venting (cussing)

AuntieLisa4

Telling your right now im SORRY if i offend you.

I am so pissed off right now and want to go eat. (im an emotional eater) i figured i better post here before i use food to help my emotional needs.
Growing up i was raised VERY christian, but now that im an Adult i do what i want when i want. I cuss, drink (not often), and have sex.
Well my father seems to think he can still tell me what to do. if i cuss he yells at me, if i just buy a bottle of vodka or something he has to tell my how wrong i am. if i have sex im a slut. No matter what i do im always Wrong.
im 27 Fing years old and he treats me like im 10.
I hate him so much. he is a trucker so hes only here usually on the wkends. EVERY weekend when he gets home its almost like a constant fight from the time he walks in the door till he walks out to go to work. and he wonders WHY i dont wanna talk to him when he calls the house or my cell.

This is one of the poems i wrote when i was feeling like this (he has never out right called me any of these names but im not stupid)

I’m Sorry!!
I’m sorry I’m..
Worthless, Fat
Stupid, Ugly
Dumb, Crazy
Useless, *****

I am sorry
God put me here,
On this earth.

I’m sorry
I’m not,
Perfect, Pretty
Smart, God fearing
The way you feel
I should be.

I’m sorry that
I cant do anything right.

I wish I Could be
All those things
You want me to be
But I cant
And I’m not.

I’m sorry
I’m such a bad person!

I know I don’t deserve
To live on this earth
With all these
Perfect people.
__________________________________
This is another one

I’m tired of being “Perfect”
Tired of being “the good one”
So I drink,
I Swear
Sexed it up with someone I didn’t know
And I feel different
I know people look at me
But I don’t care
I’m not “Perfect” anymore.
Sure I have regrets
I’m not saying:
I’m an Alcoholic,
or
Don’t believe in God
or
That I’m a slut
I’m just saying
I Am Me
An imperfect person
In an imperfect world

JoolieW68

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

Qarol

Do you still live at home?

Jorra

That sounds like a toxic environment for you. I highly suggest moving away from home, you are 27 after all. It would be better for everyone.

hongruss

He may not show it well but he loves you, the way I looked at parenting TOTALLY changed after I became one! It's f*&#ing tough to be perfect I know I don't always get it right & you know from your own journey a lot of that comes from your parents & hence from the way your Father was raised.

Russ

SusanMcAvoy

I am so sorry you are hurting. Your poetry moved me. You are 27 years old, pay no attention to his meaness. Live your life the way you want ... what's most imporatnt is that you are kind to others. It's OK to have fun in life. It's OK to be happy. Be a better person than your father and treat people with respect. You be the better person. Don't forget to love yourself .... I hope you find a wy to enjoy your life. I'm going to send youa friend request. It's always nice to have supportive friends. Have a great day!!

sjtreely

Here are my thoughts ... take 'em or leave 'em ....

As long as you're sorry (your word, not mine) for being who you are, you're fighting an uphill battle with your dad.

God accepts and forgives you for who you are. Should that be enough for your dad? Yes. But clearly it isn't. Come to peace with yourself and your relationship with your dad will be better. Maybe not what you want, but it will be better.

Have a heart-to-heart with your dad. Show him your poem. Let him come to terms with who you are in his own way and in his own time - if that's possible. If not, remove yourself from the toxic atmosphere.

Pebble321

If you're 27, why are you still living with a man who makes you feel so bad? I get the impression that he still sees you as a child and then that makes you react like one, it's hard to break the habits of years.
Get the hell out of there and live your own life. You aren't obliged to see him or have him visit.

AuntieLisa4

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

Contrarian

How does he know when you have sex?

rissadiane

I really hope you can figure out a solution no one is perfect, and to expect to be is a bar way too high. I have problems with my dad too but luckily I was able to get away from it.

reneepugh

A lot of the time confidence problems start out with parents. It would probably be in your best interest to take baby steps toward moving out. Maybe get a room mate, get government subsidized housing, etc. Maybe disability if it is required. Clearly living with your father isn't working for either of you. I'm sure because of your situation, this will not happen over night, but its worth the effort.

lor007

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

Could you move in with the guy you are having sex with?

becoming_a_new_me

I understand that you are in pain right now, and I also know an abusive relationship when I see one. I am a VICTOR and a survivor from a horribly toxic and abusive relationship. It may be your Dad, but it is still an abusive relationship. Could it be that you remind him of your mom? Or does he feel like he failed you somehow and instead of being a man about it, lashes out? You can't really answer these until you talk to him about how you are feeling in a calm, rational, adult manner.

