Does this count as communicating w/ your children?
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Using every modality counts as communicating. Have 2 teens and 2 early 20's... we text, speak by phone, voicemail and email but nothing replaces the face to face communication of conversation for us.0
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The OP doesn't say (unless I missed it) that electronic communication is the only communication going on. I absolutely use texting, email, FB in communicating with my 17 yo. And this has contributed to better communication in other areas. We definitely do face to face...and he shares stuff with me face to face that he probably wouldn't if we weren't connected in all of the other areas. We also have no tech at the dinner table and during certain chats.
For those of you who don't "believe" in it, fine. But if you don't have teenagers you really don't have a clue.
^^ This...0 -
I sometimes did that with my youngest son, usually if it was something on a lighter note that didn't matter if it was public. Anything private was talked about face to face. My kids' friends like me, they are always surprised by how my kids and I can speak about anything. I can't even get my son to leave the room by discussing time of month issues, I just get told he needs to learn about those things too since one day he'll be a husband and father. lol0
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teenagers are weird these days, my little sis-in-law can talk to her friend on FB for hours but she won't pick up the phone to call her, she says she doesn't know what to say.
This is what excessive text communicating can lead to. Nothing wrong with communications through text, but it shouldn't be the primary means of communication. People learn valuable social skills by interacting in person with other people. I've heard many employers lament the inability of younger people to communicate effectively and appropriately in person because they haven't learned how to.0 -
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This is what excessive text communicating can lead to. Nothing wrong with communications through text, but it shouldn't be the primary means of communication. People learn valuable social skills by interacting in person with other people. I've heard many employers lament the inability of younger people to communicate effectively and appropriately in person because they haven't learned how to.
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well said!!! i completely agree!!0 -
the decline of America..............
They said that about the introduction of telephones, too.
i don't mean the technology i mean the mentality and attitude that is looming around many of the responses...........
I assume you mean the general acceptance of non-face-to-face communication (if you don't, then you'll need to clarify, because I don't really know what you're referring to, otherwise)?
Given the above assumption, I again say that they said the same thing about telephones as they came into popularity (and email, for that matter). The generations that grew up without it lamented that society would fall apart without people going over to each others' houses, or meeting at a public gathering place.
It's classical rejection of something new. New equals risk, while familiar equals safety (even if that actually isn't the case, a new thing is considered a risk by virtue of being new, and therefore, unknown). It's a reaction we have that is left over from our ancestors, whose very lives depended on sticking to the known.0 -
teenagers are weird these days, my little sis-in-law can talk to her friend on FB for hours but she won't pick up the phone to call her, she says she doesn't know what to say.
This is what excessive text communicating can lead to. Nothing wrong with communications through text, but it shouldn't be the primary means of communication. People learn valuable social skills by interacting in person with other people. I've heard many employers lament the inability of younger people to communicate effectively and appropriately in person because they haven't learned how to.
I'm more inclined to blame the general over-sheltering of kids that goes on these days for lack of social skills. Most kids these days don't even know what to do if their time isn't scheduled for them and all their time is spent in organized activities.
A lot of college admission people have a term for the over-sheltered kids - "teacup students." They are the ones who don't know how to deal with anything negative or any kind of adversity, because their parents always stepped in and took care of everything. Even in college, the parents still come in an demand to know why their little angel got a B on their paper, while the student is on the verge of an anxiety attack because the professor provided constructive criticism and didn't just give "great job!".
The Millennial generation has a bad rap for being entitled, narcissistic, and unable to take criticism. They've also been labelled as the "self-esteem generation," because the parenting focus when they were growing up was on not damaging the kids self-esteem (hence all of the "great job!" notes on mediocre work).0 -
the decline of America..............
They said that about the introduction of telephones, too.
i don't mean the technology i mean the mentality and attitude that is looming around many of the responses...........
