married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!
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The legal system in some states entitles married couples to completely share in the assets no matter how you have those assets divided. Some states will take into consideration other factors such as prenuptual agreements, assets earned prior to the marriage license or commonlaw marriage rules. The point is, if you are staying together forever as a married couple, how you divide your income and assets is up to you and no one will say otherwise. If you someday have a legal dissolution of the marriage, you will be subject to the laws of your state and it may not matter who claimes to be the one "paying the bills".
On a personal note, a healthy relationship should not be one where one or both of the participants seek to "have the upper hand" or position of power over the other. Verbal or physical signs of dominance are both equally damaging even if people get away with verbal most of the time.
Share an account and also have seperate ones.0 -
On a personal note, a healthy relationship should not be one where one or both of the participants seek to "have the upper hand" or position of power over the other. Verbal or physical signs of dominance are both equally damaging even if people get away with verbal most of the time.
Share an account and also have seperate ones.
true. often times, money problems are not about money at all, but the individual. i'm always sniffing around for what's wrong with the person rather than why their money is funny or their change is strange. it's a symptom.0 -
We agreed way back that my husband would pay the big bills from his salary, and I would pay the groceries, etc from mine. That way I got left with a little bit which I could do what I liked with, no questions asked... I invested some and got lucky... so I paid for some big things, a new conservatory, a trailer tent, which he would never have chosen to get but grew to recognize that they were good!
Now we are both retired, we still share a lot of the same interests, but he prefers UK holidays, and I like to travel... so I can use my pension left after the groceries to take myself (and friends or family) off on holidays.
I still have my independence, he has his (and uses some of his spare cash on things like cigarettes) and we have never, in 42 years, had rows about money. While I've been housebound, he's been doing the shopping, and collecting my pension, and I solemnly pay him every penny of the shopping bills!0 -
should be joined. its only fair.0
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Joined - as you are now.0
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A went into the relationship and marriage knowing Bs status financially. If A feels that they are so much more important in the relationship that they feel the need to throw it in As face that they make more money, then they need an attitude adjustment.
The only "fair" way would be percentage for all shared bills and then separate accounts for things like clothing, etc.
Now, is there something B isn't saying? Like does B take advantage of A and use A's money to buy frivolous junk that A doesn't approve of like $1200 pairs of shoes or $500 purses(or electronics, cars, gadgets--whatever)? If this is really the case, then I think the 1 shared account for bills and then separate for personal stuff would probably work best.
I've had a shared account for as long as I can remember. It was just easier to keep track of spending that way. Also, I'm a SAHM, so bring in 0 income. I'd divorce my husband if he said something along the lines of "Well I make all the money, so i get to make all financial decisions."
No there isnt something B isnt hiding. Seriously...B is even doing Dave Ramseys Book for sake of trying to budget every last dime! How can A live with himself knowing that his partner B is suffering so much!!! B is Freaking drowning and seriously depressed. But every time B tells A - A just thinks B is accusing A of not helping and gets all defensive!
B appreciates all your viewpoints and opinions and has a A LOT to think about. Please keep B in your prayers!0 -
MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL !!! :devil:
The biblical saying is actually "Money is the root of all kinds of evil."
actually the bible says the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. don't get it twisted, we NEED money. proverbs also says money is for a protection but it is WISDOM that preserves alive its owner.0 -
simple solution don't be with someone who makes less then you
^Will probably never be married.
Thanks alot...now I know how much Im worth0 -
In this day and age most people have debt before they get married, which doesn't get combined after marriage but must still be paid for. And with the income gap its easy to fall into the "I pay for more" argument. Here's what works for my husband and I. We put a percentage of our monthly income into a joint account for household bills (placing a high estimate on the bills that aren't fixed, for example: groceries, water, heating oil ect.) That percentage is based on our individual income. So if the total household bills were $1000 and A makes $1000 and B makes $500 a week then 20% contribution would be $200 + $100. So the percentage of contribution is equal (not the dollar amount). Then for paying down/off bills that were amassed before the marriage or for purchases for ourselves, we have our own individual accounts. If household issues arise, or big purchases are needed we generally get it from our joint account. If one person needs additional money to cover something then we give it to each other.
It's not perfect but it works for us.0 -
I disagree. Why wouldn't 'CHILDCARE' be another household expense? If both parties are raising the child, they contribute to the cost of raising that child. Having a kid in the mix doesn't change anything. It only adds more line items to the budget. A LOT more...I think a LOT of people haven't read the crucial word 'CHILDCARE' here!!!
Talk % all you like people or figures - none of it means a cracker if you don't have kids in the mix!!0 -
A went into the relationship and marriage knowing Bs status financially. If A feels that they are so much more important in the relationship that they feel the need to throw it in As face that they make more money, then they need an attitude adjustment.
