Is he trying to sabotage me!

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  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
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    If you think your partner / love of your life is buying pop tarts for the express purpose of sabotaging your efforts, your issues are deeper than poptarts. In all seriousness, look at your assumptions about your partner and what the chances are that sabotage was what he was thinking. If it is more likely he wanted to bring home a yummy treat to enjoy,, what does it do to your relationship that your assumptions go straight to malevolence? If he really is the kind of hateful *kitten* that wants to keep you from your goal, keep you fat, whatever it is, why would you stay in a relationship like that?
  • fudgebudget
    fudgebudget Posts: 198 Member
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    Is he taller than you? Tell him to keep the stuff out of your reach. I'm lucky in that my boyfriend likes different crap food than me except for the times he buys Baked Lays, which aren't terrible if you can eat one serving. I can't. He still buys them, but only occasionally, and I do my best to ignore them when they're around.

    Have a talk with you man, in friendly, non-accusatory terms, with some helpful suggestions (like keeping things out of reach or out of sight, etc.). If you come to the table with viable alternatives, then it will help to not put him on the defensive. If he loves you and you accuse him of sabotaging you, he will probably take it personally. Don't be passive aggressive, or even aggressive. Just have a discussion, and be prepared for him to occasionally forget and leave stuff out on the counter. You just don't want something this petty to become a big issue.
  • piezoeyjune
    piezoeyjune Posts: 186 Member
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    While I agree with what people have written, both for and against bringing the food home, it is near to impossible for some folks to "NOT eat it"(like me) (as someone stated below rather harshly).

    How about getting some sort of combo lock that you can put over two adjacent cabinets? Put a lock on it that he knows the combo to or holds the key to? That way he can have his food treats and you cannot get access to them without begging him.
    A little odd but, hey, that way both of you win right?



    [Look... your husband has a right to eat however he wants. If he's bringing home junk, than that's his right. He is not trying to sabotage you. He just wants to eat goodies. He doesn't feel like making the life-style changes that you're trying to make just yet.

    This 'sabotage' business that I keep seeing is silly. You're an adult. Eat it. Don't eat it. The real world is filled with all sorts of temptations. Think of this as good practice. If you can drive past Crispy Kreme when the hot light is on, you can ignore the donuts sitting on your counter.]
  • empresslove13
    empresslove13 Posts: 48 Member
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    As a member of a relationship who has difficulty with self control ... I think that your spouse can eat foods that you cannot eat that are triggers for you, outside of the home. I do not eat gluten or dairy or majorly sugary foods. So we do not keep them in the home because they are constant temptations for me. My spouse is welcome to eat those things at work, when we go out or even in the home as long as there are no leftovers. I am a food addict. As are MANY of us here. Would you tell a spouse who keeps bringing home alcohol into a home where there is a recovering alcoholic not to throw it down the drain?

    Yes, we are adults, we have self control, but some of us have less. Of course you need to have this discussion and give him the opportunity to understand and cure, but i guess i assumed that had already been done. Thankfully, my spouse is respectful enough to understand, respect my health needs, (which affect him gravely as well) and not bring the crap home.

    I hope yours will too. If not, throw the crap out. More power to you!
  • samatalma
    samatalma Posts: 197
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    Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again :)


    And this is mature, how? Not to mention a huge waste of money.

    I honestly don't think he is trying to sabatoge you. Have you tried talking to him about things? He just might not realize how hard it is for you to have that stuff in the house, yes, even if you have told him "in the past". It's not the past, it's the present. Obviously, things need to be talked about again.
  • Mera_Mera
    Mera_Mera Posts: 153
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    I agree with a few people that you shouldn't do that. This is probably a test to know how much you can control yourself. You have the power to set yourself up for failure or to triumph. My husband and kids are constantly bombarding me with things like pizza, eating out or eating ice cream, but my will to lose weight and be healthier is greater than eating those types of food... It's difficult to walk away, but so much worth it. You'll learn that you're in control! I wish you the best.
  • kuhfahlc
    kuhfahlc Posts: 5
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    It seems almost like he's trying to sabotage your efforts. I would ask him to keep them put those tempting foods away somewhere out of sight if he must bring them into the home at all! I get so angry when I come home (having let myself get too hungry) and there is pizza or fried chicken or cookies left out. I remind my family of my goals and nicely ask them to keep them out of my view. :)
  • candykay0605
    candykay0605 Posts: 1,019 Member
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    my husband, buys chocolate covered donuts at least 2 times a week, its hard but i dont touch them and let him eat all 6 each time
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    I understand the frustration... it's hard having "normal" eaters in the house! I want to snack with them, eat big portions with lots of sour cream and butter, and indulge in dessert. However, I just have to remember what I'm trying to do here.

