Losing weight and dealing with some of the compliments

onedayillbamilf

People are stupid. You can't fix stupid. Whenever anyone says something stupid to you, whether they mean it as a compliment or not, just smile sunnily and say Thank You! and sail off. Confuses the heck out of them.

Living well is the best revenge.

How is complimenting someone for their sucess stupid? Maybe we should all be smarter and not acknowledge it at all, then people can start a thread whining about how nobody noticied. Oh, wait.....

rileymama

I'm confused. Are you complaining that people are complimenting you?

This!!!! Maybe you would rather no one notice..but then wouldn't you be upset that they DIDN'T????

lovinbeinold

To tell you the truth, I'd rather just get on with my life and not have compliments on my size. I am very overweight. It pisses me off that being overweight puts us in almost a different, lesser subclass, of people. Then I lose weight, and get more acceptable. Just take me however I am. My value is the same, fat or thin.

I am losing weight as a side effect of pursuing health. I am so glad for it, because even though I am still very fat, I am more comfortable than i was 32.5 pounds ago. I imagine I'll be even more comfortable moving about in my body when I lose another 32.5 pounds.

I want to DO more, have fun, be healthy, feel good. If someone wants to admire my outward shell, have at it, but that isn't why I'm doing this. I want to LIVE more fully, and that means regain my health and reclaim my life.

steffiejoe

I like getting the compliments.
However one of my coworkers asked me how much I had loss . I told her 25 pounds and she reponded , "it looks like you loss more then that." I don't know if she was trying to say I was lying or that I was a big whale. Anyway I have no reason to lye. I just blew it off . This person does not understand the difference of losing weight verses losing fat.

Flixie00

I was fat, now I am just overweight. There was a reason why I didn't like people taking my photograph and why I avoided full length mirrors, I just chose to ignore my fat. I accept the compliments for what they are, and am grateful that the same people never commented on how fat I was (well ... at least not to my face).

caseydoubleoh7

I actually really enjoy the compliments. I lost about 15 pounds while away at school.. (and before I joined MFP) and when I came home everyone kept asking "Have you lost weight?" I'm happy to hear that because then it seems people are actually noticing that I'm trying and I also feel like I'm actually progressing. Looking in the mirror and on the scale I see barely any change, but at least other people are noticing and it makes me feel like I'm doing things right. Maybe slower than my intentions and that's why I don't see it as much but at least other people are seeing it.

misszed

If the reason you were trying to lose weight in the first place was because you wanted to be "healthy" and it had nothing to do with body image, then I can see why you don't like the compliments. But if you thought you were "fat" prior to losing weight than why wouldn't other people? I would LOVE for people to tell me how great I look so I can tell them how HARD I worked to get that way! I doubt anyone thought you were a monster before, they just think you look better now...nothing wrong with that. You worked for those compliments, accept them and feel good about it!

Camsdette

Just smile and say thanks. They're not trying to be mean. So instead of hearing the things they actually say, like, "You used to be HUGE!" or "Well, you finally ditched the Sumo Suit, eh? Lookin' good!" or other ridiculous failures of compliments, just strap on your translator and hear, "You've worked so hard." and "You look great! Keep it up!"

lmbame905

It's something I call negative positivity. Those people are being genuine in complimenting you that you look great, because they didn't think you needed to change and now suddenly they see that you are more confident and happier in yourself and it shows in abundance - it's a shock for them just as much as it for us.

But what they don't realise is how we take the compliment, and to be honest why should they? We all do it. Somone says to me 'wow you look amazing, I can't believe how much weight you've lost' my immediate thought is - did you think I weighed the size of a small elephant? And no they didn't they are just stating a fact based on their own perception me and how Iused to look and they think they are being complmentary. And they are. It's because we have such a hang up about how we used to look that we want the 'oh you look amazing' but we hang a negative off the back of it because for years we've hidden behind layer of self doubt, loathing and fat.

When someone says to you, 'You look amazing, great, so alive' etc.... smile, say Thank you and mean it. And then hold your head up high that they've recognised your hard work.... they're not saying it to make you think what you looked like before, they're saying it because it's true. You DO look amazing.

Great words!!

nickiw68

I enjoy any compliment, whether back handed or not...I think most people don't mean to offend anyone, they are just in awe of what you have achieved...so please take all compliments in the spirit they were intended...

