married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!
Replies
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Sounds like a problem only for B who wants to sink her hands in A's wallet.I need advice people!!
If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and
makes 30,000
Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!
It is causing problems because A) always puts it in's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....
Thanks!
If it's all about love and not money, B just needs to keep her fangs out of A's money.
When people start making issues of money, love goes out the window.
But if it's such an issue that B just can't go on, divorce A, and marry another B-type broke person.
You can share misery equally.
Wow! Thanks alot! But then again I figure there would be a percentage of people who thought like you!0 -
I live with my partner and we have a similar situation... Now let me say before I get jumped all over - we are NOT married, we are NOT engaged, we have been together 3 years and we live in MY house which I purchased over 5 years ago way before I met him so we only have a joint account to cover the basics for our living situation. Here is how we work it:
We took all of our bills - mortgage, all utilities, grocery fund (fixed amount a month), flex fund (fixed amount a month to spend on house or pets) and totaled that up - lets say that comes to 100 bucks a month (I wish!!!)
Then if person A makes 10 dollars and B makes 2 dollars then A pays 84% of the bills which would be 84 dollars and B puts in the other 16% towards the bills which would be 16 bucks...
Any money we each make beyond those amount is our own money to spend on whatever we like, person A ends up paying a lot more out of pocket but because they make more and this is all fine and dandy only if person B appreciates all the work person A does to make that money. Also, person B is the person who does 84% of the housework while person A only does about 16% - and here person A needs to appreciate person B.
Even though its not all shared and not all 50/50 doesn't mean its dysfunctional or that our relationship isn't balanced we just work this out so person B can learn some financial responsibility since they came into the relationship with an excessive amount of debt and a lack of financial knowledge and person A can learn to share a little better and learn to appreciate the other aspects of the relationship beyond money.... relationship are always a work in progress, this is our way of working together and making sure we are able to make it work for the long run....
Hope you are able to find some helpful information... whatever you decide, just make sure it makes you both happy
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I need advice people!!
If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000
Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!
It is causing problems because A) always puts it in's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....
Thanks!
Marriage is between 2 people, not 2 people+ the opinions of a bunch of random strangers. You should talk to your spouse about what their expectations are financially, as well as other household responsibilities. The bread winner probably just feels unappreciated. Does person B could tell person A how much they appreciate all their hard work, or thank them for taking such good care of the family financially? It really should be done daily. Everyone needs a pat on the back sometimes. As far as combining finances that is a personal choice between you both. Good luck.
You absolutely right! its hard not take somepeople hurtfull remarks to heart on here. its like a stab in the heart but .....everyone has their opinons. About being thankful. I tell him everyday. I love him very much and I dont doubt he love me. I think we might have to go the counseling route because he is not easily convinced.0 -
I live with my partner and we have a similar situation... Now let me say before I get jumped all over - we are NOT married, we are NOT engaged, we have been together 3 years and we live in MY house which I purchased over 5 years ago way before I met him so we only have a joint account to cover the basics for our living situation. Here is how we work it:
We took all of our bills - mortgage, all utilities, grocery fund (fixed amount a month), flex fund (fixed amount a month to spend on house or pets) and totaled that up - lets say that comes to 100 bucks a month (I wish!!!)
Then if person A makes 10 dollars and B makes 2 dollars then A pays 84% of the bills which would be 84 dollars and B puts in the other 16% towards the bills which would be 16 bucks...
Any money we each make beyond those amount is our own money to spend on whatever we like, person A ends up paying a lot more out of pocket but because they make more and this is all fine and dandy only if person B appreciates all the work person A does to make that money. Also, person B is the person who does 84% of the housework while person A only does about 16% - and here person A needs to appreciate person B.
Even though its not all shared and not all 50/50 doesn't mean its dysfunctional or that our relationship isn't balanced we just work this out so person B can learn some financial responsibility since they came into the relationship with an excessive amount of debt and a lack of financial knowledge and person A can learn to share a little better and learn to appreciate the other aspects of the relationship beyond money.... relationship are always a work in progress, this is our way of working together and making sure we are able to make it work for the long run....
