Co-Sleeping with kids

Oishii

We don't co-sleep but we still don't have sex in bed because our son is just in the next room. There are plenty of other rooms in the house. I don't miss bed sex.

macpatti

Never meant to step on anyones toes but I think this debate is silly!!

No debate is silly if even one person learns something about the other point of view. I'm pro-debating!

AlsDonkBoxSquat

And babies die from NOT co-sleeping. Statistically, co-sleeping is safer. And yet you don't hear people telling mother's who's baby has died of cot death in the next room that it's their fault for not co-sleeping. Really, I looked up every statistic going on this before I did it. I took not a single risk, I was utterly neurotic about safety, and it is SAFER to co-sleep

That's not how things work. You can't point to children dieing from causes other than cosleeping and use that to determine cosleeping is safe. People die from being trapped in a fire. It doesn't mean smoking cigarettes is ok.

Statistically co-sleeping is safer in the same way air travel is safer than driving. You drive much more often. More babies sleep in a crib than co-sleep. You can't compare the two across the board.

Anyone can simply google "co-sleeping death" and see the horror for themselves. Imagine waking up to such a nightmare. And you can't ever take it back.

While I don't co-sleep, I don't disparage those who do, everyone makes the deicision that's right for them. The fact is that you can throw around this stat and that stat but then you have to also decide if you're going to box it in and just use us stats or world wide stats. If memory serves, on a world wide basis, cosleeping is more common than seperate rooms. The whole idea of everyone in a family having a seperate room, bed, cot, etc is actually a pretty modern occurance and more common in wealthier societies (not everyone can afford a 5 bed room house).
That being said, any argument based on solely on one person's experience (or two) is anecdotal. It's simply your experience, or your friend's experience. Not to mention that while it's sad, it is true that sometimes babies just die, maybe there are higher risk factors in one situation or another, and what those risk factor maybe are dually debatable. At the end of the day, life is much more fragile than we give it credit for no matter where we lay our heads.

baisleac

Who says "grown up time" needs to be limited to bed? :P You get creative and use other places in the house

1) Absolutely this.

We co-slept for the first 3 months (1st half of which was "no hanky panky" any way and the 2nd half of which we were both too exhausted)... after that we still shared a room (1 bedroom apartment)... there are LOTS of ways and places to have fun. *eyebrow waggle*

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Who says "grown up time" needs to be limited to bed? :P You get creative and use other places in the house

1) Absolutely this.

We co-slept for the first 3 months (1st half of which was "no hanky panky" any way and the 2nd half of which we were both too exhausted)... after that we still shared a room (1 bedroom apartment)... there are LOTS of ways and places to have fun. *eyebrow waggle*

There are lots of places in the house . . . and in the car . . .

fteale

And babies die from NOT co-sleeping. Statistically, co-sleeping is safer. And yet you don't hear people telling mother's who's baby has died of cot death in the next room that it's their fault for not co-sleeping. Really, I looked up every statistic going on this before I did it. I took not a single risk, I was utterly neurotic about safety, and it is SAFER to co-sleep

That's not how things work. You can't point to children dieing from causes other than cosleeping and use that to determine cosleeping is safe. People die from being trapped in a fire. It doesn't mean smoking cigarettes is ok.

Statistically co-sleeping is safer in the same way air travel is safer than driving. You drive much more often. More babies sleep in a crib than co-sleep. You can't compare the two across the board.

Anyone can simply google "co-sleeping death" and see the horror for themselves. Imagine waking up to such a nightmare. And you can't ever take it back.

Likewise you can't ever take back not being there if something happens with your child in the next room. And actually, in most of the world co-sleeping is the norm. And unexplained infant death rates are lower than in the US.

This is a hideous subject to debate. I was utterly paranoid about SIDS when I had my first baby, especially having lost the pregnancy before. I would wake myself up every hour every night for the first 6 months paranoid that something had happened to him. I read every study, every bit of data, and I am convinced that co-sleeping is the safest option. Nothing is guaranteed, sometimes babies die, but fewer babies die as a percentage of the total that do it, when in bed with their mother providing the mother doesn't smoke, drink or take sedatives.

Now, if either parent smokes or has smoked in the remotely recent past, suddenly the risk of co-sleeping leaps and there is no way in a million years I would do that.

rileysowner

I have never co-slept with my kids (they have when they are sick or have had a bad dream). I personally do not think it is a good idea (just my opinion, I'm not trying to bash anyone at all) but I guess my one question to those who have done or do this is: When do you and your husband or significant have grown up time? I can't imagine what it can do to a couple’s sex life to have a child or children in your bed every night.

