RANT: obese people that PUSH dieting advice!!

LuciaLongIsland

I have a friend whos is super obese, she is 5' 4 inches and weighs 298, yet every single time I try to talk about my diet she acts like shes an expert because her mom is a nutrishionst. I was talking about my carbs being at 150, she started FREAKING out on me about how there is NO excuse for ANYONE to eat that many carbs a day, and MFP is a crock if it sets your carbs so high, its setting you up for failure and your just gonna mess everything up, and to quit now before I destroy my chances at a "good diet" this went on for what seemed like forever I tried to argue that I wasn't doing some elimination diet, I needed to LEARN how to control what I put in my mouth, quanities and moderation, and she freaked out again. NO, its not about moderation, its about changing your life and what you eat. If you go out to dinner and they offer you a bread basket, its not about stopping yourself after one peice of bread, its about being able to not eat the bread at all. I told her that type of life style/ diet would never work for me, because I would start to feel like i'm suffering "without" and I just wanted to focus on eating RIGHT, and not about what I can and can not eat. Again, starts flipping out. "my mom is a nutrishionst, she knows this ****, if you don't want my advice dont talk to me about this crap, I don't want to hear it!" so I stopped talking to her about it...for awhile.
Than just a few days ago she noticed that I posted on facebook that I had lost 16 lbs, and she starts FREAKING out about that, it's only been 3 weeks, if youve managed to lose 16 lbs your doing it the wrong way and your just gonna fail, and your skin will never tighten and youll look worse "skinny" than you would fat. Your just messing everything up. I tried to remind her that at least 8 lbs of that was inital water weight, but she still freaked out on me. I also tried to remind her that not everyone can diet the same and that no two people have the same idea of "do's and don'ts" with eating healthier.
So now to my final point. Today. Just now, infact the conversation is still going on as I type this, but i've just got to the point where I'm like, "yeah, your right" "uhh huhh" "i know" and not truly paying attention. Lol
Anyway, I asked her if she had any recepies for low cal/carb deserts or treats to curve my sweet tooth. she said "you don't want to do that, it will jsut lead to more and more junk, and than youll get even more fat, and than it will never stop, you need to cut it out COMPLEATLY, I never had much of a sweet tooth, but my downfall was bread and until I cut it out compleatly I cheated, and you cant cheat on a diet, you need to go at least 6 months before you touch a sweet so you no longer have the cravings, and you can eat less of it" I instantly got peeved. Shes talking to me like shes a weight loss expert, when she DID manage too lose nearly 60 lbs, than GAIN it ALL back and than some within less than a years time. I hate it when super big people **and I'm a super big person myself** try to preach health advice, because CLEARLY, all my ideas of "health" worked out for me...RIGHT?? It makes no sence. Like a few weeks ago **before I started my life change** I was talking about eating animal crackers, and she starts spazzing out, "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN THAT" than SLAPS it from my hand and throws it in the trash....I dont know about you, but I did't become over 200 lbs from eating salad and lean meats....so how could someone be nearly 300 lbs and have any idea of health conscience choices??? GAHH I just want to yell at her. ANYWAYYY Any low cal or low carb, or BOTH, treat recepes anyone?? I NEED MY FIX!

How bout saying, "please focus on yourself, not me. Also, STOP telling her about your carbs, keep FB out of it and dont ask for recipes. All that info is on here.

DirtyHippieFeet

She doesnt sound like a very good friend.....she requires ditching me thinks.

I'm inclined to agree. It's not really about how much she weighs or doesn't weigh; I'd say the same thing if she were thin. She's giving you diet advice, not LIFESTYLE advice, and you're doing the right thing with making changes that you can live with. A lot of people give up on fitness/weight loss goals because they try to cut out too much and end up miserable. You're right; it really IS about moderation - having one piece of bread instead of all of it, or one piece of chocolate instead of the whole bag. Changing your lifestyle doesn't have to include never going out to eat with friends or family because you're not allowing yourself anything but lettuce. You're doing a great job and making smart choices, so don't let her ruin this for you.

funauntsherry

i have a coworker who does the same thing. her mom, too, was a nutritionist and she (and her mother) are "super obese" and both suffering health problems. I started with MFP last January and was so excited about it that I shared with her. She wasn't interested and started sharing all of her insight and advice (insert jargon from your friend here).

fast forward 1 year, she looks heavier (to me) than she was last year and I've lost 123 pounds.

