married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

Shawna_831

All the talk about this should have been discussed before marriage is pointless. They are married....period. That won't help!
I had this happen in the beginning of my marriage as well. My (A) makes more than me and would give me a certain amount for bills and just keep the rest for his self. I paid my part and he paid his, I had my own checking account and he had his. It wasn't working. Yeah he makes more money BUT...I'm the one who runs the household, cooks, cleans, kids blah blah blah....and hold a full time job! I found Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace university. We don't have debt problems and were not on the verge of bankruptcy like most that take that course. But listening to his advice on the radio and the way he spoke about his marriage/wife...I wanted that! I begged my husband forever to take the course and it wasn't until I threw the "D" word around that he did. Long story short: We are a unit now...not separate. All monies go together into 1 account now and he has no problem handing over his paycheck every week. Bills are paid, we work together and it just works now. No one is throwing anything up in the others face.

stormieweather

I make more than twice what my partner makes (and work more hours). But what works well for us is that we pool everything and pay for everything out of that pool. We each get X dollars a week cash for spending. Minor purchases, ie: an occasional meal out, or a shirt or something, comes out of the pool. Anything major (over $50) is discussed and agreed to before doing so. We are working towards certain financial goals, so we both know and agreed to limit our spending and save as much as possible. We are not married, but have been together for 9 years.

In my prior marriage, the household bills were estimated and we each deposited 50% of that into a household account, from which the bills were paid. We each kept our extra cash. The problem arose when all the children's expenses fell onto MY back. I was supposed to use my spare cash for the his, mine and our children's expenses such as medical, school clothes, presents (Birthday and Christmas), and entertainment. While HE spent his extra cash on personal toys such as racecars, jewelry, tools, classic cars, etc. Talk about major issues and dsyfunction!. Bet you can imagine what the property division was like in that divorce!

Fact of the matter is, these things need to be addressed and discussed and agreed to before joining together in a marriage. And I would have a big problem with anyone who threw the income differential in my face.

teresaj0315

Separate!!!! But maybe get a joint account for utilities and bills ~ my (now ex) husband spent way more than me and never thought about paying bills with it. Bounced a lot - ruined my credit. Always separate!!!

infamousmk

I don't think this is a matter of what is fair or how should the finances be doled out ... if A is putting it in Bs face and being a dillhole about B's income, then there needs to be some conversation about respect and being a team.

grobbygru

I would say never combine finances and pay bills according to a percentage of earnings, it ain't romantic but it is fair.

As long as you take into account your 'favours' Lisasmut - just remembering last nights convo's - do you have no self esteem at all? I am sorry - but I think you need some work on this eh?

Not romantic thought either - but well and truly FAIR

eayal002

Been married for 18 years and had a shared account from day one, just works for us. Everything comes out of that account, no separation, ratios of bills vs pay grades I mean we are not in business together we are married. Sharing everything in life why put money as an exception?

MikeSEA

While not helpful now, it sounds like A and B should have talked about this before getting married.

If A really has a problem making over 3x what B makes, then A can either get over it, or file for divorce.

Ideally, I'd suggest taking the bills as a whole splitting them up so that people are contributing an equal percentage of their income to the bills. It kind of sounds like that's what's supposed to be happening. If A has a problem with that, then it's time to have a frank discussion instead of rubbing B's face in it.

Hellbent_Heidi

We have (and prefer) separate bank accounts at different banks (same as before we lived together or were married). In my situation it works great and we rarely argue over money. I'm a balance the checkbook (to the penny) kind of girl and my husband 'wings it' with his debit card and checks online to see how much is in his account. If we had to maintain a joint checking account in this day and age of debit cards and direct deposits, it would be a giant pain in the behind.

Our names are on each others accounts for emergency purposes, and we keep an Excel spreadsheet budget that tracks what we each have coming in and going out. We each pay different household bills, and this changes from time to time when one of us has any adjustments to our financial situation and (we keep our budget updated monthly).

Personally, I find the whole shared checking account concept to be a bit outdated these days, but obviously a lot of people still think its a good thing. To each his own.......

jmorrisof2

Once married they should join finances. I have been married and divorced. If I were going into a second time, I would have it where we have a joint account for household bills and our own seperate account. Each person is going to pay their fair share based on their income. It wouldn't be fair if A makes 3 times than B and makes B pay more. Each person should put in based on their income. So if the total income is $130,000 for the household, A brings in $100,000 (their share of income is 77%) and B brings in $30,000 (their share is 23%). So that is how the bills should be paid. So if the mortgage is $2000, then A is gonna pay 77% $1540 and B would pay 23% $460. This way each person is contributing equally based on what they bring to the table. This also allows both parties to have a little money left over to do as they choose once the household bills are paid from the joint account. So if they have bills that are personal and outside of the household, then they would use the left overs to pay that with. I got this from Suze Orman.

delilah47

IMO

A is a control freak and needs to establish dominance over B. A is also selfish and should never have married. A will end up a lonely old...A in the end. A may have come from a broken home or other unstable life when younger. This is not an excuse to say it's okay, but an indication that A needs counseling to get over the tendency to keep everything possible to A's self.