If it is limited to night time, my DW and I would almost never have it, since I, unlike most men, cannot sleep for several hours after.

As to co-sleeping with an infant, the vast majority of the studies I have seen show that it is beneficial especially when I mother is breast feeding. Not co-sleeping it a relatively new development.

fteale

Sorry, but that's rubbish. I know people who's babies have died of cot death because they WEREN'T in their parent's bed. Some babies die. It's harsh, but it's a fact. You can't blame the parents for that one. They'll be blaming themselves.

It's not rubbish at all. Newborns die from co-sleeping. Period. Not many. But do you want to tell the parents of a dead baby that for comfort?

Yes SIDS is terrible and we're not entirely sure how to prevent it. We DO know how to prevent parents from rolling over onto their babies. Put them in a crib.

Odds are everything will be fine when cosleeping. The odds are also good that you'll win at Russian Roulette. It's the times you don't that REALLY bite you on the *kitten*.

Just because kids can die from numerous different causes is no reason to ignore simple safety precautions that can save their lives.

Last time I checked my daughter's not dead. In fact she is incredibly secure and knows all the way down in her DNA that her dad and I are there for her no matter what. I don't believe babies can fend for themselves. I think they need nurturing and security.

Question: do you fall out of bed? No? Yeah, you probably are aware of where the edge is, even in your sleep. Similarly, you sure as hell won't roll over and smother your own CHILD.

Humans existed for a really really really really really long time before the Childrens Furniture Industry and the "I need my ME time" mentality took over.

You are right that babies don't fend for themselves --- but they don't need to sleep with a parent. Hundreds of thousands of kids sleep in a crib and are fine. Babies can sooth themselves, if they are taken care of -- changed, fed, kept clean --- then its no issue having them sleep in their own room. Its not at all neglectful or being a bad parent.

Personally I think, do what you want. I will admit (I work with kids) and I cannot stand when they are co-sleepers. Its annoying for me, and the kids are completely unable to sooth themselves (even at 2-5years old). And yeah, thats not 100% of the time, but usually these kids have a very hard time soothing themselves.

Why would you expect a small child to sooth themselves? That is what mothers are meant to do. Why do people want their babies to grow up instantly?

Shock horror, I fed my babies to sleep EVERY NIGHT too. And amazingly, they get themselves to sleep just fine now.

BrettPGH

Sorry, but that's rubbish. I know people who's babies have died of cot death because they WEREN'T in their parent's bed. Some babies die. It's harsh, but it's a fact. You can't blame the parents for that one. They'll be blaming themselves.

It's not rubbish at all. Newborns die from co-sleeping. Period. Not many. But do you want to tell the parents of a dead baby that for comfort?

Yes SIDS is terrible and we're not entirely sure how to prevent it. We DO know how to prevent parents from rolling over onto their babies. Put them in a crib.

Odds are everything will be fine when cosleeping. The odds are also good that you'll win at Russian Roulette. It's the times you don't that REALLY bite you on the *kitten*.

Just because kids can die from numerous different causes is no reason to ignore simple safety precautions that can save their lives.

Last time I checked my daughter's not dead. In fact she is incredibly secure and knows all the way down in her DNA that her dad and I are there for her no matter what. I don't believe babies can fend for themselves. I think they need nurturing and security.

Question: do you fall out of bed? No? Yeah, you probably are aware of where the edge is, even in your sleep. Similarly, you sure as hell won't roll over and smother your own CHILD.

Humans existed for a really really really really really long time before the Childrens Furniture Industry and the "I need my ME time" mentality took over.

And for the laziness comment - DAMN STRAIGHT! While countless other new moms were dying from sleep deprivation, I just pulled up my shirt, latched the baby on and went right back to sleep without fear of dropping her. I was rested and refreshed and had plenty of energy for outings and adventures and enrichment time. Yay!

ETA - my daughter went into her own princess bed at 2 when we let her pick it out herself and made a big deal of it. no fuss, no bother.

What dreadful logic. "I co-slept and my baby is fine, so clearly co-sleeping is fine." I smoke cigarettes but don't have cancer. So clearly smoking doesn't cause cancer.

You really think it isn't possible for a parent to roll over and smother their baby in their sleep?

http://www.ktbs.com/news/29406452/detail.html

Tell that to this woman.

wriglucy

I didn't read all of the comments....so if this is a duplicate, I'm sorry. But...I lived in Milwaukee for awhile, and they had multiple deaths a year from co-sleeping with kids. I know they started a controversial campaign to get people to stop doing it too.

