Why are we overweight?
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:flowerforyou: I absolutely agree!:drinker: :happy:
Its an honor to just share in the stories everyone has to share. You are all strong, powerful women. I agree with heal4444 - I think we start healing when we learn to accept and then love ourselves for who we are.0 -
I have been considering telling everyone my REAL WHOLE story. I've been nervous because I haven't told anyone else, ever.
Do I need to lose weight? No, I don't. I grew up eating healthy thanks to my mom who made us drink 2 glasses of milk a day, who always gave us fruit with lunch and filled half our plate at dinner with vegetables. As I got older and did my own research, I learned about the right carbs and the right fats, and I've always eaten...for the most part...fairly healthily.
But I've also been borderline...right on the edge of having an eating disorder. Growing up, I danced, and I was always comparing my body to the other girls in my class. As soon as I hit puberty, I bloated up, and I didn't lost that extra 15 pounds for years. I don't think it made me overweight, but I hated the way I looked in my leotard, especially standing next to some of the other girls who seemed to me to be perfect even though I was just as good a dancer as them. I obsessed over my weight, and as I got older, it only got worse.
when I met my husband, he made me feel so good about myself. He constantly for the entire time we were together told me how beautiful I am, inside and out. I felt like the only woman in the entire world, and for the most part, my obsession waned.
But then last...June, I think I started sensing something was wrong even before he told me, like your pets seem to know when you're unhappy. Nothing changed until the end of June, but at the beginning, I started obsessing again. When he was away on travel (which was most of the time), I'd scarf down all of anything that was in the pantry...and then I'd either work out like a maniac or hang my head over the toilet. Then, at the end of June, he came home and told me how bored he was and how he felt like he was living a lie, and I had that gut feeling that he'd been with someone else though he denied it fiercly.
Then I stopped eating for the most part. Not because of any disorder but because I lost my appetite. While my husband and I went back and forth, while I worried about him believing that he wasn't seeing anyone else and believing that he was going through some sort of early mid-life crisis. But when he was away, I'd buy my comfort food - a bag of sour cream and onion chips or bacon pizza (don't ask me why). And I'd eat the whole thing. And fall back into the pattern I developed back in June. I also started running...and dropped 20 pounds really quickly. I gained some of it back over Thanksgiving, but then over Christmas I found out about the affair and lost another few pounds - too much. But I have to tell you that it's addicting. You see the numbers on that scale go down, and go down some more, and more...and suddenly you're not satisfied with the 5 pounds you initially wanted to lose. Suddenly, you're greedy and want more.
My point of all this is that even people that are not overweight have problems. The reason I joined MFP was to work on those problems and force myself to eat right...and not get rid of it after I ate it. Since I've joined, I've gained back some of the weight. I'm not healed yet. I'm still struggling. And my mother gives me a hard time about the weight I've lost and for counting calories. I'm not doing it to lose much weight, really, though I won't mind if I lose a few (I gained a few too many since joining ;-)). I'm doing it to make sure I eat...and eat properly. To hold myself accountable.
I haven't shared this with anyone, and I'm nervous to post it here. But the people at MFP have been wonderful, and we all share the same basic issues.
I'm so glad you're here Corin ! 0 -
I'm w/you here.I tried other sites and like this one, none.This is open...This is free-minded....Not saying to you that this is wrong or negative things that puts you down.This is up to you...you are responsible for your own good.And it works.
I'm glad I found MFP...and thanks to all of you that are like me...giving your expertise...and all good comments...I think all of us have to share a little bit of all those post.Most of us have gone trhrough all these phases.
Thanks to all of You!!!!And let's keep it.:drinker: :flowerforyou:
:flowerforyou: :happy:
And remember We are Worth it...Let's Do it...0 -
Thanks to all of you for your words of encouragement. I really love this place, that's why I felt compelled to tell the whole story. There may be people who can gain something from it. We all come from different backgrounds with different stories. But we're all here for the same reasons, and everyone here is so wonderful. I'm trying to get a couple of my girlfriends to come here. They talk about needed motivation to eat right and work out again, yet they don't do anything about it. I have to stop mentioning this place or else they won't understand why I'm encouraging them to come to MFP. I want them to come because of the supportive group of Christian women I found. Anyway, I'm rambling.
