married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

tinalatina

I need advice people!!

If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000

Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!

It is causing problems because A) always puts it in 's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....

Thanks!

EmCarroll1990

The way I see it is up until marriage all finances could be kept seperate. Once married, finances should be joined. You are a "joined" couple, so everything should be joined.

bikermike5094

guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

EddieG77

A should be lucky A has B to even contribute and shut A's mouth up.....perhaps a separate ""bills only" account where both contribute.....

MissFit0101

I think that is pretty dysfunctional in my honest opinion. Having separate finances is fine, but it's a partnership now, not an "I do this, and you only do that" sort of thing. I mean, A & B need to sit down and have a serious discussion about this marriage... that just sounds, incredibly awkward to me.. the whole situation.

MadeToCraveHIM

From experience I can tell you that marriage is absolutely a partnership. Money is a huge part of it and you have to learn to trust eachother about everything, especially your finances or it will never work.

dealluver

IMO I think when two people join lives, they also join finances and debt. They are supposed to work together toward a common goal. Good luck working things out!

Renee0608

I personally just don't understand if you are married, why things aren't one. Hell, me and my husband's finances have been joined even before we were married. I see it as you saying, I love you enough to marry you, but do not trust you enough to give you access to my money....A marriage takes two people....so should your finances, IMO.

MrsRobertson1005

My fiance and I joined because we were paying 50/50 but i make more. We look at it as it is our moeny, doesn't matter who makes more, we're in it together so we pay it all together. I know other people that have it separate and it works for them.. To me it doesn't seem like the money is they problems, it's the attitude about the money.

Mommawarrior

Personal opinion here and I will catch all kinds of flack for it I am sure however...here goes. If you love someone enough to marry them, why keep everything separate? I am 39 years old, been married over 20 years and not one day of our marriage has anything been separate.
You want something to last, don't go into keeping things separate and having an easy way out of things.

lmg1980

I think that once people marry that finances are no longer separate. Marriage is two becoming one so therefore nothing is separate. Also depending where you live, for example if people get divorced everything is split down the middle.

cmriverside

"A" is being a bully. Once married, legally the money belongs to both.

I guess some counselling is in order. "A" should be able to recognise the fallacy in his argument. . .this is a power struggle.

jjblogs

Joined.....fer sure.

tiptoeketo

I think that is pretty dysfunctional in my honest opinion. Having separate finances is fine, but it's a partnership now, not an "I do this, and you only do that" sort of thing. I mean, A & B need to sit down and have a serious discussion about this marriage... that just sounds, incredibly awkward to me.. the whole situation.

This.

reba0473

it looks like its not healthy because one of you is unhappy. Compromise is the key to any marriage. I say A sits down with B and talks about what is going on and how it makes B feel. I have been married fr 17 plus years and we have always had our pays and bills put together. It's not his and mine it's ours. Our bills our money our house our kids our lives.

Mandypt

I just got married in November and it was discussed in our marriage preparation beforehand. A should know that B doesn't make enough and should be considerate. A and B become AB once they are married so A and B's finances should be AB. That is old school, but also old school hardly ends in divorce.

Bethee101

I have been married for nearly 5 years and we still have separate finances. We both make about the same amount of money and we each pay our certain bills... it just works for us.

xsmilexforxmex

To me personally I would set up a budget based off percentage earned.. so A pays X% of bills while B pays X% .. sounds like you are kind of doing that alreadyso if that's not working I would set up a joint account specifically for joint bills only and both add to it whatever number is agreed upon, your own bills would be paid yourself.. that way there will be no discussion there. That's why my husband and I both do, always put Xamount per check into the joint account.. some weeks I have less money and he's willing to cover, other weeks he has less. It works out pretty well. That was my solution bc I don't trust people with 'my' money Even him. I pay the bills for us.

mill1295

My husband makes like 2.5X what I make. We both like to be in control so our compromise was to both contribute a percentage to a joint account where the joint stuff is paid out of - mortgage, bills. We pay for our own extras. I buy the groceries but he pays when we go out to eat, movies, concerts, etc. . He also pays for our vacations and stuff like that.

mudar146

I'm a firm believer in combining however keep a set amount seperate each month. My husband and I have a joint chequing and saving's account but each month we have an alloted amount for each of us (Cash!!) this way though everything is combined you still have some independence and freedom with some of your own money. ie lunches or dinners out, shopping or gifts around holidays etc...

hottamolly00

Combine the finances. You're married. You are now one entitiy.