I'm on a dreaded plateau so I'm taking it as a short break (maintenance calories) before going back on a losing plan.

I haven't once, in the entire journey, cut out sweets entirely. I love cookies and cakes too much. I just budget them in to my calories with cutting the other extras (things I would just eat without thinking about before) and by exercising... because I know that for me, cutting them out would have been depriving myself and would have put this little life change in the category of "crash diet"

just keep up what you're doing and stop letting anyone who doesn't really want you to succeed into your head/heart/life.

JMO!

sondra216379

sounds to me like someone's jealous and she's pushing whatever her mother tells her on you. I understand what you mean about trying to learn to change the portions of what you eat. i think learning to do that instead of cutting things off cold turkey will help you get off of those cravings. I dedicated this month to pry myself from the soda and the beer, and i have had ONE pepsi.im pretty proud LOL anyway the point is that she is being a HATER and has some nerve to slap things out of your hand. if she really was your friend she wouldn't be bashing you she would be more supportive and helpful.

I agree...I think she sounds jealous!!

jdawson1

She is trying to sabatoge you. She feels threatened because if you lose the weight she fears that you will change while she is not. She wants to talk you out of it. I didn't read all of your responses so maybe someone already said that. But that's all it is. I would tell her that it hurts you when she says the things that she does. The job of a friend is to be supportive.

MaximalLife

Frenemy alert!!! Cut it out your life, and stop posting on FB, you wont get the support you need on it. That's why we have mfp. The support is here! You dont need to talk to her about your weightloss and fitness plan, just live it. The results speak for themselves...:flowerforyou:

I shut down FB - bye bye -- :drinker:

RAFValentina

Ignore! Or embarass her in front of her mum to put her back in her box. Tell her to wind her neck in and stop interfering and you will do it your way. If you wanted her mums advice, you'd ask her directly or employ her.

MaximalLife

hey i am obese but i like to think i can give advise! :bigsmile:

Anybody with a ticker at 106 lbs lost has something to say that I'd like to hear....

annabell0768

I so agree with you. When my sons were little the people that had no children were always giving me their "best" parenting advice..lol

say thank you and move on

_VoV

This is a big reason why I don't talk about my weight loss and how I'm doing it.

Everyone has different opinions on how to do it right. I really don't want to hear it. Why not just say 'We agree to disagree. You do it your way; I'll do it my way' and just call it a day.

rpantusa

obviously she doesn't know what she is talking about, or she would be skinny. It sounds like she is jealous and trying to sabotage your efforts. Don't let her bring you down, just work harder to prove her wrong!

joanahlees

It sounds like she's going through some problems of her own and wants to bring you down with her, which I don't agree with at all. It's best to just leave the conversation alone and speak with someone else about it.

As someone who is super obese and who has lost a bit of weight (a total of 68 pounds), I do give advice if it looks like someone is headed toward an unhealthy direction (binging, purging, starvation), but I like to give people the time to adjust to their bodies. You are absolutely right. Each person is different, and our bodies react to food and exercise very differently. It's still taken me months to understand what's best for me!

Also, you will notice that when you lose weight, people start treating you very differently... sometimes for the worst. That's when you realize you weren't meant to have those friends to begin with. To have people in your life who do not support you getting healthy is a shame, and you deserve people who are going to stick with you to the end.

And don't try and do anything mean to her. It's just tacky.

kybrandyb

Next time she touched my food i'd stab her with a fork! When you still love your food and learn to eat in moderation and are getting results i'd simply tell her what diet she follows and what diet you follow may differ and you are seeing results so until she starts having better results than you she needs to quit giving unwanted advice!



