married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

Annette_rose

My wife and I have a similar situation -- i'm the one making more $$. No big deal to me since we are a married couple. Sometimes I pay for everything and usually pay the majority of the expenses.

We both have our own checking accounts for spending what we want and maintain a separate joint checking account which we make donations in ratio of what we get paid and the size of the bills. Someday the situation might be reversed.

Your wife is a very blessed woman.

Nekoashi

I'm married and a year later my husband and I haven't joined our finances yet just because we're a little lazy LOL Thats all it is :P

We definitely have had discussions on finances because he makes more on unemployment then I do everyday working and that's hard for me to see my paycheck next to his when he hasn't went to work for his, but I've worked for mine. The important thing is that its a joined effort, he takes care of the major bills we know my check can't and we work together.

There shouldn't be any bullying, thats unfair and uncalled for. "A" and "B" might want to sit down and talk

kak2m4

Agree with PPs. I think joining or not joining finances is totally up to you - my parents each have their own separate checking accounts AND a joint account.

As someone else said, once married you share finances. Even if you have separate checking accounts "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine" still stands - A should NOT be throwing that he/she pays most of the "bills" in the face of B. B is obviously heavily contributing to the household - not only financially by paying for childcare and groceries, but also by taken care of the kids, house, and cooking.

I'm editing from what I had posted. Also, the thing that sucks for B is that childcare and taking care of the household is HARD work but is seen as "not contributing much" by A since it's not paid work. Grrr.

2live4ever79

tomorrow will be my 6th year wedding anniversary and we just started sharing bank accounts. we should have done this long time ago. In my case it was a good learning experience and it is worth combining accounts. Wish you luck!

catherine1979

When we married, we joined all of our finances. It works for us. I earn about double what my husband earns.

RhonndaJ

My first thought that A needs a kick in the shins.

But I'm one of those that thinks that finances are the primary reason couples end up breaking up and that different things work for different people.

My husband and I have both separate and joint accounts and a system which works for us.

We agreed way back that we would both put in the same percentage from our pay into a 'house' account, not number figure since my husband makes more than I do, and in the beginning was working far more hours than I was able to. Bills and household expenses come from that account.

We also both retained our personal accounts from when we were single. For reasons that have nothing to do with my husband, I feel more comfortable with us doing things this way and he's fine with it.

At this point, 16 years or so down the road, we both still have separate accounts and have a variety of joint accounts as well. It's an arrangement that works for us and we have never argued about money.

papastu

guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

:happy:

revren10

simple solution don't be with someone who makes less then you

bahacca

A went into the relationship and marriage knowing Bs status financially. If A feels that they are so much more important in the relationship that they feel the need to throw it in As face that they make more money, then they need an attitude adjustment.
The only "fair" way would be percentage for all shared bills and then separate accounts for things like clothing, etc.
Now, is there something B isn't saying? Like does B take advantage of A and use A's money to buy frivolous junk that A doesn't approve of like $1200 pairs of shoes or $500 purses(or electronics, cars, gadgets--whatever)? If this is really the case, then I think the 1 shared account for bills and then separate for personal stuff would probably work best.
I've had a shared account for as long as I can remember. It was just easier to keep track of spending that way. Also, I'm a SAHM, so bring in 0 income. I'd divorce my husband if he said something along the lines of "Well I make all the money, so i get to make all financial decisions."

QueenJayJay

The way I see it is up until marriage all finances could be kept seperate. Once married, finances should be joined. You are a "joined" couple, so everything should be joined.

^This. When you're married, you "become one." Our finances are joined. We never fight about money.

Mom2rh

The separate accounts part isn't the red flag. It is that A is throwing it in Bs face. A has control issues I suspect. I would recommend that B get some counseling and be really honest about everything that goes on in the relationship.