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Corin - You are so brave for posting your story. You are definitely on the right path to healing and being a stronger person for all that you have been through. I am a Christian and have went through some pretty tough struggles the past year....My grandma has buried her son (heart complications), son-in-law (cancer), then a daughter (my mother, cancer). I ask her how she is not angry with God for allowing her to go through all of those losses (she has talked and talked about the pain of burying your own child). She said without Him, she wouldn't have had a chance to survive this long; He's still there just like he always has been, through the valleys and on the mountain tops. You keep praying for God's peace, guidance, and strength. And when you can't pray (as I often do now), just know that SOMEONE is praying for you. 0
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Thanks so much! Your grandmother's right. Wow, that's so much to endure, but she's right. I haven't gotten angry with God over any of this. Not at all, actually. I've only grown closer to Him, and it's been wonderful. Sometimes, I know I'd be flat on the floor in tears every night if I didn't have Him.0
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to one and all.
Take very good care everyone.
Thinking of you guys and everyone here on MFP everyday. :happy:
Wishing you all much healing, much insight, and most of all much loving of oneself
Heal44440 -
Hello, all! Love this topic! It has only been recently that I have truly recognized and decided to deal with my long-standing issues of low self-esteem, which cause me to not live the life I really want. Although thin people can certainly have self-esteem issues, they don't wear their issues on the outside. Like many of you, my issues started very young with well-meaning but demoralizing comments from my parents. Things that I internalized and have stuck with me and affected all aspects of my life. Weight, I think, is the symptom, the crutch, upon which I blamed everything that I wasn't happy with. Now I am focusing on weight loss and fitness for the right reasons (for me). I've finally realized that nobody looks at me the way I do. I have assumed that everyone that saw me had the same negative or judgemental feelings that I have when I see myself; that interactions or relationships that didn't meet my expectations had to do with my weight. NOT TRUE!!!!! I've finally realized that what people saw in me, that made them not treat me as I thought I should be treated, was my insecurity, my defensiveness. I need to learn to project the confidence I want and ignore, not internalize, MY impressions of others' actions. Nobody wants to take on a new friend with obvious issues, and you can't MAKE someone be your friend. You need to reach out for what you need. No one will do it for you.
Dana, stay with us girl!!!! You're doing your best!!!! Look to your internal strength; try not to go so much to the negative feelings. Find one positive thing to reflect on at the end of the day. It's there. I totally understand the need to dampen down those feelings with food at the end of the day. That is a very hard habit to break. Start with surrounding yourself with healthier choices. Instead of chips, chocolate, etc., eat baby carrots with low-fat dip, apples with peanut butter. YOU CAN DO IT!!!:flowerforyou:
My thoughts are with you in your quest for the medical care you need!
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Hello everyone! Who knew this would be such a powerful thread! Way to go! I felt like sharing something that has always helped me when times are hard. This started for me a few years ago when the organization I worked for hired a new manager. I had been working for the sweetest guy, if at times frustrating. The new gal was not at all the same. Suddenly, I went from having a great deal of creative freedom to having none. I was being micromanaged and I was not good at it!!:grumble: :noway: :grumble: :noway: Eventually, she said to me one day, "You and I are never gooing to be on the same page, so I am offering you a settlement to leave. If you don't take it, I will find a way to fire you." WOW. I was so shocked and sort of shattered. I was nearly 44 years old, I had worked there almost 20 years. I LOVED MY JOB and I had quit school to take on full time responsibility back in the day and never gone back. So, I was 44 with no degree looking for a new job. It was scary, and I went in to talk with my clergy. We had a prayer together, and he gave me a blessing. During the blessing, he promised me that loved ones that had gone on before me were all around me offering support and assistance. I have never forgotten how I felt as he said that, and I knew it was true. Its a great thing when you think about it - not only does God look out for us in large and small ways, but those that have loved us here are all around us as well. When ever I think of that, I have such a sense of calm and peacefulness. I know things will be ok, and what ever comes, I will be able to bear it. JUst thought I would share that. I hope it helps someone feel less lonely, less weak and less hopeless. Have a good day everyone! 0
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Hello Ladies,
I wanted to let you all know that I went jogging and walkig today..I ran a 1/2 mile and walked 1/2 mile then ran stairs for 15 mins..Talk about a workout I'm wore out n pigged out on lunch but with the exercise I did I ate my extra calories at lunch cant over eat anymore today...
