Handling someone UBER religious

WarriorMom2012

I'm agnostic and work for a Jewish temple. It can be challenging when "God" is all around us. I haven't voiced my disbelief, I just don't say anything. Any rational Christian/Jew/Muslim would not shove their beliefs down your throat. If it is becoming too uncomfortable and you can't have a short rational conversation with her, go over her head.

She should not be talking to you like that in the workplace anyway. Sorry to all the Christians but I equate it to talking to you about sex at work...there is a time and a place for everything and work is not the place for religious or sexual discussions!

Qarol

Do you have a close, personal relationship with this manager? Is that why she feels it's appropriate to discuss such topics with her subordinate? I would find that highly inappropriate myself. A bank doesn't strike me as the type of organization where this should take place. Especially from your manager.

If you don't have a close relationship with her, and don't feel comfortable asking her to refrain from such topics with you, your only option may be to discuss it with HR. That, or say nothing.

wildcata77

Strange...I also am a Christian and work in banking, but I would never tell someone to pray about something unless I knew they were also a Christian.

I don't typically pray about work anyway, unless I come across a client struggling.

Have you let your beliefs known to your boss yet? If not, I would mention at one of your one-on-one meetings in a very casual manner, just say "by the way, I am an atheist, and it does make me uncomfortable when you suggest prayer to me as a resource...I thought you should know."

The harrassment policies in the US and most likely at your bank prohibit her from taking any action against you because of your beliefs, so if she continues to force her views after she knows your beliefs, or does anything to make you feel like you are being treated unfairly, take it straight to HR.

_SusieQ_

Hmm that's tough, and awkward because it's your boss.

I can identify with this somewhat (I consider myself agnostic). I appreciate when someone says that THEY will pray for something for me (like being sick or a hardship, because I take that as their kindness), but it becomes a little difficult though if you have someone constantly telling YOU to pray haha.

I've never had someone in management attempt to broach religion with me, but if this is something that happens frequently I'd probably say something along the lines of "I appreciate the sentiment and I know you mean well, but that's not the way that I go about things". Or you could choose to not acknowledge when she says something like that, because she's actually not being very appropriate, even if she has good intentions. Just a word of caution, if she's not appropriate about separating religion from work, she may not be very professional about you kindly suggesting that you don't pray.

Yep, exactly what I was going for, but with much better articulation.

jonibug88

I live with this exact issue and have been a supervisor myself

If it's just my friends, I blow it off or say "I'll send good energy your way" (and mean it). However, it is grosely inappropriate for a supervisor to be telling the employees to pray. You have every right to your beliefs, you don't need to explain them to anyone, and you have and have a right to assert and protect your boundaries. You will NOT be stepping on toes by making your boundaries clear. You will stopping her from stepping on your toes!

Talk to her in her office in private. Be kind, neutral and respectuful at all times. Tell her that you appreciate her guidance in the banking field. Then add " I'm not Christian and I don't pray. I'd appreciate it if you would continue to mentor me with your usual clear direction and suggestions".

She'll get that, and if you say it in a respectful, neutral tone, she'll respect you for it. If she wants to discuss it, just say "I don't like talking about this level of privacy at work" If she continues telling you to pray, repeat the "I'm not Christian, I don't pray". If it gets worse, turn her into her supervisor.

BEST OF LUCK!

GibsonDarlin

I'm a God loving individual. BUT you should not have it forced on you.
I work in a small office that is 50/50 on the is there a God or not, we do real well in not making it an issue. Its all about respect.

If she is referring to your life.. tell her straight out - that you would rather her keep her opinions about your personal life to herself. Don't share your problems with her - she is your boss and not your friend. Sharing your personal life - will sometimes interfere with how she sees you at work.

You should tell her, respectfully, that you do not have the same religion as she does, and while you respect her views, you no longer want her pushing hers on you. Go talk to HR and let them know what is going on and that you are going to send an email to her stating the same, and that you wanted to bcc them on it.

