Losing weight and dealing with some of the compliments

sma83

My biggest thing with this, and it isn't just with weight, is this: Just pause, smile, and say Thank You. Whether it's a compliment on my hair, or saying my weight loss is showing, or even a simple 'you look pretty' - I'm so self conscious that I have the hardest time accepting compliments.

I am soooo there with you! I have no idea how to handle compliments at all! I am so self conscious and I dont like anything about myself to the point that I sometimes think people are lying when they compliment me. Its like " What are you seeing, cus thats not what I see!" Im hoping to change this as well as my weight.

theginnyray

If I wore a new dress to work, and my coworker came up to me and said, hey, you look super cute today, my first reaction would not be, wtf b*tch, was I ugly yesterday or something?

It's. A. Compliment. A compliment today does not equal an insult on yesterday.

It's very hard to let go of our inner fat-kid just because we don't look that way on the outside anymore. But people are not trying to make you feel bad, they are trying to recognize the achievments you've obviously worked hard for and let you know they are encouraging you to keep doing great.

So keep doing great!!

That is the exact analogy I was going to use.

I think a lot of you are over-analyzing the compliments. Maybe you don't mean to, but step back and look at the big picture. YOU worked hard to lose the weight/get healthy/whatever and someone recognized it - not only did they recognize it but they took the time to say something positive to you about it. How many projects do you finish at work that go unmentioned?

After reading all of these comments, I'm still going to go ahead and keep giving compliments to my friends.

zeeeb

all you can say is "thank you" because that is the only way to take a compliment, even if it has sarcastic / snyde undertones. smile and say thank you.

i used to be guilty of not being able to take a compliment when i was a kid. people would say "oh, i like your top" and i'd counter it by saying "oh it was just from kmart" or something. one day i decided that i wasn't going to counter peoples compliments and just smile and say thanks, it changed my life.

charlesb22

ok... let me make this clear...

i love the compliments... i mean hell, i didnt do all this for nothing

what im saying is how sometimes the compliments can be alittle ridiculous or just too much...

i've accepted the fact that when a person loses 40lbs, its a dramatic thing... a person definitely looks different.. what can a person say? i mean you would think everyone would say great job but they wont... i know that...

its just im the same person just not dressed the same... f it... i dont care... i let it roll off my back and i keep moving but it is hilarious to hear and sometimes alittle rough (listen im human) but in the end i know its just a compliment....

I get what you mean - it would be nice if people thought about the meaning of what they want to say before they blurt it out. For the most part they're trying to be nice, but they just don't consider how their words could be construed.

For a slightly different example - if I am in a rush in the morning and don't put makeup on, I get a lot of "oh, you look so tired, are you sick?" - er no, this is my real face thanks!

ruggedBear

I think folks are less likely to comment because they don't want to offend. I'm actually disappointed if I see someone I haven't seen in a while and they don't say anything. In a conversation at the office the other day, which I don't visit very often since I work mostly at home - the youngest guy in the group finally asked me if I was shrinking - I guess he wasn't worried about a harassment complaint!

...and I was flattered that he noticed, and was willing to take the chance to let me know!

Jarvis95

I totally see where you're coming from, i had a friend comment on my PROFILE picture on facebook, "omg, did you lose a million pounds?"...HAHA what?!?! it's easy to think, omg, did i look that awful before?? and I was only about 3-10lbs MAX overweight, according to BMI!! but i think it's important that we don't make assumptions about what people mean, and to take the most positive approach, so i just decided to take the compliment! i worked damn hard to lose 20lbs and i looked reaaaal good in that picture! ...so i didn't delete the comment

donrdon

I've had people actually ask my wife if i'm sick. Seems like at 54 years of age this is something people also think when you lose a lot of weight. But you know this doesn't even bother me as I'm proud of my weight loss (48lbs) And while I didn't look terrible I certainly didn't look or feel as good as i do now. It's good that people do notice. Take the compliments for what they are....compliments.

serendipity22

I lost a lot of weight once. I was enjoying all the nice compliments from people. A woman I knew pulled me aside to tell me how great I looked. I thanked her and then she felt the need to say "You were such a fat little thing. You look great now that you lost all that blubber". I really think that she meant it as a compliment. I felt awful.

InMyJeans

OP I definitely feel your pain! I remember when I went to my cousins graduation party 4 years ago he yelled out to the entire party that I lost a whole person =/ At this time I had only lost 55 pounds and I was thinking well damn how much did he think I weighed? I also had some of the same compliments you mentioned from ppl at work. The whole thing just makes me uncomfortable. If you think I look good, just tell me that dont give me a backhanded compliment (knowingly or unknowingly) because then Im just like STHU instead of thank you!

blueblueberries

Know exactly how you feel. A few years ago as a teenager I was obese but then I lost 35kg and was so thin I was underweight and everyone who saw me EVERYONE would make a huge deal about how thin I had gotten. At first I was flattered but the. It got a bit embarrassing like why was I, a hippo? What hurt me most was the guys I had been friends with for users suddenly developed an extra interest in me. Ugh, talk about making it clear all they care about is that I was now thin. People tried to tell my mum I was anorexic (which I wasn't. I had a stress related stomach ul er type thing that caused the loss. It was just none of their business).

blueblueberries

Reading over this I realize it sounds all jumbled up. That is thanks to my iPhone making "corrections".

colochel

For a slightly different example - if I am in a rush in the morning and don't put makeup on, I get a lot of "oh, you look so tired, are you sick?" - er no, this is my real face thanks!

