Why are we overweight?

stillkristi

One thing interesting about the situation is we are ALL assuming we know what Dad was feeling and thinking and what his motives were. There is really only one way to know that, and that is to go to him and ask. Also, maybe he deserves to hear that you felt hurt by his words. That gives him an opportunity to make ammends if he is so inclined. If he instead chooses to make excuses, well, he's human and has a weakness in that area. If you dad is not able to provide positive feedback, or not able to affirm you, then that support will have to be found elsewhere, like here

The real issue is like Marisol said, How do YOU feel about yourself, and what do you know about yourself?

lenece

Excuse me?? I sound like tom crusie on the post pratum rant??? Is that what I understand??

:blushing: :blushing: Oh, so, so sorry!!!! I meant your bf sounded like Tom Cruise on the Brooke Shields rant!!! Judging someone and their choices without fully understanding!

Its ok I actually got a laugh out of it after it was explaine to me:laugh: :laugh: I've seen my bf throw that kinda fit before we was arguing really bad one night n its like he was mental or something but that was like when we first got together...I just laughed my butt off the whole time inside thinkin he is nutts...:laugh: :laugh: But we're all good now...Thanks again for the laugh:flowerforyou:

aprilvet

It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did

You have every right to feel hurt. I do think that men don't always know how to express themselves, especially to women, and especially fathers to daughters. However, telling you you USED to be pretty was completely inappropriate, no matter how encouraging he was trying to be. Part of my crushed self-esteem is because of comments like that my father made to me in my early teen years. I'm sure he didn't realize how his comments affected me, but he made them thoughtlessly. I would love to be able to go back in time to address these comments, but I never had that kind of relationship with my father.

If you have a strong enough relationship with your father, sit down with him to discuss this. Explain that you appreciate his support- which you do- but that the specific comments really hurt you. Your father telling you you're not pretty????

heather0mc

It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did

hey sweet ~ my dad story:

i sent him a pic with my first digital camera (back in 2000 or something). i asked him, so! did you get my picture? he said, yeeaaaa. i said, well?!? what did you think? he said.....

well, how do i say this politely? LAY OFF THE BISCUITS AND GRAVY.

:noway: i was absolutely FLOORED! at the time, i probably weight 165 which is COMPLETLY healthy for my height. there was a time in my life i weighed 125. now i weigh 183. whatever about him and his comments. both your dad and mine. i know your dad loves you and so does mine. but hello! :noway:

Dave198lbs

It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did

hey sweet ~ my dad story:

i sent him a pic with my first digital camera (back in 2000 or something). i asked him, so! did you get my picture? he said, yeeaaaa. i said, well?!? what did you think? he said.....

well, how do i say this politely? LAY OFF THE BISCUITS AND GRAVY.

:noway: i was absolutely FLOORED! at the time, i probably weight 165 which is COMPLETLY healthy for my height. there was a time in my life i weighed 125. now i weigh 183. whatever about him and his comments. both your dad and mine. i know your dad loves you and so does mine. but hello! :noway:

I agree that the comment was out of line...but I can see a male saying that and not having any ill intention at all....to say it to a daughter, well....sometimes the male mouth is faster than the brain...as in most of the time...what can you do?

Fitness_Chick

It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did

hey sweet ~ my dad story:

i sent him a pic with my first digital camera (back in 2000 or something). i asked him, so! did you get my picture? he said, yeeaaaa. i said, well?!? what did you think? he said.....

well, how do i say this politely? LAY OFF THE BISCUITS AND GRAVY.

:noway: i was absolutely FLOORED! at the time, i probably weight 165 which is COMPLETLY healthy for my height. there was a time in my life i weighed 125. now i weigh 183. whatever about him and his comments. both your dad and mine. i know your dad loves you and so does mine. but hello! :noway:

I agree that the comment was out of line...but I can see a male saying that and not having any ill intention at all....to say it to a daughter, well....sometimes the male mouth is faster than the brain...as in most of the time...what can you do?

um, think before we speak?:noway:

and I agree Heather..'Hello' INDEED!:noway: I have my pocket full of Dad stories too...we probably all do as females even if we can look back now and know they loved us, wow, sometimes you can look back and OUCH! :noway: :laugh: But not all men are so blunt or insensitive thankfully:flowerforyou: Though at times when men say they're not being rude, merely blunt they might at times be using that an excuse to be rude!

heather0mc

It is amazing how perceptions differ I was absolutly crushed but I agree most are tackless to say the least. The point that really hurt was the thought if this is what my dad thinks of me what does everyone else think I know It shouldn't bother me but it did

hey sweet ~ my dad story:

i sent him a pic with my first digital camera (back in 2000 or something). i asked him, so! did you get my picture? he said, yeeaaaa. i said, well?!? what did you think? he said.....

well, how do i say this politely? LAY OFF THE BISCUITS AND GRAVY.

:noway: i was absolutely FLOORED! at the time, i probably weight 165 which is COMPLETLY healthy for my height. there was a time in my life i weighed 125. now i weigh 183. whatever about him and his comments. both your dad and mine. i know your dad loves you and so does mine. but hello! :noway:

I agree that the comment was out of line...but I can see a male saying that and not having any ill intention at all....to say it to a daughter, well....sometimes the male mouth is faster than the brain...as in most of the time...what can you do?

think before we speak?