I've decided to go back on some kind of anti depressent before I choke someone or get so depressed I dont come out of it..Although I told you all I was a single mom I have a bf but hes not here all the time n lives n works in Ohio...I really care alot for him I even love him a little if that makes any sense...He does not understand why I want to go back on meds..Hes like why do you worry about every little thing..I told him thats just who I am have always been that way thats one reason I'm so messed up in the head at times n I get so angry...He doesnt want me on any meds he said I can do it with out them..Well sometimes we have to get help from somewhere some how..Men hide thier feelings and problems so well at times and are men they have no feelings..lol I dont know about it...I have an appt in the morning so hopefully this will help a lil bit...Check in later Dana0 -
Dana, as long as you're monitored by your Dr., take the meds. It sounds a bit like Tom Cruise on the post-partum rant. No one can really know what you're going through. Modern medicine and pharmacology have come a long way. I know many people who have been helped greatly by the drugs. However, you still need to talk, so don't go away!
April0 -
Excuse me?? I sound like tom crusie on the post pratum rant??? Is that what I understand??0
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I think what was meant your bf that does not want you on meds. I am happy to see you are working out and getting the help!! Good Job!!!!!!!!!!!:flowerforyou:Excuse me?? I sound like tom crusie on the post pratum rant??? Is that what I understand??0 -
Ok..I didnt mean to take it the wrong way,but that just gave me a good laugh:laugh: :laugh: cuz my bf has had a fit like that before..funniest dang thing I ever seen in my life.....I do love him though and I can see his concern with the kids safety n mine...Did you ever find out anymore on what we talked about..I'm goin to go see my regular dr tomorrow and hopefully she has found something out for me...0
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I was waiting to see if you heard anything about those places.Did you? If you need more help I'll gladly do it. I was wondering about you. I am happy to see you are having a positive attitude,working out. Keep it up.:laugh:0
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Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
Have I got a story for you I saw my dad last week and out of the blue he decides to tell me that he's glad I am doing something about my weight because I was very pretty but I had lost my good looks in the weight I'd gained and he thought that was a waste he goes on to tell me that he didn't say anything at the time because it wasn't his place to say I walked out of there unsure if I wanted to cry or go back in there and punch him some things are better left unsaid
:mad: 0 -
Excuse me?? I sound like tom crusie on the post pratum rant??? Is that what I understand??
:blushing: :blushing: Oh, so, so sorry!!!! I meant your bf sounded like Tom Cruise on the Brooke Shields rant!!! Judging someone and their choices without fully understanding!0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
Have I got a story for you I saw my dad last week and out of the blue he decides to tell me that he's glad I am doing something about my weight because I was very pretty but I had lost my good looks in the weight I'd gained and he thought that was a waste he goes on to tell me that he didn't say anything at the time because it wasn't his place to say I walked out of there unsure if I wanted to cry or go back in there and punch him some things are better left unsaid:mad:
believe me when I say this
sometimes Dads do not know how to say they love you but I think that is what he said to you0 -
They say the closest one to us have the power to hurt us the most...we all have one. We can't make this about them, we have to want it and go after it when we're ready. Some people just don't know how to be supportive, or know what we really need to feel that. It's okay! We have each other! Power to MFP!