TheFitHooker

I see it on both ends. I mean I didn't appreciate myself when I was 250lbs how could I have expected anyone else to appreciate me or even respect me? I didn't respect myself enough to take time for myself and better myself. I didn't love myself, I love myself now so I enjoy the compliments and hearing them makes me keep pushing.

HOWEVER, the ones I have had that I think cut the deepest was when my husband said if I would not have done something about it, he might have left me, or that he was not attracted to me. I understand he wasn't attracted to me, who could blame him? I was not attracted to me either. The silent compliments when he can't keep his hands off me, while I love it so much and embrace it and am really starting to get use to it, at the same time in the back of my mind I can't help but wonder why he didn't show me affection like this before. After all I am the same person just a smaller version and happier. He is the only one who has ever made me feel like this.

My husband has some things I'm not attracted to, but I would never tell him if he didn't get them fixed I'd leave him. I married him for better or worse. I have brought this to his attention and I have told him how I felt about it. I've expressed to him that I'd never say that to him because if he can't accept me at my worse, he don't deserve me at my best. Now that I really think about it, I think that was his way of complimenting me and not really thinking about how it'd make me feel, he thought he was being good and letting me know how proud he was/is of me. Instead I took it as if I get fat again, he is leaving me. It's sorted now, but it still is a stinger.

coe28

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jmorrisof2

I totally understand where you are coming from. About 9 or so years ago after I had my daughter, I had lost like 30 pounds or so. People were treating me different and giving me all kinds of attention. But it really pissed me off because I was like how did they see me before. It was like I was invisible before when I was bigger. But now that I had lost the weight people wanted to be in my face. So I got angry. But then a friend told me that maybe I started acting different because I lost the weight which attracted people to me. I don't know.

morgthom75

I personally think most people aren't really giving you some secret, backhanded insult behind their compliments. I get comments pretty much all day. But, I realize I look like a totally different person now. I know I was fat. If I didn't think I was that bad before, I wouldn't have joined this site and been kicking my own *kitten* at the gym for the past 9 months. I suck at taking compliments though, just because I'm not used to it, but I don't take them as insults to my previous "fat self". Even if they are giving you hidden insults, who cares? You're doing this for you, not them. Congrats on your loss by the way. I know how hard it is.

teagin2002

Well, yes.
What they're really saying is..

"...wow! you were such a walrus - so ugly and totally loathsome, and now? You look almost normal".....

Just accept the kind words and be glad most people don't speak their real minds.

lol, your funny :flowerforyou:

I do get complements like that, and how I take is they are shocked and awed at my effort and perseverance. It is very difficult to stay dedicated long enough to lose as much as we have and keep it off.
As for my self, I started out with a size 24 US jean and a XXL top (extremely bottom heavy, 20" difference between my waist and my hip, 10" difference between my hip and my chest)
Now I wear a size 8 US jean and small to med top depending on the give around my bust (37" hip, 25" waist, 37" chest 36D)
I do look totally different and the effort, research, experimenting and improvising I did to get here was extensive.
I take it as a positive they are appreciating not just the results but the effort I put in to get here too :flowerforyou:

Mama_CAEI

I was the same at first...it made me look back and second guess myself. Gee, how fat and ugly was I before? Why didn't anyone tell me? Was I so disgusting to be around? :sad: It was especially difficult when my husband started making so many comments about how fantastic I look, how small my waist is, how great my butt looks...Good heavens, what did he think of me before? Well, naturally, he loved me and found me attractive, but now he's falling in love with me all over again in this smaller body.

Now I've learned to accept the compliments and take them for what they are: encouraging and awesome! :happy:

MrsSpinks

I love people pointing out how much weight I have lost! I know I wasn't a monster before, but I was fat and of course I look better not fat! Compliments like this always spur me on to work harder so I can keep getting them So take them as what they are, well meant compliments!

KatieTee83

If I wore a new dress to work, and my coworker came up to me and said, hey, you look super cute today, my first reaction would not be, wtf b*tch, was I ugly yesterday or something?

It's. A. Compliment. A compliment today does not equal an insult on yesterday.