    If it were me, I'd clean out a shelf or cabinet in the kitchen and tell him to keep his crap food in there. If the door is closed, I'm less likely to indulge.
  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
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    Pop Tarts are only 200cals a piece, you can easily hit your macros for the day and eat a Pop Tart and still lose weight. If someone has such little will power that they will eat the whole box, then that's their own fault
  • samatalma
    samatalma Posts: 197
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    Pop Tarts are only 200cals a piece, you can easily hit your macros for the day and eat a Pop Tart and still lose weight. If someone has such little will power that they will eat the whole box, then that's their own fault


    ^^This.
  • allysonlee9
    allysonlee9 Posts: 8 Member
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    My first reaction is throw it away~ that is exactly what I wanted to do when my boyfriend brought home the left overs from the bake sale last night. He did leave them in the garage (he knew i would complain if he brought him in, he said i have bad news when he walked in the door :)
    Then i remembered this is my choice, and I was reminded of this when i threw away the old cheese cake from Christmas that i found in the back of the fridge this morning. I went almost a month and even forgot it was there.
    Throwing it away treats will cause a fight, but with anything with men (sorry guys) you have to remind them of your rules and wishes repeatedly.
    It will be ok...just remember my favorite quote "IT DOESNT TASTE AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS"
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    It seems almost like he's trying to sabotage your efforts. I would ask him to keep them put those tempting foods away somewhere out of sight if he must bring them into the home at all! I get so angry when I come home (having let myself get too hungry) and there is pizza or fried chicken or cookies left out. I remind my family of my goals and nicely ask them to keep them out of my view. :)

    The original post does not indicate he is willfully and maliciously doing this... the OP 'feels' like her husband is just by bringing it home...
  • xezer9
    xezer9 Posts: 1
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    Its a test, resist the temptations!
  • samatalma
    samatalma Posts: 197
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    Sorry but it is not his fault that you have gained weight. So what that he has brought these foods home? My husband is having tortilla chips and salsa right now 5 feet away from me. I can actually smell the salt on them! I LOVE chips. However I have made the choice not to have them and will have some other snack and some water.

    YOU are the one responsible for what you put in your mouth. If he is trying to sabotage you then show him it is not working. Leave the pop tarts in the pantry - or even pop them in the toaster and serve them to him!

    It has take me months to get to this part but I finally realized that I can't let food control me. It's something I deal with every day - every meal, but in the long run it is the way to learn to eat for life - not just while I am losing weight.

    ^^This too! This is almost exactly what I was thinking!
  • Titebootay757
    Titebootay757 Posts: 7
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    I don't think he's trying to sabotage you but I do think that you both may need to have a discussion about your goals and why they're important to you. You both are married to each other not joined at athe hip. I need to lose weight, my husband is fine with his weight and has no health issues that need to be addressed with diet, and my son is underweight and needs to consume a high cal diet. Neither of them can sabotage my weight loss goal unless I decide to let them. We all get weak sometime and what that means is that we have to give up something later and/or work out longer to burn those extra calories. Everything is OK in moderation and if we slip and fall off the wagon, we can't dwell on it and become a prisoner to defeat, we have to get back on plan and keep it moving.
  • ilike2moveit
    ilike2moveit Posts: 776 Member
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    Just walk over, grab the junk and throw it in the garbage. I bet he wont come home with it again :)

    Love your answer!
  • CallieDerenthal
    CallieDerenthal Posts: 170 Member
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    What *I* do is I ask him to hide it from me. Whether it be in the microwave, in the oven (I don't bake often lol), or in his closet of he has to lol Of course, my man is very secure and very supportive, so he'll happily oblige.

    This is what we do at my house too!
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 21,683 Member
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    It seems almost like he's trying to sabotage your efforts. I would ask him to keep them put those tempting foods away somewhere out of sight if he must bring them into the home at all! I get so angry when I come home (having let myself get too hungry) and there is pizza or fried chicken or cookies left out. I remind my family of my goals and nicely ask them to keep them out of my view. :)
    It's easy to get angry when you let yourself get too hungry. It seems to me that the easiest solution is to not let yourself get too hungry. Then there's no need to get angry with your family. It's hard to ask nicely when you're angry. :flowerforyou:
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    Ok I need to turn the will-power up by about 500%, husband brought home bakery large cinnamon rolls,
    Pop tarts, mini donuts. Again I know I should be able to not eat this just because it’s in my house, but it’s hard. The pop tarts being the worse, not sure why those darn iced pastries but they seem to call out my name, “Kellie come and eat me….” I know very sad. I will just need to take it one minute at a time and see how I can do.
    He knows that poptarts are my weakness and he hasn't bought them in forever, until the last 2 weeks, and I know he has seen me measuring out food, and watching and tracking every food that I eat.
    I need help any suggestions, and I have already asked him not to buy that kind of stuff in the past when dieting.
    I'm lucky in that my wife is a real food Nazi.

    If faced with that situation, I'd react with rage if my desire had already been clearly expressed. I don't like asking for something twice - especially important requests. That's your health he's toying with.

    I'd suggest you tell him again nicely. Explain how hurt your are, and ask just once more that he not bring those treats in the home. Tell you love him.

    And if it happens again, take some salad dressing, and pour it all over those treats, ruining them totally. After a few such episodes, he won't plague you with these types of obvious sabotage. "Get the message now?"

    I always try nice mixed with honesty up front, because it people don't respond to that, then I know they're trying to hurt me. I'm no Dr Phil, but that's my take on it.

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