married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!
Replies
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I think a LOT of people haven't read the crucial word 'CHILDCARE' here!!!
Talk % all you like people or figures - none of it means a cracker if you don't have kids in the mix!!
true...
B basically pays all child related thing. Before and afterschool care. Over $500 a month not to mention lunch money and clothing....BTW did I mention B-Child is from B's first marriage???
Maybe A is resentful? I think there's more to it than just unequal earnings.0 -
My fiance and I had the same problem. While we weren't (and still aren't) married yet, we have a baby and a house together. We have been together for 6 years, and so have accumulated other joint purchases that could be considered major as well. We still have our separate accounts, but most of my paycheck (I make less than he does) is deposited into his account that pays all of the bills, groceries, daycare, etc. I keep a set amount in mine for my gas money, and a little bit of play money (which almost always goes to spoiling him and our son), but it's money that I get to choose how it's spent. And, of course, in the event that I spend all of my money before payday, he does help, but expects an explanation of what happened to my money (which is good, because I am horrible with money). He is definitely the saver in our family, so it works for us.0
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First of all, take everything here about your relationship with a grain of salt. Only the two of you fully appreciate all the ins and outs of your relationship.
I am an attorney, and I'm going through a divorce, and here is what I know about the rights or A and B in this scenerio. Legally, if A makes 100 and B makes 30, A and B are entitled to 65 each. If they were to divorce, A would have to pay B 35, which is equal to 50% of A's salary less 50% of B's salary (100 x .5) - (30 x .5). Legally A does not make more, B does not make less - rather, legally, the partnership of A and B make 130. So A might need some education on the legal rights to the couples' income.
But more importantly, A and B love each other and so A needs to understand he is hurting B's feelings wiith his comments. They need to have a loving conversation about it. With good communication A should come to appreciate the contributions that B is making to the partnership.
If A isn't willing to be considerate about this, B would have no problem dropping A for a C, or a D, E, F, G, etc. etc. because she is a very lovely lady. :^) In other words, I think A will wise up. Good luck, sweetie. :^)
Please dont think A is an evil troll. A & B do love each very much!0 -
so lot's of openions here.
My hubby and I moved in together before we married so our stuff is part joint part seperate. But our pay grades are only about 15,000 different.
He gets paid weekly so he mostly pays for groceries and gas etc.
I get paid bi-weekly so I have larger chunks for bills.
We never purchase anything over $20 w/o consulting each other. Birthday gifts areexceptions.
In my openion both of you need to see it as "our" money and work together. Or you can each have a certain percentage of each of your checks come out for bills and then keep the other percent to spend how you see fit. This works well for friends of mine. But the person who makes more needs to share when necessary.
Good Luck.0 -
Joined. I like how fastrack27 put it. All income goes in, and all bills get paid.0
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I didnt take the time to read all 10,000 responses, but I'll chime in. Marriage is a union, and so should the finances. We each bring strengths and weakness to the table. I made $100k last yr and my wife makes under 5k part-time. But I know she handles a lot more matters with the kids, household, etc. Most of it should be pretty simple. All income goes in, necessary bills get paid, savings/retirement gets set aside, then anything left (if any!) can be spent however you agree. At this point you could come up with a fair split based on your incomes, but not when it comes to bills.
