Posting Before & After Pics... Husband is NOT supportive

ka_bateman

enjoy the fact that he is a gentlemen and doesnt want every nut job looking at your body!

Couldn't have said it better! Simple respect.....

dmanning0819

Yes, times are changeing, but that's why are divorce rate is higher than ever. While I respect others mind sets, I will just say the older you get the more you realize that what your partner thinks matters. Looking back years from now you will realize that life would have been alot easier if you had just respected each others wishes. You will not always agree with what your spouse thinks, but that's because we come from all walks of life. My input is that if your spouse truely has a BIG issue with this than you should seriously think about not doing it. No matter what his reasons are you should show him what he thinks matters. This isn't a friend or boyfriend, this is your husband.

caroldot

I think as your husband, he is uncomfortable with other men on this site looking at your body in a way thats not appropriate. Lets be honest I've seen topics about being "single" on the message boards and a few men have made jokes saying "no but their wife is out of town". They may be joking but you can just never know.

Maybe he'll let you post before after pics wearing workout clothes that way its not as revealing as a bathing suit. As his wife, I think its important to honor his wishes. Because really, your new found body & confidence is for yourself and him to enjoy and no one else!

JDMPWR

Sounds like he is jealous and semi un supportive dude. I would have no issues letting my S.O. show off their accomplishments as I would hope they would do the same if I was in their shoes!

Please lame IMO

savage22hp

Marriage is " we " and no longer " I , me ,mine " etc . Don't strain your relationship by insisting on your way or his way but find a way you both agree on . If he seems to be overbearing , it didn't just come up and you love him in spite of it so find the flow that moves you forward together .

fimary

I would not want to upset my new husband, but it worries me for your future, I would want some kind of compromise made, to you are both happy with the outcome not just one party, doing things behind his back is not going to help, what happens the next time their is a disagreement, you cant keep lying, nor can you be a door mat.

aprilbollers

Don't go behind his back and post pictures. It would be disrespectful.
Instead, why not try to find out the real reason behind why he doesn't want you to post pictures. Is it because he feels that you might get hit on by the male members of this site? Is it because he isn't in the best shape himself and doesn't want to be shown up by you? Find out!

soniyamas

And he's got some weird modesty hangup :P

So do I... which is why you'll never see a before OR a progress picture of me on here. lol

THIS. I agree.
I would always respect my husband's wishes.

Fattack

Your guy must be super religious (Moslem) or has some sexual problems. And excuse me, he doesn't like you beeing in a bikini in a public swimmplace? You are in the US, right? Not in Iran.

There is so much wrong with the entire tone of this reply that I won't even start, for risk of combusting.

ANYWAY, back on topic.

I think if you love your hubby - which you clearly do or you wouldn't even care about his wishes - it would be a great idea to sit down and talk to him about this if you haven't already. Marriage and indeed, any serious relationship involves comprimise and respect - but he needs to respect your wishes too!

Why does he feel uncomfortable? Is it the idea of other men ogling you that angers him? Is he worried about your online "security?"
Is it possible he is worried that you are changing a lot - maybe he's insecure and worried that you will find somebody that he deems better than him?
Maybe talk to him and explain how it means a lot to you to be able to show your progress - maybe he'll let up once he realises that it's simply you being proud of your achievements, and it's nothing more than that. Alternatively, pose in something less revealing - a cute swimsuit or gym outfit! You can see progress in clothes as well as without - although I don't blame you for wanting to show off your weight loss in a bikini, especially if you've not been able to wear one before / in a long time.

The important thing is that your hubby recognises and is proud of your accomplishments and isn't controlling or disrespectful of your wishes.

Good luck!

mung222

Does he allow you to go swimming or to the beach?
Even though it makes me a little nauseous to say "allow".

I don't get the difference?
What about if he takes them and you just do a side by side comparison for yourself?

Ummm, yeah I go to the beach and I did wear my bikini. He didn't like it but he dealt with it. He isn't controlling or anything, he just doesn't think it's necessary for me to post pics on here. I guess I feel left out and I really wanted to share my progress pics

Sounds pretty controlling to me. He doesn't like you wearing bathing suites to the beach?! I don't know. I'm not one to let a man tell me what i can and can't do. If it were me I would post them just to show him he has no control over me. But then again i have a man in my life that lets me make my own decisions. I do agree though with open communication and sitting him down to find out his reasonings might strengthen the relationship and then you wouldn't run into these issues anymore.

ItsMeRebekah

when i go to the beach in a tiny bikini all sorts of "random" men see me tanning.. I dont see a difference! but i typically only take shots that dont show my head.. the only reason is because i just exercised and look like craaaap hahaha

my husband trust me enough to not care what i do "online"
IMO it kinda feels like thats what this matter boils down to.. trust.

