once a cheater always a cheater - true or false?

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  • kappy_hollowell
    kappy_hollowell Posts: 399
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    I always say there are 2 types of cheaters...

    One type cheats like there's no tomorrow. You can say they don't have a conscious. They do it for whatever reason and usually don't think about the consequences. These cheaters I'd say will always be cheaters. It's a condition of the heart. Even if they physically stop cheating, they'll always play around with the idea. They'll enjoy playing with fire w/o the burn.

    Then there are the cheaters who make the biggest mistake of their life. They're remorseful, they're disgusted with themselves and will do anything to make it right. These usually will never cheat again because they're terrified at the hurt they caused. Also, these folks will stay away from anything remotely close to cheating because they know how easy the slippery slope is. These are cheaters who once were.. but not always will be.

    THIS. This this this. The trick is knowing the difference, but I'm a believer that there isn't one type of cheater- thanks for putting that more eloquently than I could!

    AMEN! THIS is what I'm talking about too!
  • VoodooLuLu
    VoodooLuLu Posts: 636 Member
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    cheating once is one time to many...
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    Personally I think cheating means the person who cheated was unhappy with something in the relationship (maybe they wanted more attention, more sex, more excitement), and therefore looked for it outside of their spouse. Which in the end, means even if they feel bad about it, are horrified by the pain it caused, might do it again if they become unhappy in the future....
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    Once a _________ - always a _________?
    I hope not, because I would be a lot of things.

    No, what defines me today is who I am TODAY!

    Now, I believe it's perfectly acceptable to judge potential future behavior by looking into a person's past and judging them.
    Sure!
    Our past actions are a reflection of who we are, and others will use that to make a sound judgement.
    That's legitimate, and in fact, it's foolish not to.
    As for how we feel about ourselves, we can decide who and what we want to be RIGHT NOW!
    Just don't be angry if the world is not ready to believe you.
    They need time to catch up - they need to see good actions for a season to match your good intentions.
  • liroez29
    liroez29 Posts: 221
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    I was married very young, I was just 18, and I cheated on him. It was a bad marriage, and it ended after just over 4 years. And he never knew I cheated until a year after the divorce. The guilt killed me, worst feeling. Every time he would try cuddling with me in bed, my heart would race and sometimes my stomach would get upset to the point of vomiting. Even though he was very abusive, physically and mentally, I still felt I had done worse to him then he had ever done to me.....until I caught him cheating on me anyway. I am a one time cheater, did it once, will never do it again! it is not worth it! Been married again now for 5 yrs and have had no trouble at all staying faithful!
  • mab33
    mab33 Posts: 242 Member
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    False. I admit I have cheated in previous relationships. It broke my heart breaking the news. I would NEVER cheat on my husband.
  • dmjohnston72
    dmjohnston72 Posts: 3
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    Doing stupid things as a teenager is expected. You were about 16 when this happened? I can see that... who hasn't done stupid things as a teenager??

    For me - a married adult - if my husband cheated on me it really wouldn't matter because I wouldn't stay around to find out.
    We're adults. It's a choice. Cheating is a disrespecting, dishonorable, selfish, cowardly choice.

    If a person is so weak that they're willing to potentially sacrifice their relationship or family for a cheap thrill, they should not be in a committed relationship.

    If a person is so miserable in their current relationship they enter into a full fledged affair - they should have left the bad relationship.

    My view as a 39 year old woman is: There is no justification for cheating. It means that you are weak of moral character and cowardly. Chances are you'll stay that way too.

    I don't believe this is an accurate statement but you certainly have a right to your opinion. In my line of work, I deal with divorces every single day and the most common reason for divorce is loss of affection. Not that it gives us a reason or excuse to cheat but when you lose the feeling of being important to someone and attractive and that their world revolves around you, you seek it out in other ways....some cross the line with a full blown affair, some have emotional flings. Its not a lack or moral character, its being a human and wanting to FEEL something, anything, other than dispair. Some people stay in those relationships for familiar obligations and the HOPE that it will get better and because they truly love their spouse/significant other and don't want to move on without them.....this is just my 2 cents.
  • kappy_hollowell
    kappy_hollowell Posts: 399
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    One more thing.....I did cheat on a boyfriend a loong time ago. When I was a teenager, but I have never and will never cheat on my husband. I love him more than anything on earth. We have a great relationship, hardley ever argue, and are always on the same page.

    SO I think it's not the same for every situation.
  • Roshams
    Roshams Posts: 77
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    That's a loaded questions....in my experience, if soemone cheated once and learned from it, then FALSE/

    If someone cheated more then once, then Deifinitley TRUE!!

