Trying not to be jealous

Elizabeth_M

that is one of my many New Year's Resolutions.

BUT - I'm seriously feeling pissed off right now. I have a 'friend' who basks in the sunlight it seems - loves being the center of attention (and seems to get it), and everything always seems to come easy for her. I've been watching what I've been eating for 3 weeks now, etc...she - for 2, and she's lost 10 pounds. I know, I know, I've lost 7...but it just pisses me off!! lol Maybe irrational, and I should be happy for her.

But then she posts it on facebook (like every meal her WONDERFUL hubby makes for her - so everyone can say I'm so jealous of you - you have a great husband" Oh yum you're so lucky blah blah blah for 20 comments....she posts that she's lost 10 pounds (coming from a woman who is smaller than me and routinely tells ME I don't need to lose weight) and everyone is like "you always look beautiful, way to go, I'm so proud of you,blah blah blah.

Sigh.

Ok, rant over. I told you I was working on jealousy as a New Year's resolution.

Helloitsdan

She must be a LEO!

Elizabeth_M

Nah, Taurus like me. lol

mdelcott

I had a friend like that I finally called her out (on her FB wall ) as attention seeking and then removed her as a friend It was very empowering, wish I could do it again to her lol

gleechick609

Karma is a *****, I will tell you that right now. I had a friend like this. Every time I posted my weight loss stats, she would "one up" me and post hers.... it gets rather annoying.

chelleymarie88

*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.

stufie

I know how you feel. I have a friend on facebook who makes posts just so she can be showered with attention too. It's rather annoying.

MaximalLife

that is one of my many New Year's Resolutions.

BUT - I'm seriously feeling pissed off right now. I have a 'friend' who basks in the sunlight it seems - loves being the center of attention (and seems to get it), and everything always seems to come easy for her. I've been watching what I've been eating for 3 weeks now, etc...she - for 2, and she's lost 10 pounds. I know, I know, I've lost 7...but it just pisses me off!! lol Maybe irrational, and I should be happy for her.

But then she posts it on facebook (like every meal her WONDERFUL hubby makes for her - so everyone can say I'm so jealous of you - you have a great husband" Oh yum you're so lucky blah blah blah for 20 comments....she posts that she's lost 10 pounds (coming from a woman who is smaller than me and routinely tells ME I don't need to lose weight) and everyone is like "you always look beautiful, way to go, I'm so proud of you,blah blah blah.

Sigh.

Ok, rant over. I told you I was working on jealousy as a New Year's resolution.

You need to come up with some creative ways to sabotage this person.
Send candy!
And spread some juicy rumors!

Keep us posted!

Elizabeth_M

*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.

True enough. That's why I'm thinking of deleting it lol It's just annoying seeing other people feed her ego.

Elizabeth_M

that is one of my many New Year's Resolutions.

BUT - I'm seriously feeling pissed off right now. I have a 'friend' who basks in the sunlight it seems - loves being the center of attention (and seems to get it), and everything always seems to come easy for her. I've been watching what I've been eating for 3 weeks now, etc...she - for 2, and she's lost 10 pounds. I know, I know, I've lost 7...but it just pisses me off!! lol Maybe irrational, and I should be happy for her.

But then she posts it on facebook (like every meal her WONDERFUL hubby makes for her - so everyone can say I'm so jealous of you - you have a great husband" Oh yum you're so lucky blah blah blah for 20 comments....she posts that she's lost 10 pounds (coming from a woman who is smaller than me and routinely tells ME I don't need to lose weight) and everyone is like "you always look beautiful, way to go, I'm so proud of you,blah blah blah.

Sigh.

Ok, rant over. I told you I was working on jealousy as a New Year's resolution.

You need to come up with some creative ways to sabotage this person.
Send candy!
And spread some juicy rumors!

Keep us posted!

Then I would be stooping to her level of sabotage - except she tries to do it by telling me you don't need to lose weight, are you crazy, you look so good!! Then goes on to say how FAT she is (but she's smaller). I'm not a low person, I pride myself on my kindness which perhaps is a downfall at times.

ChelseaRW

Attention getting or not she is speaking positivity which has a tendency to make things happen. The negative person tends to stress out more thus inhibiting themselves. Positivity breeds positivity...negativity breeds negativity and let's face it, the two personalities drive eachother nuts. Good luck.

caramkoala

When I've tried this in the past, I had a friend (we were supposed to be supporting each other) that just sulked every time I had a success. 'Rained on my parade' if you will. Then she stopped exercising and starting overeating because she felt like sh** and blamed it on my success.
We aren't friends anymore.

chelleymarie88

*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.