I don't know if this was what you were looking for, or if I just repeated someone (sorry if I did)...but it sounds dangerous.

charlotte66

i have never let my DD slept in my bed even when she was ill. she slept in her cot and slept all nite from 4 weeks then move into her own room at about 18 months old,

my son dosnt sleep in my bed either hes been sleeping all nite since he was 5 weeks now 7 weeks old

my mum let my sister sleep in her bed mainly because she was lazy and it was easyer for her, she even took all the nites bottles and the bottle warmer and put them rite next to her bed so she didnt have to get out. she didnt have a partner so adult time wasnt an option. then when my mum tryed to move her into her own bed shed come thro to my room to get into bed at the age of 3 and being heavly pregnant trying to share a single bed with a 3 year old is not fun! now my sister is 7 and still sleeps in either my mums single bed or my other sisters bed! or when i used to go and stay at hers shed want me to go into her bed with her, it annoys me more than anything

each to their own tho,

boomboom011

Sorry, but that's rubbish. I know people who's babies have died of cot death because they WEREN'T in their parent's bed. Some babies die. It's harsh, but it's a fact. You can't blame the parents for that one. They'll be blaming themselves.

It's not rubbish at all. Newborns die from co-sleeping. Period. Not many. But do you want to tell the parents of a dead baby that for comfort?

Yes SIDS is terrible and we're not entirely sure how to prevent it. We DO know how to prevent parents from rolling over onto their babies. Put them in a crib.

Odds are everything will be fine when cosleeping. The odds are also good that you'll win at Russian Roulette. It's the times you don't that REALLY bite you on the *kitten*.

Just because kids can die from numerous different causes is no reason to ignore simple safety precautions that can save their lives.

Look up the stats on babies who die IN cribs. Actually there was a study that was published in 05 and then again this year that babies who die from sids usually have a reduced amount of serotonin in their brain which allows them to smother to death laying on their back in a crib. It just happens because it happens.

Also, the US has one of the highest rates of sids in all of the developed countries. In most of these other developed countries co sleeping is a day to day thing.

Also, co sleeping means sharing a room not bed sharing. Look it up =D

and if a child dies from being suffocated isnt that different than SIDS?

_Timmeh_

Is someone really suggesting that parents have sex somewhere else around the house because a child is in their bed? Um, hello.....put the child someone else in the house and use the privacy of your bedroom for that. I suppose some think that sneaking off to the garage for sex when their kid is asleep in the family bed is fun and exciting, but that just sounds backasswards to me.

Yes.
Sneaking off to the garage sounds awesome to me.

dalgirly

Sorry, but that's rubbish. I know people who's babies have died of cot death because they WEREN'T in their parent's bed. Some babies die. It's harsh, but it's a fact. You can't blame the parents for that one. They'll be blaming themselves.

It's not rubbish at all. Newborns die from co-sleeping. Period. Not many. But do you want to tell the parents of a dead baby that for comfort?

Yes SIDS is terrible and we're not entirely sure how to prevent it. We DO know how to prevent parents from rolling over onto their babies. Put them in a crib.

Odds are everything will be fine when cosleeping. The odds are also good that you'll win at Russian Roulette. It's the times you don't that REALLY bite you on the *kitten*.

Just because kids can die from numerous different causes is no reason to ignore simple safety precautions that can save their lives.

Last time I checked my daughter's not dead. In fact she is incredibly secure and knows all the way down in her DNA that her dad and I are there for her no matter what. I don't believe babies can fend for themselves. I think they need nurturing and security.

Question: do you fall out of bed? No? Yeah, you probably are aware of where the edge is, even in your sleep. Similarly, you sure as hell won't roll over and smother your own CHILD.

Humans existed for a really really really really really long time before the Childrens Furniture Industry and the "I need my ME time" mentality took over.

You are right that babies don't fend for themselves --- but they don't need to sleep with a parent. Hundreds of thousands of kids sleep in a crib and are fine. Babies can sooth themselves, if they are taken care of -- changed, fed, kept clean --- then its no issue having them sleep in their own room. Its not at all neglectful or being a bad parent.

Personally I think, do what you want. I will admit (I work with kids) and I cannot stand when they are co-sleepers. Its annoying for me, and the kids are completely unable to sooth themselves (even at 2-5years old). And yeah, thats not 100% of the time, but usually these kids have a very hard time soothing themselves.

Why would you expect a small child to sooth themselves? That is what mothers are meant to do. Why do people want their babies to grow up instantly?

Shock horror, I fed my babies to sleep EVERY NIGHT too. And amazingly, they get themselves to sleep just fine now.

