Quit telling people to "suck it up"
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Honestly, for me, the "Awesome for trying! WTG!" gets irritating. It's like....i did A SINGLE CURL and i get a gold star? No. I have a really hard time feeling sorry for people who whine. Not losing weight? Maybe get off the computer and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of asking for pity. Durh.0
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[/url] WTG everybody [/url] Flowers, rainbows, kittens, and puppies for everybody!
Wooo puppy breath.
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Anyone can say that. I like to flex my wordsmithing muscles.Buck up, suck it up, get over yourself and just do it...0 -
You know, I love MFP because I see so much support, and then every now and then you get a hard *kitten* telling people to get over their problems, suck it up, and lose weight. While they're probably telling the bitter truth, they should know it's not that simple, and it's not that nice.
First, not trying at all to be a hard *kitten*, I just want to say that I spent my first months on here whining about how I couldn't fit in consistent exercise, etc. A friend messaged me telling me in a kind, but hard *kitten* way that she didn't think I was ready to take this journey. That was when my switch flipped...boy did I want to prove her wrong! So we all respond differently and of course we would prefer encouragement over being told to suck it up, but most of us are here for results and I appreciate it no matter which way the support comes!0 -
I know what you mean. I've seen those who complain about too many TOM posts.. .(Uh... yeah, your period CHANGES as you get older, and it can change when you change habits, and some of us need to ask these things...) I've seen people suggest that when we say we are hypothyroid, we are just making excuses.. (uh... it DOES affect our metabolism, and it can be very discouraging.)
That said, we do have to learn how to shrug and recognize that there are ignorant people everywhere, including here. I avoid them and/or shrug them off in real life, so why engage them and take things personally here?
We can't change how others engage with us, only how we engage with them.0 -
You have to know who you're talking to and what works for them.
Yup, so if you don't know them, how do you know which they want/need?
You should get to know them before telling them to stop whining, or if they want cheese.
So then why post this thread??? You knew you would get this reaction! Perhaps you would be better in a private group....if your feelings are hurt so easily.....Only a suggestion :flowerforyou:
I posted this thread to prove a point, not looking for sympathy. And I know there's a point where people need to be told to suck it up, but unless you know what's going on with them, it's not kind, and doesn't help. That's why.0 -
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Would you care for some cheese??
Yes please! :ohwell:0 -
I was at a men's conference (please don't take offense, ladies) and the keynote speaker got up for the very first general session and the first words out of his mouth were, "Life is not fair. Get over it!" All the men in the room busted out laughing.
You really gotta know your audience. The same sentence would have caused stunned silence at some other types of conferences.
I have friends here that I feel it is okay to be a little bit of a hard *kitten* with. I have other friends that I take a much gentler approach with. Both ways of motivating are valid. I hope both type of friends understand that I really want to help them reach their goals. But, you really gotta know your audience. If I know that someone cares for me and my progress, I am more than willing to take an *kitten*-chewing from them. They are trying to help me. If I am friends with someone who is not serious about what they are doing here, then I have to consider whether that is a person I want to be friends with here.
We all go through ups and downs. We all struggle. Feelings will be hurt, unfortunately. People really need to develop a thicker skin and learn to take things with a grain of salt. Dare I say it? People need to grow up and understand that one size does not fit all when it comes to encouragement.
If you don't like someone's style of encouragement, then unfriend them. If you don't like their responses in the forums, then ignore them. If they are abusive, then report them. Please, please, please stop whining about them
My $.020 -
BTW, my profile pic isn't directed at you or this post! I was feeling "impish" the day I took it and posted. I guess I still do.0
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It's my opinion most people do follow your beloved Golden Rule. Just because you didn't like what they had to say doesn't mean they wouldn't have appreciated the same thing said to them.It's easy to forget the Golden Rule, that you shouldn't say something to someone else that you wouldn't want said to you.
The whole purpose for seeking advice on a forum is to get multiple points of view, so that you can make the best decision for your own life. If everyone just agrees with what you have to say or gives you the same kind of advice, how the heck are you supposed to learn?0 -
This is the internet folks if you want someone to hold your hand go back to preschool.0
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I'm guilty of not playing the over-sympathetic, hugzzy type - but if someone legitimately is having a hard time, I will always offer a shoulder to lean on. When asked for advice, I give it honestly, sometimes brutally, but they come to me because I won't sugar coat things. On the flip-side, over-complainers get no sympathy from me. Yes, life is hard, but sometimes they really NEED to suck it the fk up!0
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Cause I'm young, and I love to be young / and I'm FREEE and I love to be freeEeeee!0
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Obviously she wrote this post because it helps her when people are more sensitive but
Some people need the sting push as others like a nicer push.
