married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

Bikini27

I was channel surfing one day and came across this issue being addressed by Suze Orman (love her or hate her, the woman has some points).
Basically the suggestion was to keep the finances seperate, open a joint account and each person puts in a percentage of their paycheck, depending on the total amount of the bills.

When I was married, we each put in the same amount, leaving me strapped and him carefree and happy. This advice could have saved a lot of stress for us!

Basically, the person making 6 figures knew what they were marrying into when the spouse only brought 30K to the table a year. Perhaps counseling will be in order to learn how to address this better before it becomes the point of contention.

WildFlower7

Ok so I love this topic. For most of my life my bills have been seperate. I was fine with that, I always brought in a smaller amount then my first husband but contributed. I payed our two largest utility bills, groceries, (I did the child care) and provided for our children while he payed the rent and living expenses and his gas. Even though I wasn't working (wanted to) but like I said I was at home watching his 2 kids, my 2 kids and the son we had 2gether. I was paying these things with my chid support and was barely making ends meet.

I am now with a man who provides everything. He pays all of our bills, rent, anything my kids and I may need and I too am allowed to spend money out of our acct. He says "what's mine is yours and what's yours is yours" whatever money I make on my own is mine and whatever child support I get goes straight to whatever my kids may need.

I'm old fashioned in thinking that a man should provide for the woman if she is caring for him the house and the children. If the woman is also working and/or contributing financially on top of everything else then all money should go to the same acct. you should have a budget and everything should be combined, including duties around the house cooking, cleaning etc.

Good luck:happy:

honeysprinkles

To me personally I would set up a budget based off percentage earned.. so A pays X% of bills while B pays X% .. sounds like you are kind of doing that alreadyso if that's not working I would set up a joint account specifically for joint bills only and both add to it whatever number is agreed upon, your own bills would be paid yourself.. that way there will be no discussion there. That's why my husband and I both do, always put Xamount per check into the joint account.. some weeks I have less money and he's willing to cover, other weeks he has less. It works out pretty well. That was my solution bc I don't trust people with 'my' money Even him. I pay the bills for us.

We do that now, we have a bills account with both of our names on it and we both contribute half to it and I actually go in and make sure everything gets paid. I trust him with my money, but I don't trust me with his. I am a spender and that's why for now it's better to keep it separate. When we do get married and have a lot more income (we're students right now), we're going to combine everything.

Natural

Once married they should join finances. I have been married and divorced. If I were going into a second time, I would have it where we have a joint account for household bills and our own seperate account. Each person is going to pay their fair share based on their income. It wouldn't be fair if A makes 3 times than B and makes B pay more. Each person should put in based on their income. So if the total income is $130,000 for the household, A brings in $100,000 (their share of income is 77%) and B brings in $30,000 (their share is 23%). So that is how the bills should be paid. So if the mortgage is $2000, then A is gonna pay 77% $1540 and B would pay 23% $460. This way each person is contributing equally based on what they bring to the table. This also allows both parties to have a little money left over to do as they choose once the household bills are paid from the joint account. So if they have bills that are personal and outside of the household, then they would use the left overs to pay that with. I got this from Suze Orman.

and this would be correct. it's about percentages of income, not equal amounts of money. i can't tolerate anyone playing with my money and being irresponsible, that's why i will always have MINE. he will know about it. the household bills, we pay together from a joint account of percentages. and he can also have his which i will know about. no secrets, but if he wants to be irresponsible with his account, that's fine, but don't do it in our account. that's why i say yours, mine and ours.

therealangd

It's time for a discussion. A discussion that should have happened before marriage.

However, that being said. Were A&B living together before marriage? I'm wondering why this has become a huge deal now. All of a sudden.

Bikini27

I earn 3 times my husbands income, he gives me half his salary & I pay everything from my account. he then has his own money for smokes, beer & ebay **** & I have my own money for my stuff. If he gets any extra money he gives it to me (tax rebate or extra work money) & I pay for food, holidays, birthday & Christmas gifts for our son & family. I married him knowing he was poor & probably always would be (artistsic, zero money skills, doesn't like to charge people for his art work!!) but he had a nice *kitten* & was/still is the only man I could put up with. Been together 11 years & married for 9. seems to work.

Neither of us ever talk about money but then he comes from a culture where women rule the purse stings so appreciates that his allocation is his to do with as he pleases rather than having it dished out in small daily allowances. But we discussed this early on in our relationship.

A & B need to have a frank discussion about what resentments are being harboured, maybe A thinks B is being frivolous instead of fairly contributing, maybe A doesn't appreciate B's contribution in non monetary terms (childcare, cleaning, cooking etc) but until they have a talk about it then it will remain an unknown issue.

