Trying not to be jealous
Replies
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LOL stop focusing on her and focus on yourself!!! You won't get ANYTHING done if you are just sitting around being jealous of her! People lose weight at different paces! Keep up the good work!0
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Yeah i thought she was a Leo too lol. They tend to do that. I would delete/ block her and if she asks then i would tell her why.0
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So she is posting on Facebook about how much she loves her husband and that she is happy? HOW DARE HER!
I don't see how she is trying to sabotage you one bit.
This.
To the OP: I have a friend who could have written your post. She has been struggling with her weight for a long time, like me, and we started dieting at the same time. We have a lot of other things in common, things that I am good at that she is good at too. We also have similar aims in life regarding fitness etc. I lost a lot of weight through MFP last year - did she ever congratulate me? No. Whenever she loses weight, do I congratulate her? Yes! When she struggles, yes - I try to help her. Yet I never, ever hear a peep from her. It's not that she's inactive, she congratulates plenty of people, but she clearly has the green-eyed monster when it comes to me. Every time MFP posts a loss, I know that she will not comment, and yes, it does upset me. But now I'm at the stage of using her jealousy as fuel to succeed even harder.
And here's a hint, your friend, if you are anything like my friend and don't ever congratulate her, guess what? She probably knows that you're jealous. And she probably is fuelled by your jealousy! If she doesn't support you then fine, but it sounds like by her saying you look great etc., she probably genuinely wants to congratulate you and make you feel good about yourself. If you can't do the same for her then yeah, you aren't her friend, delete her or hide her feed. You are doing well, don't let her progress affect your own.0 -
Not attacking you or your character. Just responding to your post. Was just pointing out that your friend is happy and if you were REALLY her friend you would be happy for her. She's losing weight and seems to have a wonderful husband. Her facebook friends seems to be happy for her, judging by all the comments. How come you just simply be happy for her?0
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You have to keep in mind that people only post the good stuff on Facebook!! Think about that next time you see her page!0
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*Friendly comment please don't get offended* Is that not what networking sites are for? To get attention? If you have a Facebook, period- that's it's main purpose.
Agree. I deleted mine a year or so ago. I couldn't take it anymore. Mfp is way better, I can keep track of my food/exercise and talk to people with similar goals. Thats all I need.0 -
She must be a LEO!
Hey haha.. I'm a Leo .. I don't carry on like that .. Except I do love basking in the sun .. Like a lioness lol ..
Anyway .. What Im wanting to say to the OP ... always know this ... Things are not always what they seem ! ..0 -
Personally, I would not have any friend who brings me down or makes me feel inferior in any way. That's not what friends are all about. A friend is someone who lifts you up! Period.0
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One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got was, believe it or not, from a fire-spinning teacher. You can read the ideaology at www.templeofpoi.com, but I've cut and pasted the one here that I think you might find helpful...
Principle III: Utilize Self-to-Self comparisons instead of comparing yourself to others.
We can always find someone "better" than we are; we can always find someone "worse" than we are. "Better" and "Worse" judgments often imply "Good" and "Bad" evaluations. "Good" evaluations are temporary ego highs while "Bad" evaluations are, all too often, devastating, pervasive and unnecessary ego lows.
At any point in time, depending on what criteria we choose, we can judge ourselves as both "bad" and "good." Since both are possible all the time, the value typically implied in these judgments equates to meaninglessness.
This principle reminds us that people learn different moves, lessons and skills at different rates with greater and lesser ease. We all have accomplishments and we all have opportunities for growth. This also means nothing.
Rejoicing in the knowledge that everyone's journey is unique unburdens us of expectations that keep us from being in our practice.
BRILLIANT!!! I've pasted this as my profile on FB!0 -
She must be a LEO!
Hey haha.. I'm a Leo .. I don't carry on like that .. Except I do love basking in the sun .. Like a lioness lol ..
Anyway .. What Im wanting to say to the OP ... always know this ... Things are not always what they seem ! ..
AMEN, Sistah!0 -
So she is posting on Facebook about how much she loves her husband and that she is happy? HOW DARE HER!
I don't see how she is trying to sabotage you one bit.
Actually she never said anything about being happy or loving her husband. I get what you mean - and, as I said, I admit to my fault.0 -
One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got was, believe it or not, from a fire-spinning teacher. You can read the ideaology at www.templeofpoi.com, but I've cut and pasted the one here that I think you might find helpful...
