Am I Wrong? Should I not put myself and my weight loss first

MarisaStinz

Okay. So I need opinions and help with something that is bothering me. Im trying to lose weight because of vanity reasons, but also beause of medical reasons. I have informed my entire family of the medical problems I am beginning to face if I dont lose this weight and they all know that I am on a very serious diet and I am very focused on losing the weight. Now each year my mom and her friends get together to make blankets that get donated to a church for christmas, and my moms house is under renovation so I told her she could host it at my house and that I would help make blankets and that I would have the food and drinks and everything all ready. Now yesturday she tells me everyones bringing cakes, pigs in a blanket, fattening cheese's and meats, and pastries,etc. All the types of food that will sabotage any dieter and really test their will power. I think each day is a test of will power. Now in my own home and when I am hosting something- the food she be how I see fit, and not to mention all the women are very overweight anyway and always complain about how they want to lose weight. Am I wrong to tell all these women not to bring the bad foods, and tell them just to bring a fruit bowl, or veggie tray? And I told them why also (because of my weight loss goals) Because once I did that everyone flew off the handle at me about how im so rude and offensive to ask them to not bring those items. Am I wrong in trying to not surround myself in my own home with bad foods that will only sabotage my diet?

Espressocycle

Alcoholics can stay out of bars, but food addicts can't stay out of places with food. Exercise some willpower and don't eat the food. Then, make sure they take it all home with them, since willpower has its limits. Don't be that person who wants everybody to change so she can.

kamk16

No you are not wrong. I understand where you are coming from in a sense I have that problem with my husband but I have to live with him. He brings stuff in the house all the time and if I have a bite he makes comments about my "diet" I tell him not to bring it in and that is why I don't buy certain things and he just keeps saying "well I'm not on a diet" well I am (even though I don't call what I am doing a "diet") and would like you to support instead of sabatoge. We seriously had this conversation just last night because he wanted trail mix and after It was mixed I had about 3 servings throughout the day at 174 calories a serving not really a good idea but if it is here I will eat it.
It is too bad other people aren't more considerate of what you are going through to be healthier.

Savinheart

Make yourself a healthy snack option - who cares if you are the only one who eats it. You cannot change others but you CAN control yourself.

kit_katty

I understand what another poster said, you can't ask everyone to change because you are. However it was rude and inconsiderate of your mother, once you said you were taking care of the food, to get everyone to bring food. You had taken responsibility. In the future, perhaps have a pot luck, but ask more like "who can bring a veggie tray", and such to keep it as healthy as possible.

While you don't have a food allergy, I do liken it to going to someone's house who can't have glueten or lactose and bringing things that have that... it wont do permanent harm but was very inconsiderate.

However, you are ultimately the one who decides what to put in your own mouth. Make sure you have tasty healthy snacks for you. You can do it!

Sidesteal

I think it would be rude of you to request that people only bring certain foods. You are restricting them to your dietary needs.

mleoni092708

I understand where you're coming from. These types of situations are going to happen unfortunately we are all going to be faced with this during our lifetimes-parties, birthdays, holidays, etc. My advice would be to put out your healthy options and eat those. If you feel like you will still want to eat some of their food, it's ok to have some. Just try to get in a good workout that day to offset it. I stress about these types of situations too. Even if you completely blow it, it's ok. It's only one day. Try not to stress too much

rossi02

Make yourself a healthy snack option - who cares if you are the only one who eats it. You cannot change others but you CAN control yourself.

I agree with this.. you can provide the heathly options and try and stick with those. At this point, if everyone has already planned what they are bringing, it could come off as rude to call them all back and tell them to switch it up. Look at it this way, if you go out to eat with your family, you can't force them all to order what you would off the menu. With the changes you've made so far, it may not be as hard as you think to avoid the temptation. You'll have to face this at some point, so go ahead and get it out of the way.. then when it happens in the future, you'll have built up your willpower, or ability to have a small portion and move on .

RhonndaJ

Yeah, I'm afraid that I think you are wrong in this instance.

If this were a party that you were hosting, then yes, I believe that you could ask those attending to reconsider what they were bringing. But by your own words, this isn't a party you are hosting.

This is a party your mother is hosting. You're simply being generous by allowing it to be held in your home, and kind to be joining in.

If you don't have the self control to attend their party as they wish it to be, then give your apologies and don't attend. Otherwise, make your own healthy choices for the gathering, stick to them and enjoy the company and the generous acts of both yourself and these other women.

neanderthin

I think it would be rude of you to request that people only bring certain foods. You are restricting them to your dietary needs.

Agreed. And selfish if you believe people should somehow bow to that request.

