Why are we overweight?
marisol7649
Posts: 484 Member
We are overweight for various reason thyroid problems, eating fast food is quicker and cheaper, or we don’t make time to cook nutritious food, but the main reason we can all agree is your state of mind.
When you are over weight it makes you feel bad, uncomfortable, ugly, and fat!
You don’t go and buy cloths because you do not want to admit to yourself and buy the larger size so we hide our figures in tent like clothes.
You don’t go to the mall and even consider to try on clothes because the skinny women are flaunting there bodies and asking you “Do I look fat?”
You are busy mom, sister, brother or broke and do not have time to cook a meal and it also cheaper to get take out. You eat it but you feel guilty.
When you do go out for a nice dinner the restaurant portions are huge and the calories are incredible outrageous. But, we say to ourselves “I deserve this, I rarely go out.”
Or we have been the chubby kid in school where the other children made fun of you and you did not have many friends but food was our friend.
While we secretly feel guilty and start noticing are clothes are getting tighter, we freak out and we seek comfort with our non judgmental friend “food.”
My point is that everyone here is not happy with our appearance for whatever reason and being overweight is the by product to our state of mind.
Why is it so bad being positive and offering encouragement when we “fall of the wagon” we KNOW that we screwed up but a few words of “it is going to be okay don’t be too hard on yourself” is nice.
This is only place I believe that we can speak so honest of our success and failures without someone jumping down our throats and telling us what we already know when we screwed up.
With words of encouragement you can get better results then with an “I told you so.’
I am venting. I do not mean to offend anyone, I got it off my chest,whew!!:happy:
Thank you for reading.
M
When you are over weight it makes you feel bad, uncomfortable, ugly, and fat!
You don’t go and buy cloths because you do not want to admit to yourself and buy the larger size so we hide our figures in tent like clothes.
You don’t go to the mall and even consider to try on clothes because the skinny women are flaunting there bodies and asking you “Do I look fat?”
You are busy mom, sister, brother or broke and do not have time to cook a meal and it also cheaper to get take out. You eat it but you feel guilty.
When you do go out for a nice dinner the restaurant portions are huge and the calories are incredible outrageous. But, we say to ourselves “I deserve this, I rarely go out.”
Or we have been the chubby kid in school where the other children made fun of you and you did not have many friends but food was our friend.
While we secretly feel guilty and start noticing are clothes are getting tighter, we freak out and we seek comfort with our non judgmental friend “food.”
My point is that everyone here is not happy with our appearance for whatever reason and being overweight is the by product to our state of mind.
Why is it so bad being positive and offering encouragement when we “fall of the wagon” we KNOW that we screwed up but a few words of “it is going to be okay don’t be too hard on yourself” is nice.
This is only place I believe that we can speak so honest of our success and failures without someone jumping down our throats and telling us what we already know when we screwed up.
With words of encouragement you can get better results then with an “I told you so.’
I am venting. I do not mean to offend anyone, I got it off my chest,whew!!:happy:
Thank you for reading.
M
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Replies
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We are overweight for various reason thyroid problems, eating fast food is quicker and cheaper, or we don’t make time to cook nutritious food, but the main reason we can all agree is your state of mind.
When you are over weight it makes you feel bad, uncomfortable, ugly, and fat!
You don’t go and buy cloths because you do not want to admit to yourself and buy the larger size so we hide our figures in tent like clothes.
You don’t go to the mall and even consider to try on clothes because the skinny women are flaunting there bodies and asking you “Do I look fat?”
You are busy mom, sister, brother or broke and do not have time to cook a meal and it also cheaper to get take out. You eat it but you feel guilty.
When you do go out for a nice dinner the restaurant portions are huge and the calories are incredible outrageous. But, we say to ourselves “I deserve this, I rarely go out.”
Or we have been the chubby kid in school where the other children made fun of you and you did not have many friends but food was our friend.
While we secretly feel guilty and start noticing are clothes are getting tighter, we freak out and we seek comfort with our non judgmental friend “food.”
My point is that everyone here is not happy with our appearance for whatever reason and being overweight is the by product to our state of mind.
Why is it so bad being positive and offering encouragement when we “fall of the wagon” we KNOW that we screwed up but a few words of “it is going to be okay don’t be too hard on yourself” is nice.
This is only place I believe that we can speak so honest of our success and failures without someone jumping down our throats and telling us what we already know when we screwed up.
