I bet your bf/husband is really pleased

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24

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  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
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    I've read several bogs & forum posts of women who have lost their weight or posted about their progress so far & alot of them have replies along the lines of "wow, well done, I bet your husband is really pleased"" or something similar.

    It bugs me quite a bit as it implies that 1) they only lost weight for the benefit of their bf or husband 2) that the person losing the weight should only feel proud of their achievement once they have received validation from their bf or husband 3) that their husbands or bf were somehow dissatisfied with the person before the weight loss.

    This isn't some feminist agenda but I rarely see this comment made on male MFP'ers posts charting the same achievement & it is always made by women, so I just wondering what this type of comment implies?

    Apparently I will be the dissenting opinion here, but I actually understand what you mean. I doubt the people that post those comments mean it that way (I hope) but it is one of those comments that makes you think "well I HOPE he was happy before and that his being with me isn't just about my looks". In the cases of these comments being made on a Success Story thread though, most of the people posting those are doing it because they accomplished something they are proud of, and they feel better about themselves. So it would stand to reason their SO's are benefiting from that accomplishment as well.

    But I also have a bit of a chip on my shoulder and often wonder if people are placating me with their comments, so I'm probably not a good person to listen to on this one. :ohwell:
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Funny, my wife say's even after twentyfive pounds their's no change and I am still fat and disgusting! Wonder what she'll say after fifty?

    After fifty you should ask your new wife.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Funny, my wife say's even after twentyfive pounds their's no change and I am still fat and disgusting! Wonder what she'll say after fifty?

    After fifty you should ask your new wife.

    Yes!!
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
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    So are you saying your husband/BF is not pleased with your weight loss?

    HAHAH
    Ok.. bad joke
  • soccer8s
    soccer8s Posts: 331 Member
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    Funny, my wife say's even after twentyfive pounds their's no change and I am still fat and disgusting! Wonder what she'll say after fifty?

    After fifty you should ask your new wife.

    Now that's funny!!! ha ha ha!!!
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    I think maybe the reason men aren't asked how their wives and girlfriends feel about it, is because men are more likely to lose weight FOR THEMSELVES. Tons of women out there say all the time, "I want to look good for my husband.." etc. .. you don't see dudes saying, "Oh, man, I just need to get my abs right so my wife will love me again.." they want to get their abs right so they look ripped.

    Women are way too concerned with what others think of them, and project that on to others.

    I think you nailed it. I've read countless profiles that say, "to look hot for my husband!" Which really explains why people say things like, "I bet your husband is pleased."

    I never once thought about "looking hot for my husband". He's always thought I was hot. I did this for me.

    I also think people don't know what the heck to say to people when they lose weight. So, they just say some lame *kitten* comment that they think is a compliment.
  • caveats
    caveats Posts: 493 Member
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    I've read several bogs & forum posts of women who have lost their weight or posted about their progress so far & alot of them have replies along the lines of "wow, well done, I bet your husband is really pleased"" or something similar.

    It bugs me quite a bit as it implies that 1) they only lost weight for the benefit of their bf or husband 2) that the person losing the weight should only feel proud of their achievement once they have received validation from their bf or husband 3) that their husbands or bf were somehow dissatisfied with the person before the weight loss.

    This isn't some feminist agenda but I rarely see this comment made on male MFP'ers posts charting the same achievement & it is always made by women, so I just wondering what this type of comment implies?

    Sorry, but I think you're projecting. Not to mention overanalyzing the behavior on an Internet forum, which is kinda -- to be perfectly blunt -- an exercise in futility, frustration, and an open invitation for trolls to visit.

    And for the record, I see this type of comment on men's profiles/posts as well as women's. In fact, one of our resident trolls gets comments like that ALL the TIME on his profile even though he's already said his wife doesn't care about his new (and rockin') body. Ask him how he feels about the women still trying to flirt with that line. :flowerforyou:
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    It's just guys trying to see if she's single

    ... wins thread.
  • SeaSiren1
    SeaSiren1 Posts: 242 Member
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    Funny, my wife say's even after twentyfive pounds their's no change and I am still fat and disgusting! Wonder what she'll say after fifty?

