Handling someone UBER religious

ItsCasey

Your manager is out of line. Freedom of Religion is one of the best parts about being Canadian (or American). We all have to respect others religions, regardless of our own beliefs. Speak with your manager about how it makes you feel uncomfortable and inform HR about speaking with your manager to cover yourself.

Freedom of religion is specifically a restriction on government, i.e. the government cannot force you to support (practically or financially) any religion. It does not mean your employer has to respect your religious beliefs (or lack thereof).

There ARE, however, laws regarding hostile working environments and discrimination based on religious preferences. If you feel like you are being bullied or otherwise being treated differently than other employees because you are an atheist, file a complaint with HR or whatever your employee handbook tells you to do in that situation. If that doesn't solve the problem, hire a lawyer.

If the issue is simply that you're tired of being told to pray, then be the mature, free-thinking adult you claim to be and politely ask your boss to knock it off.

Hazelbeav

I keep my beleifs to myself, but if someone very pushily asks if I believe in god....I usualy ask which one they are refering to. lol

NiciS72

I would honestly and nicely approach your manager and say that the comments about praying and such make you uncomfortable and ask that they stop. There is NOTHING wrong with that. I would hazard a guess that most likely there is a policy at your work against such talk. If you are not comfortable speaking directly to your boss, then go to HR and ask them how you should approach it. MAYBE they'll be kind and send out a gentle reminder to everyone that that kind of talk is prohibited.

Good luck!

adrian_indy

Purposely see her outside of work. Make sure you are wearing red conctacts, black lip stick, nail polish and clothing and a pentagram necklace. When you see her lean in close to her ear and whisper "Hail Satan".

Pammie1000

I certainly agree that you should be able to express your views, since we are supposed to have freedom of religion in this country, but In reality........... I live in the middle of the Bible belt, and have to deal with that kind of thing on a daily basis and I have found that people that can't complete a sentence without saying "Praise The Lord" are extremely close minded. I'm not trying to offend anyone, that has just been my experience with the extremely religious. I just smile and nod, it's easier.....' cause they won't understand your point of view anyway.

SooZ1138

And like many of you have commented, she has asked me to pray with her a few times. I'm not sure if any of you heard about the Valentines Day shooting at Northern Illinois University a few years ago, but my father works there. When I heard the news, I went into total shock. I went to the bathroom to get my thoughts together (and to shed a few tears for those whose lives were lost) and she followed me into the bathroom to say a prayer for me. Of course, at the time, I was in total shock and didn't feel like saying to her that the time was not right, but I feel like around this time was when I started resenting her and the way she spoke to me about her beliefs. I have tried going with the flow for 3 years now, but I'm starting to feel like I can't even tell her when I'm feeling sick or when there are things going on in my life that might interfere with me working top notch.

I clearly know what she believes in and what she does to resolves issues in her life, maybe I should (at an appropriate time) fill her in on what I believe in and I how deal with hardships. I’m just afraid that she will think of me differently and not hold such high respect for me. =\

All of the comments have been insightful, thank you all!

kmbrooks15

I'm a Christian who currently works in a church (so we discuss God all the time), but I previously worked for a state college in Georgia in the math/science division. I did not try to force my beliefs on any of the professors or students. If they asked me what I thought/believed, I'd tell them, but only if they asked. If we had a staff luncheon, I quietly bowed my head and gave thanks without making a big production of it. I even had an interesting religious discussion with a Muslim student one day (she brought it up, which meant I could share my views).

Your boss is definitely out of line. I think I would just tell her you're uncomfortable with religious discussion at work. You don't need to tell her what you believe or don't believe; it's really not her business, and you don't want her deciding that she wants you gone because your views are at odds with hers. What is your company's policy on this type of thing? Might be time to pull out the personnel manual and peruse it a bit.

I love to share my faith because it's so important to me, but at work is not the appropriate time or place, especially if it's in violation of company policy. Even the Bible says for us to obey those in authority over us, and if company policy says no religious discussion, then she's disobeying policy AND the Bible. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt the first time; she may not realize she's making you uncomfortable. But if you tell her once and she doesn't stop, then go to HR.

