Am I Wrong? Should I not put myself and my weight loss first

rml_16

I think it is somewhat rude of your mother to say that everyone should bring something when you said you already volunteered to handle the food. To me, it's like she didn't trust you and to me that's disrespectful. I also think that your mom should have had enough respect for your efforts to not ask other people to bring anything. That's something that you should address with your mother not the other party guests.

Where did she say this is happening on her mother's suggestion? My assumption (could be wrong) is this is how this group works. They get together to make the blankets and each bring a dish to pass.

They want to eat what they enjoy at their party. You do NOT invite guests to your home and then force them to bend to your will. THAT is rude.

wickedcricket

just a thought, some Christmas parties include 'door prizes' or 'boobie prizes' How about a prize for the Healthiest dish? of course, not everyone will care but I bet some will & will bring a healthy dish instead of something gross

worth a try
Merry Christmas!

lizziebeth1028

I think it would be rude of you to request that people only bring certain foods. You are restricting them to your dietary needs.

^^^ This exactly. It's Christmas! They're doing charity work! This is a lovely tradition and these dishes they are offering to bring are part of that tradition. It's one frigging night....don't eat it. And have everyone bring their leftovers home. A good hostess doesn't just cater to her own needs but the needs of her guests. It's not your decision that they should be on diets! Congrats on your commitment and determination to stay on track......but you are not the diet police! LIghten up!

xsmilexforxmex

just a thought, some Christmas parties include 'door prizes' or 'boobie prizes' How about a prize for the Healthiest dish? of course, not everyone will care but I bet some will & will bring a healthy dish instead of something gross

worth a try
Merry Christmas!

This is a great Idea.

But since they are already upset (after all it was their party, you my have offered your home but they probably didn't think it would change teh way they normally do things) I would go one of 2 ways. You can let them come with what they want to bring and just make some healthy snacks for yourself and insist the bad stuff is taken home afterwards.. (while the party is going on you can always brag a little about how healthy you have been eating and the weight youve lost if you have to say something..)
... Or you can insist on not having the bad treats and essentially not have the party unless they agree.. That would suck, especially bc you have to play the bad guy there but it's your house and you have a right to do so. I wouldn't say its rude but other people probably will and they probably won't be very happy about it.

iuangina

I think it is somewhat rude of your mother to say that everyone should bring something when you said you already volunteered to handle the food. To me, it's like she didn't trust you and to me that's disrespectful. I also think that your mom should have had enough respect for your efforts to not ask other people to bring anything. That's something that you should address with your mother not the other party guests.

Where did she say this is happening on her mother's suggestion? My assumption (could be wrong) is this is how this group works. They get together to make the blankets and each bring a dish to pass.

They want to eat what they enjoy at their party. You do NOT invite guests to your home and then force them to bend to your will. THAT is rude.

My assumption was that when the mom was asked if they could bring anything. This is how things usually work in my experierence.

mklatsky

If I'm not mistaken- it seems like the real issue may be that you are trying to do the right thing for yourself, but feel like you may not be able to muster the willpower to avoid eating some of the foods that people are bringing. If that is the case, is it possible for you to hang out with a friend or two during the party? If you get yourself out of the situation, your mom and her friends can enjoy their time, and so can you!

Just a thought...

iuangina

If I'm not mistaken- it seems like the real issue may be that you are trying to do the right thing for yourself, but feel like you may not be able to muster the willpower to avoid eating some of the foods that people are bringing. If that is the case, is it possible for you to hang out with a friend or two during the party? If you get yourself out of the situation, your mom and her friends can enjoy their time, and so can you!

Just a thought...

^This is a good idea

zenzoes

Nope, sorry, but you were out of line. The rest of your life is going to be about practicing self-control...might as well get started now! Not sure how you can fix this with the ladies now, though...

ETA I'm a bit surprised that no one has mentioned your comment about how many of the women have their own weight problems and shouldn't be eating this stuff anyway. Ummm, no offence, but that's really none of your business!