I just have a quick comment- Now my husband is sweet but I must admit that I was pissed at him for not telling me I was gettin fat (hell he sees me everyday) but of course after I dropped the weight (30+lbs) he says stuff now because I dropped so much (now I am working on the last 20 something) and we laugh about it he cracks jokes but I can take it and I know how to dish it as well
but I got on his case and asked him why he never said anything he said because I didn't know what to say so I told him how about babe get your *kitten* away from the fridge- But thats just me- Now he doesn't hold back but he also doesn't bash me at all and I can respect that-
Sometimes people encourage you in different ways- Some people need their hand held threw a process and others just need a foot in the butt-0 -
They say the closest one to us have the power to hurt us the most...we all have one. We can't make this about them, we have to want it and go after it when we're ready. Some people just don't know how to be supportive, or know what we really need to feel that. It's okay! We have each other! Power to MFP!
I just have a quick comment- Now my husband is sweet but I must admit that I was pissed at him for not telling me I was gettin fat (hell he sees me everyday) but of course after I dropped the weight (30+lbs) he says stuff now because I dropped so much (now I am working on the last 20 something) and we laugh about it he cracks jokes but I can take it and I know how to dish it as well
but I got on his case and asked him why he never said anything he said because I didn't know what to say so I told him how about babe get your *kitten* away from the fridge- But thats just me- Now he doesn't hold back but he also doesn't bash me at all and I can respect that-
Sometimes people encourage you in different ways- Some people need their hand held threw a process and others just need a foot in the butt-
that is just beautiful...if we say something we are bastaaads..if we dont say something we are bastaaads...and you wonder why we ......good lord0 -
They say the closest one to us have the power to hurt us the most...we all have one. We can't make this about them, we have to want it and go after it when we're ready. Some people just don't know how to be supportive, or know what we really need to feel that. It's okay! We have each other! Power to MFP!
I just have a quick comment- Now my husband is sweet but I must admit that I was pissed at him for not telling me I was gettin fat (hell he sees me everyday) but of course after I dropped the weight (30+lbs) he says stuff now because I dropped so much (now I am working on the last 20 something) and we laugh about it he cracks jokes but I can take it and I know how to dish it as well
but I got on his case and asked him why he never said anything he said because I didn't know what to say so I told him how about babe get your *kitten* away from the fridge- But thats just me- Now he doesn't hold back but he also doesn't bash me at all and I can respect that-
Sometimes people encourage you in different ways- Some people need their hand held threw a process and others just need a foot in the butt-
that is just beautiful...if we say something we are bastaaads..if we dont say something we are bastaaads...and you wonder why we ......good lord
lol- your damned if you do and damned if you don't lol-
Now you best believe my husband doesn't hold back the comments he had for when I was bigger but we can laugh about it now cause that wont happen again- and if he sees me eating something he will ask how many calories i have left or say another smart *kitten* comment but like I said I can take it and I can dish it out as well.0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
Have I got a story for you I saw my dad last week and out of the blue he decides to tell me that he's glad I am doing something about my weight because I was very pretty but I had lost my good looks in the weight I'd gained and he thought that was a waste he goes on to tell me that he didn't say anything at the time because it wasn't his place to say I walked out of there unsure if I wanted to cry or go back in there and punch him some things are better left unsaid:mad:
believe me when I say this
sometimes Dads do not know how to say they love you but I think that is what he said to you
I strongly disagree...that doesn't sound like someone saying they love you to me.... sounds like someone that needs to be a bit less blunt and bit more thoughtful before speaking ... I can understand why you'd feel hurt and confused on that ONE Hon! Wow, Sorry your Father felt the need to be so rude, but men sometimes don't know how to explain their feelings very well and think they are doing that by using that type of words I guess??:huh: :noway:0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
Have I got a story for you I saw my dad last week and out of the blue he decides to tell me that he's glad I am doing something about my weight because I was very pretty but I had lost my good looks in the weight I'd gained and he thought that was a waste he goes on to tell me that he didn't say anything at the time because it wasn't his place to say I walked out of there unsure if I wanted to cry or go back in there and punch him some things are better left unsaid:mad:
believe me when I say this
