Confidence?

musicgirl88

I have been doing a lot of thinking today....I realized after something that was said to me this morning that I have ZERO confidence. I always feel like everything I do or say is wrong. I feel like I am not good enough...for anyone or anything...I especially feel like this in the dating world. I feel like guys look past me instead of looking at me...and after seeing posts in the boards, I know confidence is something that attracts guys...but what if you have none? I feel like I've lost all hope here. I am hoping that losing weight will give me some confidence..but I'm not sure it will. Just because I'm skinny will I really feel like I'm good enough?

So I guess I'm posting because I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who started out with zero confidence and somehow managed to find some? How did you gain confidence? Was it purely based on you losing weight? Or did you do a lot of soul searching? I want to be confident so bad, but everytime I feel like I should take a chance I don't. I'm so afraid that if I do something that would attract attention or show that I'm confident it will turn out badly. Is there any hope for me?

MrsLawsonNavyBrat2B

i have never had a lot of confidence bc i have always been over weight. But more recently I have been gaining more confidence. Part of it is bc of my weight loss but part of it is bc I finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I believe if you do some soul searching you can find your confidence again. I think you are an amazing person and that you have done an amazing job with your weight loss so far.

Take a little bit of time for yourself. Take a bubble bath, go walking in a park, read a book. Figure out what your goal in life is and go for it. You know I am here for you and I know you can do this

musicgirl88

Thank you You are so sweet, and I am glad to have you as a friend on here! These boards make me lose confidence too...most topics I'll look at and a half hour later they'll have pages of responses....and now, a half hour later, I have one response by someone who is on my friends list LOL....I wish stuff like this didn't get to me...but it just always makes me think I am not good enough.....but I am glad to have friends like you...ya'll keep me going at least....even when I think I'm not good enough...

KBGirts

My biggest advice to you would be to get a hobby. If you already have one then, get a couple of different hobbies. When you are focused on you and do things you enjoy and become good at it, you will naturally exude confidence.

Let me give you an example of what I went through: When I started college, the only thing I did was go to class and work. I hung out with a few people, but I had no confidence when it came to meeting new people and guys. I used to be a soccer player, so someone invited me to play pick up games a couple days a week on lunch break. I went and met a lady who had done a triathlon. I thought that was so cool and when i expressed my interest, she told me I should try it. So I did.... I got into cycling. I started going to organized rides with a cycling club and met tons of people. Since there are not that many girls that ride, I got tons of attention from guys. I even started working at a bike shop as a hobby-weekend job which made me even more awesome to the guys. All of a sudden, I started developing confidence, because I was a part of something, and people who didn't do it thought it was cool. People who wanted to learn more about cycling would come to me and that made me feel good that I could help them. Because I was meeting so many people, I started finding other hobbies. I started mountain biking which gave me even more confidence.

I have started doing other things as well... I do oil paintings and want to take classes (where I will most likely meet new people). I got back into playing soccer which gave me something else to work towards and build confidence by.

Find some things that you love, and go out and do them. It doesn't have to be athletics, it can be anything. It will not happen over night. It will take time, even years to get to the point where you feel like you are living for you. Your true love will come along when you are doing what you love. I met my fiance through cycling. The best way to meet guys is via a hobby. Meet people online or in a bar can work, but when you have things in common, it's easier. Good luck.

chachita7

Confidence is an attitude developed as you understand that happiness comes from within and that it is in your hands and not in anyone else's. If you don't tell yourself you are beautiful, you will never believe someone will find you to be. If you don't learn how to love yourself for who and what your are, you will never believe someone will ever love you.

Confidence is something built by ourselves - it really doesn't rely on your size. One of the most confident people I know are extremely over weight but there is nothing that can knock her down - nothing can knock you down unless you yourself allows it.

Only you can give you your worth and once you do, that is where you will find your confidence.

engineman312

you should sign up for a mud run. first, it gives you a goal to work for, not just a number on a scale. and two, you feel like a total bad *kitten* climbing over obstacles, and passing other slower runners. trust me, there will be slower runners then you.

musicgirl88

you should sign up for a mud run. first, it gives you a goal to work for, not just a number on a scale. and two, you feel like a total bad *kitten* climbing over obstacles, and passing other slower runners. trust me, there will be slower runners then you.