Sackit

Instead of posting them print them and hang them on your bathroom mirror. Give yourself that motivation and let him be your cheerleader. I am finding everyone on here is very supportive without pictures.

quara

I haven't read through all the posts here, but I understand where your husband is coming from - mine is the same way. He doesn't want me posting half naked pics of myself online, and I can understand and accept that! I don't think he has any problem with me posting regular pictures in clothes, though - those could just be regular Facebook pics, side by side, nothing wrong with that.

In my personal opinion, if your husband has a problem with it (and I mean a problem with half-naked pics on the Internet, not an all-around control problem), then I wouldn't do it.

andiechick

I agree with some of the posts that if he's not comfortable with you posting pics of yourself half naked then its not worth fighting about, I'd maybe compromise and do some tight fitting gym wear or something where I'm sure you'll be able to see the difference

What does worry me though was the comment about him not being happy about you wearing a bikini on the beach. We go to the beach to catch some sun and wear our swimsuits/bikinis.

Marriage is all about compromise, but this does seem a little freakish to me. I've been with my hubby for 13 years and he's probably prouder of my body than I am (I'm a woman so I have issues with it!). When I was worried about showing off my body in my bikini on last year's holiday he told me to show it with pride, as although I may have a 'mummy tummy', that tummy has produced our 2 beautiful babies.

good luck with your journey xx

raevynn

It is weird Believe me, there's a really big part of me that wants to scream: WHAT??? I'll do what I want. Period. Who are you to tell me I can't?? And then there's another part of me that laughs and snickers as I hear myself say: My HUSBAND doesn't want me to... LOL. I can't believe I'm THAT girl. But... it's not so bad. He's a great person and he's really bringing out the best in me. I think I got away with WAY too much nonsense as a single person...

This disturbs me more than anything else.

You got away with too much as a single person? Who is telling you this?

There are so many different ways that controlling people accomplish their goal of control... one of which is the constant, subtle put-down of how "bad" someone was before they arrived to "bring out the best" in them.

Pay attention to how your friends are reacting - not his friends, not your new "couple" friends, but your friends from before. Listen to them. They will be the first ones to notice personality changes.

and, for the record, yes, I am married - 12 years - and this is my second marriage, as my first marriage was to a control freak who was incredibly abusive. It took years to get through the healing from that, and I'm still recovering.

NavyIT85

I only read the first page, but this is desperate for man's perspective.

I am imagining you haven't been married more than a couple years or less. I am also thinking it is not him try to be in control of what she does, but more so that he wants her all to himself. Let's face it, if I looked like Brad Pitt, my wife would probably try to keep me from posting pics with my shirt off ...

Either way, your best bet is to talk to him about it, and explain that people here aren't facebook stalkers, but just people that need a little extra motivation. and your progress could really help other people, as well as give you an idea of how un-biased people see your progress.

blessmy5

He is your husband not your owner! Do what YOU need to do, if posting pics will help your journey then post it. (Cut your head out if you want)

I've been married 27 years and this is EXCELLANT advise!

honeysprinkles

My wife was interviewed, and is appearing on a "48 Hours Mystery" two hour show. The subject, was the murder of Her ex-boyfriend. Her co-workers asked "and your husband is letting you do it"? Excuse me? I don't forbid, or let me wife do anything. I worry about how they will portray her; but the decision was all hers, and I believe it was therapeutic for her. The word insecure comes to mind, in your situation.

I like your answer!

Helenatrandom

Does your husband compliment you on the progress you have made? Can YOU see the progress you have made? If the answer to these questions is yes, why isn't that enough? You could post that you lost __ inches around your waist ( hips, chest, whatever), and we would all say "GREAT job!". So why is it so important that WE see the pictures?
If you want pictures for your own comparative purposes, take them in the mirror as others have done and keep a private scrapbook.

dia77

My husband does NOT want me posting any body pics NONE whatsoever.

I took "before" bikini pics back in the summer. We were dating then, not even married. Even then he complained about the pics and begged me not to post them, so I took them down after a few days. I've since lost a few lbs and inches and was thinking about taking updates, but he absolutely refuses to take them for me... !!??!!

I told him "everyone's doing it"... LOL. He hates the idea of me "sharing" myself on the internet. I told him it's for a good reason but he won't budge. The only thing I could do is go behind his back

I am a bit upset about this. What would YOU do? Any opinions, advice, suggestions?

I don't think is such a big deal. I will respect his opinion. After all , if I don't respect his opinion, how can I expect him to respect mine? It is not going to change anything if you don't post them . If he cannot support you in this because he is to private......you should respect that . You kknew this before you got married , right? This is just my opinion , you should do what your hart tells you , not your ego:) This is all about respecting each other and respecting yourself.