We've been married 16 yrs and dated 5 yrs before that. Money has never really been an issue (thank God!) but I know it is for many people. We are both very responsible, don't overspend, and dont lie/cheat about our spending. That goes a LONG ways!!! Being self employed, our income can vary dramatically year to year which is challenging. We built a nice emergency fund which is off limits unless a disaster strikes, house will be pd off in 2 yrs and no other debt. Did I mention we have 3 kids? You HAVE to have a plan and get on the same page or the problems will never stop0 -
A marriage is a unity between two people...in everything. My opinion is if someone does something for you or the family, do it and shut up about it. If it's from the heart, it will never be mentioned again. The love of money is the root of all evil. That paper has so much power its ridiculous. Best of luck dealing your situation!!!0
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I am not married yet. My boyfriend and I do live together though. We have a joint bank account and we do fine. The only thing that matters is the bills get paid. Doesn't matter who pays them.0
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I didnt take the time to read all 10,000 responses, but I'll chime in. Marriage is a union, and so should the finances. We each bring strengths and weakness to the table. I made $100k last yr and my wife makes under 5k part-time. But I know she handles a lot more matters with the kids, household, etc. Most of it should be pretty simple. All income goes in, necessary bills get paid, savings/retirement gets set aside, then anything left (if any!) can be spent however you agree. At this point you could come up with a fair split based on your incomes, but not when it comes to bills.
We've been married 16 yrs and dated 5 yrs before that. Money has never really been an issue (thank God!) but I know it is for many people. We are both very responsible, don't overspend, and dont lie/cheat about our spending. That goes a LONG ways!!! Being self employed, our income can vary dramatically year to year which is challenging. We built a nice emergency fund which is off limits unless a disaster strikes, house will be pd off in 2 yrs and no other debt. Did I mention we have 3 kids? You HAVE to have a plan and get on the same page or the problems will never stop
I wish A was as understanding as you were....I really think is has trust issues with his money and I cant seem to convince him that combined will help both us "our relationship" be less stressed. Instead I think he'd be worrying about how much money he isnt getting.0 -
Is it that maybe A is a big spender and enjoys being "carefree" because A makes more money? B is more of a cautious saver type because B doesn't have that excess to just throw caution to the wind and live it up?
Sounds like maybe two types very different personalities and it shows in the way you handle your money.
What are the long term goals of A & B? Where are you going? Like, where are you wanting to focus your money? Debt, school, vacations... toys? Maybe that should be nailed down.
And like another poster mentioned Suze Orman's % strategy... each of you contribute the same % of your income... and put it in the order that you decide on. Nail down the categories and their priority... If A wants big toys and B wants to pay off debt... Well, there's a war.0 -
we have separate savings/income but we split expenses, I pay the house, she pay the car, i pay the gas, she pay the maintainance, i pay for childs school, she buys the grocery, and so on...
we've been married for 20 years and still ok.
i think you need listen to yourself and to your partner, each people has their different personality, even more complex when they got married. there are lot's of factors to make this work. it may be different from each couple.0 -
I didnt take the time to read all 10,000 responses, but I'll chime in. Marriage is a union, and so should the finances. We each bring strengths and weakness to the table. I made $100k last yr and my wife makes under 5k part-time. But I know she handles a lot more matters with the kids, household, etc. Most of it should be pretty simple. All income goes in, necessary bills get paid, savings/retirement gets set aside, then anything left (if any!) can be spent however you agree. At this point you could come up with a fair split based on your incomes, but not when it comes to bills.
We've been married 16 yrs and dated 5 yrs before that. Money has never really been an issue (thank God!) but I know it is for many people. We are both very responsible, don't overspend, and dont lie/cheat about our spending. That goes a LONG ways!!! Being self employed, our income can vary dramatically year to year which is challenging. We built a nice emergency fund which is off limits unless a disaster strikes, house will be pd off in 2 yrs and no other debt. Did I mention we have 3 kids? You HAVE to have a plan and get on the same page or the problems will never stop
Wow...can you you come fix my finances..LOL.