True enough. That's why I'm thinking of deleting it lol It's just annoying seeing other people feed her ego.

I completely understand. I had a friend like yours and it feels like your accomplishments aren't as awesome. You just have to see that she is not outshining you. You're obviously a beautiful, young woman; therefore, you shouldn't have to feel jealous of anyone. I'm jealous of your eyes >_< Mine are poopoo brown.

Carl01

I know it can be hard to fight but my experience is that jealousy is both the most destructive and also useless thing we as people can indulge in.
It tears us up inside and never does one thing positive.
Get yourself happy with you for you. :flowerforyou:

caramkoala

On a practical note, just 'hide' her from your news feed.
She won't know, you won't have to read it all the time, and you can still go into her profile and read what she is up to any time you want.

(it's in the top right corner of her latest status update in your news feed)

Captain_Tightpants

One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got was, believe it or not, from a fire-spinning teacher. You can read the ideaology at www.templeofpoi.com, but I've cut and pasted the one here that I think you might find helpful...

Principle III: Utilize Self-to-Self comparisons instead of comparing yourself to others.

We can always find someone "better" than we are; we can always find someone "worse" than we are. "Better" and "Worse" judgments often imply "Good" and "Bad" evaluations. "Good" evaluations are temporary ego highs while "Bad" evaluations are, all too often, devastating, pervasive and unnecessary ego lows.

At any point in time, depending on what criteria we choose, we can judge ourselves as both "bad" and "good." Since both are possible all the time, the value typically implied in these judgments equates to meaninglessness.

This principle reminds us that people learn different moves, lessons and skills at different rates with greater and lesser ease. We all have accomplishments and we all have opportunities for growth. This also means nothing.

Rejoicing in the knowledge that everyone's journey is unique unburdens us of expectations that keep us from being in our practice.

TeeferTiger

I'd feel pity rather than jealousy tbh. Pity that she feels the need to tell everyone every move she makes in her supposedly perfect little world just so her sycophantic friends can tell her how amazing she is.

The secret of these people who lose this weight while you're watching so hard what you eat, is that they're watching harder. Very good actors!

Just take pride in your own achievements and leave her to her own devices.

AnneGenevieveS

I know someone like that... and eventually even her family started to unfriend her from facebook.

Yeah, its not just you. Its irritating.

BUT don't let that over shadow your amazing accomplishment of losing 7 pounds in such a short time!!! HOORAY FOR YOU!!

chelleymarie88

One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got was, believe it or not, from a fire-spinning teacher. You can read the ideaology at www.templeofpoi.com, but I've cut and pasted the one here that I think you might find helpful...

Principle III: Utilize Self-to-Self comparisons instead of comparing yourself to others.

We can always find someone "better" than we are; we can always find someone "worse" than we are. "Better" and "Worse" judgments often imply "Good" and "Bad" evaluations. "Good" evaluations are temporary ego highs while "Bad" evaluations are, all too often, devastating, pervasive and unnecessary ego lows.

At any point in time, depending on what criteria we choose, we can judge ourselves as both "bad" and "good." Since both are possible all the time, the value typically implied in these judgments equates to meaninglessness.

This principle reminds us that people learn different moves, lessons and skills at different rates with greater and lesser ease. We all have accomplishments and we all have opportunities for growth. This also means nothing.

Rejoicing in the knowledge that everyone's journey is unique unburdens us of expectations that keep us from being in our practice.

This!! Well said, sir.

Elizabeth_M

I completely understand. I had a friend like yours and it feels like your accomplishments aren't as awesome. You just have to see that she is not outshining you. You're obviously a beautiful, young woman; therefore, you shouldn't have to feel jealous of anyone. I'm jealous of your eyes >_< Mine are poopoo brown.

Thanks for that. You're very kind. But I guess it takes a beautiful person to know one.

Especially to say that I'm young. Made my day!

KimmieBrie

Ok, rant over. I told you I was working on jealousy as a New Year's resolution.

I'd say that's a good resolution. Find your own happiness. Happy people usually are happy for others as well and don't see their positive changes/successes as negative.

Elizabeth_M

One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got was, believe it or not, from a fire-spinning teacher. You can read the ideaology at www.templeofpoi.com, but I've cut and pasted the one here that I think you might find helpful...

Principle III: Utilize Self-to-Self comparisons instead of comparing yourself to others.