I am getting out of a 20 year marriage where my ex has major control issues. The money issues were just one symptom. There were plenty of others that I ignored while trying to make the marriage work. If I had had the courage to be honest about everything that was going on, I might have had the strength to get out earlier and save myself and my kids lots and lots of dysfunction and pain.

lynheff

I would have a sit down. Lay out all of the bills and divvy up the expenses fairly based on your incomes. Then the discussion should be over. For many couples, the best way to keep money from being a big issue is to keep things separate. good luck

Emi_Pie

http://www.mdmproofing.com/iym/weblog/2007/01/suze-orman-how-split-bills/

QueenJayJay

simple solution don't be with someone who makes less then you

^Will probably never be married.

mrsdizzyd84

I think everyone approaches this differently, but this is how I see it.

Before you got married A and B were separate, but once you got married A and B became C. C is a new entity, a joint entity. There are no more separate parts. Each takes on the other's debts. This is the way I view marriage. Keeping finances separate in marriage only perpetuates separation. It does not foster union.

In my opinion, both salaries should go into the same pot. All bill should be paid from that pot, then each spouse received a certain amount of money to spend as they wish without the need to consult with the other. This money can be cash in hand or a separate account. That is up to you. How you apportion that money is also up to you. You can decide that each partner gets an equal share, or each partner gets a proportional share.

Example:

A makes $100,000 and B makes $30,000. For a total income of $130,000.

Both checks are deposited into the same account. Out of that account ALL bills are paid, and ALL savings accounts/investments are funded as you all see fit. In the end, let's say there is $1,000 per pay period left for discretionary spending.

If you all agree to divide the funds evenly, both A and B get $500 a piece to spend as they see fit.

If you agree to divide the funds proportionately, A get's 70% or $700 and B gets 30% or $300. Again, each spends their money as they see fit.

It's important that each person gets an amount of money they can spend without the other's input. After all, we are adults not children. We should not have to get the approval of the other if you want to buy a new shirt. That is demeaning, and can introduce unnecessary friction into the marriage. HOWEVER, I will say this, if you all decide to have separate accounts, I think it is important to allow the other access to the account history. This doesn't mean access to the money, just to the history. That way one partner or the other doesn't feel there are any secrets being kept. If one becomes suspicious of the other, that can also introduce unneeded stress into the marriage.

That's my 2 cents worth, and this is what I live by. My husband and I do not fight over money.

sblair77

I'm married and finances are separate. No issues at all.

The person who pay more does so out of love and happiness and the good life. We never EVER throw who pays what and how much and how often in the other persons face.

We do have 1 account we both put a certain % of our checks into for vacations and life events.

We are happy and that is what is most important.

AmberJslimsAWAY

That's not healthy IMO. My finace and I share a bank account and it's OUR money. WE spend it on bills, groceries ect. I give myself an allowance for shopping and whatnot, but no one throws it in the others face about who makes more ect

sculley

We keep our finances separate because we have bills we came into the marriage with that we pay separate, of course if one needs help the other will help it just works for us especially those days i buy a gift for my hubby etc you know

laackmannk

To me personally I would set up a budget based off percentage earned.. so A pays X% of bills while B pays X% .. sounds like you are kind of doing that alreadyso if that's not working I would set up a joint account specifically for joint bills only and both add to it whatever number is agreed upon, your own bills would be paid yourself.. that way there will be no discussion there. That's why my husband and I both do, always put Xamount per check into the joint account.. some weeks I have less money and he's willing to cover, other weeks he has less. It works out pretty well. That was my solution bc I don't trust people with 'my' money Even him. I pay the bills for us.

I agree. this is what my husband and I do. we are recently married. one of us makes much more than the other aswell. we have our own checking and savings accounts, so If I want to save my money and buy a pair of shoes, that's my decision and if we need to buy a new stove we save up in our joint account TOGETHER so we can buy it. i hope you are able to sit down and discuss all the different options and find one that works best for you. also, try it for a month and discuss it at the end of the month and see how it works, what would you like to change/adjust, etc... GOOD LUCK!

ItsMeRebekah

we kept ours separate for a long time due to him having an X who totally trashed his credit by not paying bills when he forked over his check every week.. took a LONG time for him to trust again, and now that we do it joint life is so much easier!

bottom line is find out what drives the need to not be together in everything you do
you will be more successful as a couple when you do everything as a team IMO