married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

KimmieBrie

But I do believe this is an issue that should be discuessed before marriage.

****THIS Absolutely this for anyone with plans to marry.

celticmuse

I am an attorney & a divorce mediator. For what it's worth, I have worked with many more couples who have NOT combined their finances, than those who do. Any in MHO, the couples who I have worked with who did not combine their finances also seem to have not fully committed to the concept of marriage. Marriage is a financial partnership as well as an emotional one. And, at least in my jurisdiction, the fact that the couple has not seen fit to co-mingle their incomes does not prevent the judge from doing so when they get a divorce. If you want to prevent this from happening, I have two words for you - prenuptial agreement.

grobbygru

for richer or poorer. (umm that means together)

that was written for blokes to get out of **** mate

1WorkoutAtATime

was there any pre-martial counseling?

KimmieBrie

it is an honor and privilege to provide for my wife and home. I want to give her the home she deserves. It gives my career more purpose and meaning.

^^^This is awesome. My husband would like you. :flowerforyou:

dwtouch4

Here is my suggestion. A make 100K B makes 30 K

A makes 77% of all household income. B makes 23% of income.

If housing (rent/mortgage) costs 1000 per month A pays 770 dollars toward bill, B pays 230 toward bill

Grocery bills are 300 A pays 231 B pays 69

A still has more disposable income than B so A should be more generous at gift giving time

SofaKingRad

We joined our finances together when we got married. We use one checking account that holds all of our money budgeted for bills, etc. We each have our own "spending money" checking account in which we both get the same allotted money deposited into every payday. That way she can't b*tch at me for what I spend money on, and I can't b*tch at her either. It works.

And she makes quite a bit more than I do, but we still combine.

Mel1509

You are a family unit once you are married, so your finances should be joined. What happens when the wife is on mat leave and has a reduced income, should she suffer with her 'share' of the household because she is the one to bear children? My Fiance and I are to be married in June but purchased our home 2 years ago, once we closed on our house we joined everything - he got rid of all his bank accounts / CCs as I get premium rates / no fee accounts as I work for the bank, anyways we have never had an arguement over money, though most of the planning is left to me as I am a Financial Planner.

Smuterella

I would say never combine finances and pay bills according to a percentage of earnings, it ain't romantic but it is fair.

mrssavvysteve

guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

Amen!!

StrugglingtoMove

One person should be the main bill payer. Except for a certain amount of free cash for each of you if you can afford it, all money should be combined together in the main family account. You save your part as you can for what you want. The family account should not be touched without both of your agreements. At any time you both can discuss a raise into the individual accounts if your income allows that. If one of you is a big spender and the other is not, that allows you each to have money saved on the side without having to ask for it from the family account. family account should be used for savings, child education, vacations etc...

Hope this helps.

This has alot to do with living within your means.

oneIT

Joint money, joint decisions. If not, it won't work.

Money can kill anything.

twkelly

My husband makes like 2.5X what I make. We both like to be in control so our compromise was to both contribute a percentage to a joint account where the joint stuff is paid out of - mortgage, bills. We pay for our own extras. I buy the groceries but he pays when we go out to eat, movies, concerts, etc. . He also pays for our vacations and stuff like that.

I think this is fair and this is how my wife and I worked it out when we got married. We added both incomes together and figured out the ratio of earnings. So A earns 70% of the total income and B earns 30%. Then add up all the bills. A should pay 70% of the bills and B can pay 30%. Then each is chipping in equally towards the total cost of maintaining the house but each still has their own money to spend (presents, etc).

LilMermaid6411

I have friends that do both. Some combine and some keep them separate. In all cases one makes double than the other. My husband and I have a joint account and make the same amount of money so I can't really relate in this case. But, in my opinion the real issue is not joint or separate finances but the attitude of "I pay all the bills and you never contribute." If A is paying all the bills and B is spending all their money on stuff for themselves then I can see where this is a problem. But if B is contributing as much as they can within their financial ability then A just needs to STFU. A marriage is a partnership not a contest. If you're married then you share the finances and the expenses no matter how you choose to divvy up the pot.

