The 'Dating Game' and why I think it's a load of garbage!

KatieJane83

So, I'm truly new to the whole world of dating. Very shy in school, never really dated much, met my ex-husband when I was only a sophomore in college, yadda yadda yadda. So, for the first time really, I'm finally getting out there into the world of Adult Dating! Lol. And it's a good time for it too, because I'm the most confident I've EVER been in myself.

So, needless to say, I've been thinking a lot about the whole dating process and have come to my own personal conclusions. I think the whole 'dating game' thing is utter crap and I have zero intention of playing it. Yes, there are those 'rules' out there, don't call/text for x number of days, be a little bit of a b*tch to keep him on his toes/interested (really?! seriously?! Cuz that's just not how I am). This is my thought:

That whole waiting x number of days thing is childish. Because what is it really doing? It's creating insecurity in the other person. They are wondering, 'gee, am I good enough? Did I do a good enough job on the date? Ooh, I hope he/she calls!' That person is now more interested in you because of their own insecurities and doubts. They can easily become more concerned with whether you like them, than whether they really like you as a person and think you'd really match well together.

I also believe in treating people the way you want to be treated. So, I'm really sorry (actually, not really!) if this loses me some guys that are into this, but I'm not gonna be a little b*tchy towards you to, I don't know, increase my appeal? Keep you guessing? Or whatever the heck it's supposed to do.

This is my technique, or strategy, although I don't think it really even qualifies as being that. I'm just going to be myself. Whoa......crazy I know! If I like talking to you, then I'm going to talk to you. And *gasp in horror* it might even be the same day we just had a date! And if you enjoyed talking to me, well, then just keep talking! Don't worry, I'm not going to automatically think you're some kind of desperate freak, lol. If you're playing games with me, and doing the whole 'make her wait' thing, I'm not going to be intrigued or lured in. I'm honestly going to just think, 'gee, I guess this person just really isn't that interested in talking to me. Oh well!' Because, in the end, the important thing is getting to know someone, right? Not getting to know the facade or front they put up as their dating 'style'.

Anywho, thoughts? Experiences? Rants? Let's share!

oneIT

I think your 100% spot on.

Carl01

Straight forward and honest I think is best and as a guy would love for a lady to be up front with her wants.
Not as a cop out but as a shared risk of rejection.

oneIT

I have a feeling you will find people who have been married before will think the same way. It seems to be true with the people I know.

La_Amazona

AMEN DAMNIT!!!!

I am dating a guy.. well not anymore. We've decided to be just friends. We see each other 2-3 times a week and have physical chemistry but eh.
I liked him at first- alot. And so I totally ignored all the rules. I wasn't chasing nor stalking him but I let him know that I liked him, that he could call me, that I wanted to talk to him and that we could be physical.

You're completely right... if someone is playing the games, it will play with my head. I get turned off if you're stressing me out.. especially on purpose because you're "supposed to". I will move on.

I have no problem telling you what I think.. maybe too much. I will work on that. But I will never be one to hide my feelings. You will definately know if I'm into you because I will say it and show it. I also won't be a ***** to drive you wild.. I might give you space to miss me, but why would I want to drive you crazy? I want you to be crazy about ME. If you like *****es then you like drama. And I'm not that nor into that. I am just a sexy sweet girl that likes to have a good time and will show you some if we're into each other. Easy peasy... now finding a guy I'm into just as much as he's into me or vice versa is the hard part!!!

rougette66

its so true, everyone lives with this invisible code and its like its not high school anymore! even then i used to talk to whoever I'm dating all the time and my friends would call me a desperate ho, well i think it is all about being yourself. If you are dating someone its not a joke its real and it could potentially turn into anything from hate to love or vice versa. heres to you Katie! fight the power!

La_Amazona

I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".

She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..

If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.

Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..

KatieJane83

I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".

She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..

If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.

Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..

See, this whole concept p*sses me off. If you're a guy who thinks I'm too easy because I'm nice to you then sorry, but I don't want YOU. So, sucks for you in the end, because I'm pretty darn awesome, hot, fun, and nice! Your loss! Lol

Carl01

I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".

She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..

If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.

Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..

BS.

oneIT

I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".

She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..

If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.

Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..

This is bull**** and I'm proof.
If she makes me chase her, she will look behind and see me walking the other way.

Carl01

I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".

She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..

If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.

Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..

See, this whole concept p*sses me off. If you're a guy who thinks I'm too easy because I'm nice to you then sorry, but I don't want YOU. So, sucks for you in the end, because I'm pretty darn awesome, hot, fun, and nice! Your loss! Lol

Thing is that the term "nice guy" has now taken on the meaning in some circles as well that the person is a clingy,wishy washy doormat instead of what it should be...decent.