So it's all personal, no one has to bag her out and make an assumption about everyone needing the same thing.
With most of my posts people have been sensitive which is good then I got a guy telling me to suck it up and I thanked him where as everyone told him off for being mean. So everyone's different.
Someone please let me know your thoughts0 -
You have to know who you're talking to and what works for them.
Yup, so if you don't know them, how do you know which they want/need?
You should get to know them before telling them to stop whining, or if they want cheese.
So then why post this thread??? You knew you would get this reaction! Perhaps you would be better in a private group....if your feelings are hurt so easily.....Only a suggestion :flowerforyou:
I posted this thread to prove a point, not looking for sympathy. And I know there's a point where people need to be told to suck it up, but unless you know what's going on with them, it's not kind, and doesn't help. That's why.
This is what your news feed and groups are for. If you have special issues going on, then make sure your support group of friends understands and they'll be there for you. Posting randomly to an open forum will get you responses from people who know you, people who don't know you, people who want to see you succeed even if they don't know you, and people that will pat you on the head even if they don't know you.0 -
I see where you're coming from but I also see the other side of it, like when someone is genuinely working their butt off, hits a plateau and tries several different ways to get out of it and it doesn't work it's horrible to hear 'suck it up and get on with life' because the point is their struggling and yeh they want people to offer them sympathy but more then that they want to know that people care and will help them by suggesting even more ways to get out of the said plateau. However, for the suck it up get moving one I also see the benefits in that, if you p*ssy foot around saying it in the short run it doesn't matter but in the long run someone could go back to old habits because no-one has been pushing them to keep going and not give up but using (possibly) hard words. Yes it's hard to have people criticize you but if they're your friends you'll know they don't mean it (too) meanly and yeh if it angers you it's great potentially because your anger pushes you (or at least pushes me) to work harder towards my goal. But I'm not sure if that's what the OP meant, because I have noticed on a lot of threads people being mean for no reason, which I think might be what they're getting at, like a thread I was on the other day some people were discussing how horrible they found fast food now so on so forth, and someone just had to write a nasty little comment along the lines of 'I wonder why everyone got so fat if they hate fast food', now that I thought was mean and unnecessary, a lot of people might have gotten fat from fast food, but a lot of people (myself included) possibly got fat from lack of exercise, eating balanced meals but not understanding portion control so ended up gaining weight. It's those people whose comments I find horrible, I know that isn't an example of suck it up but there's plenty out there when someone posts some small NSV they've reached or whatever sometimes I catch people in there with an attitude of 'is that all you managed'. So whilst I think tough love is a good motivator I think sometimes people do just need to be comforted, they can't comfort eat now (well they can but that would be pointless) so they need some source of comfort and sometimes that has to be you. But when people use 'tough love' as a chance to be a bully, well that's just them being rude and arrogant as opposed to when people use tough love to motivate people into keeping going. Oh and if the person who left that fast food comment see's this and genuinely didn't mean for it to come out sounding rude then I am sorry and take back what I said there, but sometimes you can't help but get defensive over what you deem as people being rude.0
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I would like to know where you got the authority to speak for everyone? I know the people on my FL are TOUGH, and telling them to "suck it up" is probably exactly what they need to hear. I know that it works for me too. Although, I can't really think of a time I've had to say it because my friends are kicking *kitten* everyday.0
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In an open forum where there is a bunch of pathetic sniveling, expect those who have it together might say "suck it up" - reach down and take ownership of your issues.
I suppose you could create a closed group with members that all coddle each other instead of trying to get you to face your problems and assume responsibility for your life.
Me? I need a good slap in the face with reality from time to time.
So please! If anybody hears me crying the blues and moaning about life, tell me to...SUCK IT UP!
agree well said0 -
I think that some people respond better to positive and some respond better to fear/initimidation.....
When you post something on an open forum and someone responds with intimidation/fear/aggressiveness to motivate you; it could be that the individual who is posting personal best form of motivation.... and his/her responding in that nature is simply their respectful (and caring) attempt to help....
It's an open forum... and just like in everything in life there is always more than one way to achieve a goal
(On a complete aside, I have noticed that no matter what aspect when you look at a successful driven person others frequently misinterpret their drive as intimidation/fear/aggressiveness)
The above said, I am not condoning belittling or making truly hurtful remarks0 -
You have to know who you're talking to and what works for them.