Good luck!

CuteAndCurvy83

I think it's important to be honest with her, without being rude or putting her religion down. Let her know that while you appreciate the advice, you don't have the same religious views as her, and that you find it uncomfortable that she keeps bringing it up.

KimmieBrie

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

You need to speak up or continue to be uncomfortable. I'd tell your manager you completely respect their right to be religious, and would prefer they in turn respect you by not discussing religion or pushing it on you at work. Your religion or lack of is none of their business. It's completely unprofessional behavior on your managers part imo. Religion and politics have no place in the work place unless you work in those fields which a bank is not.

epona_mus

1) Have a discussion with her telling her that her comments are unwelcome and make you uncomfortable.
2) Notify your HR department
3) Document, document, document!!

The EEOC prohibits religious harrassment in the workplace. Your employer has a duty to protect you from religious harassment and this includes accommodating other employees' religious expression.

Religious expression that is directed - well-meaning or not - toward co-workers can constitute harassment in some situations (for example, if an employee demeans people of other religions). Even if her behavior is not "abusive", if you make it clear that her comments are unwelcome, and these incidents of harrassment persist without intervention from your employer, your employer can be found to be violating federal law.

Have the talk now. Your manager is out of line and is putting your company at risk.

tinytubbs

my friend is super religious and it drives me nuts when she is at my house and when i day goddamn she corrects me...its my house you don't like it leave.

BrettPGH

Before the thread gets yanked I just wanted to invite any and all heathen-types to join the MFP Atheists group. Your lack of beliefs are welcome!

ajbeans

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

This is discrimination, pure and simple. Report this person to HR.

poisongirl6485

Before the thread gets yanked I just wanted to invite any and all heathen-types to join the MFP Atheists group. Your lack of beliefs are welcome!

Don't forget our debate group! This would be a great thread there!

macpatti

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

This is discrimination, pure and simple. Report this person to HR.

How is this discrimination? I'll agree that it is inappropriate, but her manager doesn't even know she's an athiest. Now, after she tells her and startes being treated differently, then you've got discrimination.

I would be honest with her.

macpatti

my friend is super religious and it drives me nuts when she is at my house and when i day goddamn she corrects me...its my house you don't like it leave.

And this is your "friend"? If any of my "friends" said that word in front of me, I wouldn't be friends with them for long. That is very offensive to some people. When this gets locked, we can continue in the debating group, perhaps.

gunmetalsunrise

I smile and nod, and get on with my life.

Then vent to others later.

I don't feel like getting into arguments with co-workers on religious issues, especially those who are "higher up" on the "food chain". I just don't bother with it.

missymischief

What in the? That is so weird. I come from an interesting perspective because I work in HR, and I also am very religious. From both perspectives, there is NO room for religion at work. It is inappropriate and entirely unprofessional. If you were to report your boss, he/she could very well get in trouble....and maybe they should learn that lesson. Not gonna tell you what to do, but I can tell you that it DRIVES ME CRAZY (from the HR perspec) when people take discrimination and don't stand up for themselves or report it. Ultimately, if you don't, then you are just another complainer that let's someone else get away with stuff they shouldn't. If that happens and you don't try to stop it, then you know your manager will be doing it to a lot of other people down the road as well, and not just you. I don't mean that to be harsh at all, but I am just being honest with you. Good luck!

PS - remember to document EVERYTHING!

ItsCasey

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

This is discrimination, pure and simple.

No, it isn't. Is it uncalled for in the workplace? Sure. But "discrimination" requires a different set of circumstances than "my boss keeps telling me to pray." If the issue were "My boss told me if I don't pray with her, she'll fire me," then you'd have a point.

missymischief

Actually, it is discrimination. Harassment (which is any behavior that makes someone else uncomfortable or unproductive at the workplace) is part of discrimination. She absolutely has a point.

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

This is discrimination, pure and simple.

No, it isn't. Is it uncalled for in the workplace? Sure. But "discrimination" requires a different set of circumstances than "my boss keeps telling me to pray." If the issue were "My boss told me if I don't pray with her, she'll fire me," then you'd have a point.

angryguy77

Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.

epona_mus

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

This is discrimination, pure and simple. Report this person to HR.