LOL I've never heard of a mud run? I'm pretty sure I'd be the slowest person there...obstacles and stuff to climb over? I'm not quite at a good weight for that yet.....

engineman312

you should sign up for a mud run. first, it gives you a goal to work for, not just a number on a scale. and two, you feel like a total bad *kitten* climbing over obstacles, and passing other slower runners. trust me, there will be slower runners then you.

LOL I've never heard of a mud run? I'm pretty sure I'd be the slowest person there...obstacles and stuff to climb over? I'm not quite at a good weight for that yet.....

there is a rugged maniac mud run in louisville, KY in august. thats about 4 hours from you, right??

http://www.ruggedmaniac.com/events-details/items/louisville-2012.html

trust me, its easier then it looks. you'll be awesome.

musicgirl88

you should sign up for a mud run. first, it gives you a goal to work for, not just a number on a scale. and two, you feel like a total bad *kitten* climbing over obstacles, and passing other slower runners. trust me, there will be slower runners then you.

LOL I've never heard of a mud run? I'm pretty sure I'd be the slowest person there...obstacles and stuff to climb over? I'm not quite at a good weight for that yet.....

there is a rugged maniac mud run in louisville, KY in august. thats about 4 hours from you, right??

http://www.ruggedmaniac.com/events-details/items/louisville-2012.html

trust me, its easier then it looks. you'll be awesome.

It's about......6 hours from me LOL If I remember correctly....I think that's how long it took us to get there when we drove to Tennessee we went through Louisville to visit a friend.......anywho..I don't really have the money or a reliable car for a drive like that LOL.......I know I'm weak LOL I can't do pull ups or push ups...so if I have to climb over things or lift myself over something....it ain't happening LOL....sad but true.....

engineman312

you should sign up for a mud run. first, it gives you a goal to work for, not just a number on a scale. and two, you feel like a total bad *kitten* climbing over obstacles, and passing other slower runners. trust me, there will be slower runners then you.

LOL I've never heard of a mud run? I'm pretty sure I'd be the slowest person there...obstacles and stuff to climb over? I'm not quite at a good weight for that yet.....

there is a rugged maniac mud run in louisville, KY in august. thats about 4 hours from you, right??

http://www.ruggedmaniac.com/events-details/items/louisville-2012.html

trust me, its easier then it looks. you'll be awesome.

It's about......6 hours from me LOL If I remember correctly....I think that's how long it took us to get there when we drove to Tennessee we went through Louisville to visit a friend.......anywho..I don't really have the money or a reliable car for a drive like that LOL.......I know I'm weak LOL I can't do pull ups or push ups...so if I have to climb over things or lift myself over something....it ain't happening LOL....sad but true.....

you have 8 months to train and be ready. that is more then enough time. 8 months. you can do it. you need to eat right, run, and strength train. trust me, nothing feels better then bursting through your bounderies and turning "can't" into "i did it!"

and if me coming to kentucky to run it with you is what it takes, just make sure i can crash on your couch.

musicgirl88

you should sign up for a mud run. first, it gives you a goal to work for, not just a number on a scale. and two, you feel like a total bad *kitten* climbing over obstacles, and passing other slower runners. trust me, there will be slower runners then you.

LOL I've never heard of a mud run? I'm pretty sure I'd be the slowest person there...obstacles and stuff to climb over? I'm not quite at a good weight for that yet.....

there is a rugged maniac mud run in louisville, KY in august. thats about 4 hours from you, right??

http://www.ruggedmaniac.com/events-details/items/louisville-2012.html

trust me, its easier then it looks. you'll be awesome.

It's about......6 hours from me LOL If I remember correctly....I think that's how long it took us to get there when we drove to Tennessee we went through Louisville to visit a friend.......anywho..I don't really have the money or a reliable car for a drive like that LOL.......I know I'm weak LOL I can't do pull ups or push ups...so if I have to climb over things or lift myself over something....it ain't happening LOL....sad but true.....

you have 8 months to train and be ready. that is more then enough time. 8 months. you can do it. you need to eat right, run, and strength train. trust me, nothing feels better then bursting through your bounderies and turning "can't" into "i did it!"

and if me coming to kentucky to run it with you is what it takes, just make sure i can crash on your couch.