With words of encouragement you can get better results then with an “I told you so.’
I am venting. I do not mean to offend anyone, I got it off my chest,whew!!:happy:
Thank you for reading.
M0 -
I so completely agree with you. I'd also like to add that whether intentionally or unintentionally we got mixed message from family and friends to clean our plates, or eat more or someone will be offended, while at the same time being told about how fat we are.
I'm glad you feel better. It makes me feel better that other feel the same way I do at times. The state of mind feels like its own additional 50 lbs. I'm glad you feel lighter!0 -
Your post just brought tears to my eyes cause there was so much in it that I can relate to!!!!!!! With that said, I also feel better about myself cause even if I've only lost 8 lbs, I know that I also went through my closet and let go of some of the stuff I'd been hanging onto for like 15 years. Above and beyond that, I am doing and doing it right :laugh: this time!0
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Marisol7649!!!
Great post! It wasn't venting. It was simply stating some if not all of what we all or some have all thought of at one time or another. This was by far, the most authentic post, thread I've read on MFP.
It would help all of us to open up dialogue to talk about this. The psychological, the why. Before we can talk about the how. Meaning, the exercises, the nutritional eating. We gotta talk about the why.
aprilf, I also agree with what you said about "clean our plates." Man, that's so true of what I went thru, now, I catch myself saying that to others and I stop myself by saying to them instead, " eat what you can till you're satisfied, then, leave the rest." Food has traditionally been a gift in my family. Whenever, someone has has an argument or disagreement, instead of saying I'm sorry, I've been offered food, I told my family, let's say sorry with words instead of with food.
Like I said before, great post. Hope to hear lots of great discussions.
We're all here and we're all going to get there together. To healthy better lives. :happy:0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:0 -
great post! :drinker: here's to MFP
:drinker: and everyone's success.
(id write more, but its bed time! :yawn: )0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
Okay, since others are saying this is personal and not what we'd normally do, I have to say to your post that since bf and I started mfp on 1/16/09, I have been a badger about keeping up with whatever food goes into our mouths and logging it. We had had a few drinks on Sat and bf said that I FAILED at Nutrisystem and that's my history for diets, I got extremely angry (not a common denominator for me!) and was pissed that I take all the diet stuff on (he does nothing) and wants me to take credit for when he lost about 20 lbs more than me in the first two months................boy this hasn't happened to me in YEARS but I was steamed. He says I'm just doing another by logging calories here (his too I must say!) but overall, I feel differently this time as opposed to all the others and that alone makes me know I'm doing it MY way all about me so I feel good about it.0 -
Would you believe that I dated a guy once who said, my tummy looked like I was 6 months pregnant?
I remembered I did not know whether to be angry at him or laugh at his stupidity.
Needless to say, I dumped him faster than a hot potato. His words didn't hurt me, the fact that I did not set my standard high enough and let this person into my life which was all my fault did hurt me. That was years ago, so never again after that. I set my standard for guys extremely high now. Like a real high hurdle they have to raise their standards and even beyond to be able to jump over.
I take full responsibility over what he said, afterall, I was the one who dated him. I was the one who did not set my standards high enough to allow him into my life.
But, I swear if I had kept my standards that low and kept him around. I would be the stupid one.
That was so many years ago.0 -
so I missed the question you asked, yes, I have had someone do "damage control" or whatever they call it when they are just uleashing on you, whether it be weightloss or something else. At the end of the day, you have to wake up knowing what you're doing is for YOU not them and be happy about it, I learned that too..0
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They say the closest one to us have the power to hurt us the most...we all have one. We can't make this about them, we have to want it and go after it when we're ready. Some people just don't know how to be supportive, or know what we really need to feel that. It's okay! We have each other! Power to MFP!0
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Would you believe that I dated a guy once who said, my tummy looked like I was 6 months pregnant?
I remembered I did not know whether to be angry at him or laugh at his stupidity.
Needless to say, I dumped him faster than a hot potato. His words didn't hurt me, the fact that I did not set my standard high enough and let this person into my life which was all my fault did hurt me. That was years ago, so never again after that. I set my standard for guys extremely high now. Like a real high hurdle they have to raise their standards and even beyond to be able to jump over.
I take full responsibility over what he said, afterall, I was the one who dated him. I was the one who did not set my standards high enough to allow him into my life.