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Te2005

Misery loves company, and sometimes misery is fat. You keep doing what you are doing and just nod and smile at her "advice". It's obviously working great for her. And someone correct me if i'm wrong (please!), but not all carbs are bad right?

stubbysticks

Sorry if this is a repeat but I haven't read all the responses. The issue is not why she behaves the way she does...don't you see? The fact that you allow her to speak to you in this condescending way for extended periods of time is more of an indicator that you need to set better boundaries with her. I don't care if you are my casual acquaintance or closest friend, I will not allow you to speak to me in a way that doesn't preserve my dignity. If you do, I am ending the conversation ASAP & we will not carry on another one until you come at me in a respectful way.

You'd be better served doing a little self-reflection as to why the actions of another person who clearly does not have the answers you need are affecting you so deeply. She is not responsible for protecting your feelings or your pride or making sure she is not verbally abusive or demeaning to you. You are reponsible for that. Kick this chick to the curb. Yesterday.

WeighAhead

I have lost a considerable amount of weight, but as a heavy guy I still eat a lot in a day. Now that people started to notice i lost weight I get funny looks when I don't think twice about eating a piece of cake, or something else that isn't categorized as "diet" food. Advice doesn't bother me though, i take it for what it is, advice, I just say thanks and move on with my life.

CharlieBarleyMom

Slice up a banana and put it on wax or parchment paper... put it into the freezer for about 2 hours... take it out and throw it plus 1/8-1/4 cup Almond milk (or skim milk - or milk - your choice) into the Magic Bullet and click it on! Voila! Banana ice cream! YuM! Throw a little baking cocoa powder in there too (just a pinch) and you have a beautiful dessert... I toast up NutriGrain waffles and put this on one waffle and top it with the second waffle to make an ice cream sandwich!!!!!!!!!

cesmith5

Everything I was going to say has already been said but here goes anyway

Is she really worth having as a friend? She's not supportive, doesn't tell you you're doing great and well done for trying............
Do you want her for a friend - if you do (WHY?), suck it up and keep it in - practice keeping your ears shut and your face blank - if you don't - ignore her & delete her on facebook

Well done you for the weight you've lost - keep going. Everything's low-carb if you're reducing your portions!

amyphillips1988

I definately agree with the comments on here - mainly that your friend is obviously trying to diet for a 'quick fix' rather than an entire lifestyle change which although may take a little longer to lose the weight as you're doing it sensibly, in the long run you will go the distance! also the comments made that she's jealous - that really does seem to be the case here, she obviously feels threatened with your sensible and straight forward attitude to your lifestyle change and feels the need to take that jealousy out on you which is sad

On a sweet tooth note - i find making my own homemade ice lollies from plain squash drink or even from diet lemonade/cola works really well to satisfy cravings, just enough to get the sweet taste you are craving but not so much that you feel bad for eating it afterwards!

Also for a real treat once a week or so, you can always buy the mini bags of sweets like haribo or the real kids sized chocolate - as long as you have the ability to stick to just having one little bag then you're actually getting some real sweets but without having to open a massive bag and end up eating the whole lot (like i would!), everything in moderation don't forget! this last one perhaps wouldn't work for everyone, it depends on how good you can be at having just the one bag, but if you think you can give it a try

good luck, and trust yourself, don't let anyone fill your head with rubbish, you seem to know what you need to do so stick to it and you'll do great

xxx

ezramedic

I love my "diet" brownies.

I buy a regular brownie mix - Pillsbury Milk Chocolate Family Size is my fave, LOL!

I mix it with 1 cup of Mott's Natural No Sugar applesauce & 1/4 cup of water.

I divide it into 24 muffin pans (That way every brownie is an edge piece) and voila!

They're 95 calories each and totally moist, fudgey and delicious.

Another great "indulgence" I love is the Jell-o Mousse Cups (I like the Chocolate Mousse, it's 60 cals) and 2 tbsp of Cool Whip Light. Total serving is 100 cals & totally yummy and indulgent.

Puffins1958

Without trying to sound judgemental,,,,,do you REALLY need her for a friend???

:noway:

MyaPapaya75

she has no clue what shes talking about ....Im a Diabetic and my carbs per Dietician and MD are set at no more than 180 per day....so you being at 150 ..is fine ..good in fact lol unless you are worse off Diabetic than myself....I wouldnt engage in any more conversations about weight loss with her...its just another hurdle in the road shes trying to bring you down..keep trucking on and dont even engage it...