AnninStPaul

Once married they should join finances. I have been married and divorced. If I were going into a second time, I would have it where we have a joint account for household bills and our own seperate account. Each person is going to pay their fair share based on their income. It wouldn't be fair if A makes 3 times than B and makes B pay more. Each person should put in based on their income. So if the total income is $130,000 for the household, A brings in $100,000 (their share of income is 77%) and B brings in $30,000 (their share is 23%). So that is how the bills should be paid. So if the mortgage is $2000, then A is gonna pay 77% $1540 and B would pay 23% $460. This way each person is contributing equally based on what they bring to the table. This also allows both parties to have a little money left over to do as they choose once the household bills are paid from the joint account. So if they have bills that are personal and outside of the household, then they would use the left overs to pay that with. I got this from Suze Orman.

Agree! We have joint accounts, BUT our incomes were about the same when we got married and still aren't as far apart as yours. Given the magnitude and that it has been an issue, I'd go with the Suze Orman method above.

From an estate planning perspective, we were advised to maintain separate retirement accounts and individual car ownership. The "only" joint assets are the house and the household checking.

Also...if either of you have had any issues with debt, bad credit, etc. -- KEEP SEPARATE ACCOUNTS. Else the bad credit pulls down the good, and can create a real mess. No joint credit cards, no joint asset ownership -- and the good credit owns the house, bad credit doesn't get their name on it (so they don't leverage it up while you aren't looking).

Beeps2011

In your example, the total (family) income is $130,000. My expectation would be that partner A (the $100,000 partner) would pay 10/13 of the bills and partner B (the $30,000 partner) would pay 3/13 of the bills.

I'm cool with "separate bank account", so long as there is a "joint account" that money, in the above-noted ratios, is deposited into to cover necessary bills/expenses.

beccyleigh

I earn 3 times my husbands income, he gives me half his salary & I pay everything from my account. he then has his own money for smokes, beer & ebay **** & I have my own money for my stuff. If he gets any extra money he gives it to me (tax rebate or extra work money) & I pay for food, holidays, birthday & Christmas gifts for our son & family. I married him knowing he was poor & probably always would be (artistsic, zero money skills, doesn't like to charge people for his art work!!) but he had a nice *kitten* & was/still is the only man I could put up with. Been together 11 years & married for 9. seems to work.

Neither of us ever talk about money but then he comes from a culture where women rule the purse stings so appreciates that his allocation is his to do with as he pleases rather than having it dished out in small daily allowances. But we discussed this early on in our relationship.

A & B need to have a frank discussion about what resentments are being harboured, maybe A thinks B is being frivolous instead of fairly contributing, maybe A doesn't appreciate B's contribution in non monetary terms (childcare, cleaning, cooking etc) but until they have a talk about it then it will remain an unknown issue.

kennethmgreen

I need advice people!!

If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000

Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!

It is causing problems because A) always puts it in 's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....

Thanks!

I'm too lazy to bicker about finances with my wife so it all goes into one big pile. Actually one medium pile that immediately becomes a very small pile when bills are paid. She is also smarter than me and may someday write a book that makes us filthy rich, so I pretty much keep my mouth shut about making twice what she makes.

If you aren't going to share finances and draw from one "pool" then you have to be equitable about it. Some people contribute to a shared account, still keeping their own personal accounts.

One solution might be for A and B to contribute the same percentage of their income toward the pool of bills. Tally up all shared costs - everything, including groceries, home expenses, etc.

If A makes 100K annually, A makes about 8333/month
If B makes 30K annualy, B makes about 2500/month
This doesn't include taxes or anything, so for the sake of the example, let's say A nets 7000/month and B nets 2000/month. You decide both of you contribue 50% of your net to the bills, so $4500 goes into the bills "pool."

Let's say your monthly bills = $4000. Each month you both put a total of $4500 in the bills account, and will have a little room for unexpected costs that come up. You are now both contributing an equal percentage to your shared cost of living. And person A, by making more $$, ends up with a higher number in his personal account to spend as he pleases. This could possibly create problems of its own, but at least you are contributing equally to the cost of living.

Having a partner throw in your face that he's making more money is another issue altogether.

MacMadame

I make a lot more than my husband and what we did when we first started living together was to put 50% of our income into a joint account for joint expenses. That way we were each contributing "the same" in that we each had half our income for our own use and half for running the household.

Now that we've been married for over 20 years, it's all co-mingled but it took us a while to get to that point.

honeysprinkles

guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

I agree with this mentality. Right now, we are engaged and we live together so we share rent, groceries, utilities, etc. and keep our other expenses separate. However, after we graduate and have real jobs and are married, our finances will be combined. He'll likely make a good bit more money than I will too.

nalia08

I am in a similar situation. I am B and my hubby is A. He doesn't throw it in my face but he expects for me to pay for things equally as he does and still do all the said things you listed that B pays. I currently pay in advance for all trips we take as well. The budget is not balanced, but you have to sit and work out the difference. Even coming up with a chart to show those difference. I would suggest you pull back on some of those items like cooking.

PeaceLoveVeggies

The way I see it is up until marriage all finances could be kept seperate. Once married, finances should be joined. You are a "joined" couple, so everything should be joined.

This.

picassoadagio

We've been married almost 6 years, it isn't until now that we finally got our fiances in order. Don't let A walk on B, but make it clear that they are in a marriage together, the whole purpose is unity.

Natural

i vote for yours, mine and ours.