I agree with one of the other commenters that suggested counseling. Money is a hard topic to discuss and is the biggest cause for divorce. It is better to get this ironed out now with a professional than doing it later after you're married. Good luck!

jchester71

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL !!! :devil:

The biblical saying is actually "Money is the root of all kinds of evil."

NeuroticVirgo

it is an honor and privilege to provide for my wife and home. I want to give her the home she deserves. It gives my career more purpose and meaning.

^^^This is awesome. My husband would like you. :flowerforyou:

ditto. My husband is the same way, he goes to work everyday so that he knows his daughter and I have everything we need.

grobbygru

My boyfriend and I have our own seperate bank accounts that we pay for our things out of. We also opened an account for the joint things like mortgage, power, water etc. We don't use if for groceries yet, but down the line I think we will. Add up your expenses and figure out how much each month what your expenses will be. We each put in money into this account. We added up our total income, and figured out the percentage that each is able to contribute.

Ex. I make 40,000.00 he makes 60,000.00 = 100,000.00
Therefore, I contribute 40% while he contribute 60%. That way we both have spending money and such. I try to do more clean and cooking to make up for that difference which we both agree pays off in the end.

I bet it's a good deal for him - and what about sex???
Can you come live in my house??

WTF - you ppl are unreal?

crazycat80

My husband and I have been married for over 8 years. Our finances are separate and we intend to keep it that way. He pays all the bills, and I handle groceries and household items. However! We maintain a household budget where an average of all bills, groceries, childcare, home maintenance, car maintenance, etc are all listed out and accounted for. We each pay 50/50 on everything except the mortgage, which since it's large it's a 40/60 split based on our income differences. It's a littel quirky figuring everything out with two separate income levels, but we act like a team and work through it.

Now, since I obviously handle a smaller portion of the money going out, this means that every month I cut him a check to cover 1/2 of everything I don't pay for minus his 1/2 or what I do and my portion of the mortgage. Our bank accounts are completely open to each other and anything bigger than a breadbox or isn't coming out of bonus/overtime money has to be approved by the other partner. Example of our month: $2000 in bills/2=$1000 $1000-$100 (his 1/2 of groceries) = a check for $900

We hardly ever argue over finances, we still retain some personal freedom, and besides our semi-annual reconcilation to ensure savings and budgets are still on track, we get along this way. Now, when we started out, I was eyeball deep in debt and made hardly any money. At that point we did a ratio based on income and personal bills across the board. I think I paid about 35-40% of everything because I couldn't offer more. He HAD to be okay with that, not much choice.

I suggest you sit down with the husband and you both go over the in/outs of the money. He's obviously feeling like he's paying more than you are, and whether he is or isn't you need to take the time to go over all the monies and straighten it out. Don't let it become personal or get defensive/offensive, just treat it like a job that needs to be done. Any maybe you can't truly walk away with a 50/50 because sometimes that just doesn't happen, but you need to at least agree that's how it has to be for the time being, and both understand where the other person is coming from.

runbyme

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL !!! :devil:

The biblical saying is actually "Money is the root of all kinds of evil."

Not to split hairs here but King James Version reads..."The love of money is the root of all evil". Just saying.....!

"A" seems to love money more than "B".

Leigh2778

The OP's problem has very little to do with what kind of checking accounts the couple has. The issue is with the one party being an a-hole.
My husband and I had a joint checking and savings account when we got married. It didn't work for us, so we went back to separate checking accounts (but kept the same joint savings account). Since my husband makes a lot more money than I do, we went through all of our monthly expenses and split them based on percentage of income. We actually need to redo this again, since I am making less money now than I originally did when we started. :sad: We are both able to write on each other's accounts and able to view the accounts online, though, truthfully, he doesn't like to look online and always asks me to do it for him when he needs to know something. We don't have a set plan for who buys groceries or pays for dinner or whatever. Truthfully, he pays for most "dates" because he likes to do that. This has worked well for us. There are times (like when I was unemployed) that I needed help paying some of my bills and he helped. There may come a time when he needs help with something and I will help. That's what marriage is about, regardless of what kind of banking system you have set up.

As for OP, couple A and B need to get to a therapist/counselor/mediator STAT. It doesn't sound like the offending party (sorry, can't remember at this point if it's A or will be happy with any compromise the other comes up with without help. Good luck.