Agree

Stacyanne324

I definitely think you are wrong. It's great that you are making healthier choices for yourself but you can't force those choices on others. If your Mom was asking you to make or provide unhealthy things I think that would be one thing but if others are willing to bring extra dishes... the more the merrier. Just put out some good choices for yourself and anyone else who may be dieting and stick with those on your own plate.

Diggy2011

Eat before they come over and put water fruit and healthy snacks close by you'll be surprised how easy this situation can be x good luck let us know how it goes

Becca_007

I think it would be rude of you to request that people only bring certain foods. You are restricting them to your dietary needs.

I agree, plus this truly is a solo journey (that's why we're all here on MFP so it won't be so much so!:drinker: ) and we make changes in our lives but can't expect others to cater to us. If they do great but it's not something I expect. Before you began to make changes you didn't expect everyone around you to eat exactly the way you did right?:flowerforyou:

I think if they are bringing the blanket club to a new location they would typically bring whatever they usually do to the get together. Some bring wine to parties, if someone doesn't drink at a party doesn't mean it won't be brought. Consideration is a wonderful thing but in real life it's not always going to be there for those of us making changes in our lives. That's when WE adapt!:drinker:

This is a good test for you, you've got great food choices of your own to prepare, same as any Holiday get together, bring something that you will eat and is healthy and that you enjoy. Medical condition or not it's our choice what we put in our mouths no matter what the situation and get togethers we are a part of.:flowerforyou:

rml_16

I think it is somewhat rude of your mother to say that everyone should bring something when you said you already volunteered to handle the food. To me, it's like she didn't trust you and to me that's disrespectful. I also think that your mom should have had enough respect for your efforts to not ask other people to bring anything. That's something that you should address with your mother not the other party guests.

Where did she say this is happening on her mother's suggestion? My assumption (could be wrong) is this is how this group works. They get together to make the blankets and each bring a dish to pass.

They want to eat what they enjoy at their party. You do NOT invite guests to your home and then force them to bend to your will. THAT is rude.

My assumption was that when the mom was asked if they could bring anything. This is how things usually work in my experierence.

This is an annual event with this group of women. It's pretty safe to think they do it as a potluck each year.

But we're never going to know because the OP doesn't seem to be coming back. I'm guessing she didn't get the responses she expected. I think the idea to leave for the day was the best option.

tcmay72

I believe your question came a bit late? You already said it:0( bummer! Nothing is worse than a healthy party/ get together! Your choice to do somthing about your weight is yours. And for those not dieting, they will be offended especially if they need to lose weight.

12skipafew99100

I think you should let them bring whatever brings them joy. They are used to this fuction going a certain way and that is what they are looking forward to. Eat what you like but let others be. You can't just take over and change everything.

If you want to volunteer your home for the function, do that. But don't try to change the details that everyone is used to and expecting. Sometimes a special occassion is just that, special. Why are you judging what others should or shouldn't eat anyway?

If you are afraid you will eat these things, try to fill up on good stuff before anyone arrives and you will be less tempted.

vytamindi

Make yourself a healthy snack option - who cares if you are the only one who eats it. You cannot change others but you CAN control yourself.

^^^^^THIS time a million.

12skipafew99100

You're not wrong, but sometimes we just have to be polite and thank them and PRETEND we'll have some. Even if we know secretely we will not have any or that once they leave we'll throw it out or feed it to the dog/cat. Someone offered me Dunkin Donut's holes this morning and I thanked her genuinely, as I'll never really know if she's trying to be nice or sabotage. Either way, I haven't had any! Yay for me!

That was a beautiful and gracious thing to do. I'm proud of your step up, kind, behavior, when you did not know if you were dealing with friend or foe. Good for you.

dlaplume2

Yes and no.

You are not wrong to put yourself first. You are doing a wonderful thing hosting this sewing party and making blankets.

Unfortunately you can ban all food from being around you. You are in a position to empower yourself while around it. What better place than in your own home. You can have your own healthy stuff. You can weigh and measure to your hearts content. You can plan and allot yourself some calories to treat yourself if you like and you can insist everyone take all the left overs of what they bring home. That way there will be no after temptation. You DO NOT need to explain yourself.