Actually hubby nad i have been together less than 5 years he had his debt i ahd mine now we have add to ours. But were on the up swing nad on our way to beign debt free (not counting college loans)0 -
Wow - tons of responses - so here is one more - :bigsmile: Unfortunately, this probably should have been talked about before getting married - but since it wasn't, the two of you need to have the discussion now. I think A and B should maybe go out for an afternoon walk without the child and try to discuss this in a nice fashion. Don't expect it to be handled/fixed overnight but at least bring it up. Then when A says something that hurts B feelings - B should calmly ask A why A said what he said - what prompted A's response? The very careful thing here is B needs to not let B's hurt feelings flare out of control (I know so much easier said than done) but if B show a hot-temper or attacks that will probably set A off or at least put A on the defensive. What I am talking about is coming to a conclusion with the least amount of drama. Maybe something more is going on than B knows - maybe this is the way A's parents handled things. However, with all of that being said B can only put up with so much before B loses B's cool - in that case, if A refuses to listen to rational B then maybe A will think twice when B startes venting B's frustration and anger (in a non-violent way, of course). Good Luck with however this gets settled. Remember when two people choose to get married or become life partners they become one and share everything including funds, children, home, discipline, etc. All of these things need to be discussed so that both people can be sure to be on the same page.0
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I just got married in May of this year....Our finances are separate...He make in one week what I make in a month...He pays most of all the bills and I buy groceries....I have to remind him to put the bill money in the joint account every month....it is annoying....on the same hand keeping it separate does allow me to surprise him from time to time.
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If those are the actual pay amounts, then I would say A is an idiot and cannot do math. Of course the one who makes more is going to be paying out a bit more. Secondly, why does it matter if the bills are created by both parties involved. I say keep a small side account separate and join most of the finances in a single account that all bills are paid from.
*Teach A how to do simple math.0 -
Sounds like a problem only for B who wants to sink her hands in A's wallet.I need advice people!!
If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and
makes 30,000
Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!
It is causing problems because A) always puts it in's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....
Thanks!
If it's all about love and not money, B just needs to keep her fangs out of A's money.
When people start making issues of money, love goes out the window.
But if it's such an issue that B just can't go on, divorce A, and marry another B-type broke person.
You can share misery equally.0 -
being married means that the finances are shared. It becomes our money to manage, no longer yours or mine.0
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I have been with my husband for 18 years now and we still have everything separate. I even have a separate bank ha ha. He pays certain things like mortgage and car payments, I pay all the utilities, household needs and groceries etc. We both make about the same and so we split the bills evenly. He doesn't see what I spend on myself and vice versa. It has cut down tremendously on arguments I hear other married couples have regarding bills/finances etc. As long as all our individual bills are paid the rest is ours. We both put in $100/mo to our savings which is the only thing we have together. It has worked out awesome for this long!0
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My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years and we still have separate accounts (my name is on his account as well but only because he had to go out of town for work and I needed to have access to his money to pay bills) at separate banks. I pay the bills and we split the amount down the middle. I just write a check from his account every two weeks and deposited into mine to pay bills. He makes a little more than me, but not much and we take turns buying things when we are out (groceries, dinner, etc). If we didn't have separate accounts I guarantee we would be overdrawn constantly! He only goes by what the computer says he has at that time and if we were paying bills and they hadn't come out yet that would be bad! It works for us!0
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I need advice people!!
If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000
Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!
It is causing problems because A) always puts it in's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....
Thanks!
Marriage is between 2 people, not 2 people+ the opinions of a bunch of random strangers. You should talk to your spouse about what their expectations are financially, as well as other household responsibilities. The bread winner probably just feels unappreciated. Does person B could tell person A how much they appreciate all their hard work, or thank them for taking such good care of the family financially? It really should be done daily. Everyone needs a pat on the back sometimes. As far as combining finances that is a personal choice between you both. Good luck.0 -
I need advice people!!
If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000
Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!
It is causing problems because A) always puts it in's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....
Thanks!
If you use a formula for the bills and other costs it may help. For example total their income is $130K. It is basicly a 76/24 split in income and therefor should be a 76/24 split in bills.... for all bills. As for house work and chores I believe if both parties are working then the home work should be split, unless the one making less is making less because it is a part-time job. If both are working full time jobs then split the chores.