Hope you are able to find some helpful information... whatever you decide, just make sure it makes you both happy
I really appreciate this ^0 -
In the eyes of the law, your debt and money from BEFORE marriage belongs to YOU (and HIM) separaetly.. its not "joint" debt or money. Once your married, any debt accumulated by YOU or HIM (after marriage) belongs to the BOTH of you. So, since the law is the law, my opinion has always been that once you are married, you both should open a joint account and any "new" money that is made is put in there, and any "new" debts is paid from that money.. Thats how I would do it.0
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Combining would be the best... But my husband and I agreed that I would take a small amount out of my paycheck and put it in a saving account ( I am not that good at saving) and that has been working really well for us, with that money I can help my parents that live in Mexico or buy a little more stuff with the money I saved without compromising out monthly bills
...... I hope A and B can make things work 0 -
Joined for sure. Apart from the trust issues that must be going on if not joined, you will never maximise your ability to improve your material lives if everything is a split. On the other hand you have to be able to trust and have open and honest discussions about where you put your money if you do have joined finances.
A and B really need to start at the open and honest discussion point before joining finances as it is a marriage which will be under strain.0 -
My husband and I have our own accounts, which I don't like but he said He has had trouble in the past. But he does pay the rent and power. I am trying to pay off my credit on my own, which I am almost done...I didn't want him to help me because I wanted to accomplish it all on my own considering I am the one who got into all that debt!0
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I've been married almost 10 years. Until I quit my job to go back to school last year, I made more money and I carried all of our benefits and retirement (I had a well paying job!). Now, I barely make enough to cover my tuition and car payment. We have a joint account that ALL the money goes into, then he has a separate "allowance" account. There is no way we could ever keep a balanced checking account if both of us were spending from it, hence the reason for the allowance account.
However, we have never contributed based on percentages of our incomes - doing that would still leave the person making less with less spendable income and I can see how that would create tension and what not. All the money goes into the joint account, then money is transferred into the allowance account for him to spend on whatever he wants to. When we go out together, I go grocery shopping, pay the bills, book vacations, whatever "We" are doing, "I" pay for it with my card from the joint fund because I'm the one that manages the finances and balances the checkbook, but it's paid with "our" money, not mine.
The accounts are linked together, so when if my husband needs extra allowance money, we transfer money in there. It just makes it easier to know that an amount was transfered in there than to try to keep track of everything each person is spending on one account. Works for us.0 -
Why don't you share your finances with your husband? This sounds like a trust issue, one that needs to be addressed. In my opinion, people keep their finances separate because they distrust the other person and/or they can imagine a divorce sometime in the future. Planning for an impending divorce in the possible future is no way to maintain a marriage.0
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I would never share my finances with my fiance. It isn't an issue of trust, it's an issue of us being two very different people. We both pay equal shares of the bills for the house (except TV license, which I pay), but that's as far as it goes.
I earn more than him, but he has a far higher disposable income. I have a car to pay for, for a start. I don't see why he should have to pay his money for my car, nor cover all the charity donations I make. Likewise, I don't see why I should pay for his console games and unhealthy snacks.
Like I say, it isn't a trust thing but it's about our independence with our own money. I don't want to feel guilty about the things I spend money on that he could do without, nor do I want him to feel guilty for spending a lot of his money on games and food that don't benefit me in any way.
We treat each other and buy gifts of course, and we have one joint account that we can put money into to save (though it's currently being used for our wedding) but it's 'my money, my choice'. Every month, I just transfer him my half of the bill money.0 -
A lot depends on the kind of credit you both have. If you both have sterling credit, you can go either way. If one has good credit and one does not, always go separate. It's a personal decision but as a general rule, I personally prefer a couple has separate finances but have one joint account for joint bills. One may have to pay more than the other. But, it's smart to budget and decide how you're going to handle finances going in. More relationships are crushed due to finances than any other single thing.0
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There are valid reasons for keeping finances separate in a marriage. However, if one party doesn't feel that way, then it will be a constant source of friction.
Since one half of the marriage already perceives the arrangements as unbalanced, best to address it now and/or get counseling.0 -
My husband makes like 2.5X what I make. We both like to be in control so our compromise was to both contribute a percentage to a joint account where the joint stuff is paid out of - mortgage, bills. We pay for our own extras. I buy the groceries but he pays when we go out to eat, movies, concerts, etc. . He also pays for our vacations and stuff like that.
This is more of our set up. Though I will say we both have access to all accounts! I hope you get something worked out, but A really needs to back off B. Both are contributing.0 -
I haven't read the massive thread but I am sure that there are many passionate opinions. I am of the opinion that yeah, they should join finances. But it seems to me like the money bickering is a symptom of something else -- perhaps an attitude that they don't really have a shared life or they aren't moving toward the same goals.
Personally, I would have never married my husband if we weren't going to share our money (and our hopes, dreams, fears, successes, and failures).0 -
Sounds like a problem only for B who wants to sink her hands in A's wallet.I need advice people!!
If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000
Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!
It is causing problems because A) always puts it in's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....
Thanks!