She may never stop, you may not get any help from HR. But it is not fair and I would think its harassment.

Good Luck!!

Jade_Butterfly

I would either smile and just thank her for the advice or be honest with her about the way you feel. .Just keep it professional and polite!

I am openly a Christian. . . but most of us don't want to push our views on someone else. . and it really helps to know when people are uncomfortable. But that is with anything that bothers you. . If you just keep it bottled up inside festering. . You are likely to pop out and say something in a rude way one day. . . So just say it hon. . :flowerforyou: Good luck.

cassuccino

It's great you're being respectful, because everyone should respect each other, and be kind to each other, despite differing beliefs.

If I were you, I would just say you respect and understand her views, but don't agree with them, but thank you for her trying to help you.

I'm sure she means no harm by saying to pray, it's just her beliefs and how she would deal with things, so it's her trying to help you with whatever issues you discuss with her. Just remember, it's probably coming from good intentions.

I'm a Christian and I have Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Muslim and Buddhist friends, and although we disagree on stuff when it comes to that, there's still a mutual level of respect among us. So like I said, thanks for being respectful.

I agree with the above. I myself am religious (but I try not to push my views on others) so maybe she isn't aware of the fact that you're atheist... I think some people just assume that everyone has a similar belief system... You don't have to tell her you're atheist if you don't want to but if it really bothers you that she brings up prayer so much, than you should let her know in a polite way. Hopefully she returns in kind.

wildcata77

I would just say I dont believe in God...period...you dont need to explain how or why you feel like you do. Good luck though most people who do believe cant understand those who dont.

::eyeroll::

Just because some of the people YOU have come across that are believers made you feel like they can't understand you doesn't mean that all believers can't understand why someone would be atheist/agnostic/non-religious and respect that.

I hate this type of thinking.

Mallory0418

hmm. i have to say that i am a christian and would definitely THINK these things in my head if i were your manager, but would never say them out loud... especially in a position of authority. i guess you should just know that she thinks that what she's saying is helping you, so maybe you could mention one day something like, "i really appreciate your advice but it's something i'm not totally comfortable with." that should give her the hint without really offending her you know?

just an idea.

That is exactly what I was thinking. You are being respectful to her, you deserve the same respect, whether she agrees with your beliefs or not. I'm wondering though, does she realize she is making you uncomfortable? Some people just assume everyone believes in God and don't realize they are offending someone who doesn't.

ItsCasey

Your manager is out of line. Freedom of Religion is one of the best parts about being Canadian (or American). We all have to respect others religions, regardless of our own beliefs. Speak with your manager about how it makes you feel uncomfortable and inform HR about speaking with your manager to cover yourself.

Freedom of religion is specifically a restriction on government, i.e. the government cannot force you to support (practically or financially) any religion. It does not mean your employer has to respect your religious beliefs (or lack thereof).

There ARE, however, laws regarding hostile working environments and discrimination based on religious preferences. If you feel like you are being bullied or otherwise being treated differently than other employees because you are an atheist, file a complaint with HR or whatever your employee handbook tells you to do in that situation. If that doesn't solve the problem, hire a lawyer.

If the issue is simply that you're tired of being told to pray, then be the mature, free-thinking adult you claim to be and politely ask your boss to knock it off.

Hazelbeav

I keep my beleifs to myself, but if someone very pushily asks if I believe in god....I usualy ask which one they are refering to. lol

NiciS72

I would honestly and nicely approach your manager and say that the comments about praying and such make you uncomfortable and ask that they stop. There is NOTHING wrong with that. I would hazard a guess that most likely there is a policy at your work against such talk. If you are not comfortable speaking directly to your boss, then go to HR and ask them how you should approach it. MAYBE they'll be kind and send out a gentle reminder to everyone that that kind of talk is prohibited.