The only "fair" way would be percentage for all shared bills and then separate accounts for things like clothing, etc.
Now, is there something B isn't saying? Like does B take advantage of A and use A's money to buy frivolous junk that A doesn't approve of like $1200 pairs of shoes or $500 purses(or electronics, cars, gadgets--whatever)? If this is really the case, then I think the 1 shared account for bills and then separate for personal stuff would probably work best.
I've had a shared account for as long as I can remember. It was just easier to keep track of spending that way. Also, I'm a SAHM, so bring in 0 income. I'd divorce my husband if he said something along the lines of "Well I make all the money, so i get to make all financial decisions."
No there isnt something B isnt hiding. Seriously...B is even doing Dave Ramseys Book for sake of trying to budget every last dime! How can A live with himself knowing that his partner B is suffering so much!!! B is Freaking drowning and seriously depressed. But every time B tells A - A just thinks B is accusing A of not helping and gets all defensive!
B appreciates all your viewpoints and opinions and has a A LOT to think about. Please keep B in your prayers!
Prayers for B. Maybe counseling would help him understand you are trying to get help with the budget so you don't feel like you're going under, not attacking him. Maybe you could write him a letter if every discussion turns into an argument. Maybe if you include the breakdown of expenses in the letter so he sees why you feel you're drowning he'll get it?
I think some people think when you express displeasure at anything, you are blaming them. I know people like this and have to explain it isn't the blame game... it just is and together we can come up with an equitable solution. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Joint, It's marital moneys when your married and especially when you get divorced...NOT saying you're getting divorced...figure of speech0
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"A" is being a bully. Once married, legally the money belongs to both.
I guess some counselling is in order. "A" should be able to recognise the fallacy in his argument. . .this is a power struggle.
You are assuming A is a him.
A is a Him0 -
"A" is being a bully. Once married, legally the money belongs to both.
I guess some counselling is in order. "A" should be able to recognise the fallacy in his argument. . .this is a power struggle.
Yes - and in THIS country at least A's bucks would be predominantly Bs because B has children to take care of for at least 18 years!!!
Ever read or watched "Joy Luck Club?" This is one of the situations discussed. If you have open communication, that's one thing. If there is a power struggle, bullying, resentment, that's another. To each their own when it comes to finances, but the couple needs to be on the same page before they get married.0 -
First of all, take everything here about your relationship with a grain of salt. Only the two of you fully appreciate all the ins and outs of your relationship.
I am an attorney, and I'm going through a divorce, and here is what I know about the rights or A and B in this scenerio. Legally, if A makes 100 and B makes 30, A and B are entitled to 65 each. If they were to divorce, A would have to pay B 35, which is equal to 50% of A's salary less 50% of B's salary (100 x .5) - (30 x .5). Legally A does not make more, B does not make less - rather, legally, the partnership of A and B make 130. So A might need some education on the legal rights to the couples' income.
But more importantly, A and B love each other and so A needs to understand he is hurting B's feelings wiith his comments. They need to have a loving conversation about it. With good communication A should come to appreciate the contributions that B is making to the partnership.
If A isn't willing to be considerate about this, B would have no problem dropping A for a C, or a D, E, F, G, etc. etc. because she is a very lovely lady. :^) In other words, I think A will wise up. Good luck, sweetie. :^)0 -
On a personal note, a healthy relationship should not be one where one or both of the participants seek to "have the upper hand" or position of power over the other. Verbal or physical signs of dominance are both equally damaging even if people get away with verbal most of the time.
Share an account and also have seperate ones.
true. often times, money problems are not about money at all, but the individual. i'm always sniffing around for what's wrong with the person rather than why their money is funny or their change is strange. it's a symptom.
Totally agree with natural.0 -
I think a LOT of people haven't read the crucial word 'CHILDCARE' here!!!
Talk % all you like people or figures - none of it means a cracker if you don't have kids in the mix!!
true...
B basically pays all child related thing. Before and afterschool care. Over $500 a month not to mention lunch money and clothing....BTW did I mention B-Child is from B's first marriage???0 -
My husband and I have a joint account that we use to pay all of our bills (his, mine and the bills we've accumulated together), groceries, the mortgage, gas, going out to eat, stuff for the house, etc and then we also have separate personal accounts that we use for our allowance that gets divided up equally for each of us which we can use for whatever we want... We have a budget set for every month and keep tabs on how much we spend... If one of us wants to use the joint account for something personal we just check with each other first…
We've been together for 4 years but combined our finances last year when we got married and bought our house...0 -
Keep them seperate. Both A and B need to make a list of who pays what and how much - write it down so when A throws it in Bs face B can say, look we made a contract and I am keeping up my part. Don't join them, especially if one is being a jerk about it. A knew B only made so much money so A shouldn't complain now that you are married. Put it in writing that way both of you know and AGREE on what is what.0
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Separate! - unless your both poor, then who cares?