:laugh: and I agree Heather..'Hello' INDEED!:noway: I have my pocket full of Dad stories too...we probably all do as females even if we can look back now and know they loved us, wow, sometimes you can look back and OUCH! :noway: :laugh: But not all men are so blunt or insensitive thankfully:flowerforyou:

yea, even though it was a ridiculous thing for him to say, i eventually chalked it up to his mouth and his brain not cooperating.
oh yes, i have more where that came from but he is a good guy so i'll spare him the possiblity of being trampled on because of his crazy words...but the biscuits story seemed relevant here :bigsmile:

MissResa

My sister was dating some guy that my dad didn't approve of. His words of encouragement were "You don't have to date someone just because he asked you out. I mean, you're not homely, or anything.".
It wasn't meant to be anything other than a push to get out of a relationship that my sister knew wasn't good for her, and we laugh about it. We know that he meant the best, and it's kinda humorous between us sisters because we know my dad has such a hard time finding encouraging things to say. He's never been the type to tell us to our faces how proud of us he is, but won't think twice to tell other people when we're not around. I think that sometimes Dads, and guys in general, just don't know how to say things in a way that doesn't come across as, well, stupid...:laugh:

Fitness_Chick

My sister was dating some guy that my dad didn't approve of. His words of encouragement were "You don't have to date someone just because he asked you out. I mean, you're not homely, or anything.".
It wasn't meant to be anything other than a push to get out of a relationship that my sister knew wasn't good for her, and we laugh about it. We know that he meant the best, and it's kinda humorous between us sisters because we know my dad has such a hard time finding encouraging things to say. He's never been the type to tell us to our faces how proud of us he is, but won't think twice to tell other people when we're not around. I think that sometimes Dads, and guys in general, just don't know how to say things in a way that doesn't come across as, well, stupid...:laugh:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Fitness_Chick

Does anyone else know of someone close to them that feels the need to put you down in order to help you lose weight? I honestly think it's stupid, hurtful, and counter productive to be rude about my being fat in an attempt to help me lose weight.

I must say thanks to all of you out there that do encourage others when they "fall off the wagon." I tell you that your words mean so much. I believe a lot of us have emotional reasons for eating the way we do and I'm am just learning to deal with my emotions in healthier ways.

I'm not where I ought to be by any means, but I am glad that I found this site and people who cheer me on when I meet my goals, and help me along when I struggle.:bigsmile:

Have I got a story for you I saw my dad last week and out of the blue he decides to tell me that he's glad I am doing something about my weight because I was very pretty but I had lost my good looks in the weight I'd gained and he thought that was a waste he goes on to tell me that he didn't say anything at the time because it wasn't his place to say I walked out of there unsure if I wanted to cry or go back in there and punch him some things are better left unsaid:mad:

believe me when I say this

sometimes Dads do not know how to say they love you but I think that is what he said to you

I strongly disagree...that doesn't sound like someone saying they love you to me.... sounds like someone that needs to be a bit less blunt and bit more thoughtful before speaking ... I can understand why you'd feel hurt and confused on that ONE Hon! Wow, Sorry your Father felt the need to be so rude, but men sometimes don't know how to explain their feelings very well and think they are doing that by using that type of words I guess??:huh: :noway:

her father felt the need to be rude? the need? you know what he was feeling? BS
we were not there...he said he was glad, he said she wast pretty..yet you say "he felt the need to be rude"? you are wrong

Seems like we'll all have varying opinions from time to time on some topics on the boardsbut to be rude to others doesn't seem necessary nor edifying when not having the same thoughts....

FC

stillkristi

Seems like you got your mojo back, FC :smokin:

Fitness_Chick

Seems like you got your mojo back, FC :smokin:

LOL Yes I do believe it's back Kristi! I think learning to get an emotional boost from unkindess put in our paths from those trying to knock us down in this world (instead of allowing them to pull us down in the muck with them) might just be the ticket to continuing to find our way up to the mountain top!:drinker: :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:

Sometimes we just gotta let dead weight go, and then remind ourselves that over and over again as often as we need to!:laugh: :laugh: :noway:

FC

Fitness_Chick

hiccup:blushing:

cmriverside

My father died on my 16th birthday. I wish he could have been around to tell me he was glad I was losing weight.
:ohwell:

Dave198lbs

My father died on my 16th birthday. I wish he could have been around to tell me he was glad I was losing weight.
:ohwell:

sorry to hear that....too young to lose your dad....my dad died 5 years ago....I never appreciated him enough while he was here...never crossed my mind that he wouldnt be around..I want to talk to him sometimes

cmriverside

My father died on my 16th birthday. I wish he could have been around to tell me he was glad I was losing weight.
:ohwell:

sorry to hear that....too young to lose your dad....my dad died 5 years ago....I never appreciated him enough while he was here...never crossed my mind that he wouldnt be around..I want to talk to him sometimes

I'm sorry, Dave.I know what you mean about wishing you had appreciated them more..... I wish I had my dad to talk to, as well. I didn't get to know him very well. He was only 41 when he died of a heart attack. Mom died ten years ago. Heart attack. Guess my biggest fear?

cmriverside

bump

stillkristi

Good to see you taking care of your heart these days, cmr! :bigsmile: