The "right" age / time to have kids?!?

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  • BodyRockerVT
    BodyRockerVT Posts: 323 Member
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    I had my first at 21 and while he was a surprise pregnancy, I think the timing fit well.

    To the people saying you should be married first, I think that is a bunch of rubbish. Just getting married in no way makes a commitment, that is something that happens between two people whether they are married or not.

    My husband and I have been together since I was 17, I had my first at 21, my second at 23 and now am 27. We got "married", for legal reasons, when our second was 3 months old but we were committed long before then.

    My husband and I were never ones to go out and party, we didn't care much about travel or any of that so having a baby wasn't a huge change in lifestyle other than completely putting someone else's needs ahead of our own. We will still be relatively young when the kids go off to college (assuming they do) or move out and will have time for the things we enjoy doing then, because no doubt those interests will have changed.

    The long and short of it is you are NEVER 100% ready. You might know in your gut if you are ready or not but second thoughts are also totally normal and part of the process.
  • Being2befit
    Being2befit Posts: 127 Member
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    Babys Always come at the time they are meant to be here..there is never right time...to have kids but they are blessings! :) were expecting our first unplanned totally and bad timing but its a blessing :) good luck hunny!
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
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    ...To the people saying you should be married first, I think that is a bunch of rubbish. Just getting married in no way makes a commitment, that is something that happens between two people whether they are married or not.
    [...]

    The long and short of it is you are NEVER 100% ready. You might know in your gut if you are ready or not but second thoughts are also totally normal and part of the process.

    Agree and disagree. I agree that you are never 100% "ready."
    I disagree with your assessment of marriage.
    This has nothing to do with whether you have a committed partner, but rather that you have a legal standing, to protect the welfare of the child.
    It IS a child we are talking about.
  • Bikini_Bound150
    Bikini_Bound150 Posts: 461 Member
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    If you don't want to have them yet, you're not ready. Don't bring children into the world when you're not ready to care for them yet just because you are feeling pressured. 21 is young and you haven't done what you want to do yet before you have children. It makes it a lot more difficult to live your 20's, even if that doesn't mean you want to party. Maybe college, traveling, etc. Don't do it till you're SURE! :smile:
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Simple fact is that you're not ready and you know it. That's all the reason you need to keep your womb under irons, girl. Forget being married or not being married.
  • _Aimée_
    _Aimée_ Posts: 190
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    Sorry could people clarify how the child is safer if the parents are married? I'm totally confused and don't understand how being married affects child welfare.
  • KeegansMomma
    KeegansMomma Posts: 156
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    When YOU ARE ready you will know. Don't let others pressure you into having a baby...you may regret it in the end.

    My husbands family has been pressuring and asking when we were going to have a 2nd child since shortly after our son was born (he is 4 now). And DH just kept telling them "when we're ready" or "I don't know". However, now he can tell them we won't be having a 2nd child (or 3rd or 4th)...as we decided that we only want to have our son. And there will be no "oops" babies because DH went and had a vasectomy the beginning of this month. He and I are both very content and happy with our decision. :)

    So, don't let his family pressure you. If he can't tell his family to back off, then you have to do it.
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    If you have a child, you will love him/her more than anything else in the world. That makes you ready, when you bond with that little person that you made and your priorities shift drastically.

    I had a child at 19 (I was on pill birth-control, was using a condom AND have PCOS - so that was the most stubborn little sperm in the freaking world) and I was in college, terrified and lonely. I worked full time, now at 24 have a masters degree and a very stable/lucrative job (and a mountain of student debt!). My son is secure and one of the happiest, most well behaved children you'll ever meet.

    Was I ready? No. Would I change a darn thing? No Way. Not being ready doesn't mean you love your child any less. My mother had me as a housewife, got a divorce and put herself through college when I was a young kid. My childhood wasn't "stable", I never went to the same school for more than a year and a half, I didn't have two parents but my mother and I have one of the most supportive, loving relationships - considerably more so than any of my friends who's parents waited another 10 years to have children. We're more than family - we're best friends.

    Providing your child with stability is very admirable, but if you love them, you'll make it work and be a fantastic parent regardless. Children are very adaptable, and it shouldn't be consistantcy with your house or a school that makes them feel safe and cared for - thats your job. Children don't make ANYTHING impossible, they can just make it a little more difficult or make it take a bit longer.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Sorry could people clarify how the child is safer if the parents are married? I'm totally confused and don't understand how being married affects child welfare.