Yup, so if you don't know them, how do you know which they want/need?
You should get to know them before telling them to stop whining, or if they want cheese.
So then why post this thread??? You knew you would get this reaction! Perhaps you would be better in a private group....if your feelings are hurt so easily.....Only a suggestion :flowerforyou:
I posted this thread to prove a point, not looking for sympathy. And I know there's a point where people need to be told to suck it up, but unless you know what's going on with them, it's not kind, and doesn't help. That's why.
So let me see....I need to ask every person that is new to my FL how I should respond to them???? **shrugs** you dont like tough love darling just delete said people0 -
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Most of the people you see doing that are pretty arrogant. The fact is: not everyone has tact and most people who post on these boards are pretty juvenile(although we love that they mainly stick to the chit chat area and leave the main topics to those of us who are her for reasons other than socializing...).
It does take all types to get this done, but most of the people you see being *kitten* are the ones who are done or nearly done and have got a bit more ego than they do good sense.
I wouldn't worry about it OP.
Merry Christmas! 0 -
Agreed. People instantly just tell people to suck it up when they have no idea about their history or their story. Judging others when you know nothing about them is immature.0
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I dunno, I think soft-pedaling the reality of what a person needs to do or being more indirect in order to be nicer isn't always helpful. As it is, I get sick of people "trying" to lose weight, but all they do is look for substitutes for the crappy food they used to eat. Look, I don't eat cheeseburgers anymore, because they made me fat. I don't need to work on finding a low carb/sugar/fat veggie/turkey burger replacement.... how about just not eat that... and when I occasionally eat it, maybe I get the smaller one, and I count it on my daily calories. And then the next day I don't eat a burger... or the day after that...
I wish more of my doctors had been flat out rude about my weight and made me do something. It amazes me that every doctor puts "Morbidly Obese" as a medical condition on my chart, but NEVER talks to me about it.0 -
Some people need someone to say "Hey Look your doing it to yourself, suck it up and get moving" I am a firm believer of doing the things the nice way, but I WILL NOT... do it the nice way if I see someone posting daily "Oh I messed up again, tomorrow is a new day" - Well yes tomorrow is a new day, but I have no pity for you when tomorrow comes and you screwed up again! ...0
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There are a lot of really thin-skinned posters on here. They should suck it up.I agree with you. There are a lot of really rude posters on here.
I just feel that the message boards aren't the place for being that blunt with people. I think it will deter some people who really need the support and encouragement from posting. Not only that...a lot of times it's not what you say, but how you say it. We can tell people what they need to hear (as opposed to what they want to hear) without being disrespectful and rude.
It's one thing if we "speak" in that way with our "friends" on here...but not people we don't know. Just my opinion.0 -
You have to know who you're talking to and what works for them.
Yup, so if you don't know them, how do you know which they want/need?
You should get to know them before telling them to stop whining, or if they want cheese.
So then why post this thread??? You knew you would get this reaction! Perhaps you would be better in a private group....if your feelings are hurt so easily.....Only a suggestion :flowerforyou:
I posted this thread to prove a point, not looking for sympathy. And I know there's a point where people need to be told to suck it up, but unless you know what's going on with them, it's not kind, and doesn't help. That's why.
So let me see....I need to ask every person that is new to my FL how I should respond to them???? **shrugs** you dont like tough love darling just delete said people
I like tough love
!! 0 -
Honestly, for me, the "Awesome for trying! WTG!" gets irritating. It's like....i did A SINGLE CURL and i get a gold star? No. I have a really hard time feeling sorry for people who whine. Not losing weight? Maybe get off the computer and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of asking for pity. Durh.
I argree. I logged and 10 min walk n someone said good job every bit counts lol0 -
You have to know who you're talking to and what works for them.
Yup, so if you don't know them, how do you know which they want/need?
You should get to know them before telling them to stop whining, or if they want cheese.
So then why post this thread??? You knew you would get this reaction! Perhaps you would be better in a private group....if your feelings are hurt so easily.....Only a suggestion :flowerforyou:
I posted this thread to prove a point, not looking for sympathy. And I know there's a point where people need to be told to suck it up, but unless you know what's going on with them, it's not kind, and doesn't help. That's why.
So let me see....I need to ask every person that is new to my FL how I should respond to them???? **shrugs** you dont like tough love darling just delete said people
I like tough love !!
This is why I you so much !!! 0
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