But, I swear if I had kept my standards that low and kept him around. I would be the stupid one.
That was so many years ago.
I appreciate this post as well. I have had a friend who thought I was always so hot, when I gained weight after I stopped taking phentermine, she said I looked pregnant. Which bf has said that I asked him if I looked preggo before we left the house (although I wasn't) just a weird thing since I'd never been that big before) and I still looked in the mirror and felt as good as I could've felt - until that point
:sad: :yawn: :brokenheart: Well, friends, it wasn't just saying that, she backed me into a corner in the bathroom saying I didn't need to feel bad about being pregnant (she knows I have no designs on being preggo ever - personal choice due to upbringing and personal issues) so that pissed me off even more. I am a big girl, not weight wise always but certainly big by most little ladies standards standing 5'9 almost 5'10 and I suggested she stop or I didn't know wht I was gonna do (basically in my life that was me saying stop or I may start to cry :laugh: I did.............) 0 -
They say the closest one to us have the power to hurt us the most...we all have one. We can't make this about them, we have to want it and go after it when we're ready. Some people just don't know how to be supportive, or know what we really need to feel that. It's okay! We have each other! Power to MFP!
Very well said. So true. We have each other. I can't imagine life without all of you here on MFP. All thanks to Mike! I've tried a couple of other sites, the support here is amazing though!! :happy:0 -
They say the closest one to us have the power to hurt us the most...we all have one. We can't make this about them, we have to want it and go after it when we're ready. Some people just don't know how to be supportive, or know what we really need to feel that. It's okay! We have each other! Power to MFP!
You're right grasam7, I agree, nothing should be about anyone else, see my post after yours when I was still typing :laugh: but above and beyond that, it's all about us and if it's us - you look almost naked in your photo :laugh: j/k please don't take that wrong, not only was I not being ugly, just saying my truth! nothin wrong with it cause you look great!0 -
HAHA you're right....I never really noticed before you said that, but i can assure you...not naked....no one needs to see that...i have a strapless dress on. Thanks for the chuckle!0
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Yes, now that I've rambled on two posts, this one is straight to the point, I'm actually not eating as a result of being here cause I don't want to gel up my keyboard :laugh: and cause I'm finally accountable to all my buddies old and new here!0
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Porka29, this was the first time I mentioned it since then, I typed out my entry above and almost erased it b/c it was bringing back painful memories but thought, no, we're here to talk about stuff. Let's get it out there and heal once and for all.
I'm so sorry that happened to you too. People can be so insensitive. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'm 5'3" and my tummy is the biggest part.
Oh well, I remind myself to love myself no matter what. Sure, continue to move more, eat better and be on a healthier, fitter life yet ultimately, love myself no matter what.
Anyhow, hope your friend apologized after that comment.
p.s., I have a feeling this is going to be a very busy thread. Great Marisol7649 started it. Gd night folks, till tomorrow.0 -
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Porka29, this was the first time I mentioned it since then, I typed out my entry above and almost erased it b/c it was bringing back painful memories but thought, no, we're here to talk about stuff. Let's get it out there and heal once and for all.
I'm so sorry that happened to you too. People can be so insensitive. I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'm 5'3" and my tummy is the biggest part.
Oh well, I remind myself to love myself no matter what. Sure, continue to move more, eat better and be on a healthier, fitter life yet ultimately, love myself no matter what.
Anyhow, hope your friend apologized after that comment.
p.s., I have a feeling this is going to be a very busy thread. Great Marisol7649 started it. Gd night folks, till tomorrow.
Yeah, she did apologize but only because I put her on a level that she had no other choice. She really wants and/or wanted me to be preggo because that is something I am not going to do. Me and my bf of almost 14 years are not interested in having kids, although we did consider it. Just not for us, the four legged have enough of our time and it's just a choice we have made. Not everyone understands that, which I'm fine with and will always deal with until I'm too old I guess
but at the end of the day, I'm glad I said that cuase your post made me feel better and thaks for the sorrys! It was so queer (I don't mean that in a werid way only the best way to describe how I felt) in that I couldn't believe someoe was taking something I was soooo sensitive about, she's about your height and I'm 5'9, and run with it...................I wouldn't think of doing the same to someone, but then again that's me! Now thata I just finished a run on sentence, guess I'm done too!:bigsmile: Go green team! 0 -
Yes, I guess she is right, thank you marisol for starting this post! I certainly did not men to attempt to take it over! Personal feelings coupled with knowing the feeling took over for me!0
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ok, so i lied. cant sleep because i am thinking of what to post here! :blushing: so very addicted to MFP!