Good luck!

adrian_indy

Purposely see her outside of work. Make sure you are wearing red conctacts, black lip stick, nail polish and clothing and a pentagram necklace. When you see her lean in close to her ear and whisper "Hail Satan".

Pammie1000

I certainly agree that you should be able to express your views, since we are supposed to have freedom of religion in this country, but In reality........... I live in the middle of the Bible belt, and have to deal with that kind of thing on a daily basis and I have found that people that can't complete a sentence without saying "Praise The Lord" are extremely close minded. I'm not trying to offend anyone, that has just been my experience with the extremely religious. I just smile and nod, it's easier.....' cause they won't understand your point of view anyway.

SooZ1138

And like many of you have commented, she has asked me to pray with her a few times. I'm not sure if any of you heard about the Valentines Day shooting at Northern Illinois University a few years ago, but my father works there. When I heard the news, I went into total shock. I went to the bathroom to get my thoughts together (and to shed a few tears for those whose lives were lost) and she followed me into the bathroom to say a prayer for me. Of course, at the time, I was in total shock and didn't feel like saying to her that the time was not right, but I feel like around this time was when I started resenting her and the way she spoke to me about her beliefs. I have tried going with the flow for 3 years now, but I'm starting to feel like I can't even tell her when I'm feeling sick or when there are things going on in my life that might interfere with me working top notch.

I clearly know what she believes in and what she does to resolves issues in her life, maybe I should (at an appropriate time) fill her in on what I believe in and I how deal with hardships. I’m just afraid that she will think of me differently and not hold such high respect for me. =\

All of the comments have been insightful, thank you all!

kmbrooks15

I'm a Christian who currently works in a church (so we discuss God all the time), but I previously worked for a state college in Georgia in the math/science division. I did not try to force my beliefs on any of the professors or students. If they asked me what I thought/believed, I'd tell them, but only if they asked. If we had a staff luncheon, I quietly bowed my head and gave thanks without making a big production of it. I even had an interesting religious discussion with a Muslim student one day (she brought it up, which meant I could share my views).

Your boss is definitely out of line. I think I would just tell her you're uncomfortable with religious discussion at work. You don't need to tell her what you believe or don't believe; it's really not her business, and you don't want her deciding that she wants you gone because your views are at odds with hers. What is your company's policy on this type of thing? Might be time to pull out the personnel manual and peruse it a bit.

I love to share my faith because it's so important to me, but at work is not the appropriate time or place, especially if it's in violation of company policy. Even the Bible says for us to obey those in authority over us, and if company policy says no religious discussion, then she's disobeying policy AND the Bible. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt the first time; she may not realize she's making you uncomfortable. But if you tell her once and she doesn't stop, then go to HR.

Good luck!

CuteAndCurvy83

I think it's important to be honest with her, without being rude or putting her religion down. Let her know that while you appreciate the advice, you don't have the same religious views as her, and that you find it uncomfortable that she keeps bringing it up.

KimmieBrie

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

You need to speak up or continue to be uncomfortable. I'd tell your manager you completely respect their right to be religious, and would prefer they in turn respect you by not discussing religion or pushing it on you at work. Your religion or lack of is none of their business. It's completely unprofessional behavior on your managers part imo. Religion and politics have no place in the work place unless you work in those fields which a bank is not.

epona_mus

1) Have a discussion with her telling her that her comments are unwelcome and make you uncomfortable.
2) Notify your HR department
3) Document, document, document!!

The EEOC prohibits religious harrassment in the workplace. Your employer has a duty to protect you from religious harassment and this includes accommodating other employees' religious expression.

Religious expression that is directed - well-meaning or not - toward co-workers can constitute harassment in some situations (for example, if an employee demeans people of other religions). Even if her behavior is not "abusive", if you make it clear that her comments are unwelcome, and these incidents of harrassment persist without intervention from your employer, your employer can be found to be violating federal law.

Have the talk now. Your manager is out of line and is putting your company at risk.