THIS.

DisneyMommy

Before I became a stay at home parent, we started out with our finances separate. It lead to some not so good conversations early in our marriage. So we decided to combine them and stop looking at the money as "his" and "mine" but rather "ours" and the arguments over money stopped. For us it was a mindset we had to change. It worked to combine them for us but I understand it's not for everyone and everyone's reasons will be different.

Pollywog39

I have been married for nearly 5 years and we still have separate finances. We both make about the same amount of money and we each pay our certain bills... it just works for us.

I agree that this can work out fine! There's a lot of judging going on here, and people should realize that not every couple is the same! My 'x' was very bad with money.......and when we married, we just kept our separate accounts. He paid certain things, I paid certain things.....it worked out well for quite some time.

Because of his addictions, things fell apart - it was not the financial stuff so much (although he WAS spending all of his money on drugs and alcohol after a time).....I do think we would have been fine with the finances throughout the marraige IF he'd have gone to treatment and gotten help. AND had we joined our accounts? I'd probably be on the street or in a halfway house. At least, this way, I am free of HIS bad habits - both financial and physical.

PaLawDog

Sound like A is a smarty pants thats going to create an unhealthy relationship full of resentment by putting it in B's face and acting like he/she is superior. I think that is a bigger issue then the separate finances themselves.

I really hope your B

zannenthala

Keeping money together in one account will be the key to success. When you marry your bills become one whether past debt, current debt, or future debts. The key is to communicate where the financial status is at hand and explain what bills are being paid each month and what type of "disposable fun money" you may have. Create an allowance that is cash pulled out of the bank and equal for both partners and set that up in the budget as discretionary money - it can be spent on WHATEVER the other person wants to spend it on. This has worked and helped us out along the way. Of course you will have ups and downs but in a marriage why keep money separate when everything you are working for is a mutual goal?? If you decide to save for vacation, a car, a house, etc... isn't this something you make a decision together about? Why shouldn't the daily bills be something you both make the decision about - it helps a lot to get through the rough times because sometimes one person may not make as much as the other but that is why you are married to unite and bring two lives together to assist each other through the walk of life!!!!

I have been happily married for 13 years and dated for 3 and still going very strong! We always talk about large purchases together and never go run out and splurge on something without chit chatting. This has helped us get through even the toughest of times. We trust each other and we rely on each other as a unit : )

Good luck to everyone! I have seen money split and it seems that those relationships in the end also end up that way SPLIT.

JennieAL

Whether you choose to keep separate accounts only, have a joint account only... or, like many people... have BOTH join & separate accounts (as my husband and I do) has nothing to do with the fact that partner A seems to have an issue with B not contributing enough (whether time, money, sweat equity i.e. housework).

The issue seems to be that one partner isn't pleased with the other partner's perceived lack of contribution. That needs to be discussed and handled, and that's before joining accounts or whatever. That is the real issue... resentment/anger over expectations.

As a married couple, you are JOINED metaphorically, at the least. And that kinda bleeds over into practicality.

Finances can and do lead to divorce. And, trust me... it will wear you down if you don't fix it. I've been married 3 months only and finances are the #1 issue we struggle with (not that we're struggling financially, but money and the allocation of it is a sticky, sticky area when two people are having to navigate it).

Good luck!

delilah47

wow! i was going to make a big statement about community property laws (which i mentioned in an earlier post), but did a quick google search and found out there are only 9 community property states.. i am from one of them so assumed it was the majority... :ohwell:

carry on..

Shock_Wave

Keeping money together in one account will be the key to success. When you marry your bills become one whether past debt, current debt, or future debts. The key is to communicate where the financial status is at hand and explain what bills are being paid each month and what type of "disposable fun money" you may have. Create an allowance that is cash pulled out of the bank and equal for both partners and set that up in the budget as discretionary money - it can be spent on WHATEVER the other person wants to spend it on. This has worked and helped us out along the way. Of course you will have ups and downs but in a marriage why keep money separate when everything you are working for is a mutual goal?? If you decide to save for vacation, a car, a house, etc... isn't this something you make a decision together about? Why shouldn't the daily bills be something you both make the decision about - it helps a lot to get through the rough times because sometimes one person may not make as much as the other but that is why you are married to unite and bring two lives together to assist each other through the walk of life!!!!

I have been happily married for 13 years and dated for 3 and still going very strong! We always talk about large purchases together and never go run out and splurge on something without chit chatting. This has helped us get through even the toughest of times. We trust each other and we rely on each other as a unit : )

Good luck to everyone! I have seen money split and it seems that those relationships in the end also end up that way SPLIT.