WIth some planning on your part, you can use this as a true test of the progress you are making in your own comfortable environment.

Best wishes to you .

MarisaStinz

I understand where some of you are coming from when saying that Im wrong. But let me just add/review some more key points about this night.
-i have to lose 10lbs more before I go into major surgery in January- it is doctor required
- each one of her friends knows me very personally and are all aware of my serious condition
-they have all been told that I was handling the food (it was going to be fruit tray, veggie tray, turkey hoagies on whole grain rolls, chicken panini's and salad and dessert I was making fat free pumpkin spice muffins)- so i dont think im restricting anyone by having many options that are not only healthy but delicious
-and with them knowing about my condition and that i said food was handled and not to bring anything then to be told that they are bringing pastries and all this other stuff, is rude of them in my book
-i understand that the rest of my life i will always be around temptations and have to decide for myself what to eat and that I am the only one who can help myself, but when it is a matter of a time crunch and required weight loss, i have to be 100% dedicated for this next month or my life could possibly be on the line.
-yes, i made the comment about their weight, but they all are overweight, and they always try to ask me for advice about what to do or eat and they always try to lose it and go on diets, but when it is time to put their money where their mouth is they're too busy eating cookies and cakes

thank you all for your comments, good ands bad, they do help. and i know each day is a struggle, i just was trying to do something nice for my mom and I really feel like she didnt listen to me at all or factor in all of my issues.
at this point the party is being cancelled because my mom said that Im a rude, disrespectful person to even think about calling these 7 women up to ask them to leave to pastries and junk food at home. and maybe that is the case, but sometimes i need to do what is right for me and my health

SeeEmRun2012

Try eating a filling, healthy meal before the women arrive so you won't be hungry and as a result your temptations will be less. Also, try to make subtle suggestions to the ladies who bring food so that they think that it's their own idea to bring a veggie/fruit platter instead of being told what to bring. Talk about your weight loss goals/achievements during the blanket making. When you show off how healthy you are to others, often they become inspired and strive to do the same. Hope that helps.

12skipafew99100

I'm sure its none of my business, and because you would have volunteered the information if you had wanted anyone to know. But for the life of me I can't imagine what surgery would require at least a 10 pound weight loss before it could be done and threaten ones life to boot. :frown: I'm sorry your health is in jeopardy.

mkath4

Sounds like they are bringing what they like to eat. If they bring unhealthy snacks, maybe you could put out some healthy ones. People could then choose between the two, and you could eat the healthy choices.

lizziebeth1028

I'm sure its none of my business, and because you would have volunteered the information if you had wanted anyone to know. But for the life of me I can't imagine what surgery would require at least a 10 pound weight loss before it could be done and threaten ones life to boot. :frown: I'm sorry your health is in jeopardy.

I was thinking the same thing as it seems the OP is not really overweight...at least according to her ticker. I have heard of obese people needing to loose weight before surgery but not someone that has very little to lose to begin with.

At any rate, wishing the OP good health and best of luck with your upcoming surgery. Under the circumstances regarding your health it is probably best that you are not host a party at this time.

nikkishai

Similar situation, but on a smaller scale. My boyfriend brings Oreos over knowing good and well that I'm a recovering cookie/candy addict. So I asked him to hide them somewhere and to not eat them infront of me. He agreed and I'm still on track. In your case, it may be best to let them bring their "blah blah" food for the time being, but you've gotta stay on track. Premake your food and portion it out so all you have to do is warm it up, and eat it somewhere away from them. Pretend the aroma of their food is gross like dog doo doo, only go around it if you must!

crzyone

Cancelling the party was the best option for you. You DO have to look our for yourself, especially if the weight loss could put your life on the line. Perhaps you could contact those ladies when you cancel the party and explain that you have some life/death issues coming up and you just can't handle all the food and the part right now, since that is basically what it is coming down to. Normal human beings would understand that things happen and things get cancelled, but, I KNOW, that not all people react as normal human beings.