It's very hard to let go of our inner fat-kid just because we don't look that way on the outside anymore. But people are not trying to make you feel bad, they are trying to recognize the achievments you've obviously worked hard for and let you know they are encouraging you to keep doing great.

So keep doing great!!

colochel

I'm naturally a little on the modest side when it comes to compliments of any kind. But I think if I didn't ever hear one compliment about the weight I've lost I might be a little sad. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

raven56706

ok... let me make this clear...

i love the compliments... i mean hell, i didnt do all this for nothing

what im saying is how sometimes the compliments can be alittle ridiculous or just too much...

i've accepted the fact that when a person loses 40lbs, its a dramatic thing... a person definitely looks different.. what can a person say? i mean you would think everyone would say great job but they wont... i know that...

its just im the same person just not dressed the same... f it... i dont care... i let it roll off my back and i keep moving but it is hilarious to hear and sometimes alittle rough (listen im human) but in the end i know its just a compliment....

karen_thinmint

Depends on what they say and how they say it.

When someone notices and is supportive is my favorite scenario, but I can't pick and choose what people say. Lots of weight loss shocks people and they tend to put their foot in their mouth. I think most people mean well, so I take it as such. If its mean spirited I ignore it.

Some odd comments I got (just wrote this on my wall the other day too):
"You're not so fat now" (you have to say it with an accent)
"How much do you weigh now?" I respond. "Oh. I won't ask your start weight." (I'm 5'7" and the other person is 5'1" I'm a bit smaller in measurements than they are, but weigh 20 lbs more. I don't know why that's surprising I'm 6" taller)

luvgreen25

I recently saw a bunch of family members and they all seemed to have noticed that I've lost weight - what they called "overnight" because I just saw most of them around Christmas. The difference is - at Christmas time, I was still wearing my baggy, bulky clothes. I bought myself some new, form-fitting clothes to wear right after Christmas (cause I was tired of no one noticing my hard work) and that's what I had on when they saw me this time. It's amazing what the right size clothes will do.

They're family - I know they didn't mean anything mean by their comments - almost all of my family is overweight. They were genuinely proud of my success and that's how I took it. I wish they would have all stood in one room and I could have told them all at one time that I've lost 30 pounds over the past 2 year instead of telling them one at a time (I have a huge family), but every time someone said something to me about it and I told them what I had lost, the smile on my face got bigger.

lglg11

I work with a girl who has struggled with her weight . At 5'2 she weighed almost 300lbs . She lost weight about 2-3 years ago , about 80 lbs .

She was so much happier with herself, so much more outgoing then she was before the weight loss. She smiled more and laughed more and was more spontaneous. She walked with her head up and when she passed people in our building she would make eye contact and smile at them in a friendly way. Her whole attitude towards herself changed for the better.

She was still overweight and still losing but I remember thinking to myself (and telling her) how beautiful she was and how amazing she looked.

It had nothing to do with the weight loss. It had to do with her accepting and loving herself again. It comes from within. Its what makes a person beautiful. Just my opinion.

megaron01

I'd love to have those kinds of problems................

Jeff92se

Women come up and say "I want to have your babies". I really don't know how to react to that. :blushing:

silvabelle89

I like the compliments about my weight loss the thing I hate is "keep it up!!!" .... How much more do these people want me to lose!? Lol

robynelaine77

Living well is the best revenge.

Fantastic advice.

darlilama

Put it in perspective. My husband loved me before I lost weight, but he still compliments me now on how nice I look and what a great job I've done. I'd be upset if he didn't compliment me! So, why are other people in my life any different? Just because they are complimenting you now doesn't mean they didn't like or care about you before. Actually, those that love you could actually be very happy that you are healthier which means you could be around longer!

Yeah, there are going to be people who try to compliment you, but it comes out all wrong... take their intentions to heart, not their words. Yeah, there going to be a few who give you those "left handed" compliments... and who the he** needs them in your life anyway? Ignore them and move on.

Josie_lifting_cats

Women come up and say "I want to have your babies". I really don't know how to react to that. :blushing:

"Well I'm not interested in the end result, but I like to practice!"

umachanxo

I've accepted that I did not look good before I began this journey.
So when people say that to me, I thank them and it makes me feel good.
It means that my hard work is paying off.
You can't change what you looked like in the past, but you can move on and become someone even better.
Don't let it get to you