Very well said ^x10000000000000000

623Hernandez

I am in the same boat. I make 30,000 and he makes 50,000. Our bills and bank accounts are separate. We got in a few fights but I just tell him if it is that much of a problem for him I will leave. I hate not feeling independent!!!!! I really do! He loves me so he has kept it under wraps for a while now. It is stressful for both of us. He pays all the house bills sept the sewer. I pay for our phones, sewer, any home improvement (expensive!!!), and 1/2 the mortgage. As far as cooking and cleaning, we pretty much split it sept for the bathrooms. He has never scrubbed a toilet or tub in his life! lol We love each other so, we work with it. I get jealous because he can afford to buy a snowboard, golf club, hokey stick, or other things like that when ever he wants and and I can't but, he does pay for us to go on small vacations! So...

I was in a similar situation with my X but, we had our money together. It was not a good thing but then again neither was the relationship.

grobbygru

I need advice people!!

If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000

Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!

It is causing problems because A) always puts it in 's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....

Thanks!

I'm too lazy to bicker about finances with my wife so it all goes into one big pile. Actually one medium pile that immediately becomes a very small pile when bills are paid. She is also smarter than me and may someday write a book that makes us filthy rich, so I pretty much keep my mouth shut about making twice what she makes.

If you aren't going to share finances and draw from one "pool" then you have to be equitable about it. Some people contribute to a shared account, still keeping their own personal accounts.

One solution might be for A and B to contribute the same percentage of their income toward the pool of bills. Tally up all shared costs - everything, including groceries, home expenses, etc.

If A makes 100K annually, A makes about 8333/month
If B makes 30K annualy, B makes about 2500/month
This doesn't include taxes or anything, so for the sake of the example, let's say A nets 7000/month and B nets 2000/month. You decide both of you contribue 50% of your net to the bills, so $4500 goes into the bills "pool."

Let's say your monthly bills = $4000. Each month you both put a total of $4500 in the bills account, and will have a little room for unexpected costs that come up. You are now both contributing an equal percentage to your shared cost of living. And person A, by making more $$, ends up with a higher number in his personal account to spend as he pleases. This could possibly create problems of its own, but at least you are contributing equally to the cost of living.

Having a partner throw in your face that he's making more money is another issue altogether.

I think a LOT of people haven't read the crucial word 'CHILDCARE' here!!!

Talk % all you like people or figures - none of it means a cracker if you don't have kids in the mix!!

Bevkus

Im in the same situation. I am A. my partner is B. Like your partner, I make roughly triple what she does.

You guys need to look at the concept of proporotional spending. You should be spending roughly 1/3 to 1/4 of what your spouse is paying for items, based on the fact that you spouse is making over triple what you do.

For us, I am responsible for paying ALL the bills related to the running of our home. She pays me a monthy "rental" fee so to speak. This amount was agreed on by both of us. Coincidentally it amounts to about 1/4 to 1/3 of her income. I use about half of that for our monthly expenses and I put the rest in a savings account I dont use. It is that savings account that we use for upgrades to our house...next year we are using it to renovate!! Its a GREAT way to same money!!

When it comes to vacations and other big things like that...I usually just tell her to pay her airfare. If we had to wait until she could afford to travel, we'd never go because she simple doesnt enjoy the luxury of making "a lot" of money like I do. This benefits me as then I have my great snuggly partner to go on vacation with instead of sitting at home watching ice melt.

Things like going out for dinner...just common sense. I love doing that frequently, my partner cant afford that. So its either I pay most of the time or we dont go out. She's not a mooch though, most of the time she offers to pay something at least...throws in a 20 or whatever...ironically that also usually works out to 1/4 to 1/3 of the bill.

Bottom line: dont be so cheap. You cant take it with you. Money is for sharing, not hoarding.

robinogue

when I got married I wanted to combine everything but my husband wanted to keep his own. So 17 years later we still have our own accounts, he pays the mortgage and a few other things and I take care of the household bills. We take turns paying when we go out to dinner, shopping etc. I guess different strokes for different folks!

623Hernandez

I think a LOT of people haven't read the crucial word 'CHILDCARE' here!!!

Talk % all you like people or figures - none of it means a cracker if you don't have kids in the mix!!

true...

laurenkoszola

I have been married for nearly 5 years and we still have separate finances. We both make about the same amount of money and we each pay our certain bills... it just works for us.

^^Agreed!!

Natural

Bottom line: dont be so cheap. You cant take it with you. Money is for sharing, not hoarding.

lemme hold a dollar