LOL you live NO WHERE near me LOL It took me almost a year and a half just to lose 40 pounds..and I still can't do push ups....how will I be ready in 8 months?

shydaisi

I used to have absolutely no self-confidence. I too have always been concerned that I would say or do the wrong thing. Often in a social situation, I would walk away thinking, "I am so stupid! Why did I say/do that?!?" Actually still do sometimes... I am working on it.

I was a range of weights from 215 down to 128 and back up to 250 (during my adult life), and throughout it all, I had no confidence. Even after losing the weight, I still didn't feel more confident. Just as I started to gain a bit of confidence (during the "low" time at around 128), my world shattered and I gained ALL of the weight I had previously lost back and then some -- lost 88 lbs., gained 90 lbs, and then gained another 35 lbs. before restarting my journey.

This time during my journey, I have been exercising (I did not do this before). I would say the one major thing that has lending itself to boosting my confidence is the fitness accomplishments I have achieved over the last 6 months.
I first found Zumba. This got me into a class full of strangers. At first I stood in the back row and tried to be as inconspicuous as I could... As I got better at the moves, I started moving up in the rows (because I wanted to see the teacher better so I could learn the moves more easily). Now I like to be in one of the first two rows because I move better if I watch myself in the mirrors. I started talking to other regulars, getting to know people - which would NEVER have happened before. Then, I found running a few months ago - I started the C25K program in August and then restarted in November and just graduated last week! I have people at the gym who have watched me lose weight over the last 7 months coming up to me, and congratulating me, and asking me how I am doing this. That has never happened to me before...ever... I was always the wallflower that no one ever noticed.

Between feeling a sense of pride about my accomplishments, starting to actually socialize with others, and compliments from others, it is slowly boosting my confidence. I definitely still have my awkward moments, but it is getting better. I would say that the thing that has helped the most is accomplishing my fitness goals.

So, my advice to you is to set some goals, and reach them. Start out small if you need to. I strongly recommend the C25K program (I have never been a runner. EVER. but now I can run over 30 minutes at a time, have completed three 5K races and will be doing my 4th next month!). Also, join a gym. There will be others there at the same point in their journey as you - others that are farther that can be an inspiration - and even others for which you will be an inspiration.

Whatever you decide, you can do this! I believe in you. Don't forget to believe in yourself!

engineman312

LOL you live NO WHERE near me LOL It took me almost a year and a half just to lose 40 pounds..and I still can't do push ups....how will I be ready in 8 months?

keep talking like that and you'll never be ready.

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/02/15/proper-push-up/

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/04/25/do-a-pull-up/

lets get you ready.

musicgirl88

I used to have absolutely no self-confidence. I too have always been concerned that I would say or do the wrong thing. Often in a social situation, I would walk away thinking, "I am so stupid! Why did I say/do that?!?" Actually still do sometimes... I am working on it.

I was a range of weights from 215 down to 128 and back up to 250 (during my adult life), and throughout it all, I had no confidence. Even after losing the weight, I still didn't feel more confident. Just as I started to gain a bit of confidence (during the "low" time at around 128), my world shattered and I gained ALL of the weight I had previously lost back and then some -- lost 88 lbs., gained 90 lbs, and then gained another 35 lbs. before restarting my journey.

This time during my journey, I have been exercising (I did not do this before). I would say the one major thing that has lending itself to boosting my confidence is the fitness accomplishments I have achieved over the last 6 months.
I first found Zumba. This got me into a class full of strangers. At first I stood in the back row and tried to be as inconspicuous as I could... As I got better at the moves, I started moving up in the rows (because I wanted to see the teacher better so I could learn the moves more easily). Now I like to be in one of the first two rows because I move better if I watch myself in the mirrors. I started talking to other regulars, getting to know people - which would NEVER have happened before. Then, I found running a few months ago - I started the C25K program in August and then restarted in November and just graduated last week! I have people at the gym who have watched me lose weight over the last 7 months coming up to me, and congratulating me, and asking me how I am doing this. That has never happened to me before...ever... I was always the wallflower that no one ever noticed.

