My ex left me because I'm fat. :(

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  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    Your ex left you and didn't want to take responsibility for his actions. So he is blaming you and using a tender spot - your weight - to try to hurt you.

    EXACTLY THIS!!! He picked something that you are probably still feeling vulnerable about, and used it as his excuse, which makes him a pretty unpleasant human being, and someone you will be better off without in the long run. On most people, 150lb is pretty slim, so don't even begin to think that he's right, or let it derail the fantastic progress you have already made. Big hugs!:flowerforyou:
  • roxie6girl
    roxie6girl Posts: 1
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    You go girl! Believe in yourself, Love yourself, and know that God made you beautiful no matter how much you weigh.
    And to your ex that is his loss not yours. Something better is waiting for you out there, God is just waiting for you to claim it.
    Keep up the good work. God Bless you! :smile:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    You go girl! Believe in yourself, Love yourself, and know that God made you beautiful no matter how much you weigh.
    And to your ex that is his loss not yours. Something better is waiting for you out there, God is just waiting for you to claim it.
    Keep up the good work. God Bless you! :smile:
    What if she's an Agnostic or Atheist?:wink:


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • maryjay51
    maryjay51 Posts: 742
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    sometimes when something happens like that in your life it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.. 152lbs is not fat unless you are like 4' tall..i broke up with a 11 year relationship in 2010 and has started my diet that year. my ex saw me after i lost 80lbs when we ran in to each other at an event..he wanted to rekindle our old relationship and i told him no way in hell. he never said anything about my weight before but i sure did notice a change in his ways with me so much i was very depressed. you know what?? screw that -- i was so glad to be with a hotty *kitten* 32yr old at that party i ran into him at..my ex was j-e-a-l-o-u-s.. the guy i was with played it up good for me too .. whooweee did i have fun rubbing the ex's nose into what he lost out on. i love my life now and i will never ever go out with someone who places my looks first on a priority list.. im a personality person. if i dont like who you are i do not care what you look like. a guy treats me like i matter or i dont want them.. hunny you got rid of a huge thorn in your side.,., pick yourself up and run with it .. you deserve way better
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    You go girl! Believe in yourself, Love yourself, and know that God made you beautiful no matter how much you weigh.
    And to your ex that is his loss not yours. Something better is waiting for you out there, God is just waiting for you to claim it.
    Keep up the good work. God Bless you! :smile:
    What if she's an Agnostic or Atheist?


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Niner, I know you feel strongly about this, but seriously, just let it go! It's eminently clear that this poster is simply trying to be positive and supportive to the OP. If the OP is offended by the references to God she is free to say so, or to accept the good wishes in the spirit in which they are offered, and disregard the religious references. Most of the atheists/agnostics I know, and I know a fair few, don't find this sort of thing offensive, realising that such sentiments are usually offered out of kindness and good will. Obviously, as we discussed yesterday, there are circumstances in which this would not be a considerate response, but this is not one of them!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    Niner, I know you feel strongly about this, but seriously, just let it go! It's eminently clear that this poster is simply trying to be positive and supportive to the OP. If the OP is offended by the references to God she is free to say so, or to accept the good wishes in the spirit in which they are offered, and disregard the religious references. Most of the atheists/agnostics I know, and I know a fair few, don't find this sort of thing offensive, realising that such sentiments are usually offered out of kindness and good will. Obviously, as we discussed yesterday, there are circumstances in which this would not be a considerate response, but this is not one of them!
    It was sarcasm. Don't take it so seriously. If I could edit it, I'd put a "wink" by it or something to the effect.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • steffiejoe
    steffiejoe Posts: 313 Member
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    what an *kitten*!!!! you dont need him in your life. u lost so much already dont let him get you down...

    i was dating an *kitten* like that we would go to the mall with a few friends and he would always make jokes that were just mean and very hurtfull. he onces told me that i was to fat to go shopping at this one store and then that i need to grow more boobs to go shopping for bras i would drive his stupid *kitten* to the mall and he would make comments like that to his friends guys are just *kitten* they put you down so they can feel like men even tho there not.

    just keep going on your journey for you! i can't believe you lost all that weight all ready just keep thinking about how good the feeling is too lose weight and get your ex off you mind he is not worth the tears or the pain they cause


    Dang, I would have left that *kitten* hole in the mall, lol...
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
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    Your ex left you and didn't want to take responsibility for his actions. So he is blaming you and using a tender spot - your weight - to try to hurt you.