Principle III: Utilize Self-to-Self comparisons instead of comparing yourself to others.
We can always find someone "better" than we are; we can always find someone "worse" than we are. "Better" and "Worse" judgments often imply "Good" and "Bad" evaluations. "Good" evaluations are temporary ego highs while "Bad" evaluations are, all too often, devastating, pervasive and unnecessary ego lows.
At any point in time, depending on what criteria we choose, we can judge ourselves as both "bad" and "good." Since both are possible all the time, the value typically implied in these judgments equates to meaninglessness.
This principle reminds us that people learn different moves, lessons and skills at different rates with greater and lesser ease. We all have accomplishments and we all have opportunities for growth. This also means nothing.
Rejoicing in the knowledge that everyone's journey is unique unburdens us of expectations that keep us from being in our practice.
I love this! You should be happy for your friend. Seeking that much attention means that she is fighting a lot of insecurity. If you are her "friend" (which to be honest, is kind of questionable considering how you are bashing her on here), you should be happy for her. You are downplaying your own achievements. You have done well for 3 weeks, but you are so busy comparing yourself to her and hating on her that you can't even be happy with your own results.
Really? I was bashing? Hardly. I was stating some of the things that she said/posted, and said how they made me jealous. Never once did I say that she was a *****, a good for nothing bleep, or anything of the sort.
Yes, I am very happy with my own results.0 -
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Jealousy is just going to slow you down, love. It will only hurt you, never her. You're a beautiful lady anyway! If she bothers you, hide her status updates and don't spend time with her for a while. No need to torture yourself :flowerforyou:
Thank you. I appreciate it.0 -
Okay, I have a few things that came to mind. Hopefully it's not too confusing. lol
For your own sanity, please don’t compare yourself with other people when you are trying to lose weight. You will drive yourself crazy! You are doing what you need to do and you will see great results.
Facebook is for people to talk about what they are doing whether it’s to update people or just be extremely annoying. I’ve unsubscribed to quite a few people already since I was tired of reading their status be about giving advice they can’t take, how drunk they are going to get tonight, or how many guys flirt with them and they just can’t stand it. I agree with what others say in that she has her own insecurities and I find that people that post every hour are looking for that validation.
Other than that, maybe she really does think you look fine and really does look down on herself. I remember when I was smaller than I am now, I would tell others that were bigger than me that they looked fine because they DID in my eyes. I was never trying to sabotage them. I just felt their height and weight were proportioned, while me being 5’1 was not proportioned correctly. I didn’t like my body before and given that she can be insecure, well sounds about right. Also since she may think you do look fine, she may be thinking what they h*ll?! She looks fine and she wants to look even better, I can’t let that happen.
However, I still get what you mean I have one friend who I’ve recently decided to give the boot to do the same. Just recently when I told her I may be moving out of state for my doctorate degree, two days later she writes as a facebook status that she was moving to Austria for a year. Uh yeah okay.0 -
Not attacking you or your character. Just responding to your post. Was just pointing out that your friend is happy and if you were REALLY her friend you would be happy for her. She's losing weight and seems to have a wonderful husband. Her facebook friends seems to be happy for her, judging by all the comments. How come you just simply be happy for her?
I am happy for her, I let the 'little green monster' as someone put it - rear it's ugly head, and then I made the mistake of posting a rant on here, instead of shutting up about it. lol0 -
No reason to be jealous you are beautiful. Keep doing what you are doing. Good luck in all that you do.0
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Hey!
I'm a Leo!!!
and
I love to Shine the Light on Others...so
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She must be a LEO!
Aw! Leos aren't like that!! :frown:0 -
I deleted a friend from my Facebook over an issue like this-- she was gloating about how she was a size 3 and hadn't met her goal yet!! I thought it was crazy! Most people would do anything for that, and she didn't even seem grateful. Those people in your life are not necessary.0
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You need to come up with some creative ways to sabotage this person.that is one of my many New Year's Resolutions.
BUT - I'm seriously feeling pissed off right now. I have a 'friend' who basks in the sunlight it seems - loves being the center of attention (and seems to get it), and everything always seems to come easy for her. I've been watching what I've been eating for 3 weeks now, etc...she - for 2, and she's lost 10 pounds. I know, I know, I've lost 7...but it just pisses me off!! lol Maybe irrational, and I should be happy for her.