Dave198lbs

imagine if you are one of these ladies. they are not on your diet. they are coming to your house because Mom's house is unavailable. for you to tell them what foods they can bring....ahh...can you inagine what would go through your mnd? eat your meal before they get there....let them do what they would have done at Moms...enjoy the reason they are there...you can be strong for yourself

ilookthetype

I think it would be rude of you to request that people only bring certain foods. You are restricting them to your dietary needs.

This.

I'm gluten/soy/dairy/egg intolerant AND highly allergic to peaches, I never tell people that they have to make food that fits my dietary needs because that's ridiculous, let them bring what they want, eat within your calories, and send it all home with them, freeze it, give it to the neighbors, or take it downtown and give it to the homeless man on the corner.

merlin87tx

Sorry but it's not rude of them to bring their own food. People have different tastes, likes, dislikes, and personal goals. So to keep yourself on the right track, have a plate of your own special food!

I understand about the pressure of seeing something great. My mother will sit and eat ice cream in front of me. My father will eat bacon and candy in front of me. It's one thing if they ask YOU to eat it but a whole other thing if you ask them to stop when they have no reason to. Keep up the willpower and you can get through it!

rml_16

I'm sorry, but in this case, I think you are wrong.

1. One day of not eating perfectly will not hurt your weight loss in the long term. Maybe keep the food in a room other than where you will all be spending most of your time.

2. You are inviting guests into your home. I made TWO turkeys for my Thanksgiving guests even though I'm a vegetarian because I'm not going to open my home to guests and then insist they eat what I say they should.

Make sure they all take with them when they leave whatever they brought so it's not left in your house when it's all over.

ChristineMarie89

let them bring there food and u make something too then resist there fattening food and eat yours. plus a lil of there food with your healthy food wont kill u just dont go crazy mayby then they will see that they dont have to give up what they enjoy to be healthier just make better choices

rml_16

While you don't have a food allergy, I do liken it to going to someone's house who can't have glueten or lactose and bringing things that have that... it wont do permanent harm but was very inconsiderate.

Bringing those foods to someone's house with such an allergy is not rude. Force-feeding those foods to that person is.

MercenaryNoetic26

You're not wrong, but sometimes we just have to be polite and thank them and PRETEND we'll have some. Even if we know secretely we will not have any or that once they leave we'll throw it out or feed it to the dog/cat. Someone offered me Dunkin Donut's holes this morning and I thanked her genuinely, as I'll never really know if she's trying to be nice or sabotage. Either way, I haven't had any! Yay for me!

merlin87tx

While you don't have a food allergy, I do liken it to going to someone's house who can't have glueten or lactose and bringing things that have that... it wont do permanent harm but was very inconsiderate.

Bringing those foods to someone's house with such an allergy is not rude. Force-feeding those foods to that person is.

Sorry to the OP of the first quote but I agree with rml_16. I have a citrus allergy, one that all of my friends and family are aware of, but I don't keep them from having it. They eat citrus stuff all they want and in front of me but that doesn't bother me one bit. Why would I be envious of someone eating something that is deadly to me?

Though dieting is another thing, such as food isn't deadly, but it's the same train of thought. It really shouldn't bother you if you know it's not good for you.

margieward82

I think it would be rude of you to request that people only bring certain foods. You are restricting them to your dietary needs.

I couldn't agree more! I think it's very rude of you to tell people what they can and cannot bring to an event like this. They are not forcing you to eat it and it's not a moral or religious objection you have (like with alcohol). It's a problem with yur own willpower. Make yourself whatever you'd like to eat, you're at your own home! And let them eat cake! It's what they want and what they enjoy, if they don't ask for your opinion on the food, don't try to force your views and dietary needs on them.

adrian_indy

I say that unless you are allergic or there is an immediate effect of eating the bad food, have some bad food. if you truly are a food addict, then, everyone elses advice of healthy snacks and such should apply. But if you are just trying to lose weight for whatever reasons, are you never again going to have some cheese or fatty food? Of course you are. This is the longest I have ever stuck with any kind of weight loss, and the reason is I haven't gotten all obsessive with every meal. I go to family functions and BBQs all the time. Just juse some judgement, eat in moderation, and let it go. One meal in a week is not going to kill you, if anything, it can help you by helping you keep your sanity.

cjv73

Nope, sorry, but you were out of line. The rest of your life is going to be about practicing self-control...might as well get started now! Not sure how you can fix this with the ladies now, though...