    In most cases I've seen it's very TRUE, because people usually don't confess unless they get caught or think they will get caught.

    Cheaters are scum, if you love someone, you wouldn't cheat. And if you don't love someone, then why the hell are you with that person, they deserve to be loved, and not with dirt bag cheaters.
  • Roshams
    Roshams Posts: 77
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    That's a loaded questions....in my experience, if soemone cheated once and learned from it, then FALSE/

    If someone cheated more then once, then Deifinitley TRUE!!

    In most cases I've seen it's very TRUE, because people usually don't confess unless they get caught or think they will get caught.

    Cheaters are scum, if you love someone, you wouldn't cheat. And if you don't love someone, then why the hell are you with that person, they deserve to be loved, and not with dirt bag cheaters.


    And just to give another point of view....cheaters ruin the good people for the rest of us! If you've ever dated someone who has been cheated on, it is very very hard to gain their trust, and they are very emotionally damaged by it. :'(
  • Roshams
    Roshams Posts: 77
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    "men are pigs"

    I always find this funny when I hear this......in my experience, women are as bad, or worse, than men. Jus sayin....

    This is 100% true...coming from a woman who dates women....A lot of women out there are spiteful dirty pigs :) LOL
  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
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    Absolutes do not exist. You can not use the words "always" and "never" because everything has a beginning and ending point.

    However with human condition, I will say that people are weighted towards certain behaviors more often than not, so a person who has cheated in the past has a higher probability to cheat again.

    2+2 will always equal 4.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    Cheaters are scum, if you love someone, you wouldn't cheat. And if you don't love someone, then why the hell are you with that person, they deserve to be loved, and not with dirt bag cheaters.


    Wow......it's just that simple?
  • Roshams
    Roshams Posts: 77
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    Cheaters are scum, if you love someone, you wouldn't cheat. And if you don't love someone, then why the hell are you with that person, they deserve to be loved, and not with dirt bag cheaters.


    Wow......it's just that simple?

    In my World it is. LOL
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    Cheaters are scum, if you love someone, you wouldn't cheat. And if you don't love someone, then why the hell are you with that person, they deserve to be loved, and not with dirt bag cheaters.


    Wow......it's just that simple?

    Fair enough. :)

    I just think this is a very complicated topic. No one knows the reasons why people do what they do, when they do it. So for my part, I try not to judge a person for what they've done. If YOU admitted that you cheated, I wouldn't automatically assume that you would again. Not to mention, what my beliefs are may not be what yours are. Did the guy cheat because his wife is unhappy with herself and doesn't want to have sex with him? Did she cheat because someone paid her the attention she hasn't gotten since she was a teenager? There's so many reasons people do what they do, and they are the only ones that know what they truly are.
    In my World it is. LOL
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    pretty sure you can't throw anyone that's ever cheated into one of the two camps.

    it's like saying "men are pigs" or "women are sh*tty drivers"

    far too dumb of a statement.

    I totally agree with this!


    i agree with this (which is why we r friend slmao)

    for me IMO if my husband cheated on me we would be over, with that being said if it was to happen my feeling s may change depending on the situation...So its kinda hard to say. From day 1 he knew cheating was a deal breaker, if i can wait for him when he deployed he can wait for me as well lol

    I know people who cheat all the time and continue to do so either till they get caught or because the other person forgives them every time. They will NEVER change IMO. I know there are people who do it and then regret it but I just cant understand when you are in the process how you cant think of the person you 'love' but guess it goes to show i would never be a cheater lmao
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    Hey, if it gets her out of the house long enough for me to watch scifi, I am OK with it.... :noway:
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Just posting for the laugh fols...
  • fiveferrels
    fiveferrels Posts: 397 Member
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    always cheated as a teen (no not proud) never even looked at another guy since i met my husband in 2003 :)


    find this one very hard to believe?!?!?!?!?!?! Never looked at another guy, now thats funny
  • sruffin9834
    sruffin9834 Posts: 80
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    I believe that people can change, so in that sense, no, not always a cheater once a cheater. However, I do believe that each individual have predispositions to do certain things. If cheating is a temptation to a certain person then you are more susceptible to doing that more so than some thing else.

    I have never cheated. Never even thought about cheating on someone. I OVERLY faithful by far! I have been cheated on and it sucks bulls nuts.
  • cigarzzz
    cigarzzz Posts: 37
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    False...People can change as they get older...

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