I assume you mean the general acceptance of non-face-to-face communication (if you don't, then you'll need to clarify, because I don't really know what you're referring to, otherwise)?
Given the above assumption, I again say that they said the same thing about telephones as they came into popularity (and email, for that matter). The generations that grew up without it lamented that society would fall apart without people going over to each others' houses, or meeting at a public gathering place.
It's classical rejection of something new. New equals risk, while familiar equals safety (even if that actually isn't the case, a new thing is considered a risk by virtue of being new, and therefore, unknown). It's a reaction we have that is left over from our ancestors, whose very lives depended on sticking to the known.
you have proven my point......look how society has has gotten worse since all of these things came about. it will just get worse as things progress unless we do something to make it better......have you been in schools lately, its kinda scary what our future is dependent on. and no it is not the educational system or the teachers fault only, it starts at home with proper upbringing.....which is not happening in most cases!!!0 -
I cannot begin to tell you how my child feels more comfortable starting initial conversations via text.
Pre-text Iwould ask whats wrong and get the surly teenage "nothin" reaction. Now I ask via text and 90% of the time he will say "school/girlfriend/car/etc". My follow on will be something like "Oh that suxors- want to talk about it?" and he usually will. When he does its now about 50/50 text or face to face.
As a parent I will use whatever is necessary to communicate with my child in a way that makes him feel comfy and lets him know he can always come to me no matter the means of communication. I personally prefer face to face but allow him that option.0 -
the decline of America..............
They said that about the introduction of telephones, too.
i don't mean the technology i mean the mentality and attitude that is looming around many of the responses...........
I assume you mean the general acceptance of non-face-to-face communication (if you don't, then you'll need to clarify, because I don't really know what you're referring to, otherwise)?
Given the above assumption, I again say that they said the same thing about telephones as they came into popularity (and email, for that matter). The generations that grew up without it lamented that society would fall apart without people going over to each others' houses, or meeting at a public gathering place.
It's classical rejection of something new. New equals risk, while familiar equals safety (even if that actually isn't the case, a new thing is considered a risk by virtue of being new, and therefore, unknown). It's a reaction we have that is left over from our ancestors, whose very lives depended on sticking to the known.
you have proven my point......look how society has has gotten worse since all of these things came about. it will just get worse as things progress unless we do something to make it better......have you been in schools lately, its kinda scary what our future is dependent on. and no it is not the educational system or the teachers fault only, it starts at home with proper upbringing.....which is not happening in most cases!!!
Yet the people who do the complaining are the ones causing the situation to begin with.
The ones complaining about the Millennials are the Baby Boomers and GenXers -- the very people who raised the Millennials and the ones who created the dysfunctional family environments that you're referring to. It's also the fault of the parents, not the kids, that the teachers can't meaningfully punish the students, or even so much as hurt their self-esteem. The schools have to deal with the angry parents, so their goal is to keep the parents happy. Unfunded/underfunded and easily abused mandates like No Child Left Behind (pushed through and enacted by a bunch of Baby Boomers and GenXers, remember) don't help matters.
And what, exactly, is a "proper" upbringing? The Amish would consider even the way you raise(d) your children to not be "proper" upbringing. Personally, I say a "proper" upbringing is one that fosters independence and consists of open lines of communication, regardless of what those lines are made of.0 -
long live land lines!
(no, i'm not joking.)0 -
Can proper guidance really be deliverd through a text, an e-mail, an instant message, or an FB posting?
YES it can!!! This mother is probably doing everything she can to be close to her child - the teenager more than likely is your AVERAGE teenager who is too cool to talk to thier parents. I was the same way. My parents were the LAST people, especially my mother, who I wanted to run and tell all my secrets to. it was my friends.
I give this mom a High five for sticking with it and doing what she can to try and keep the communication lines open. When the child is 20, I am sure they will start to come around.
Cripes.