Praying that you and your mom make peace over this and it doesn't hamper your relationship or your holidays.

GOod luck on your surgery.

amberpryor

I've spent several years trying to find a balance with this area. My in-laws have been my "food enemies" in the past. They seem to only want to feed my kids sugar and fat, and healthy food does not exist in their home, despite my mother-in-law's constant complaints that she wants to lose weight.

What I have come up with is what works FOR ME. If I can control 95-99% of what I put in my body, and what I feed my kids, then I need to let go of the rest of the control. There are going to be times throughout the year when you're invited to a wedding, a supper at a friend's house, or someone is going to be kind by bringing you a covered dish. Focus on the GESTURE not the CALORIES. No one is forcing you to eat the whole cake. And if you know you're going to splurge at that meal, put in an extra workout that day, and make sure that all of your other meals are on-target calorie-wise.

No one is a bigger buzzkill than a person constantly talking about calories in a room where everyone else is trying to enjoy a treat and enjoy each others' company! I've been on the other side of this before, and I don't think that it influences the other people to change their ways and start eating healthier. It just makes them not feel welcomed in your house. Like you care more about food than friends. I say you should thank them all for their generosity in bringing the refreshments, and vow that it's not going to get you off-diet for more than that one meal.

lizziebeth1028

Cancelling the party was the best option for you. You DO have to look our for yourself, especially if the weight loss could put your life on the line. Perhaps you could contact those ladies when you cancel the party and explain that you have some life/death issues coming up and you just can't handle all the food and the part right now, since that is basically what it is coming down to. Normal human beings would understand that things happen and things get cancelled, but, I KNOW, that not all people react as normal human beings.

Praying that you and your mom make peace over this and it doesn't hamper your relationship or your holidays.

GOod luck on your surgery.

Well said!!!!

morgthom75

I don't understand. Is there a reason you just can't eat what they bring? It's called willpower. Crucial to weightloss for everyone. I don't call McDonald's Corporate office and tell them to close their stores just because I'm driving past on my home from work. I just choose not to eat it. You're gonna have to deal with it for the rest of your life, so you might as well get used to it. Seems like it would be all the easier for you to not eat it if it's crucial to a surgery.

iuangina

I don't understand. Is there a reason you just can't eat what they bring? It's called willpower. Crucial to weightloss for everyone. I don't call McDonald's Corporate office and tell them to close their stores just because I'm driving past on my home from work. I just choose not to eat it. You're gonna have to deal with it for the rest of your life, so you might as well get used to it. Seems like it would be all the easier for you to not eat it if it's crucial to a surgery.

To me, it's different when the food is in your house. That is supposed to be your safe zone. That's why you always see people on weight loss shows on TV throw away all the junk in the pantry. Driving by a McDonald's to me is a little bit different.

lizziebeth1028

I don't understand. Is there a reason you just can't eat what they bring? It's called willpower. Crucial to weightloss for everyone. I don't call McDonald's Corporate office and tell them to close their stores just because I'm driving past on my home from work. I just choose not to eat it. You're gonna have to deal with it for the rest of your life, so you might as well get used to it. Seems like it would be all the easier for you to not eat it if it's crucial to a surgery.

To me, it's different when the food is in your house. That is supposed to be your safe zone. That's why you always see people on weight loss shows on TV throw away all the junk in the pantry. Driving by a McDonald's to me is a little bit different.

Totally agree - but then you shouldn't be hosting a party

iuangina

I don't understand. Is there a reason you just can't eat what they bring? It's called willpower. Crucial to weightloss for everyone. I don't call McDonald's Corporate office and tell them to close their stores just because I'm driving past on my home from work. I just choose not to eat it. You're gonna have to deal with it for the rest of your life, so you might as well get used to it. Seems like it would be all the easier for you to not eat it if it's crucial to a surgery.

To me, it's different when the food is in your house. That is supposed to be your safe zone. That's why you always see people on weight loss shows on TV throw away all the junk in the pantry. Driving by a McDonald's to me is a little bit different.

Totally agree - but then you shouldn't be hosting a party

Yes, I agree with that!