I was more talking about 6-8 month olds, not newborns.

I also never said you shouldn't sooth your babies. I said that babies CAN sooth themselves. So by keeping a baby in their own room isn't being a bad mom. Just like vice-versa having a baby in your room doesn't mean your a bad mom. I do think that there is a point (personally) that kids need to have their own room. But that is just me.

baisleac

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/sids-latest-research-how-sleeping-your-baby-safe

beccyleigh

In UK it is generally advised to NOT co sleep if you are overweight, something many of us are or have been.

It is also advised to not co sleep if you or your partner smokes, drink alcohol or suffer from sleep issues.

As a baby my son never slept in the bed with us, he had a crib next t our bed then went to his own room with a monitor at 4 months. As he got older the rules relaxed somewhat as he was able to push the covers off or wake himself up if he gets trapped under the covers. He will often spend weekends sleeping with us as we all watch movies in bed but most of the time he is in his own bed & me & hubby are in ours. I would never go to the car or garage to have sex, sounds uncomfortable.

Not everyone goes off sex after having kids, some of us are doing it as soon as physically comfortable after the birth & do not allow our kids to hinder our marital relations.

ajbeans

As to the conversation about the safety of co-sleeping, I sure am glad that we let our son co-sleep when he was an infant. Because I woke up twice to find him not breathing. Not because he had anything blocking his airways, not because he had shoved his face into a pillow or blanket, not because he was on his stomach -- just because he stopped breathing in his deep sleep. Had he been in his own bed in another room, I wouldn't have known that he had stopped breathing, and wouldn't have been there to shake him awake. I have no doubt that co-sleeping is why he's still with us today.

dadoffo

I have never co-slept with my kids (they have when they are sick or have had a bad dream). I personally do not think it is a good idea (just my opinion, I'm not trying to bash anyone at all) but I guess my one question to those who have done or do this is: When do you and your husband or significant have grown up time? I can't imagine what it can do to a couple’s sex life to have a child or children in your bed every night.

You just need to be quiet if that is possible. But you can always do it some other place besides the bedroom.

RyanDanielle5101

I have never co-slept with my kids (they have when they are sick or have had a bad dream). I personally do not think it is a good idea (just my opinion, I'm not trying to bash anyone at all) but I guess my one question to those who have done or do this is: When do you and your husband or significant have grown up time? I can't imagine what it can do to a couple’s sex life to have a child or children in your bed every night.

If you don't co-sleep and you're not planning on it, why do you care how and where other people do it? You're really opening a can of worms here.

I am purely curious as to how two married people have fun when a child is sleeping with them.

Just out of curiousity, are you trying to get someone to say that they have banged with the kids right there in the bed?

No and the thought of that is disgusting!!!

CMmrsfloyd

Co-sleeping does not have to be all or nothing (we co-slept with both children part-time, meaning when they were VERY little they would sleep in a pack-and-play in our room part of the time and in our bed part of the time, then when they got older they'd start out in their crib and then move to our bed later in the night, then eventually they started staying in their room all night except for bad dreams). And sex does not have to only happen in the marital bed.

Also, there are guidelines for safe co-sleeping. You don't do it with pillow or blankets near the baby's head, you don't do it if you've been drinking or are on medication that might make it harder for you to wake up, etc. There are other guidelines both those two are the big ones that come to mind.

cabaray

[/quote]

"What dreadful logic. "I co-slept and my baby is fine, so clearly co-sleeping is fine." I smoke cigarettes but don't have cancer. So clearly smoking doesn't cause cancer.

You really think it isn't possible for a parent to roll over and smother their baby in their sleep?

http://www.ktbs.com/news/29406452/detail.html

Tell that to this woman."
[/quote]
And who's to say this woman hadn't been drinking or wasn't on some sort of medication with a sedative effect. It's not like she would tell anyone. Not saying that that is the case, but you can't say it's not either.

fteale

Sorry, but that's rubbish. I know people who's babies have died of cot death because they WEREN'T in their parent's bed. Some babies die. It's harsh, but it's a fact. You can't blame the parents for that one. They'll be blaming themselves.

It's not rubbish at all. Newborns die from co-sleeping. Period. Not many. But do you want to tell the parents of a dead baby that for comfort?

Yes SIDS is terrible and we're not entirely sure how to prevent it. We DO know how to prevent parents from rolling over onto their babies. Put them in a crib.

Odds are everything will be fine when cosleeping. The odds are also good that you'll win at Russian Roulette. It's the times you don't that REALLY bite you on the *kitten*.

Just because kids can die from numerous different causes is no reason to ignore simple safety precautions that can save their lives.