    EXACTLY THIS!!! He picked something that you are probably still feeling vulnerable about, and used it as his excuse, which makes him a pretty unpleasant human being, and someone you will be better off without in the long run. On most people, 150lb is pretty slim, so don't even begin to think that he's right, or let it derail the fantastic progress you have already made. Big hugs!:flowerforyou:

    What the two posters here said is what I think was more likely the reason he made the 'fat' remark. A friend of my best friend hooked up with her then boyfriend (now ex). When my friend found out about it, rather than apologising, her so called 'friend' started laying into her, saying it was all her fault and she was no fun since she'd been diagnosed with depression, etc etc. Basically, she took the things my friend felt the most insecure about and turned them against her.

    This is exactly what your ex is doing. He knows you've really been working hard to lose weight and therefore that you are sensitive about your weight, so he picked an easy target. When someone's done/is doing something that will make them look like a bad person, it's a lot easier to pin the blame on someone else than it is to really look deep down into yourself and be truthful.
  • tamheath
    tamheath Posts: 702 Member
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    I'm sure someone has already said this, but.... your ex didn't leave you because you're fat. He left you because he's an a**. You have obviously made amazing progress in your journey. I'm sure it hurts now, but I'm guessing this is one of the best things to happen to you in awhile. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Congrats to you and welcome to the next step in your life! :flowerforyou:
  • lucentabella
    lucentabella Posts: 114 Member
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    Ok. First of all... he left you because he is an @**hole... not because you are fat!!!!

    Start getting angry, not sad... Once you get to the angry phase, I swear... you will want to do this to prove him wrong!!!!

    I have left the worst marriage imaginable and had him tell me the same thing. Didn't start losing until I realized it wasn't me that was the problem. It was that I had this lifesucking leach on me, keeping me that way.

    You can do it... Forget him!
    Amen to that!
  • robinogue
    robinogue Posts: 1,117 Member
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    It's his lost and your gain! Let that be your inspiration to achieve your goals. If that was his mentality then you're better off without him. Yes it hurts like a son of a gun but you know what you'll be okay just focus on your task at hand!