    LOL Emotionally speaking, it's called a "false sense of security".
  • pucenavel
    pucenavel Posts: 972 Member
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    I was finally ready to have children at about 40. My daughter was 7 at the time....:happy:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    Sorry could people clarify how the child is safer if the parents are married? I'm totally confused and don't understand how being married affects child welfare.

    If the father walks out, or dies, the mother and child have no right to anything he owns. He doesn't need to pay maintenance, they won't inherit, they have no legal rights at all.
  • ljd0693
    ljd0693 Posts: 289 Member
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    I'm glad my mom didn't think 21 was too young. She had four children in 6 years and started at 19. I wouldn't have my some of my siblings. Yes, it was a different time, but to put an exact age on when the perfect time for having a baby is hard for me to swallow.

    You could get married at 14, the average life expectancy was 40-50, and you needed big families to work the farm. It's not like a woman in those days had many options. Those days are long gone.

    Now a woman has options and shouldn't feel pressured to have children so early. There is plenty of time.
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    I'm glad my mom didn't think 21 was too young. She had four children in 6 years and started at 19. I wouldn't have my some of my siblings. Yes, it was a different time, but to put an exact age on when the perfect time for having a baby is hard for me to swallow.

    You could get married at 14, the average life expectancy was 40-50, and you needed big families to work the farm. It's not like a woman in those days had many options. Those days are long gone.

    Now a woman has options and shouldn't feel pressured to have children so early. There is plenty of time.

    I don't think she's saying a woman should feel pressured. I think she is saying its okay if a younger woman wants children and putting some arbitrary age limit on it is silly and pointless. :wink:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I'm glad my mom didn't think 21 was too young. She had four children in 6 years and started at 19. I wouldn't have my some of my siblings. Yes, it was a different time, but to put an exact age on when the perfect time for having a baby is hard for me to swallow.

    You could get married at 14, the average life expectancy was 40-50, and you needed big families to work the farm. It's not like a woman in those days had many options. Those days are long gone.

    Now a woman has options and shouldn't feel pressured to have children so early. There is plenty of time.

    WHERE? The age of consent has been 16 in the UK (and even then only with parental permission until 18) since 1885. It was most certainly not normal, even when my parents were children, for couples to marry in their teens. In fact both sets of my and my husband's grandparents were in their late 20s (28 for the women) when they married, and went on having children well into their late 30s. And that was back in the 1930s and 40s.
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
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    It's fine to have kids when you're 21. BUT if you don't want to have kids yet then it's not right to have kids.

    Simple.
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    It's fine to have kids when you're 21. BUT if you don't want to have kids yet then it's not right to have kids.

    Simple.

    +rep for logic. :laugh:
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    If you are feeling pressured about having kids-that alone says you are not ready. Get married and be a couple. Enjoy your life together first!

    out society pushes people into marriage and children way to fast! And for the record-there is nothing wrong with not having children at all!

    be true to YOUR wants and needs!
  • Run4iiiiiit
    Run4iiiiiit Posts: 489 Member
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    My wife and I wanted kids when we were young, but we couldn't conceive. We decided to steal one from a rich family. They had a whole bunch, so wth? John Goodman stole the baby, yada yada yada...we obviously weren't ready.
  • Tamstar1985
    Tamstar1985 Posts: 334 Member
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    i think the "right" age to have children is a very personal decision. it might be okay for some at 21, some at 25, some at 30, and so on. don't let nagging family members decide what time you have kids.

    i am 26 years old, recently married in november, wedding ceremony august 2012... my husband and i own three homes (two of which we are selling) and a car. i want to enjoy some selfish post-wedding US time before we have kids. my in-laws, being chinese, are very pushy about us having kids ASAP, but i've already decided to hold off until i'm about 30. my husband agrees.
  • cartea01
    cartea01 Posts: 156 Member
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    I'm a doctor myself but I asked my doctor a similar question, when is the rIght time?? She said:
    Physically 20 is the perfect age to have a baby. (theoretically!) You're young, fit and your uterus/eggs etc are in prime condition.
    Psychologically 30+ is the perfect age to have a baby. You've had time to live your life and mature enough to care for another person.
    Emotionally, only you can decide!

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