Should I feel guilty?

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  • JellyJaks
    JellyJaks Posts: 589 Member
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    In no way should you ever feel obligated to lend anyone ANYTHING let alone money. I will lend people things/money when we are able. If they don't pay it back they never get the chance to borrow again even when we're able. There's a difference between genuinely being in a bind and being a complete mooch douche canoe.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
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    You should only feel bad for not being honest. Had you told him the real reason you didn't want to lend him the money, you wouldn't be asking us this question today. You'd know that you handled it correctly and you'd go ahead and get your tree, end of story.

    That said, guilt is a useless emotion. If you're not willing to confront the situation or solve it in some way, just let it go and handle it differently the next time if you feel you need to.
    [/quote


    Ditto!]

    I don't agree with this. You shouldn't have to defend why you can't give them the money. They don't need to know what you're buying instead of their gas. It's your money, feel free to tell them no, and don't feel like you have to justify it.

    I totally agree. Yet she did justify it, by saying they didn't have the money. That's what's causing the conflict here. Had she just said, "No, I'm sorry," there would be no reason to feel guilty.
  • WarriorMom2012
    WarriorMom2012 Posts: 621 Member
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    Ask them to borrow toilet paper and say you will return it when you're done. When they look at you with the "ewww" face, tell them the last time you lent them money, you were out of toilet paper and had to use those $1's...

    They won't ask again ;)
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.
    Why do they deserve a reason about why? NO is enough.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    Nope. I don't loan or borrow money.


    What you do with your money is none of their business.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    WHO asks their neighbors for gas money? That's absurd in the first place to me.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    WHO asks their neighbors for gas money? That's absurd in the first place to me.
    My neighbors did.
  • PegasusDeb
    PegasusDeb Posts: 665 Member
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    No, you should not feel guilty. And as for an explanation of why you can't, I wouldn't be too elaborate, they would just give you the sob story anyway. Say, no, sorry & leave it at that! My neighbor asked to borrow a dollar! What the heck can you buy for a buck these days? I said no. Don't encourage them, they are like strays...!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    You are not obligated to make someone else's problem your problem. Unless they are paying your bills or you owe them money, in which cases you probably ought to be concerned about said problem.
  • PegasusDeb
    PegasusDeb Posts: 665 Member
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    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.
    Why do they deserve a reason about why? NO is enough.

    I agree. They already gave you the line about going to see a sick relative... I could see them turning on the charm, and then really making you feel bad. Screw that. "No, sorry." Is all they need to hear. Or... if you really want to test them, offer to drive them out to this place, see how they back-peddle then! Then you would know they are lying!
  • evil_rider
    evil_rider Posts: 81
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    One of my neighbors came over last night and asked to borrow $20 for gas so he and his girlfriend could drive 200 miles to see her brother because he is very sick. In the past they have borrowed money and not paid us back. A lot of our other neighbors don't even talk to them anymore because of the same reason.
    We told him that we didn't have the money.
    My husband lost his job in August, and we only have my income right now, which is especially tight right now during the holidays.
    Today is my day off and I had planned on getting my ($15) Christmas tree from town. Should I feel guilty? I know they'll see us bringing in the tree.

    NO
  • _hardGAINER_
    _hardGAINER_ Posts: 10
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    I wouldnt feel guilty at all. Probably running "game" on you anyway.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 847 Member
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    20 dollars worth of petrol will get you 200 miles? Damn I need to move to America, 20 dollars (around 13 quid) wont even move the needle on my petrol gage.

    Personally I would have just said, no sorry, I'm still waiting for the other money you borrowed to be paid back & wished them well but lets face it, their whole story was bollocks so you could have just said, no sorry, I need that 20 bucks to get a vajazzle.
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    Isn't it funny that we feel we need to give an excuse? I was approached in the supermarket last week when a guy asked for money for food. I said to him no because I'm a widow and he weirdly said 'aren't we all'. When I told the attendance about this nuisance, she said "isn't it funny that we feel we need to share something like that to a stranger to justify refusal"?

    I should have just said no and walked away, but it really is a psychological phenomena that we want to acquiese when confronted, I did a study on it when I was at uni.

    Once a priest told me that he was always being asked for petrol money or fare money, and he ended up having a load of train tickets on hand, and offered them to beggars with that sort of story. Not surprisingly most didn't take the tickets.

    GG
  • Savemyshannon
    Savemyshannon Posts: 334 Member
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    I think you should have been straight with them. If you can't/don't want to loan the money at least tell them the truth as to why.
    Why do they deserve a reason about why? NO is enough.

    I agree with this. You don't owe them an explanation about what you plan to do with YOUR MONEY that YOU worked for. I am all for helping our fellow man or donating but if this is something that seems to happen frequently, and they don't even TRY to pay you back, then you don't owe them the energy it would take to make an excuse.

    People like this frustrate me because there really are people out there who just really need a couple bucks and are genuinely in trouble (and would actually take that money to better themselves and then try to repay the favor), but people like this just make us suspicious of everyone.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    Are you religious? If so, go look to your religion for the answer. If not, what is that guilt thing you speak of again?

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