If it's all about love and not money, B just needs to keep her fangs out of A's money.
When people start making issues of money, love goes out the window.
But if it's such an issue that B just can't go on, divorce A, and marry another B-type broke person.
You can share misery equally.
Wow! Thanks alot! But then again I figure there would be a percentage of people who thought like you!
This guy is a jerk. It's a good thing it's a small percentage that think like that.
Obviously you are contributing more to the household than just financially. My husband and I keep things separate. He makes more money than I do and pays most of the bills but has never throw it in my face. We're partners in life and are there to help and support each other in any way that we are able. I wish you luck in resolving this issue. Money is always such a touchy subject.0 -
i earn more than hubby, both of us have to pay alot of money out each month for work which is expensed back.
he pays me roughly 2/5's of the bills each month.
he then contributes where possible to holidays and nights out.
i dont mind it as it is, it works for us. he's happy, im happy.
each to their own, but i dont make him feel bad for earning less than me, im the career driven one, and im ok with that.0 -
I find that the person who makes more money always wants to keep it separate just in case it doesnt work out. If your in the marriage you should be IN the marriage 100%. Most states no matter ehere the money is is 50/50 in divorce. If your state is not, you should be very careful on the reasons why. Honestly i would not marry someone who wants to only pitch in their portion. If you won the lottery tomorrow, you honestly think your spouse would say, oh that goes into your account. Absolutely not!0
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Sounds like a problem only for B who wants to sink her hands in A's wallet.I need advice people!!
If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000
Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!
It is causing problems because A) always puts it in's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....
Thanks!
If it's all about love and not money, B just needs to keep her fangs out of A's money.
When people start making issues of money, love goes out the window.
But if it's such an issue that B just can't go on, divorce A, and marry another B-type broke person.
You can share misery equally.
Wow! Thanks alot! But then again I figure there would be a percentage of people who thought like you!
This guy is a jerk. It's a good thing it's a small percentage that think like that.
Obviously you are contributing more to the household than just financially. My husband and I keep things separate. He makes more money than I do and pays most of the bills but has never throw it in my face. We're partners in life and are there to help and support each other in any way that we are able. I wish you luck in resolving this issue. Money is always such a touchy subject.
I really agree ^ Thank you!0 -
I live with my partner and we have a similar situation... Now let me say before I get jumped all over - we are NOT married, we are NOT engaged, we have been together 3 years and we live in MY house which I purchased over 5 years ago way before I met him so we only have a joint account to cover the basics for our living situation. Here is how we work it:
We took all of our bills - mortgage, all utilities, grocery fund (fixed amount a month), flex fund (fixed amount a month to spend on house or pets) and totaled that up - lets say that comes to 100 bucks a month (I wish!!!)
Then if person A makes 10 dollars and B makes 2 dollars then A pays 84% of the bills which would be 84 dollars and B puts in the other 16% towards the bills which would be 16 bucks...
Any money we each make beyond those amount is our own money to spend on whatever we like, person A ends up paying a lot more out of pocket but because they make more and this is all fine and dandy only if person B appreciates all the work person A does to make that money. Also, person B is the person who does 84% of the housework while person A only does about 16% - and here person A needs to appreciate person B.
Even though its not all shared and not all 50/50 doesn't mean its dysfunctional or that our relationship isn't balanced we just work this out so person B can learn some financial responsibility since they came into the relationship with an excessive amount of debt and a lack of financial knowledge and person A can learn to share a little better and learn to appreciate the other aspects of the relationship beyond money.... relationship are always a work in progress, this is our way of working together and making sure we are able to make it work for the long run....
Hope you are able to find some helpful information... whatever you decide, just make sure it makes you both happy
This works for us too. And appreciation And communication makes for a wonderful relationship, and life.0 -
I still have a difficult time determining why it would be separate. Legally at least in the USA it's a split once you sign that paper. Just stick it all in the pot and share it out. I hate to say it, but wage parity for women still isn't where it should be and in many cases women still don't make the same money as a man for doing the same work.
Argue if you like, but that is the truth. I know I don't make the same as a male counterpart would. A partnership is just that. spend together and go broke together! 0 -
Married 15 years - from day one made it simple:
1) Account A - ALL $$ deposited - tithe, bills paid, money saved, all normal expenses (cars, gas, food, etc.)
2) Account B - her mad money
3) Account C - his mad money
Combined income is COMBINED. Pay your GOD, Pay your BILLS, Pay YOURSELF.