NewTeena

The comment about the loose skin bugs me. I'm super obese too and I'd rather be thinner with loose skin, than obese with taut skin. I am certainly no expert in weight loss, fitness, or nutrition but it sounds like she's making excuses. If you've spoken to her about how her advice makes you feel and it has gotten nowhere then you might want to consider either not talking about those subjects with her or reducing the amount of time you spend with her.

My philosophy to weight loss at this point is celebrate the small successes, and learn from the mistakes.

fifi888

Well bless her heart! It must be exhausting knowing EVERYTHING! LOL

You just keep nodding and ignoring. We all have to find what works for us and if it is not harmful (and/or illegal) we have to stick to it. Nothing works without consistency, so you do what is right for you. Sixteen pounds! WHOO HOO! :happy:

Carolyn130

the South Beach Diet book had some good desserts using ricotta cheese. Very satisfying. I think you would have some luck using the Olivia method that some of us have been following. It helps you to calculate what your BMR is and maintenance calories are so you can create a 500 - 100 calorie deficit a day. If you want to friend me I can get you on the link. As for your friend it is obvious that she does not practice what she preaches. I would distance yourself from her as much as possible because you do not need her negative energy sabotaging your efforts. As for the bread thing, it wont take too long before you won't crave it. Also, de-friend her on FB for right now. When she starts to change her tune then re invite her back into your life.

econut2000

Sorry you're going through that - it doesn't sound like much fun. My advice would be to limit time spent with her. Clearly she is going to put you down for all the things you are eating or your weight etc. Definitely never hang out with her when it requires eating. I think you should possibly re-evaluate your friendship. Does she act this way about everything or just when it comes to losing weight? If it's just this particular topic then maybe you can overlook it, but if she always has a superior attitude then, unfortunately she's doing more harm than good.

I don't have much of a sweet tooth but one thing I do enjoy is a 1/4-1/2 cup of part-skim ricotta with a some cocoa powder and splenda. It is a wonderfully delicious treat! Sometimes I add berries to it or skip the cocoa powder and just do berries and honey. It sounds a little weird at first, but to me it's like eating cheesecake (my favorite!!!).

trud72

hey i am obese but i like to think i can give advise! :bigsmile:

Anybody with a ticker at 106 lbs lost has something to say that I'd like to hear....

AWW thanx honey i will pay ya later lol :blushing:

Claible

Sorry to hear your friend isn't being supportive. I haven't had that bad of an experience but I have ran into my naysayers. But as for your question on low cal/low carb treats. Check out Taste of home comfort food diet cookbook. there are three of them but I have the new quick and easy favorites one. I haven't tried any of the treats but there are lots of treats such as

94 calorie chocolate chip cookies.
1/2 cup reduced fat margarine
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
1/4 cup (2oz) reduced fat plain yogurt
2- 1/2 ups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1- 1/2 cups miniature semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped walnuts toasted

1. in a large bowl, lightly cream the margarine and sugars. add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in yogurt and vanilla. Combine the flour, baking soda and salt; gradually add to creamed mixture. Stir in chocolate chips and walnuts.

2. drop by heaping tablespoonfuls 2 in. apart onto baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Bake at 375 degrees fro 8-10 minutes or until golden brown. Remove to wire racks.

Yield 4 dozen

1 cookie = 94 calories, 4g fat (1 g saturated fat), 9mg cholesterol, 93mg sodium, 15 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 1g protein. Diabetic exchanges: 1 starch, 1/2 fat




There is also an 80 calorie broiled fruit dessert

DASHoag

Just because her mom is a nutritionist, doesn't mean she knows jack. I could marry a docotr but does that make me one? You need the support of those who care enough to want you to succeed as you pursue a lifestyle change. She may not understand your motivations and be at the same point, but you don;t need that abuse. Stay firm, keep you portions smaller, keep up the healthy choices and you will physically show her who's right!!

MindyBlack

Pack a mirror in your bag. Whenever she starts going off about what you're doing, hold the mirror up so she can see herself.

YES ^this lol

^^^ Epic response!