ETA I'm a bit surprised that no one has mentioned your comment about how many of the women have their own weight problems and shouldn't be eating this stuff anyway. Ummm, no offence, but that's really none of your business!

crzyone

If this is a party they've had every year to make the blankets then they expect it to be one way and it would not be right to change it just for you. Like someone said, you can't change others, only yourself. It wll be hard. Perhaps you should just let them use your house and leave your mother in charge to make the blankets and you go away for the day, since it is her party actually.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

danagisana

I think I might be the only one leaning toward your side here. People who care about you should have a little more respect and consideration - it's about the company not the food and if you went so far as to ask then I would think friends would be considerate.
My suggestion is to have a huge plain salad before the guests arrive and keep a big veggie plate near you to nibble on when you need to.
You can't change other people or tell them what they need to do...but...personally when I am trying my best to keep my willpower high it helps to look around and see what you don't want to be like anymore. When you see them eating slabs of cake just be thankful you are strong and that you won't have to deal with the weight gain tomorrow.
Please keep us posted on how the night goes! Good luck!

BeeElMarvin

Yes. in my opinion, you are wrong. Provide them and yourself with some healthy alternatives, let them bring the other stuff too. You are going to be faced with daily decisions regarding food from now on, deal with it, stand up to it and do it - that's my opinion anyway...

iuangina

I think it is somewhat rude of your mother to say that everyone should bring something when you said you already volunteered to handle the food. To me, it's like she didn't trust you and to me that's disrespectful. I also think that your mom should have had enough respect for your efforts to not ask other people to bring anything. That's something that you should address with your mother not the other party guests. I also don't think it would have been rude for you to request that people bring healthier items. I've been to plenty of parties with themes that request a specific thing be brought (i.e., fruit and veggie tray decorating contest, chili cookoff, etc.). However, now that you mom has asked people to bring things and they have decided what they are going to bring it may be a little rude to ask them to change it.

I think that if it's going to be that difficult for you that maybe you should suggest that you mom take the party elsewhere. That is within your right. Otherwise you are just going to have to deal with the food and find other things to eat.

After all of this is over, you need to talk to you mom about the situation.

Yanicka1

this is a blog post I made

I see so many post about people that feel others are not supportive of their effort to lose weight.

Boyfriends that want to eat junk

Friend offering a donut

Family that say ou do not need to lose weight, eat just one.

They are NOT jalous of you, they do not want to sabotage you!!!! Stop thinking everyone is out to get you.

Feeding is caring.

THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!!!! And frankly they do not have to. You are changing, they are not. Most people are not evil, they just have not walked in your shoes. This '' jounrney'' (hate the word) is a solitary one.

Grimmerick

I have to agree with most of the others. That was in poor taste (no pun intended lol) It is not very considerate to only put out what you can eat and feel justified doing that because you feel they are overweight and shouldn't be eating what they want anyway. How would you feel if you put out all that healthy food and no one touched it because they didn't like it. As a hostess you cater to your party not the other way around. It's hard to be around that stuff but consider it practice.

I would also like to say that it was also rude of your mother to have people bring food when you said you would provide it, but then I am kinda glad she did because then you can provide the healthy stuff and not have to make and be around the bad stuff, just let them bring it and then take it home again.

myskinnyyear

I'm sorry, but I will not restrict someone else's diet to suit me. I am the only person responsible for what I put in MY mouth. My husband is slender, while I am a work in progress. He keeps his snacks in the house, and I have mine. If I choose to have a cookie, then I can do so, but its my decision to eat 1 cookie or the whole plate.

mwright24skinny

I think wait and see what people bring and have you a healthy snack on the side. It will test you but stay strong and fight through it.

kaetra

You can't force your choices on other people. Make healthy stuff, and let the rest of the people bring/eat what they want. Maybe they'll eat some of the healthy stuff too. You seem to want to influence them to eat better, nothing wrong with that. Make your healthy stuff so delicious that The Food is The Influence. Delicious food that's healthy works much better at influencing people than being that "Health Enforcer" person.

Think of the day as "temptation training". The world is full of unhealthy food. There is no escape. Especially at gatherings.

meli_medina

I think it would be rude of you to request that people only bring certain foods. You are restricting them to your dietary needs.

I agree.

As someone who does have dietary restrictions due to health reasons (I cannot have soy and for three years no meat, no dairy, no wheat, no soy, no eggs), I never, ever required guests at my house to follow my dietary restrictions. Last New Year's Eve, we hosted a party in our home, and everyone requested I make my home made meatballs. Can I eat those? No! Did I make them so that others could enjoy them? Yes!

It is incredibly rude to assume your restrictions on others and it is also rude to judge the weight of others. You graciously offered for you mother to host her blanket making party at your house, so it honestly isn't even your party. Don't be one of those people that think that nobody else can eat something because you've added it to your "No" list.