Last time I checked my daughter's not dead. In fact she is incredibly secure and knows all the way down in her DNA that her dad and I are there for her no matter what. I don't believe babies can fend for themselves. I think they need nurturing and security.

Question: do you fall out of bed? No? Yeah, you probably are aware of where the edge is, even in your sleep. Similarly, you sure as hell won't roll over and smother your own CHILD.

Humans existed for a really really really really really long time before the Childrens Furniture Industry and the "I need my ME time" mentality took over.

You are right that babies don't fend for themselves --- but they don't need to sleep with a parent. Hundreds of thousands of kids sleep in a crib and are fine. Babies can sooth themselves, if they are taken care of -- changed, fed, kept clean --- then its no issue having them sleep in their own room. Its not at all neglectful or being a bad parent.

Personally I think, do what you want. I will admit (I work with kids) and I cannot stand when they are co-sleepers. Its annoying for me, and the kids are completely unable to sooth themselves (even at 2-5years old). And yeah, thats not 100% of the time, but usually these kids have a very hard time soothing themselves.

Why would you expect a small child to sooth themselves? That is what mothers are meant to do. Why do people want their babies to grow up instantly?

Shock horror, I fed my babies to sleep EVERY NIGHT too. And amazingly, they get themselves to sleep just fine now.

I was more talking about 6-8 month olds, not newborns.

I also never said you shouldn't sooth your babies. I said that babies CAN sooth themselves. So by keeping a baby in their own room isn't being a bad mom. Just like vice-versa having a baby in your room doesn't mean your a bad mom. I do think that there is a point (personally) that kids need to have their own room. But that is just me.

Isn't saying babies can sooth themselves just saying eventually they give up crying because they have learned no one is coming? I wouldn't let my 6 year old cry himself to sleep, I sure as **** wouldn't do it with a baby.

Anyway, for those talking about SIDS, it is lessened dramatically in babies that sleep next to their mothers because they regulate their breathing to be in synch with their mother. Babies are meant to sleep with their parents/mothers, you don't see any animals packing their baby off to sleep at the other end of the nest. SIDS happens when a baby for some reason stops breathing, which is more likely when it can't feel it's mother's breathing pattern.

Alishia_655

I co slept with my daughter until she was 18 months. I am a super light sleeper and my husband worked graveyard. Being a new mom, I researched tons and figured that this was best for my situation. I do not think it is for everyone. When she turned 18 mo. old, I put her in her toddler bed. She transitioned well, as did I.

_Ben

My family was always against it. My younger half sisters (raised by my step mom) are 5 and 8 years old, and they still sometimes sleep with her. Very weird IMO

MB_Positif

I have never co-slept with my kids (they have when they are sick or have had a bad dream). I personally do not think it is a good idea (just my opinion, I'm not trying to bash anyone at all) but I guess my one question to those who have done or do this is: When do you and your husband or significant have grown up time? I can't imagine what it can do to a couple’s sex life to have a child or children in your bed every night.

If you don't co-sleep and you're not planning on it, why do you care how and where other people do it? You're really opening a can of worms here.

I am purely curious as to how two married people have fun when a child is sleeping with them.

Just out of curiousity, are you trying to get someone to say that they have banged with the kids right there in the bed?

No and the thought of that is disgusting!!!

LOL, me too

MîîśÊmÿłõü

my friend and her husband havent been "together in 4 years" they child has slept with them every night. aswell as another friend rolled onto her 4 day old baby and the baby suffocated and died.

i have two kids... never liked/agreed with co sleeping, but i like my space aswell as time with my husband, i dont think a marriage/relationship should suffer just beacuse theres a new baby.

Oishii

My dh is from Japan where co-sleeping on futons on the floor is the norm. When I told him about SIDS he was totally shocked as it is unheard of in Japan. Then again, a Japanese mother is unlikely to drink or smoke and more likely to breastfeed too, so these may also affect the success of co-sleeping.

I HAVE fallen out of bed, having slept on a futon for 3 years, as did my husband, so I know such safety systems can go wrong, and I couldn't get my head around bed sharing fast enough with my first child, but I would like to try a bedside cot with our next child.

boomboom011

wtf does smoking have to do with your kids sleeping with you? someone please explain this to me. Im confused

sandy2006

My 4 yr old sleeps with me every night! He will till he wants his own space. After he goes to sleep there are other rooms in the house if we want to get busy.

rodegghero

if you smoke and your kids sleep in your bed, the smell of the smoke can be contained in the mattress, on you and become a contributing factor to sids. and /or suffocation