Between feeling a sense of pride about my accomplishments, starting to actually socialize with others, and compliments from others, it is slowly boosting my confidence. I definitely still have my awkward moments, but it is getting better. I would say that the thing that has helped the most is accomplishing my fitness goals.

So, my advice to you is to set some goals, and reach them. Start out small if you need to. I strongly recommend the C25K program (I have never been a runner. EVER. but now I can run over 30 minutes at a time, have completed three 5K races and will be doing my 4th next month!). Also, join a gym. There will be others there at the same point in their journey as you - others that are farther that can be an inspiration - and even others for which you will be an inspiration.

Whatever you decide, you can do this! I believe in you. Don't forget to believe in yourself!

''

I started the C25K program and I LOVE jogging/running! But it started getting too cold to run....so I had to stop

RaeLB

My confidence has come from the realization that I have a kick @ss personality and the values my family has instilled in me. I have had to learn that I am an awesome person... flaws, failures and all. You need to figure out what you love about yourself.

Having confidence in other things is good too (talents, achievements, your looks, etc) but you have to be careful how much of your self-confidence you place in that.

I had so much of my self-confidence wrapped up on my academics that I became obsessed and became so stressed I had to take an academic leave and when I wouldn't preform as I expected I would beat myself up.

I have become more confident in my body over the years but sometimes that has results in me seeking attention for that reassurance and I've had to check myself. We're also all going to get old and wrinkly some day lol.

I had a lot of confidence in my snowboarding abilities but then I had some major injuries and had to take some time off. I am back at it but that hobby could be taken away from me.

My point is confidence comes from many things but it should stem from the simple fact that you are YOU - a unique, awesome person!!! (i assume... unless you're some crazy animal killing, old lady kicking maniac)

shydaisi

I used to have absolutely no self-confidence. I too have always been concerned that I would say or do the wrong thing. Often in a social situation, I would walk away thinking, "I am so stupid! Why did I say/do that?!?" Actually still do sometimes... I am working on it.

I was a range of weights from 215 down to 128 and back up to 250 (during my adult life), and throughout it all, I had no confidence. Even after losing the weight, I still didn't feel more confident. Just as I started to gain a bit of confidence (during the "low" time at around 128), my world shattered and I gained ALL of the weight I had previously lost back and then some -- lost 88 lbs., gained 90 lbs, and then gained another 35 lbs. before restarting my journey.

This time during my journey, I have been exercising (I did not do this before). I would say the one major thing that has lending itself to boosting my confidence is the fitness accomplishments I have achieved over the last 6 months.
I first found Zumba. This got me into a class full of strangers. At first I stood in the back row and tried to be as inconspicuous as I could... As I got better at the moves, I started moving up in the rows (because I wanted to see the teacher better so I could learn the moves more easily). Now I like to be in one of the first two rows because I move better if I watch myself in the mirrors. I started talking to other regulars, getting to know people - which would NEVER have happened before. Then, I found running a few months ago - I started the C25K program in August and then restarted in November and just graduated last week! I have people at the gym who have watched me lose weight over the last 7 months coming up to me, and congratulating me, and asking me how I am doing this. That has never happened to me before...ever... I was always the wallflower that no one ever noticed.

Between feeling a sense of pride about my accomplishments, starting to actually socialize with others, and compliments from others, it is slowly boosting my confidence. I definitely still have my awkward moments, but it is getting better. I would say that the thing that has helped the most is accomplishing my fitness goals.

So, my advice to you is to set some goals, and reach them. Start out small if you need to. I strongly recommend the C25K program (I have never been a runner. EVER. but now I can run over 30 minutes at a time, have completed three 5K races and will be doing my 4th next month!). Also, join a gym. There will be others there at the same point in their journey as you - others that are farther that can be an inspiration - and even others for which you will be an inspiration.

Whatever you decide, you can do this! I believe in you. Don't forget to believe in yourself!

''

I started the C25K program and I LOVE jogging/running! But it started getting too cold to run....so I had to stop

Don't give up! Either move the running inside or find a new goal to fulfill!

musicgirl88

I used to have absolutely no self-confidence. I too have always been concerned that I would say or do the wrong thing. Often in a social situation, I would walk away thinking, "I am so stupid! Why did I say/do that?!?" Actually still do sometimes... I am working on it.