Oh gosh! I can totally relate to this! ^

eddyca

I don't get bombarded with too many compliments. Weight loss can be a symptom of stress or sickness. It's actually considered rude to comment on someones weight where I work. I'll get the occasional "you're really making progress," from people who know me well enough to know that I'm dieting.

robino419

Reality is...I WAS FAT. One reason I didn't start my journey sooner than Jan. 2011 is because it took me a LONG TIME to realize that I wasn't meaty, chubby or just plain overweight...I WAS FAT. I don't have a problem reminding myself that I WAS FAT because it helps me stay on course on this journey. I like to remember the things I hated about BEING FAT so I don't ever return to that wasteland.

My issue with complements is that they can lead to complacency. You ever hear about the sports prospect who read too many of his own press clippings about how great he was, before he ever proved anything...and then he never became much? That can work with weight loss and complements. I keep reminding myself that I'm on a journey to achieve great health and I don't care if someone else thinks I've gone far enough.

Exactly! I have to remind myself I still have a ways to go, even if lots of people think you look fine!

nlkozub

I was fat, now I am just overweight. There was a reason why I didn't like people taking my photograph and why I avoided full length mirrors, I just chose to ignore my fat. I accept the compliments for what they are, and am grateful that the same people never commented on how fat I was (well ... at least not to my face).

meghan1789

I just smile and say thank you. It's about me and what I've achieved, and I'm not going to let them take that away from me.

And if I really don't like that person, I just say "I feel so much better - you should try it!" hahah

HealthyHappy120

I know! I hate when people go "omg you look so good!" That just makes me feel like you thought I was ugly before.. I turn red for no reason .

nz_deevaa

Okay, please don't take my post the wrong way because those are typically the compliments I would give someone who's lost weight..."Wow, you look great!", or "You've lost weight, great job!" I guess I think that if someone has been trying so hard to lose weight, they would appreciate people noticing and complimenting them.

So my question is.... What kind of compliments DO you want then if you don't like people telling you that you look good?? Would you rather have no one say anything at all?

The staff at the gym I go too always say "Goodness, you are looking well!" Which I'm pretty sure means "Good job on losing 20 kilos"... but without actually mentioning my weight.

When I first started losing weight, I was embarrassed by the compliments as well, because it was such a lot of weight to have to lose. I'm more comfortable accepting compliments now though. It just takes time.

erogers85

My biggest thing with this, and it isn't just with weight, is this: Just pause, smile, and say Thank You. Whether it's a compliment on my hair, or saying my weight loss is showing, or even a simple 'you look pretty' - I'm so self conscious that I have the hardest time accepting compliments.

I feel the same way! Even if it's my mom complimenting me! I feel incredibly awkward and just try to say thank you

realsolarina

I've yo-yo'd with my weight all my life - so I've been round the block a few times on the old compliments thing

I relate to the OP - it is bittersweet, especially when you let the weight loss slide and become gain again

When I was 18, i worked away from home for 12 months. I was 175lbs when I went away (I'm 5ft 3, so that meant around a UK size 16/18) and then I went to WW and got down to 117lbs (so a UK size 6/8) You can imagine, I looked pretty different - in fact, I could fit into my 13 yr old sister's jeans (and she was slim) I remember going to a party and suddenly becoming "visible" to men I'd always liked but who had always ignored the fat girl. I remember feeling angry, while one guy was telling me how gorgeous I looked, that he'd never noticed me before, and wanted to say "you know what, I'm still the same person I always was"

I'm now heading for 40 (gulp) and back at 155lbs and starting to lose weight again. But this time, I'm doing it for different reasons. Now I'm married to a man who loves me and thinks I'm sexy as a size 12/14 - so it's not about men or attractiveness per se. Personally, I feel being 30lbs overweight affects my ability to ride horses correctly (which is part of my living) and also stops me achieving other, non physical goals because of some weird fixation on body shape. When I lose weight this time, and people start to notice, I'll just say thanks and remind myself that actually, changing the inner me is far more important then changing the outer me that people see.

ummommyme

I'm not really at the point yet of you look great, or how much weight have you lost. But i know what you mean. I have a twin sister and she is 30lbs or so less than me. We both got dressed up, she did my hair and i put on makeup. I was feeling really good she told me i looked beautiful and my friends would definitely say something that night to me. Not one of them did, she had gotten her hair cut and died and they all commented on her looking so great and not one about me. She even tried and said i looked so great tonight around them and still not one compliment. It made me feel like crap and realize that for the sheer fact that i'm fat and she isn't made me the not pretty one and she got all the compliments. I think it's complete crap and makes me wonder what is going on in peoples heads, these are my friends i've had for years. I don't look at someone all dolled up and decide they dont look good because they are overweight. Reality sux but i will appreciate the compliments once i lose lots more weight, but i will also remember how they couldn't be troubled for a nice comment when i wasn't skinny. It's bitter sweet!