Money is always a topic of discussion and source of aurguements if you don't have a BUDGET and a PLAN. Check out a Dave Ramsey book. Every PENNY should be spoken for before it's earned.0 -
My husband also makes almost 3xs what I do, and we decided to keep our finances separate for independence sake. (We both don't want to know what each other wastes our money on.) Now that we're married, we still split the bills 50/50 like we did when we lived together, but I am trying to convince him that this isn't fair, especially since I do everything by myself like cooking and cleaning. His idea of compromise is paying for things I need but don't have the extra to afford (like an oil change this week). It still seems unfair to me, but it works for now. He says he sees it as "our money," but I hate asking him to pay for things. I think a fair trade would be for him to pay for all of our shared bills, since I barely make enough to pay my own bills and still get by.0
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I live with my partner and we have a similar situation... Now let me say before I get jumped all over - we are NOT married, we are NOT engaged, we have been together 3 years and we live in MY house which I purchased over 5 years ago way before I met him so we only have a joint account to cover the basics for our living situation. Here is how we work it:
We took all of our bills - mortgage, all utilities, grocery fund (fixed amount a month), flex fund (fixed amount a month to spend on house or pets) and totaled that up - lets say that comes to 100 bucks a month (I wish!!!)
Then if person A makes 10 dollars and B makes 2 dollars then A pays 84% of the bills which would be 84 dollars and B puts in the other 16% towards the bills which would be 16 bucks...
Any money we each make beyond those amount is our own money to spend on whatever we like, person A ends up paying a lot more out of pocket but because they make more and this is all fine and dandy only if person B appreciates all the work person A does to make that money. Also, person B is the person who does 84% of the housework while person A only does about 16% - and here person A needs to appreciate person B.
Even though its not all shared and not all 50/50 doesn't mean its dysfunctional or that our relationship isn't balanced we just work this out so person B can learn some financial responsibility since they came into the relationship with an excessive amount of debt and a lack of financial knowledge and person A can learn to share a little better and learn to appreciate the other aspects of the relationship beyond money.... relationship are always a work in progress, this is our way of working together and making sure we are able to make it work for the long run....
Hope you are able to find some helpful information... whatever you decide, just make sure it makes you both happy
This works for us too. And appreciation And communication makes for a wonderful relationship, and life.
^^THIS is how I want my husband to see things. Alas, he seriously underappreciates my work around the house, at least when it is supposed to equal monetary value.0 -
I will say (and not being critical, just interested), being someone who shares all bills 50/50 but keeps finances separate, I'm amazed how many people say they keep their finances separate but then expect the partner earning more to pay more of the bills.0
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I will say (and not being critical, just interested), being someone who shares all bills 50/50 but keeps finances separate, I'm amazed how many people say they keep their finances separate but then expect the partner earning more to pay more of the bills.
Why does keeping finances separate imply a 50/50 split? I think proportionality makes more sense. Just my example, but my husband referred to any extra income as "play money." So he gets lots of "play money" while I beg for gas money. Maybe we should have combined finances, but I'd rather not know how much he spends on video games. It has to do more with our reasons for why we kept things separate than making bills an even split. As roommates, 50/50 works. Married, not so much.0 -
Why does keeping finances separate imply a 50/50 split?
No, I didn't mean that, probably worded it wrong. More, the only time when you'd see a split was when finances were separate - otherwise, it'd be irrelevant. I'm just surprised to see how often things are done proportionally - I wasn't expecting that to be so common.0 -
Why does keeping finances separate imply a 50/50 split?
No, I didn't mean that, probably worded it wrong. More, the only time when you'd see a split was when finances were separate - otherwise, it'd be irrelevant. I'm just surprised to see how often things are done proportionally - I wasn't expecting that to be so common.
Oh, okay. I think it's a psychological thing. Your finances are really combined, just with the perception that they're separate. I have to go explain to my hubby now that we're combining our finances from now on.
In separate accounts still. 0 -
This is the situation that my fiance and I have and plan to continue having once we are married. However, it's not causing any problems for us. I think it just really depends on the couple and from the sound of it, they aren't getting along very well.
I will always keep my finances separate from my partner because I've worked too hard to have anything possibly go wrong. Granted that might seem like I don't trust him with my money... and I don't! But I don't think anyone should trust anyone with their money. If I made it, it's mine unless I feel like sharing.
I figure as long as I can pay for me, that's all that matters. I don't want to (and won't) pay for any partner's bills and/or debt. I shouldn't have to take on his debt that he had before me. That's not fair to how hard I've worked to have perfect credit.
But like I said, the way we have our finances currently works for us with no problems or hard feelings.0 -
I agree with the saying "what's mine is yours" when you're married, so I believe a married couple should share a bank account and deal with the bills together.0
This discussion has been closed.
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