    Good luck on your journey!
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    Niner, I know you feel strongly about this, but seriously, just let it go! It's eminently clear that this poster is simply trying to be positive and supportive to the OP. If the OP is offended by the references to God she is free to say so, or to accept the good wishes in the spirit in which they are offered, and disregard the religious references. Most of the atheists/agnostics I know, and I know a fair few, don't find this sort of thing offensive, realising that such sentiments are usually offered out of kindness and good will. Obviously, as we discussed yesterday, there are circumstances in which this would not be a considerate response, but this is not one of them!
    It was sarcasm. Don't take it so seriously. If I could edit it, I'd put a "wink" by it or something to the effect.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Fair enough! It looked serious without the wink... and our discussion yesterday was fresh in my mind! :flowerforyou:
  • jr1985
    jr1985 Posts: 1,033 Member
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    He's an *kitten* and its his loss... think of it this way... you've already just gotten rid of 200lbs (or whatever he ways) or worthless crap anyways. I'm so sorry that he's treated you like this... Live your life for you, not him.
  • SouthernBeauty89
    SouthernBeauty89 Posts: 28
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    All I have to say is do this for you! If he was the "one" he would love you thick & thin & you are doing your part by getting thin! You've come SO FAR! Don't back track because of his *kitten*! You are better then him & let that other girl deal with him now! Once a cheater always a cheater in my eyes! You will find someone who will sweep you off your feet but till then workout, get to your goal, and feel good about yourself! YOU CAN DO THIS! Then after you reach your goal & looking oh so sexy this summer he'll see what he left! Hold your head up high & flaunt it girl! You don't need him!!!!! He didn't leave you because your fat...if that were the case he would've left when you were at your biggest! He left you because he is a jerk who isn't man enough to tell you that he wants to be with her..so he makes you feel less about yourself! He knew what button to push & you just need to brush whatever hurtful things he said!
  • demitraknows
    demitraknows Posts: 82 Member
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    That was just an excuse for him to break it off and make it your fault for things ending. Take back your self-worth and you loose that weight for you not a man, I promise you will feel better in the long run. Use this as a lesson learned you are in charge of your life so boost your self-esteem and when you get down to 125 make sure he takes a visual of what he lost..... You can do it!!!!!
  • FoxxC
    FoxxC Posts: 54 Member
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    I agree with all of the other responses he did not leave you because you are fat. Also, you did NOT lose 73 pounds. You lost 73 pounds plus whatever he weighed. Lets just say he's fat and weighted 250 pounds. So in the grand scheme of things you lost 323 pounds and that my friend is AWESOME! However, being for real, any anger you have use it in the gym. Get you some feel good empowerment music (i.e. I'm a Survivor {Destiny's Child}, Hate on Me {Jill Scott}) and work it out.
  • kaytippett
    kaytippett Posts: 2 Member
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    God bless you! You have achieved so much! Apparently he didn't love you in the right way, or he would have been celebrating with you because you were successful in a difficult goal. Love yourself the way God loves you, and He will send you a man worthy of YOUR SUPERB feats and abilities.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I didn't read the other 9 pages of this thread so I am sure that I am only repeating what someone else has already said BUT...

    this dude is a complete and total *kitten*!! He did not leave because you were fat. He only told you that to make himself feel better about what he is doing. He totally got with you because he was insecure in himself and if he could make you feel worse about yourself, then he could feel better. When you lost the weight, he couldn't put you down anymore so he moved on. He really wasn't worth your time then, and surely not worth your time now. You were way too good for him anyway, and you can do much better. Consider his departure a blessing! You just have to turn your way of looking at this situation around because obviously God has something much better in store for you! Good luck, sweetie! You do deserve better, and you should settle for nothing less!!
  • cattracy0829
    cattracy0829 Posts: 177 Member
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    Yeah, one of my ex's used to tell me all the time how I needed to lose weight and I was bigger, etc. We were together for 6 years too...Funny thing when we broke up, the next girl was bigger than me and he married her!

    I think there are other reasons and sometimes the use the weight excuse as an easy cop out. It's easier to point to that then to explain how they really feel.
  • hdroddy
    hdroddy Posts: 122
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    I agree. If you truly love someone it isn't about how they look. Sure, that can be a bonus, but if you really love someone you think they're gorgeous anyway. No, love is not blind. But it accepts. And it doesn't require perfection.

    If someone you love becomes obese (and 152 lbs is far from that unless you're three feet tall!!), then of course there would be health concerns. And you'd have to bite the bullet and have a difficult conversation with them about changes they needed to make FOR THEIR HEALTH. But you'd make it plain you supported them and loved them, and you'd be right there with them while they changed their diet and became more active and solved whatever underlying issue made them stop caring for themselves in the first place.

    Love doesn't give up or abandon. It never DELIBERATELY causes pain.

    Maybe the guy fell out of love. If so, he should have been man enough to sit down and tell her that. Even if he ONCE loved her, he should have had enough regard and respect for that to be honest and decent. But true love is not based upon physical appearance. Only the most shallow, execrable human being would leave someone because they put on weight, and if that is truly why he left, he never really loved her in the first place, and yes, if that is the true reason, he is indeed an @hole of the first degree. It is true that we don't know the whole story, but even from what the poster has shared we can draw some logical conclusions. This guy handled this so badly that any decent guy would throw him out of the boy's club.

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