth brushing-pick a toothbrush, pick a toothpaste, pick some food - doesn't want any of it and then it's on!

I love her stubborness in a way-takes after me but holy hell....

In that scenario, you still picked out the clothes and then gave her a choice. Instead, walk into the room and say "Good morning, what would you like to wear today?"

If you ask her a "yes-or-no" question, then you only have a 50/50 chance of cooperation. However, if you ask her to pick something out of the closet (then let her wear it, no matter what it is) then she got to make the decision and she will be satisfied with getting dressed. If she picks something that is a summer dress, but its cold outside, well then she learns by natural consequences how to make better decisions about clothes. Natural consequences is the best tool in a parent's arsenal. It works until they are grown.

This is genius! She's been trying to do the summer dress in winter thing. I'm going to let her try it and see how that works out for her, lol. I will pack the right clothes for school and let her work it out there.

UsedToBeHusky

I have tried the choices method-looks like this:

Me "Ok honey, here are two shirts, which one would you like?"
Her - blank stare
Me "Do you want this one?" Holds one up
Her - "no"
Me " Ok then, we'll wear this one then" holds up the other one
Her - "no"
Me "You have to wear one"
Her - blank stare
Me "Ok how about this one" pulls a new one out of the closet to avoid a fight
Her - "no"
Me -throws hands up "Ok I'll pick then" and the wrestling match begins!

Same with teeth brushing-pick a toothbrush, pick a toothpaste, pick some food - doesn't want any of it and then it's on!

I love her stubborness in a way-takes after me but holy hell....

In that scenario, you still picked out the clothes and then gave her a choice. Instead, walk into the room and say "Good morning, what would you like to wear today?"

If you ask her a "yes-or-no" question, then you only have a 50/50 chance of cooperation. However, if you ask her to pick something out of the closet (then let her wear it, no matter what it is) then she got to make the decision and she will be satisfied with getting dressed. If she picks something that is a summer dress, but its cold outside, well then she learns by natural consequences how to make better decisions about clothes. Natural consequences is the best tool in a parent's arsenal. It works until they are grown.

This is genius! She's been trying to do the summer dress in winter thing. I'm going to let her try it and see how that works out for her, lol. I will pack the right clothes for school and let her work it out there.

That is what I'm talking about. Natural consequences let kids learn for themselves and those lessons stick with them longer than just hearing mom lecture her about it.

UsedToBeHusky

Also, another suggestion about the clothes. If she doesn't learn her lesson the first time (because kids often forget) and you really don't want her to wear the summer stuff, then take all the stuff that you don't want her to wear out of the closet. Then, let her choose from what is in the closet.

MarySunshine70

I have tried the choices method-looks like this:

Me "Ok honey, here are two shirts, which one would you like?"
Her - blank stare
Me "Do you want this one?" Holds one up
Her - "no"
Me " Ok then, we'll wear this one then" holds up the other one
Her - "no"
Me "You have to wear one"
Her - blank stare
Me "Ok how about this one" pulls a new one out of the closet to avoid a fight
Her - "no"
Me -throws hands up "Ok I'll pick then" and the wrestling match begins!

Same with teeth brushing-pick a toothbrush, pick a toothpaste, pick some food - doesn't want any of it and then it's on!

I love her stubborness in a way-takes after me but holy hell....

In that scenario, you still picked out the clothes and then gave her a choice. Instead, walk into the room and say "Good morning, what would you like to wear today?"

If you ask her a "yes-or-no" question, then you only have a 50/50 chance of cooperation. However, if you ask her to pick something out of the closet (then let her wear it, no matter what it is) then she got to make the decision and she will be satisfied with getting dressed. If she picks something that is a summer dress, but its cold outside, well then she learns by natural consequences how to make better decisions about clothes. Natural consequences is the best tool in a parent's arsenal. It works until they are grown.

So another opinion is that it may not be about the clothes or the toothbrush but about the fact that she doesn't handle transitions very well... ie... transitioning from home to school which requires clothes ; transitioning from awake to bedtime...
Instead of picking clothes during the transition moment - line them out during the day sometime for the next day - she may not even need to choose. I have one drawer full of "pre-packaged" outfits that my 6 yr old grabs before school and puts on... she doesn't need to choose unless it is a weekend - ironically that relieves her stress in the mornings and helps her to be happy.
Toothbrushing - brush her teeth in your bathroom with you brushing too - make it a together activity not a precursor to separation - bedtime.
(:

cabaray

Having a strong-willed child is a challenge! I just keep telling myself that although it is rough when they are young, that same strong will will be an asset in the future.

ladybg81

I feel ya sista!!!!! I have a 3 year old boy and the past month or so, he has really gotten to be much more "strong-willed" and "independent." This just means he is being a pain in the *kitten*!!