Trying not to be jealous

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  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
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    One of the best pieces of life advice I ever got was, believe it or not, from a fire-spinning teacher. You can read the ideaology at www.templeofpoi.com, but I've cut and pasted the one here that I think you might find helpful...

    Principle III: Utilize Self-to-Self comparisons instead of comparing yourself to others.

    We can always find someone "better" than we are; we can always find someone "worse" than we are. "Better" and "Worse" judgments often imply "Good" and "Bad" evaluations. "Good" evaluations are temporary ego highs while "Bad" evaluations are, all too often, devastating, pervasive and unnecessary ego lows.

    At any point in time, depending on what criteria we choose, we can judge ourselves as both "bad" and "good." Since both are possible all the time, the value typically implied in these judgments equates to meaninglessness.

    This principle reminds us that people learn different moves, lessons and skills at different rates with greater and lesser ease. We all have accomplishments and we all have opportunities for growth. This also means nothing.

    Rejoicing in the knowledge that everyone's journey is unique unburdens us of expectations that keep us from being in our practice.

    Wonderful advice. :) Thank you.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    To the OP, stop worrying about what she is doing, all the time you are getting irritated with her, you are doing yourself in.

    What does it matter what she weighs, does, eats or what her hubby is like.
  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
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    On a practical note, just 'hide' her from your news feed.
    She won't know, you won't have to read it all the time, and you can still go into her profile and read what she is up to any time you want.

    (it's in the top right corner of her latest status update in your news feed)

    Quite practical. :) I think I'll do it. :) TY
  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
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    To the OP, stop worrying about what she is doing, all the time you are getting irritated with her, you are doing yourself in.

    What does it matter what she weighs, does, eats or what her hubby is like.

    I am well aware of that. It was a little blip in way of thinking. :)
  • theoneandonlybrookie
    theoneandonlybrookie Posts: 341 Member
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    Attention getting or not she is speaking positivity which has a tendency to make things happen. The negative person tends to stress out more thus inhibiting themselves. Positivity breeds positivity...negativity breeds negativity and let's face it, the two personalities drive eachother nuts. Good luck.

    ^^ This.

    That being said, we all feel jealous of people from time to time for one reason or another. The best way to get past it is to be thankful for your own gifts. You clearly are doing a great job on losing weight thus far and have the dedication to meet your goals. You're losing weight at a healthy pace. Focus on how well you're doing and genuinely try to feel happy for both her successes and yours. :smile:
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
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    Uh, did you say you were her friend? :noway:
  • timadotcom
    timadotcom Posts: 674 Member
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    I really do not think you should be jealous. The fact that she constantly seeks attention shows how fragile she is inside. I have a friend like this, constantly talks about how great events happen in her life, all the while poo pooing anything I do in my life. I tell her I have lost all of my pregnancy weight, her response is, what's the point your just going to get fat again the next time your pregnant.

    Point is, it took me a long time to realize how weak she is. It took me a long time to see how low her self esteem is and so now I really feel sorry for her. I do not need someone to compliment me to know i'm doing a great job, while she needs constant reassurance from all. I think one of these days these compliments are going to stop, what will she do for with herself without all the fake compliments she gets?

    Don't be jealous, don't feel bad. Your doing a great job! Use this as motivation for you, just don't quit!!
  • Abstruse
    Abstruse Posts: 3
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    Your friend is trying very hard to lose weight as well, you need to consider its not about you at all when it comes to her, and its not about her at all when it comes to you.. I am going on the basis that I am changing the entire foundation of my life..so i never make the same mistakes I have.

    You should be happy your friend lost 10 lbs, and maybe if you were to break out of your own shell and quit forcing yourself in her shadow, you will find yourself surpassing her.

    She needs to be strong for herself, and so do you.... Support her when she needs supporting and applaud her when she does not.

    Grats on your 7lbs :D you should be proud of yourself.
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
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    I actually am very prone to sharing every little success when it comes to my weight loss. I really devote most of my time to thinking of health, lifting, bodybuilding, fat burning, even future bulking and mulling over macros every minute. When I find any NSV or success, my facebook, boyfriend, family, friends, customers and now MFP find out. My boyfriend even got annoyed initially when I switched over to healthy mode because its all I talked about. I can't help it, its what I do and care about right now. Its no wonder its all I have to talk to my significant other who knows everything else about me!

    I need those pats on the back, the recognition as well as my personal motivators. I really find its what keeps me motivated. I don't post new status updates every hour but I love to share my progress with the world because for so long I had nothing to be proud of.

    I've learned that low self confidence is to be expected with my sun sign, and as I gain confidence I will have a better image of myself and less recognition will be necessary later on. Really learning to not need a pat on the back every day comes with time. Its really not even good, but I am a people pleaser and always have been. Don't feel bad for yourself, or upset. She sounds like I would be and there isn't much you can do about it. What we both need to do is look inward, and not at each other :D
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
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    lol, anyone can lose weight, it's how they lose it that determines their success in keeping it off. either way I wish both of you success
  • JulieBoBoo
    JulieBoBoo Posts: 642
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    Facebook has two options you can use -- 1 is delete friend and 2 is remove from my newsfeed.
  • tabbykat7602
    tabbykat7602 Posts: 1
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    it may not be her trying to sabotage she may really be jealous of u and really think your beautiful. just because she is smaller doesnt mean anything its the way its purportioned(is that spelled right?) maybe she is the one fighting the jealousy and only feels better getting the attention not that it makes it ok but could be a reason
  • Elizabeth_M
    Elizabeth_M Posts: 562 Member
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    :smile: Thank you everyone! I appreciate the time everyone has taken to read my rant and comment on it. All of your opinions and thoughts are valued, and I will continue on with life with a renewed perspective.

    Thank you.
  • 11Jayme11
    11Jayme11 Posts: 194 Member
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    Sounds to me like SHES very insecure about herself.. if she always needs to broadcast it to the world.. JUST to get attention. You will get your attention all on your own Girl! Keep ya chin up...
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 378 Member
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    I just wanted to say I relate - even if the green moments are rare, they're still annoying when they strike :)
    I'd just skip or hide those posts
  • serenity216
    serenity216 Posts: 512 Member
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    Sounds like she is obsessed with getting attention from other people. Just shows a lack of self confidence on her part.
  • serenity216
    serenity216 Posts: 512 Member
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    LIKE!!!
    Facebook has two options you can use -- 1 is delete friend and 2 is remove from my newsfeed.
  • alabughosh
    alabughosh Posts: 132 Member
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    She must be a LEO!

    OMG....this was my FIRST thought, I swear to god. Funny.
  • FITnFIRM4LIFE
    FITnFIRM4LIFE Posts: 818 Member
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    Every action has a reaction...however, we choose are reaction. If it bugs you,delete the news feed, or choose to realize we are all different. I try to never hold on to the liitle things..:-)
  • bignuce
    bignuce Posts: 52 Member
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    To be honest I don't think that you are really her friend. She is not doing anything to you, but being who she is. If you were her friend you would be happy about her accomplishments and her loving husband. Maybe you would be happy if she was an overweight woman in an abusive relationship. What about your other friends who have maybe lost no weight and thinks that you are throwing your 7 pound lost in their face. With all do respect get over yourself and be happy for your friends so when it's your turn people can be happy for you. Have a great day.

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