Handling someone UBER religious

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  • tinytubbs
    tinytubbs Posts: 54
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    my friend is super religious and it drives me nuts when she is at my house and when i day goddamn she corrects me...its my house you don't like it leave.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Before the thread gets yanked I just wanted to invite any and all heathen-types to join the MFP Atheists group. Your lack of beliefs are welcome!
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
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    So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

    This is discrimination, pure and simple. Report this person to HR.
  • poisongirl6485
    poisongirl6485 Posts: 1,487 Member
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    Before the thread gets yanked I just wanted to invite any and all heathen-types to join the MFP Atheists group. Your lack of beliefs are welcome!

    Don't forget our debate group! This would be a great thread there!
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.
    This is discrimination, pure and simple. Report this person to HR.

    How is this discrimination? I'll agree that it is inappropriate, but her manager doesn't even know she's an athiest. Now, after she tells her and startes being treated differently, then you've got discrimination.

    I would be honest with her.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    my friend is super religious and it drives me nuts when she is at my house and when i day goddamn she corrects me...its my house you don't like it leave.

    And this is your "friend"? If any of my "friends" said that word in front of me, I wouldn't be friends with them for long. That is very offensive to some people. When this gets locked, we can continue in the debating group, perhaps.
  • gunmetalsunrise
    gunmetalsunrise Posts: 131
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    I smile and nod, and get on with my life.

    Then vent to others later.

    I don't feel like getting into arguments with co-workers on religious issues, especially those who are "higher up" on the "food chain". I just don't bother with it.
  • missymischief
    missymischief Posts: 11
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    What in the? That is so weird. I come from an interesting perspective because I work in HR, and I also am very religious. From both perspectives, there is NO room for religion at work. It is inappropriate and entirely unprofessional. If you were to report your boss, he/she could very well get in trouble....and maybe they should learn that lesson. Not gonna tell you what to do, but I can tell you that it DRIVES ME CRAZY (from the HR perspec) when people take discrimination and don't stand up for themselves or report it. Ultimately, if you don't, then you are just another complainer that let's someone else get away with stuff they shouldn't. If that happens and you don't try to stop it, then you know your manager will be doing it to a lot of other people down the road as well, and not just you. I don't mean that to be harsh at all, but I am just being honest with you. Good luck!

    PS - remember to document EVERYTHING!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

    This is discrimination, pure and simple.

    No, it isn't. Is it uncalled for in the workplace? Sure. But "discrimination" requires a different set of circumstances than "my boss keeps telling me to pray." If the issue were "My boss told me if I don't pray with her, she'll fire me," then you'd have a point.
  • missymischief
    missymischief Posts: 11
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    Actually, it is discrimination. Harassment (which is any behavior that makes someone else uncomfortable or unproductive at the workplace) is part of discrimination. She absolutely has a point.

    So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

    This is discrimination, pure and simple.

    No, it isn't. Is it uncalled for in the workplace? Sure. But "discrimination" requires a different set of circumstances than "my boss keeps telling me to pray." If the issue were "My boss told me if I don't pray with her, she'll fire me," then you'd have a point.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
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    Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
    It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

    My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.
  • epona_mus
    epona_mus Posts: 207 Member
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    So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

    This is discrimination, pure and simple. Report this person to HR.

    This is NOT discrimination unless the OP has recieved or been denied teatment or consideration based on their beliefs rather than individual merit.

    This MAY BE harrassment, but only if the OP tells her manager and her company that the religious discussion/comments are unwelcomed. All harassment must be reported to the employer and the employer must deal with the report through its own internal procedures. If an employee claims harassment, but has never reported it to the employer, their case will most likely be dismissed.

    ETA: Missy is correct. Harassment is considered a form of discrimination under EEOC. In laymen's (not legal) terms, however, there is a difference.

    http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/harassment.cfm
  • SooZ1138
    SooZ1138 Posts: 65
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    Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
    It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

    My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.

    It bothers me because every time there is conflict, I have to hear about God and prayer and faith etc. etc. I would like, for once, to be able to have an adult conversation with my manager and not have religion brought up. I guess it bothers me so much because she is "above me" and I am bound my fear of repercussions. If I knew that I could say something and our "work relationship" would not change, I would not be so bothered by it.