Best of luck and the financial formula is by Suzzane Orman. Google her and find her book on couples finances. And it can be adjusted as the two increase or decrease in income.0 -
That's just like us.I have been with my husband for 18 years now and we still have everything separate. I even have a separate bank ha ha. He pays certain things like mortgage and car payments, I pay all the utilities, household needs and groceries etc. We both make about the same and so we split the bills evenly. He doesn't see what I spend on myself and vice versa. It has cut down tremendously on arguments I hear other married couples have regarding bills/finances etc. As long as all our individual bills are paid the rest is ours. We both put in $100/mo to our savings which is the only thing we have together. It has worked out awesome for this long!
We don't even do business with the same bank - :laugh:
I had no clue what my wife was worth until I peeked at a statement she carelessly left in a locked file I managed to open with some special tools.
SHE'S RICH!:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:
Love It!
That's keep her out of my own little piece of the action;.0 -
you could tell A either you will stay home and tend to the house and family and he could pay for everything, or A could stay home while B works and see how much fun it is to stay home, cook, clean and raise a family!!! Once you are married it all becomes C. Of course I recommend B put a few bucks away a week, in case A gets "cranky". I went through the same thing, it has taken me 38 years to realize it. I now own my own biz and my A wants me to put my money into a boat LMAO! He has a bike, a vette, and I sold his last boat at a garage sale!!!!! The kids are grown and it is now my turn!!!! I do think it makes me feel better to contribute some to the household. He generally pays the big bills and I get the smaller items we need around the house. Good luck0
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I agree with the suggestions that you each pay a percentage of the bills based on your income. Maybe have 3 acounts, 2 separate and 1 joint for the community bills.
A also needs to stop bringing up that he makes more. If you can't reach an mutual agreement, I would see a counselor.0 -
I bring in ALL the income in my household..my husband has been out of work the majority of the time we have been together. However, when he does work, he gives me the money. I would say to join the money, and make mutual decisions. Keep 2 individual checking accounts which you put your "allowances" in..you know your money for going out w friends, etc. The other act 3rd, is joint, to pay the Bills.
Whoever is ragging on the person who makes less money is being an a44hole. I don't care that I bring in the money. He does most of the housework, yardwork, grocery shopping, cleaning. Whatever he can do to help.0 -
Hi! My husband and I are both in finance. We have system that works pretty well for us. Both of our paychecks go into a joint account and then each month we each get a pretty healthy allowance. We can either contribute it to an IRA, go on a trip, out to dinner/drinks with our friends, or shopping. Whatever we want with "Our allowance". We have never fought about money and it gives each of us a little independance. It is also nice around Christmas or his birthday because he doesn't know what he is getting!
Best of luck!
Cara0 -
I'm a firm believer in combining however keep a set amount seperate each month. My husband and I have a joint chequing and saving's account but each month we have an alloted amount for each of us (Cash!!) this way though everything is combined you still have some independence and freedom with some of your own money. ie lunches or dinners out, shopping or gifts around holidays etc...
Thats what my husband and I do. We have joint checking and savings accounts and I get "blow" money every month that I can do whatever I want to with and so does he.0 -
IMO I think when two people join lives, they also join finances and debt. They are supposed to work together toward a common goal. Good luck working things out!
i agree!!!!0 -
We have a hybrid based on percentage -
1) Calculate ALL the expenses per month for the household. Let's say it's $3000/month (make this higher than all bills combined to account for emergency savings)
2) Calculate %income each person contributes so if person A makes 50k and person B makes 150k. Person A brings in 25% of the total income (200k) and person B brings in 75%
3) Each month in a joint account, Person A deposits 25% of monthly expenses and Person B deposits 75%. All bills are paid from this account. Leftover remains for emergencies
4) Leftover income from each person is their own to do with what they will0 -
guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.
Ha Ha!!! That's what my mother always taught me and I always say to my husband!!!
I too personally believe in joint money because there is no mine or his, it's all ours. And I even include the student loans in that. We are in this marriage together and do it that way too with finances!!!0
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