First off, (just basing this off your profile pic) you don't seem old enough to be a parent or at least the parent of a teenager so you are even farther from relating to this issue than I am. Secondly, if you aren't willing to tell your parents something in person, then you are even less likely to tell them something by text because it is a less formal communication. There is the possibility that the teenager would be more likely to share something when they don't have to face their parent, but at the same time, you aren't really teaching children to face their fears or to accept accountability. I am not condemning the mother for using this form of communication. I text my daughter when she and I are not together so I can keep up with what she is doing, where she is, or what she might need, but I think it is sad if the most communication that this parent can hope to have is by digital means. She seriously has no control or influence over her child if she is dependent upon that.
I am old enough to be a parent for SURE, and like I said, was a teenager that was 99% convinced my parents were out to ruin my life. SO yes, I think texting/emailing/whatever in this day in age is fine. Is it a little sad that the world has come to this for alot of people/relationships? yes. Do I think face to face communication is the best way to go? Yes. But it is not always practical unfortunately. We dont know the whole situation, but I would think a mother would fo ANYTHING she needed to do to be able to communicate with her child, and if this was the best way, well then so be it!0 -
Not in my house. If we live under the same roof, we can talk to each other face to face. Now if we are apart...that's different.0
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the decline of America..............
They said that about the introduction of telephones, too.
i don't mean the technology i mean the mentality and attitude that is looming around many of the responses...........
I assume you mean the general acceptance of non-face-to-face communication (if you don't, then you'll need to clarify, because I don't really know what you're referring to, otherwise)?
Given the above assumption, I again say that they said the same thing about telephones as they came into popularity (and email, for that matter). The generations that grew up without it lamented that society would fall apart without people going over to each others' houses, or meeting at a public gathering place.
It's classical rejection of something new. New equals risk, while familiar equals safety (even if that actually isn't the case, a new thing is considered a risk by virtue of being new, and therefore, unknown). It's a reaction we have that is left over from our ancestors, whose very lives depended on sticking to the known.
you have proven my point......look how society has has gotten worse since all of these things came about. it will just get worse as things progress unless we do something to make it better......have you been in schools lately, its kinda scary what our future is dependent on. and no it is not the educational system or the teachers fault only, it starts at home with proper upbringing.....which is not happening in most cases!!!
Yet the people who do the complaining are the ones causing the situation to begin with.
The ones complaining about the Millennials are the Baby Boomers and GenXers -- the very people who raised the Millennials and the ones who created the dysfunctional family environments that you're referring to. It's also the fault of the parents, not the kids, that the teachers can't meaningfully punish the students, or even so much as hurt their self-esteem. The schools have to deal with the angry parents, so their goal is to keep the parents happy. Unfunded/underfunded and easily abused mandates like No Child Left Behind (pushed through and enacted by a bunch of Baby Boomers and GenXers, remember) don't help matters.
And what, exactly, is a "proper" upbringing? The Amish would consider even the way you raise(d) your children to not be "proper" upbringing. Personally, I say a "proper" upbringing is one that fosters independence and consists of open lines of communication, regardless of what those lines are made of.
WELL SAID!! i do agree with nyou on this! and i do acknowledge that there is a difference in proper upbringing and i will be the first to say that i am by no means perfect in the way i raise my kids. i also acknowledge that there are different ways to communicate, BUT face to face should be done consistantly and used to teach so much more than what is just being said. i by no means think that if you text your kid your are a bad parent, i just feel that this needs to be less and used in specific times, not as constant communication. if the child feels that its the only way they can communicate, then how will they succeed in school or the business world, even tho it is used in these areas, one still needs to communicate properly face to face.
and thank you by the way for the comments about the schools. it is rare to find people that feel this way. my district has these "new" customer service rules for teachers/admins and parents, but it is by no means customer service. it is if the parent says no its no.....end of story!! we are not able to do anything in schools to get the kids to be respectful, especially when their parents come in and cuss us out for trying to do so. it is so sad because the kids are suffering for it and eventually our nation as a whole is going to suffer.