one thing i really love about this site is the dedication. almost everyone makes a new years resolution to loose weight. this year, i joined MFP 1/5/09 because i was tired of how i felt about myself and saw no other way to change it than to just change everything i was doing and take it one day at a time.
i have noticed a lot of us started in january. more than that i have noticed a lot of us are still here! :flowerforyou: that alone brings me so much encouragement. i am inspired by all the focus and support.
i noticed a strange thing at work. at the beginning of the year, it seemed like everyone was brining their lunch. the fridge was so full of grocery bags full of healthy lunches and there was always a line at the microwave. now it seems there is plenty of room for my lunch, more and more every day.
i have never been a dieter. i am almost ashamed to say i never had to. but things change and we get older, years go by and - poof! - here is an extra 30+ pounds. i knew it was there but it wasnt until i acknowledged it and really accepted it that i knew i could do something to make it go away.
its tough. one of the most personal and challenging things we have to do. but thats just it - we all know we have to do it and by gosh here we are doing it! :drinker:
i just have to say to everyone - thank you for being here and for making this happen together! 0 -
I think you have made some good points M:flowerforyou:Why is it so bad being positive and offering encouragement when we “fall of the wagon” we KNOW that we screwed up but a few words of “it is going to be okay don’t be too hard on yourself” is nice.
This is only place I believe that we can speak so honest of our success and failures without someone jumping down our throats and telling us what we already know when we screwed up.
With words of encouragement you can get better results then with an “I told you so.’
I think at times when ppl post & say "it's OK" tomorrow it's a new day....it can help some but for others it can give them an excuse that it's OK each time . I think different things work for different folks here and some need tough love because that's what works best for them and some need a bit more coddling....not necessarily a bad thing.
FC 0 -
As far as heather is concerned - yes, I feel the same as you, although I am working from home, I still remember the idea of having a fridge (people used to steal my stuff!!) and it is about recognzing where you are and where you want to be. Plus, the support here is really amazing and I have even seen some folks fall off since I singed up in Jan!
to FC - I've already told you what an influence you are here to others like me, well, even more so because I don't even have as much weight to lose as you've already lost! so thank you for being a cheerleader! diff things do work for diff folks, and just like heather said.....I can't sleep and feel the need to post, I also don't eat when typing on my laptop so this site has helped with that too boot cause I type more than I'm capable of eating lol0 -
:flowerforyou:
I think you have made some good points M:flowerforyou:Why is it so bad being positive and offering encouragement when we “fall of the wagon” we KNOW that we screwed up but a few words of “it is going to be okay don’t be too hard on yourself” is nice.
This is only place I believe that we can speak so honest of our success and failures without someone jumping down our throats and telling us what we already know when we screwed up.
With words of encouragement you can get better results then with an “I told you so.’
I think at times when ppl post & say "it's OK" tomorrow it's a new day....it can help some but for others it can give them an excuse that it's OK each time . I think different things work for different folks here and some need tough love because that's what works best for them and some need a bit more coddling....not necessarily a bad thing.
FC
HEY FC!
i do think what you are saying is very true. but the over all of the support is not only for the posters, but for the replyers as well (is that even a word :happy: ). when someone posts - oh man, i messed up - the replyers are there to say, hey get back with it and in doing that it gives them the opportunity to think - where am i at? or how am i doing? and ultimatly keeps us all on track in a weird way. i guess thats how i look at it. :blushing:
we all have good and bad days. we are all passionate about this because this journey is a rollercoster of so many emotions. of course, it is a personal journey that we have the opportunity to share with people on the same boat. amazing really, as you are :smooched: :flowerforyou: :smooched: :flowerforyou: 0 -
As far as heather is concerned - yes, I feel the same as you, although I am working from home, I still remember the idea of having a fridge (people used to steal my stuff!!) and it is about recognzing where you are and where you want to be. Plus, the support here is really amazing and I have even seen some folks fall off since I singed up in Jan!
to FC - I've already told you what an influence you are here to others like me, well, even more so because I don't even have as much weight to lose as you've already lost! so thank you for being a cheerleader! diff things do work for diff folks, and just like heather said.....I can't sleep and feel the need to post, I also don't eat when typing on my laptop so this site has helped with that too boot cause I type more than I'm capable of eating lol
i think i get extra sappy when i am over tired! good gosh man! i feel like hugging everyone on this thread!
ok, good night for real! :yawn:0 -
This has been a really thought provoking post. I've spent the past two years beating myself up inside, but pretending on the outside that everything was ok. I am pretty good at cutting any one off who seemd to be trying anything close to an intervention on me.