    After fifty you should ask your new wife.

    :laugh:
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    As a man, I am surprised by how often I hear women comment that another woman's husband/bf must be pleased. I do this for me. If it makes my wife happy, it is a bonus. Perhaps the comments are similarly suggesting that the bf/husband approval is a nice bonus? Although, I have also read a lot of posts here about women using bf/husband response as motivation-- which suggests otherwise to some degree. While I do believe that any motivation that works is a good one, for me at least, the key so far to sustained motivation has been to do it for me.

    And you just proved my point, my friend.
  • Shanahan09
    Shanahan09 Posts: 97
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    Hubby will be pleased and THRILLED when this weight is gone because then I won't be so b*tchy. HA!! BUT, I do it for myself, not my other half. He loves me no matter what! :flowerforyou:
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    FYI. my boyfriend actuallly doesn't like that i've lost weight. :o
    thats because you are so smoking hot that he is afraid to lose you ! oh and that must be why mine doesnt like it either lol
  • sammys1girly
    sammys1girly Posts: 1,045 Member
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    Or maybe they are just thinking that their husband is happy that they look better than before after their hard work, and possibly that comment is being read into a little too much?

    Exactly what I thought. What man isn't going to be happy that his overweight wife is trim and healthier?? That doesn't mean he didn't love her just as much before, just that she's trying to look and feel better and he should be happy for her.
  • xo_jewel_xo
    xo_jewel_xo Posts: 696 Member
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    I think maybe the reason men aren't asked how their wives and girlfriends feel about it, is because men are more likely to lose weight FOR THEMSELVES. Tons of women out there say all the time, "I want to look good for my husband.." etc. .. you don't see dudes saying, "Oh, man, I just need to get my abs right so my wife will love me again.." they want to get their abs right so they look ripped.

    Women are way too concerned with what others think of them, and project that on to others.


    ^^^^ this
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
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    I would like it if my husband showed that he was pleased. He loves me the same now as when I was 60lbs heavier... I thought he would be happier with how visual guys generally tend to be. . not the case.

    Maybe, it will be different when I am at goal, maybe not?? Anyway, I don't think that it implies anything. I think it is what it is..
  • Mhaney
    Mhaney Posts: 467 Member
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    I don't think they are trying to "imply" anything. Just take it at face value for what it is, some one saying "hey I bet your SO thinks you're the **** now" or "he's proud at your hard work"


    My husband doesn't like the weight loss. he told me I had to stop before he can count my ribs.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    I think the reason women make comments like that is really to make single women feel bad that they don't have a man to be pleased with their weightloss.
  • coloradocami
    coloradocami Posts: 368 Member
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    It's just guys trying to see if she's single

    I agree...just a way of asking. There is no reason to be offended and I am"really pleased" to see my husband taking care of himself as well! :wink:
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
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    My Husband just likes that I will do it with him, he doesn't care if I am fat or thin really.
  • VeggieKelli
    VeggieKelli Posts: 232 Member
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    I've read several bogs & forum posts of women who have lost their weight or posted about their progress so far & alot of them have replies along the lines of "wow, well done, I bet your husband is really pleased"" or something similar.

    It bugs me quite a bit as it implies that 1) they only lost weight for the benefit of their bf or husband 2) that the person losing the weight should only feel proud of their achievement once they have received validation from their bf or husband 3) that their husbands or bf were somehow dissatisfied with the person before the weight loss.

    This isn't some feminist agenda but I rarely see this comment made on male MFP'ers posts charting the same achievement & it is always made by women, so I just wondering what this type of comment implies?

    Although I appreciate the humor people have posted, I think it is really interesting to think about!

    For one, it's usually not even a consciously done thing, not like anyone is out to get you or is actually trying to imply what you mentioned above. People are genuinely trying to be nice and thinking that that is a nice thing to say!

    But, there is still the question of why culturally we deem this an acceptable compliment for women to get so regularly in this situation? Not that it's only women, just seemingly more common. Everyone has their right to an opinion on any matter, just seems like a good idea to think a little more about what's being said and why.

    For that, I think this is an excellent topic to bring up, thank you, you got me thinking!

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