I was a range of weights from 215 down to 128 and back up to 250 (during my adult life), and throughout it all, I had no confidence. Even after losing the weight, I still didn't feel more confident. Just as I started to gain a bit of confidence (during the "low" time at around 128), my world shattered and I gained ALL of the weight I had previously lost back and then some -- lost 88 lbs., gained 90 lbs, and then gained another 35 lbs. before restarting my journey.

This time during my journey, I have been exercising (I did not do this before). I would say the one major thing that has lending itself to boosting my confidence is the fitness accomplishments I have achieved over the last 6 months.
I first found Zumba. This got me into a class full of strangers. At first I stood in the back row and tried to be as inconspicuous as I could... As I got better at the moves, I started moving up in the rows (because I wanted to see the teacher better so I could learn the moves more easily). Now I like to be in one of the first two rows because I move better if I watch myself in the mirrors. I started talking to other regulars, getting to know people - which would NEVER have happened before. Then, I found running a few months ago - I started the C25K program in August and then restarted in November and just graduated last week! I have people at the gym who have watched me lose weight over the last 7 months coming up to me, and congratulating me, and asking me how I am doing this. That has never happened to me before...ever... I was always the wallflower that no one ever noticed.

Between feeling a sense of pride about my accomplishments, starting to actually socialize with others, and compliments from others, it is slowly boosting my confidence. I definitely still have my awkward moments, but it is getting better. I would say that the thing that has helped the most is accomplishing my fitness goals.

So, my advice to you is to set some goals, and reach them. Start out small if you need to. I strongly recommend the C25K program (I have never been a runner. EVER. but now I can run over 30 minutes at a time, have completed three 5K races and will be doing my 4th next month!). Also, join a gym. There will be others there at the same point in their journey as you - others that are farther that can be an inspiration - and even others for which you will be an inspiration.

Whatever you decide, you can do this! I believe in you. Don't forget to believe in yourself!

''

I started the C25K program and I LOVE jogging/running! But it started getting too cold to run....so I had to stop

Don't give up! Either move the running inside or find a new goal to fulfill!

I don't have a treadmill nor the money for a gym membership...so I'm kind of stuck at the moment...

engineman312

I don't have a treadmill nor the money for a gym membership...so I'm kind of stuck at the moment...

buy a jump rope!! they're super cheap, and doing it for 10 minutes is the equivalent of running an 8 minute mile.

musicgirl88

LOL you live NO WHERE near me LOL It took me almost a year and a half just to lose 40 pounds..and I still can't do push ups....how will I be ready in 8 months?

keep talking like that and you'll never be ready.

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/02/15/proper-push-up/

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/04/25/do-a-pull-up/

lets get you ready.

Interesting site.....my form never looks that good...I can never seem to get my body up off the floor that high...I guess I could try again...but I moved on to doing weights to try to get stronger arms since push ups seem to be impossible for me...

engineman312

LOL you live NO WHERE near me LOL It took me almost a year and a half just to lose 40 pounds..and I still can't do push ups....how will I be ready in 8 months?

keep talking like that and you'll never be ready.

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/02/15/proper-push-up/

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/04/25/do-a-pull-up/

lets get you ready.

Interesting site.....my form never looks that good...I can never seem to get my body up off the floor that high...I guess I could try again...but I moved on to doing weights to try to get stronger arms since push ups seem to be impossible for me...

get good at push ups=be better at weights.

musicgirl88

LOL you live NO WHERE near me LOL It took me almost a year and a half just to lose 40 pounds..and I still can't do push ups....how will I be ready in 8 months?

keep talking like that and you'll never be ready.

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/02/15/proper-push-up/

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/04/25/do-a-pull-up/

lets get you ready.

Interesting site.....my form never looks that good...I can never seem to get my body up off the floor that high...I guess I could try again...but I moved on to doing weights to try to get stronger arms since push ups seem to be impossible for me...

get good at push ups=be better at weights.

weights won't help my push ups?.....wouldn't stronger arms make push ups a little easier?...