At work (I do addiction counseling :blushing: yeah, ironic. Generally drug and alcohol counseling, and mostly with people who are court ordered to be there.) day after day, I would sit accross from my clients listening to their failures and successes, all the while I would be thinking, "Whats wrong with me? Why haven't I got this figured out?" But every day, I was learning something from them. Here are some of the things that I have learned from working with drug and alcohol users that have just gotten out of federal prison, and are trying to start life all over again:
- You have to have a plan. Just wanting to be successful is not going to help.
- You may have to change EVERYTHING if you really want this time to be THE time.
- SInce we can't completely obstain from food, we must alwaya, ALWAYS eat mindfully. That means a food journal, not guessing at portions, and not cheating! Because we are only cheating ourselves.
- Sometimes you need professional help.
- You always need a cheering section.
- You have to learn how to forgive yourself.
- A slip is a bump in the road. A relapse is a willful dive back into our addiction.
- Relapse starts in our heads before we ever take a bite.
- LIke drugs, food is not the solution to our problems. The comfort it brings is an illusion.
- Perhaps most importantly, while we may be overweight right now, that isn't WHO WE ARE.
I think the following quote, which was taken from a book written in 1992 by a Marianne WIlliamson, and quoted by Nelson Mandela in his acceptance speech is a far better description of who we are: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." 0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
I think some folks put you down unintentionally too... like my Dad, who has never had a weight problem, used to tell me when I was a little girl, "I'm sorry about the way you look..." He would say this to try to make me feel better. Which I understand now, but then it just made me feel like something was terribly wrong with me. Being an insecure adolescent I couldn't process his words the way I can now... It is hard to move past those things intentional or not you know?0 -
I think the following quote, which was taken from a book written in 1992 by a Marianne WIlliamson, and quoted by Nelson Mandela in his acceptance speech is a far better description of who we are: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
WOW! That is powerful... That was awesome to read. Thank you... 0 -
WOW. I cannot believe all the positive response this thread has brought! That is why I love you guys. Everyone had great post and we can see that food is not the culprit, our over weight has started with our baggage we accumulate through out the years and the lbs too!
While a do I agree with FC about some people needing a firmer hand. Everyone is different and thank god for that or this would be a boring world! Once we tackle our demons as to why we are overweight then it would be easier for us to really follow a healthy lifestyle.
Thank you for response and support with people like you the journey will not seem long or hard.0 -
- You have to have a plan. Just wanting to be successful is not going to help.
- You may have to change EVERYTHING if you really want this time to be THE time.
- SInce we can't completely obstain from food, we must alwaya, ALWAYS eat mindfully. That means a food journal, not guessing at portions, and not cheating! Because we are only cheating ourselves.
- Sometimes you need professional help.
- You always need a cheering section.
- You have to learn how to forgive yourself.
- A slip is a bump in the road. A relapse is a willful dive back into our addiction.
- Relapse starts in our heads before we ever take a bite.
- LIke drugs, food is not the solution to our problems. The comfort it brings is an illusion.
- Perhaps most importantly, while we may be overweight right now, that isn't WHO WE ARE.
I love this!! I could not have said it better.It is true I will I could give all of you a hug.
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I so agree it's not ABOUT the food but the issue's behind the food & why we have chosen to use that in the past as our method of coping instead of allowing ourselves to feel our feelings.:noway:... we can see that food is not the culprit, our over weight has started with our baggage we accumulate through out the years and the lbs too!
.
Not easy but certainly do-able!:flowerforyou:
FC 0 -
So, looks like you couldn't sleep, cmr! :yawn:
However, glad you checked in to this thread. WOW! I am so sorry that happened to you. Its very frustrating :mad: when people who should be understanding are so thoughtless. It caught you off guard, so of course it messed with your head for a minute. It was good to read that you feel better now.:happy: Maybe now you can get some sleep
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