But then she posts it on facebook (like every meal her WONDERFUL hubby makes for her - so everyone can say I'm so jealous of you - you have a great husband" Oh yum you're so lucky blah blah blah for 20 comments....she posts that she's lost 10 pounds (coming from a woman who is smaller than me and routinely tells ME I don't need to lose weight) and everyone is like "you always look beautiful, way to go, I'm so proud of you,blah blah blah.
Sigh.
Ok, rant over. I told you I was working on jealousy as a New Year's resolution.
Send candy!
And spread some juicy rumors!
Keep us posted!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Im a Leo and i'm not like that!
I have a friend like that too, i just ignore it. She's probably insecure in her own mind. Keep working on you, don't worry about what other people do or say it is a waste of energy!0 -
One uppers will always be one uppers. Take a step back if it is bothering you. It is okay to feel that way....because you do! Don't let other peoples personalities affect the way you live your life. Be strong and continue this journey and praise yourself for a job well done.0
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Don't you Dare berate yourself for being jealous...it's natural.
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People need people to talk to about it...
USE IT AS MOTIVATION
Chances are...the folks that love the attention and seek it and parade their successes in front of others....are trying to fill an empty place. I know that sounds all "Shrinky" but I have had a lot of experience in this area.
We tend not to see the Beautiful things about ourselves, especially when standing next to 'Miss America'.
I was jealous of my younger sister for over 30 years. She was a model when she was a baby, grew up thin and beautiful. She was strong and street smart and everybody, EVERYBODY loved her..She dropped out of high school...but always was able to get a job. Now,, She has 3 boys, a 9 bedroom house and doesn't have to work.
I have been overweight since I was 6. I graduated college in 1998 and am still struggling financially. No Kids. I was told I have pretty eyes or a pretty smile and that I was so 'Nice" and "Smart"....but I wanted to be the "hottie-boom-a-lottie"....
Then I realized...my Sister doesn't like herself. She "has it all" but isn't happy...I have found happiness in the darkest of places.
That in itself is a gift.
God Bless!0 -
No reason to be jealous you are beautiful. Keep doing what you are doing. Good luck in all that you do.
Thank you, that is kind of you.0 -
Don't you Dare berate yourself for being jealous...it's natural.
&
People need people to talk to about it...
USE IT AS MOTIVATION
Chances are...the folks that love the attention and seek it and parade their successes in front of others....are trying to fill an empty place. I know that sounds all "Shrinky" but I have had a lot of experience in this area.
We tend not to see the Beautiful things about ourselves, especially when standing next to 'Miss America'.
I was jealous of my younger sister for over 30 years. She was a model when she was a baby, grew up thin and beautiful. She was strong and street smart and everybody, EVERYBODY loved her..She dropped out of high school...but always was able to get a job. Now,, She has 3 boys, a 9 bedroom house and doesn't have to work.
I have been overweight since I was 6. I graduated college in 1998 and am still struggling financially. No Kids. I was told I have pretty eyes or a pretty smile and that I was so 'Nice" and "Smart"....but I wanted to be the "hottie-boom-a-lottie"....
Then I realized...my Sister doesn't like herself. She "has it all" but isn't happy...I have found happiness in the darkest of places.
That in itself is a gift.
God Bless!
Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to it.
I have seen a quote online (and also another MFP member) that says "Comparison is the thief of joy". I totally agree with that, and am looking to change my way of thinking that i DON'T compare myself to others, for ANY reason. Honestly, it is hard, because this way of thinking has been like this since I was a child, due to a horrible childhood. I am no longer the victim, I know, but having a childhood such as that changes the way you think and react to things. Not looking for excuses, but looking for the root cause of it all, so that I may better myself.0 -
I like when my friends are living good lives and are happy. I like when things are going their way. Even if it means they're doing better than I am.
Bottom line: their happiness is not detracting from my happiness or potential happiness. There's plenty of it to go around, and I'm glad when my friends get some of it.0 -
Aww, I love brown eyes. Yours are so pretty! Mine are brown too, and I would never want to change them! After all, Brown-eyed Girl was written just for me.
That song was supposed to be "Brown-Skinned Girl"!!! Now I can never listen to it the same way! :sad: So...I'm gonna ruin it for you now too.... lol0
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