That being said, as an adult child who had to go home for a short time to get back on my feet after a messy divorce, I can say a few things about what you are experiencing. It is his house, so he has a right to set rules. If he wishes to have no drinking, cussing, or sexual encounters under his roof, he has a right to say so. It is your body, you have a right to do what you want with it. If you wish to drink, cuss, or have sexual encounters that is your business alone...just don't do it at home.

He gets upset because you are his little girl. When you swear, you are not being a lady. When you drink, you are harming your body as since you have medical issues I assume you take medicine? When you have sexual encounters, you open yourself to risks. Granted there are better ways to handle his concerns, and name calling is completely counter-productive.

You are on a path to bettering yourself. Get some counseling, move on...you won't change him but you can make your feelings known. See if there is other family that you can live with...just expect to live with their house rules. The only time you will have house rules that you feel meet your needs is when you have a home of your own.

MaximalLife

im 27 Fing years old and he treats me like im 10.
I hate him so much. ..

Wow!
You should teach him a lesson and MOVE OUT!
Today - get your own place.

Just pack your bags and leave; spread your wings and FLY AWAY!

Or you can continue to live in his house like you're 10 years old and be treated as such.
At some point, children must grow up and leave the nest.
Sounds like you're ready - right?

jcr85

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

His house his rules. I can't believe your upset with your Dad when he is voicing his opinion with your behavior in his home.

sexforjaffacakes

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

His house his rules. I can't believe your upset with your Dad when he is voicing his opinion with your behavior in his home.

Pretty sure that only counts when you're 15

MaximalLife

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

His house his rules. I can't believe your upset with your Dad when he is voicing his opinion with your behavior in his home.

Right, I first left home when I was 17, married at 18 and by age 27? The idea of living with daddy was nowhere on the radar.
I can't relate.
Anyway, it's time to set some goals, take ownership of life and get out of daddy's house.
Problem solved.

Pebble321

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

That sounds tough - have you looked into options available in your community, it may be that there is a choice if you keep looking?
If not and you have to stay there, then you have two options as I see it:
- accept that it's his house, his rules, he chooses to treat you like a child and it's not going to be easy to change that. Suck it up when he is at home, live your life the way you want when he isn't.
Or
- talk to him like an adult. "Dad, I'm 27 and able to make decisions about my own life. How about we treat each other like adults".

And remember, you may not be able to change the way he acts, but you can change the way you deal with it. Are there any counseling services that can help you learn some strategies to deal with life?

MaximalLife

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

His house his rules. I can't believe your upset with your Dad when he is voicing his opinion with your behavior in his home.

Pretty sure that only counts when you're 15

No, anybody who lives in my house RENT FREE follows my rules. To the letter or I throw them out in the street TODAY!
If they have a beef, MOVE OUT!

Jorra

Honey, you need to get the hell away from him. You ARE worthy - of respect and happiness.

Just curious, why are you living at home still?

I have med probs and cant keep a job. I have no other choice.

There is always another choice. Group home. Friends. Social security disability income. My mother had bipolar disorder and never kept a job. We struggled, but she raised me. We lived in a good neighborhood, I now go to a great college.

There is always a way.

AuntieLisa4

im 27 Fing years old and he treats me like im 10.
I hate him so much. ..

Wow!
You should teach him a lesson and MOVE OUT!
Today - get your own place.

Just pack your bags and leave; spread your wings and FLY AWAY!

Or you can continue to live in his house like you're 10 years old and be treated as such.
At some point, children must grow up and leave the nest.
Sounds like you're ready - right?