and by the way i feel proper upbringing is one in which a child is supported, loved, nutured, shown the right way, taught how to treat others, knows bounderies and is taught respect. all of which i feel is taught by being an example and physically shown the way, not reading how it's done.......
i appreciate your views and this dialogue we had and it sounds like we think more on the same page than it seemed in the beginning!! i needed something to make my brain work in a different direction today
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This is an interesting board. I am looking at these responses from the point of view of a 68 year old father of two teens (16 and 19) who were homeschooled and grade advanced compared to most of their peers. Although I have a cell phone, and unlimited texting minutes (due to the kids), I don't know how to text. My wife does, but only uses it for the kids.
The kids live with us (both going to school) and we have frequent face to face communications, especially with my daughter, who loves to talk (too much, IMO). She actually complains about me spending too much time on message boards.
They both have the latest doo-hickey from Apple (I don't know what it is,but I know it's expensive since I paid for it). They only communicate with their friends via texting. However, I am not unsatisfied with the amount of face to face communications we have with them.
I don't know how much homeschooling has to do with it, or the fact that they seem to have two separate lives, one with us, one with their friends. It is probably better that way. My daughter had a boyfriend with whom she broke up recently, and I was genuinely angry about it. I liked the kid. He was serious, very well spoken and well-read, although he went to public school. Anyway I expressed my disappointment about the brakeup, which I felt was for frivolous reasons, and my daughter got seriously pissed at me, and didn't speak to me for a while. It was pleasantly quite.
Anyway, neither one has serious problems communicating face to face.0 -
WELL SAID!! i do agree with nyou on this! and i do acknowledge that there is a difference in proper upbringing and i will be the first to say that i am by no means perfect in the way i raise my kids. i also acknowledge that there are different ways to communicate, BUT face to face should be done consistantly and used to teach so much more than what is just being said. i by no means think that if you text your kid your are a bad parent, i just feel that this needs to be less and used in specific times, not as constant communication. if the child feels that its the only way they can communicate, then how will they succeed in school or the business world, even tho it is used in these areas, one still needs to communicate properly face to face.
and thank you by the way for the comments about the schools. it is rare to find people that feel this way. my district has these "new" customer service rules for teachers/admins and parents, but it is by no means customer service. it is if the parent says no its no.....end of story!! we are not able to do anything in schools to get the kids to be respectful, especially when their parents come in and cuss us out for trying to do so. it is so sad because the kids are suffering for it and eventually our nation as a whole is going to suffer.
and by the way i feel proper upbringing is one in which a child is supported, loved, nutured, shown the right way, taught how to treat others, knows bounderies and is taught respect. all of which i feel is taught by being an example and physically shown the way, not reading how it's done.......
i appreciate your views and this dialogue we had and it sounds like we think more on the same page than it seemed in the beginning!! i needed something to make my brain work in a different direction today
Yay for common ground!
I could go on for days, I think, about the current state of our public school system.
It's a bit off-topic, but I think you'd enjoy, and maybe even be able to use, this article - http://positivesharing.com/2006/07/why-the-customer-is-always-right-results-in-bad-customer-service/
Back on topic - I certainly agree that face-to-face communication is generally the ideal, but it's really not as simple as "face-to-face good, texting bad." I think each have their place, and their merits (I, for one, communicate better in writing than face-to-face, and it's been through extensive online interactions that I've been able to become a better communicator overall). Ignoring one in absolute favor of the other not only means you miss out on another communication channel, but also on opportunities, period, to communicate. When dealing with busy teenagers, missing those communication opportunities can mean missing out on a lot more than just a couple of texts.
Does the OP's friend take it too far? Maybe. We don't know the whole situation (I'd say, if they're sitting at the table and only talking via texts, there's probably a problem), but the opposite extreme isn't really beneficial in this day and age, either.0
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