La_Amazona

This author said she's done research and surveys on men... that 90% of the men read the title and laughed and agreed with it. Again, don't think ***** as in terms of an evil woman.. maybe more one that doesn't show her emotions easily?

For example, for my crush, after he took me out one night, I took him out for breakfast. According to the book this was a big NO NO. I'm being a doormat. I shouldn't show him that I'll put him 1st like that.
Or my crush and I went to watch his fav basketball team one night.. I'm into basketball but not crazy about it.. the book talked about that. If the girl isn't interested in something.. she shouldn't do it just to be with the guy.. she should let him know she's not interested in that and sort of ***** about it so he knows she will stand up for herself. I thought I was being cool by watching his fav team and cheering them on!

Whatever.. I do think you shouldn't be a doormat but there's a line.

oneIT

Well damnit.. I don't know what guys want then!!!

This author said she's done research and surveys on men... that 90% of the men read the title and laughed and agreed with it. Again, don't think ***** as in terms of an evil woman.. maybe more one that doesn't show her emotions easily?

For example, for my crush, after he took me out one night, I took him out for breakfast. According to the book this was a big NO NO. I'm being a doormat. I shouldn't show him that I'll put him 1st like that.
Or my crush and I went to watch his fav basketball team one night.. I'm into basketball but not crazy about it.. the book talked about that. If the girl isn't interested in something.. she shouldn't do it just to be with the guy.. she should let him know she's not interested in that and sort of ***** about it so he knows she will stand up for herself. I thought I was being cool by watching his fav team and cheering them on!

Whatever.. I do think you shouldn't be a doormat but there's a line.

There should be respect going both ways and communication. This seems to lack with people who have never been through the ringer in a serious relationship. Then again, maybe its just me.

La_Amazona

I agree... marriage and divorce can teach you some things!!!

Cindy_Fit4Life

I couldn't have said it better myself. I believe playing hard to get is very high school and if an adult is playing these game it's a huge red flag, he/she has not matured! The best thing that could happen is the it doesn't work out, the worst thing that could happen is that you try to make a relationship and your dealing with a child. That's worse! I'm so glad to be married, dating sounds tough

So, I'm truly new to the whole world of dating. Very shy in school, never really dated much, met my ex-husband when I was only a sophomore in college, yadda yadda yadda. So, for the first time really, I'm finally getting out there into the world of Adult Dating! Lol. And it's a good time for it too, because I'm the most confident I've EVER been in myself.

So, needless to say, I've been thinking a lot about the whole dating process and have come to my own personal conclusions. I think the whole 'dating game' thing is utter crap and I have zero intention of playing it. Yes, there are those 'rules' out there, don't call/text for x number of days, be a little bit of a b*tch to keep him on his toes/interested (really?! seriously?! Cuz that's just not how I am). This is my thought:

That whole waiting x number of days thing is childish. Because what is it really doing? It's creating insecurity in the other person. They are wondering, 'gee, am I good enough? Did I do a good enough job on the date? Ooh, I hope he/she calls!' That person is now more interested in you because of their own insecurities and doubts. They can easily become more concerned with whether you like them, than whether they really like you as a person and think you'd really match well together.

I also believe in treating people the way you want to be treated. So, I'm really sorry (actually, not really!) if this loses me some guys that are into this, but I'm not gonna be a little b*tchy towards you to, I don't know, increase my appeal? Keep you guessing? Or whatever the heck it's supposed to do.

This is my technique, or strategy, although I don't think it really even qualifies as being that. I'm just going to be myself. Whoa......crazy I know! If I like talking to you, then I'm going to talk to you. And *gasp in horror* it might even be the same day we just had a date! And if you enjoyed talking to me, well, then just keep talking! Don't worry, I'm not going to automatically think you're some kind of desperate freak, lol. If you're playing games with me, and doing the whole 'make her wait' thing, I'm not going to be intrigued or lured in. I'm honestly going to just think, 'gee, I guess this person just really isn't that interested in talking to me. Oh well!' Because, in the end, the important thing is getting to know someone, right? Not getting to know the facade or front they put up as their dating 'style'.

Anywho, thoughts? Experiences? Rants? Let's share!

savlyon

bump...to read later.

sunkisses

I don't play either.

I don't do dinner/movie "dates". If we're going to hang out, let's do so in reality doing things we both like to do. I like fishing, kayaking, going downtown (a couple of cities nearby) and people-watching, and going to the beach. I'm sure "he" will have a list of things we could do instead of watch each other eat and then sit in the dark for 2 hours in silence.