But if you have a little wealth, don't do it.
Don't make this mistake, and yea, I know, but you love and trust each other.
Yea, right....
Keep your money SEPARATE! :glasses:
I love my wife of 28 years, and she's got her own money and assets, and I've got mine.
Nobody touches my finances but me. Don't ever give a SO access to your money.
You'll be sorry....0 -
First of all, take everything here about your relationship with a grain of salt. Only the two of you fully appreciate all the ins and outs of your relationship.
I am an attorney, and I'm going through a divorce, and here is what I know about the rights or A and B in this scenerio. Legally, if A makes 100 and B makes 30, A and B are entitled to 65 each. If they were to divorce, A would have to pay B 35, which is equal to 50% of A's salary less 50% of B's salary (100 x .5) - (30 x .5). Legally A does not make more, B does not make less - rather, legally, the partnership of A and B make 130. So A might need some education on the legal rights to the couples' income.
But more importantly, A and B love each other and so A needs to understand he is hurting B's feelings wiith his comments. They need to have a loving conversation about it. With good communication A should come to appreciate the contributions that B is making to the partnership.
If A isn't willing to be considerate about this, B would have no problem dropping A for a C, or a D, E, F, G, etc. etc. because she is a very lovely lady. :^) In other words, I think A will wise up. Good luck, sweetie. :^)
^^^^^ I like!! LOL0 -
To each his own, but here's how we do it.
He makes more than I do (bc I work part-time to care more for child & manage more at home). No matter. Our income gets deposited into 1 account. That account pays for everything for our living expenses. Each month, an agreed upon sum gets transferred into 2 individual accounts- 1 for each of us. With that money, I can save it or blow it on killer riding boots or a night out with girlfriends, etc, without me feeling guilty and without him feeling bitter. Same for him and his camera equipment. That way we mostly have joint finances but some personal too.0 -
I am the sole breadwinner in my house of three (hubby, grown son who goes to school). My hubby has a lung disorder that makes him too winded to work regular. But he does everything around the house, fixes everything, mows, cooks, and treats me like a queen. To me that is worth much more than any amount of money. Your "A" should see the other things about you that are great and not so much about money.0
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The way I see it is up until marriage all finances could be kept seperate. Once married, finances should be joined. You are a "joined" couple, so everything should be joined.
I agree.0 -
You have to be able to trust the person you chose to marry, right? Join your finances and agree how to spend the money that you both make.0
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I didnt take the time to read all 10,000 responses, but I'll chime in. Marriage is a union, and so should the finances. We each bring strengths and weakness to the table. I made $100k last yr and my wife makes under 5k part-time. But I know she handles a lot more matters with the kids, household, etc. Most of it should be pretty simple. All income goes in, necessary bills get paid, savings/retirement gets set aside, then anything left (if any!) can be spent however you agree. At this point you could come up with a fair split based on your incomes, but not when it comes to bills.
We've been married 16 yrs and dated 5 yrs before that. Money has never really been an issue (thank God!) but I know it is for many people. We are both very responsible, don't overspend, and dont lie/cheat about our spending. That goes a LONG ways!!! Being self employed, our income can vary dramatically year to year which is challenging. We built a nice emergency fund which is off limits unless a disaster strikes, house will be pd off in 2 yrs and no other debt. Did I mention we have 3 kids? You HAVE to have a plan and get on the same page or the problems will never stop0 -
When people get married, they trade the I, me, mine for us, we, ours. If they aren't prepared to do so, they aren't prepared for marriage.0
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I can't imagine the stress and hassle of keeping things separate. Yikes!
If A is throwing things like this in B's face, then there are a lot more problems than finances in that marriage.0 -
We keep our finances separate, and I make about 2.5 times what my husband does. I go out of my way to try NOT to make him feel bad about the fact that I pay for way more of the household expenses than he does. I also try to make sure he has enough money to do things he wants to do, the same way that I am able to. I feel that it would be wrong to make someone I love feel bad about not being able to contribute equally when they are doing the best they can. That said, when he was not working and then working part time, I did let him do most of the housework, but he had more free time than I did, so we both felt like that was fair.0
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I can't imagine the stress and hassle of keeping things separate. Yikes!
If A is throwing things like this in B's face, then there are a lot more problems than finances in that marriage.
And this.0
This discussion has been closed.
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