This is NOT discrimination unless the OP has recieved or been denied teatment or consideration based on their beliefs rather than individual merit.

This MAY BE harrassment, but only if the OP tells her manager and her company that the religious discussion/comments are unwelcomed. All harassment must be reported to the employer and the employer must deal with the report through its own internal procedures. If an employee claims harassment, but has never reported it to the employer, their case will most likely be dismissed.

ETA: Missy is correct. Harassment is considered a form of discrimination under EEOC. In laymen's (not legal) terms, however, there is a difference.

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/harassment.cfm

SooZ1138

Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.

It bothers me because every time there is conflict, I have to hear about God and prayer and faith etc. etc. I would like, for once, to be able to have an adult conversation with my manager and not have religion brought up. I guess it bothers me so much because she is "above me" and I am bound my fear of repercussions. If I knew that I could say something and our "work relationship" would not change, I would not be so bothered by it.

I also believe there is a time and a place for discussions relating to religion and also politics. The workplace is not one those.

macpatti

Actually, it is discrimination. Harassment (which is any behavior that makes someone else uncomfortable or unproductive at the workplace) is part of discrimination. She absolutely has a point.

Please explain to me how you view this as discrimination when the boss doesn't know she's an atheist or that she's uncomfortable?

epona_mus

Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.

Why should she put up with it if it makes her uncomfortable? Would you also suggest she ignore racial slurs?

Laws exist to protect all employees. Her manager is putting the company at risk by her behavior.

Beastette

While the issue should be cut-and-dry, you may live in an area where such behavior is socially acceptable. Your rights are protected, but it can be difficult to prove discrimination in some circumstances (such as getting passed over for a promotion). If you think you may work here for a while, then consider your actions carefully.

Some people see people of different or no religions as a personal challenge, and proclaiming your beliefs may redouble her efforts.

If you told her that religion is a very private topic for you, that should cover it without doing any damage to your professional reputation. Remember that she has reached a supervisory level in this organization behaving this way. That leads me to believe that someone above her condones it.

If you don't care about this job, then at the end of her next ambush just throw your hands in the air and yell, "PRAISES UNTO AMON-RAH!".

Good luck.

wildcata77

So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

This is discrimination, pure and simple.

No, it isn't. Is it uncalled for in the workplace? Sure. But "discrimination" requires a different set of circumstances than "my boss keeps telling me to pray." If the issue were "My boss told me if I don't pray with her, she'll fire me," then you'd have a point.

Thank you. I think the previous poster must have not actually READ the OP.

BrettPGH

Actually, it is discrimination. Harassment (which is any behavior that makes someone else uncomfortable or unproductive at the workplace) is part of discrimination. She absolutely has a point.

Please explain to me how you view this as discrimination when the boss doesn't know she's an atheist or that she's uncomfortable?

Why not just assume she is? Since he obviously is ignoring her non-verbal cues that she's uncomfortable. It's not like a woman has to say "Pardon me boss but your hand is on my *kitten*" for it to be sexual harrassment.

We all know what is going to happen when she tells her fanatically religious boss that she's a non-believer. Her life certainly isn't going to get any easier afterwards.

kit_katty

Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.

It's called inappropriate. Talking about getting high while at work, inappropriate. Religion at work, inappropriate. We're talking about a work environment, not a church, not a frat house. They are not friends, they are co-workers, boss and subordinate.

I'm an athiest who has a best friend who's uber religious. We have frank respectful conversations at times, but we know not to push our views on each other. I try and watch any "goddamn"s around her and she doesn't say "god bless" around me. It's called respect. And the right time and place for things.

I'd be very uncomfortable in her situation.

CrawlingChaos

I am a pretty hardcore skeptic and atheist myself. I am vocal enough about it that I feel everyone around me knows. Im not an *kitten* about it, I just don't shy away from it. I know there are some pretty religious people around me and they either dont engage in that sort of stuff with me or just have genuinely curious questions for me

. I don't see why it has to be an awkward thing. Let people know. Its part of who you are. If the constant prayer talk bothers you, they should know.