sometimes Dads do not know how to say they love you but I think that is what he said to you
I strongly disagree...that doesn't sound like someone saying they love you to me.... sounds like someone that needs to be a bit less blunt and bit more thoughtful before speaking ... I can understand why you'd feel hurt and confused on that ONE Hon! Wow, Sorry your Father felt the need to be so rude, but men sometimes don't know how to explain their feelings very well and think they are doing that by using that type of words I guess??:huh: :noway:
her father felt the need to be rude? the need? you know what he was feeling? BS
we were not there...he said he was glad, he said she wast pretty..yet you say "he felt the need to be rude"? you are wrong0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
Have I got a story for you I saw my dad last week and out of the blue he decides to tell me that he's glad I am doing something about my weight because I was very pretty but I had lost my good looks in the weight I'd gained and he thought that was a waste he goes on to tell me that he didn't say anything at the time because it wasn't his place to say I walked out of there unsure if I wanted to cry or go back in there and punch him some things are better left unsaid:mad:
believe me when I say this
sometimes Dads do not know how to say they love you but I think that is what he said to you
I strongly disagree...that doesn't sound like someone saying they love you to me.... sounds like someone that needs to be a bit less blunt and bit more thoughtful before speaking ... I can understand why you'd feel hurt and confused on that ONE Hon! Wow, Sorry your Father felt the need to be so rude, but men sometimes don't know how to explain their feelings very well and think they are doing that by using that type of words I guess??:huh: :noway:
her father felt the need to be rude? the need? you know what he was feeling? BS
we were not there...he said he was glad, he said she wast pretty..yet you say "he felt the need to be rude"? you are wrong
I agree i didn't take it as rude- simply because he waited until she dropped some lbs to say it- He was holding back when the time was right and that was when she loss some pounds.
Now she can just use that as motivation to continue to progress forward-
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It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did0
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It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree (most and i say this for the men on this site) are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did
tactless ...maybe ..clumsy with words? for sure men are I happen to know for sure
just because he is a parent doesnt mean he knows automtically what he shoud say.....if he was out of line...the heck with it,,,you are pretty and doing something positive for yourself...its all good0 -
Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.
I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.
I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:
Have I got a story for you I saw my dad last week and out of the blue he decides to tell me that he's glad I am doing something about my weight because I was very pretty but I had lost my good looks in the weight I'd gained and he thought that was a waste he goes on to tell me that he didn't say anything at the time because it wasn't his place to say I walked out of there unsure if I wanted to cry or go back in there and punch him some things are better left unsaid:mad: Sorry to hear that. That must have hurt you alot. I hope you'll have the right words to talk to him about it as soon as possible so that no lingering resentment builds. Hope you'll have the heart to forgive him for what he did and I hope he'll have the courage to say he's sorry for hurting your feelings so. I do hope that what transpired would bring the two of you closer rather than further. Love your Dad no matter what. Forgive him no matter what Love yourself no matter what 0 -
aaahhhhh, Dad's?!, Men are so blunt, but you look very pretty in this pic and he sounds like he was worried,just the way he worded it was wrong.0
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It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did
You are really pretty,But does it matter what people think of you? How do you feel about yourself. I have met and dated many ugly men ( not handsome at all
) There was something about them confidence, kindness, but confidence. They would walk like they were kings, ( I always had a thing for that ) Any who. when my friends would meet these guys they would say " oh he is so ugly" or meaner things but you know what after a while they liked them thought they were handsome and some girls even try to steal them. It all boiled down to how you like yourself, how you feel about yourself.
We need to self love,that is the point of this tread.
I read a quote I also have it poseted on my wall.
"It was a great surprise to me when I discovered that most of the ugliness I saw in others,was but a reflection of my own nature"- unknown0 -
I'm so sorry His words hurt You, I think it's natural for a girl to care what her Father thinks of her...just how we're brought up in this society.It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did
:flowerforyou:
FC 0
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