Last time i checked you need money to move out. and $20 isnt enough.

minnesota_deere

wow, all i can say is your dad is enabling you. and has created some major issues, get your act together and move out, your an adult, want to be an adult, act like one, respect is earned. i was out at 16.

AuntieLisa4

Ok i came here to vent and look for support. a couple of you are just making things WAY worse. Im trying not to turn to food.
I dont expect you guys to fix my problems. but you dont have to be a jerk about it like Max.
I have issus and cant get a job. I know that Moving cost LOTS of money. so thats out.
Sometime ppl just need to vent.
to those of you who have said kind words, telling me im beautiful and such THANK YOU.

MaximalLife

im 27 Fing years old and he treats me like im 10.
I hate him so much. ..

Wow!
You should teach him a lesson and MOVE OUT!
Today - get your own place.

Just pack your bags and leave; spread your wings and FLY AWAY!

Or you can continue to live in his house like you're 10 years old and be treated as such.
At some point, children must grow up and leave the nest.
Sounds like you're ready - right?

Last time i checked you need money to move out. and $20 isnt enough.

Then follow your father's rules, reach out to him with respect and stop sniveling about following rules since it's not your house but your father's.

I'd suggest less time writing poems and more time writing down some goals.
You don't need to be dependent on somebody you detest.

I don't much like my family - they live half way across the nation, and I see them once every 2 years.
Set your own goals, quit complaining and making excuses and get your own life.

Don't let anybody tell you it's impossible.
You can do anything if you set your heart and mind to the task.

Good Luck to you; I'm all done here.

Swissmiss

Ok, he really is doing this because he loves you but, you are an adult. You can do as you want. Thinking of how you were raised, I really don't think that you will do anything wrong. You do know right from wrong. Go on with your life and do not let your parents know what you are doing.

Dtho5159

Stories like these always make me sad As someone who lost their father unexpectedly at 17 years old, and a man who I adored more than anything, these "I hate my father" stories always make me want to say at least you still have a father. There was a time when my husband and I first got married that we had to live with my mom and while it was a very short while, it was rough because she was always getting into our personal business. I do understand what you are feeling to a certain extent but like other posters have said, its his house and he has the right to make whatever rules he wants... Again, please re think the "I hate my father" situation because one day he will be gone and you might actually miss him like I miss my dad!

AuntieLisa4

wow great poems, i can relate, my old man was drunk and physically abusive on top of all that, and my mom although not a drunk abusive mentally and phsycally. my uncle blames my brother and I for my dad being a drunk. dumb worthless, idiot, never good enough, i have been there, am there, he won't change, trust me HE WILL NOT CHANGE!!!! please don't do this to your children if you have them. not sure what to tell you becuase i don't know your life, but be strong and you will figure it out. i did.

Thank you im not looking for you guys to fix this just someone to listen and say a kind word or two.

BrendaLee

I'm not sure how he knows so much about your business, but perhaps you reveal too much. He shouldn't know you had sex with a stranger for instance. If he didn't know, there would be no fight.

You do live in his house. It sounds toxic, but if you're stuck there, you should be respectful.

MaximalLife

Ok i came here to vent and look for support. a couple of you are just making things WAY worse. Im trying not to turn to food.
I dont expect you guys to fix my problems. but you dont have to be a jerk about it like Max.
I have issus and cant get a job. I know that Moving cost LOTS of money. so thats out.
Sometime ppl just need to vent.
to those of you who have said kind words, telling me im beautiful and such THANK YOU.

Sometimes real support is telling you the truth - not agreeing with the very attitudes that have you living at home at age 27.

Set goals, take hold of your life.

Dave198lbs

Ok i came here to vent and look for support. a couple of you are just making things WAY worse. Im trying not to turn to food.
I dont expect you guys to fix my problems. but you dont have to be a jerk about it like Max.
I have issus and cant get a job. I know that Moving cost LOTS of money. so thats out.
Sometime ppl just need to vent.
to those of you who have said kind words, telling me im beautiful and such THANK YOU.

Sometimes real support is telling you the truth - not agreeing with the very attitudes that have you living at home at age 27.

Set goals, take hold of your life.

you made your point. enough already