We can always find someone "better" than we are; we can always find someone "worse" than we are. "Better" and "Worse" judgments often imply "Good" and "Bad" evaluations. "Good" evaluations are temporary ego highs while "Bad" evaluations are, all too often, devastating, pervasive and unnecessary ego lows.

At any point in time, depending on what criteria we choose, we can judge ourselves as both "bad" and "good." Since both are possible all the time, the value typically implied in these judgments equates to meaninglessness.

This principle reminds us that people learn different moves, lessons and skills at different rates with greater and lesser ease. We all have accomplishments and we all have opportunities for growth. This also means nothing.

Rejoicing in the knowledge that everyone's journey is unique unburdens us of expectations that keep us from being in our practice.

Wonderful advice. Thank you.

Di3012

To the OP, stop worrying about what she is doing, all the time you are getting irritated with her, you are doing yourself in.

What does it matter what she weighs, does, eats or what her hubby is like.

Elizabeth_M

On a practical note, just 'hide' her from your news feed.
She won't know, you won't have to read it all the time, and you can still go into her profile and read what she is up to any time you want.

(it's in the top right corner of her latest status update in your news feed)

Quite practical. I think I'll do it. TY

Elizabeth_M

To the OP, stop worrying about what she is doing, all the time you are getting irritated with her, you are doing yourself in.

What does it matter what she weighs, does, eats or what her hubby is like.

I am well aware of that. It was a little blip in way of thinking.

theoneandonlybrookie

Attention getting or not she is speaking positivity which has a tendency to make things happen. The negative person tends to stress out more thus inhibiting themselves. Positivity breeds positivity...negativity breeds negativity and let's face it, the two personalities drive eachother nuts. Good luck.

^^ This.

That being said, we all feel jealous of people from time to time for one reason or another. The best way to get past it is to be thankful for your own gifts. You clearly are doing a great job on losing weight thus far and have the dedication to meet your goals. You're losing weight at a healthy pace. Focus on how well you're doing and genuinely try to feel happy for both her successes and yours.

12skipafew99100

Uh, did you say you were her friend? :noway:

timadotcom

I really do not think you should be jealous. The fact that she constantly seeks attention shows how fragile she is inside. I have a friend like this, constantly talks about how great events happen in her life, all the while poo pooing anything I do in my life. I tell her I have lost all of my pregnancy weight, her response is, what's the point your just going to get fat again the next time your pregnant.

Point is, it took me a long time to realize how weak she is. It took me a long time to see how low her self esteem is and so now I really feel sorry for her. I do not need someone to compliment me to know i'm doing a great job, while she needs constant reassurance from all. I think one of these days these compliments are going to stop, what will she do for with herself without all the fake compliments she gets?

Don't be jealous, don't feel bad. Your doing a great job! Use this as motivation for you, just don't quit!!

Abstruse

Your friend is trying very hard to lose weight as well, you need to consider its not about you at all when it comes to her, and its not about her at all when it comes to you.. I am going on the basis that I am changing the entire foundation of my life..so i never make the same mistakes I have.

You should be happy your friend lost 10 lbs, and maybe if you were to break out of your own shell and quit forcing yourself in her shadow, you will find yourself surpassing her.

She needs to be strong for herself, and so do you.... Support her when she needs supporting and applaud her when she does not.

Grats on your 7lbs you should be proud of yourself.

snookumss

I actually am very prone to sharing every little success when it comes to my weight loss. I really devote most of my time to thinking of health, lifting, bodybuilding, fat burning, even future bulking and mulling over macros every minute. When I find any NSV or success, my facebook, boyfriend, family, friends, customers and now MFP find out. My boyfriend even got annoyed initially when I switched over to healthy mode because its all I talked about. I can't help it, its what I do and care about right now. Its no wonder its all I have to talk to my significant other who knows everything else about me!

I need those pats on the back, the recognition as well as my personal motivators. I really find its what keeps me motivated. I don't post new status updates every hour but I love to share my progress with the world because for so long I had nothing to be proud of.

I've learned that low self confidence is to be expected with my sun sign, and as I gain confidence I will have a better image of myself and less recognition will be necessary later on. Really learning to not need a pat on the back every day comes with time. Its really not even good, but I am a people pleaser and always have been. Don't feel bad for yourself, or upset. She sounds like I would be and there isn't much you can do about it. What we both need to do is look inward, and not at each other

Articeluvsmemphis

lol, anyone can lose weight, it's how they lose it that determines their success in keeping it off. either way I wish both of you success