    I also believe there is a time and a place for discussions relating to religion and also politics. The workplace is not one those.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    Actually, it is discrimination. Harassment (which is any behavior that makes someone else uncomfortable or unproductive at the workplace) is part of discrimination. She absolutely has a point.

    Please explain to me how you view this as discrimination when the boss doesn't know she's an atheist or that she's uncomfortable?
  • epona_mus
    epona_mus Posts: 207 Member
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    Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
    It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

    My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.

    Why should she put up with it if it makes her uncomfortable? Would you also suggest she ignore racial slurs?

    Laws exist to protect all employees. Her manager is putting the company at risk by her behavior.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    While the issue should be cut-and-dry, you may live in an area where such behavior is socially acceptable. Your rights are protected, but it can be difficult to prove discrimination in some circumstances (such as getting passed over for a promotion). If you think you may work here for a while, then consider your actions carefully.

    Some people see people of different or no religions as a personal challenge, and proclaiming your beliefs may redouble her efforts.

    If you told her that religion is a very private topic for you, that should cover it without doing any damage to your professional reputation. Remember that she has reached a supervisory level in this organization behaving this way. That leads me to believe that someone above her condones it.

    If you don't care about this job, then at the end of her next ambush just throw your hands in the air and yell, "PRAISES UNTO AMON-RAH!". :wink:

    Good luck.
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
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    So I have to say right off the bat, I'm an atheist. I grew up Lutheran, but as I have matured and grew to be my own person, I do not believe in a higher power. I won't go into detail as to why I am an atheist or what my philosophies are, it's really not the problem at hand. So I have a hard time speaking up, especially to people at work. I don't want to step on peoples toes! I work at a bank and my direct manager is always telling me pray about issues I have and telling me to seek the lord in my everyday life. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't know what to say to not make her feel incredibly awkward.

    This is discrimination, pure and simple.

    No, it isn't. Is it uncalled for in the workplace? Sure. But "discrimination" requires a different set of circumstances than "my boss keeps telling me to pray." If the issue were "My boss told me if I don't pray with her, she'll fire me," then you'd have a point.

    Thank you. I think the previous poster must have not actually READ the OP.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Actually, it is discrimination. Harassment (which is any behavior that makes someone else uncomfortable or unproductive at the workplace) is part of discrimination. She absolutely has a point.

    Please explain to me how you view this as discrimination when the boss doesn't know she's an atheist or that she's uncomfortable?

    Why not just assume she is? Since he obviously is ignoring her non-verbal cues that she's uncomfortable. It's not like a woman has to say "Pardon me boss but your hand is on my *kitten*" for it to be sexual harrassment.

    We all know what is going to happen when she tells her fanatically religious boss that she's a non-believer. Her life certainly isn't going to get any easier afterwards.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 994 Member
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    Why does it bother you so much? Would you be offended if a coworker or boss joked about how high they got last weekend?Are you willing to report anyone who says things that annoy you?
    It's one thing if he's ordering you to do it, but it's another thing if he's just suggesting it.

    My bet is you have a problem with religion, not the words being said. Maybe you should relax a bit.

    It's called inappropriate. Talking about getting high while at work, inappropriate. Religion at work, inappropriate. We're talking about a work environment, not a church, not a frat house. They are not friends, they are co-workers, boss and subordinate.

    I'm an athiest who has a best friend who's uber religious. We have frank respectful conversations at times, but we know not to push our views on each other. I try and watch any "goddamn"s around her and she doesn't say "god bless" around me. It's called respect. And the right time and place for things.

    I'd be very uncomfortable in her situation.
  • CrawlingChaos
    CrawlingChaos Posts: 87
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    I am a pretty hardcore skeptic and atheist myself. I am vocal enough about it that I feel everyone around me knows. Im not an *kitten* about it, I just don't shy away from it. I know there are some pretty religious people around me and they either dont engage in that sort of stuff with me or just have genuinely curious questions for me

    . I don't see why it has to be an awkward thing. Let people know. Its part of who you are. If the constant prayer talk bothers you, they should know.

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