The best thing that ever happened to me in terms of dating was when I stopped placing the desire for a boyfriend or "love" as most important. If I meet someone, that's nice. If not, I've got plenty of love and people to keep my company. If I run out, I'll go find some more. There's more to life for me than having a partner.

KatieJane83

I couldn't have said it better myself. I believe playing hard to get is very high school and if an adult is playing these game it's a huge red flag, he/she has not matured! The best thing that could happen is the it doesn't work out, the worst thing that could happen is that you try to make a relationship and your dealing with a child. That's worse! I'm so glad to be married, dating sounds tough

Absolutely agree with this. It just seems so juvenile and immature. Not at all what I'm looking for in a guy. I prefer a man, not a boy, lol.

hiker282

Okay, you got my interest! Want to go out? ...Shoot, you're in NY. I'm afraid my private jet is in the shop so it will have to wait.

LorinaLynn

My personal take on "wait three days to call so you don't seem desperate."

EVERYONE knows the "wait three days" rule. All it really says is, "I'm insecure enough that I don't want to appear desperate." Which is even more desperate than someone having the confidence to say to themselves, "Screw it. I like this person and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm calling TODAY."

I think all the rules are a bunch of bullpoopy. Everyone I know who's in a happy relationship thinks they're bullpoopy, too.

I wouldn't want a guy who I could only impress if I pretended to be different from who I am. The right guy for me thought I was pretty damn impressive just being myself. Flaws and all.

BlondeLisa1

Amen!

Katefab26

I have found that men have much more respect for me when I'm just being myself and enjoying their company as opposed to trying to follow a set of "rules". I'm a fun person, and I've been told I have a "sparkling personality". If that personality is one of my assets, then why would I want to hide that behind a facade?

freffenwolfe

Games are for the playground. If you want an immature douche bag, then act like one yourself! Like attracts like! I'm with you hon, games are pathetic and sad.

warmachinejt

maybe this is for older people but girls i am looking for unfortunately are senior high school - early college soo....very hard to figure out

mego07

I completely agree with you! If they can't handle us on the first date, then they wouldn't be able to handle us in the long run. Why waste time on that?!

Went on a date last Wednesday and the guy was really nice and I text him the next morning saying we should do it again. He didn't really respond with anything so now I know not to worry about it. No hurt feeling on my end and now I can move on to the next guy that meets my fancy.

KatieJane83

I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".

She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..

If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.

Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..

This is bull**** and I'm proof.
If she makes me chase her, she will look behind and see me walking the other way.

LOVE THIS!

KatieJane83

Okay, you got my interest! Want to go out? ...Shoot, you're in NY. I'm afraid my private jet is in the shop so it will have to wait.

Oh Utah, yeah that's kinda far! Lol Thank you though, love it!

BigDaddyBRC

I just got through reading "Why Men Love *****es".

She used the word ***** as in someone who puts herself 1st.. not a nasty bitter woman. Still, you're supposed to pretty much have the guy begging at your door by ignoring him, not cooking for him until like a year later of dating (only do super sweet things later on and not frequently)..

If you don't do this, then you're a doormat girl and guys don't like easy. They like challenges. They like to follow a woman around like a helpless puppy dog. Hmmm.

Maybe I'll test this theory just to see..

Interesting...this is probably why you are still single. Not everyone is the same..better, they are unique and think for themselves.

Curve

Yeah, that whole rules thing just lands you in the clutches of guys who are super into themselves and their power and prowess. Yawn. I'd prefer a guy who likes to simply have fun and enjoy stuff. if he needs me to be some June Cleaver/Paris Hilton hybrid we're both going to be bored and boring.

BigDaddyBRC

Life has taught me plenty in the realm of the heart....All I can say is this...

Be yourself. If someone has interest, they will be at the forefront and let you know. Keep your eyes, mind and heart open, or you will easily miss them. The most amazing individual that life can present you the opportunity to share your journeys together, could have just said hello.


Love is blind...no matter what anyone else says....You love on faith and belief that another is genuine in who they are. Love as a blind person does.

KatieJane83

Yeah, that whole rules thing just lands you in the clutches of guys who are super into themselves and their power and prowess. Yawn. I'd prefer a guy who likes to simply have fun and enjoy stuff. if he needs me to be some June Cleaver/Paris Hilton hybrid we're both going to be bored and boring.

Exactly. For those that play the game and believe in it, I'm fairly certain it's them having a need to have power because they're actually insecure in themselves. They need to 'lure' and 'catch' someone, like a hunter. Problem is, does the prey ever end up loving their hunter? Sad really.