married - joining finances/seperate - HELP!

shellimus

The way I see it is up until marriage all finances could be kept seperate. Once married, finances should be joined. You are a "joined" couple, so everything should be joined.

Yep! ^^^This

blondebandbabe

if a and b are fighting about money, the worst thing that cuold happen is to put the money together right now. work it out then combine.

lucretia86

my partner and i are not married (engaged and getting married in november though) i stay at home with our kids, my partner earns the money. from that we pay the bills and anything left over gets split between us 50/50! xxx

oouurr__aayylleeyycan

i live with my boyfriend and have done for 3 years and we've always split everything down the middle, so we each pay the same. this includes rent, all the bills and groceries even so it's entirely fair. we worked it all out on a spreadsheet and worked out how much everything costs and then we each transfer that money into a separate account each month and hey presto! sorted! it's never an issue at all now. the rest of our earnings is our own individual money and we spend it how we each please.

saying that though, we both earn similar amounts and have no children so im not sure how we'd go about it if that changed. im not even sure we could afford our rent though if we had kids and one of us had to stop working.... eek!

em9371

I see several ways of sorting finances, all can work depending on the situation!
1 - both partners should contribute an equal amount of their salary
2 - both partners should contribute an equal percentage of their salary
3 - one partner works and pays everything, the other stas home with the kids
4 - all money is joint and it doesn't matter who puts in or takes out what

I would say in your case as A earns a huge amount more than B, A should be happy to contribute more and stop being an *kitten*!!

We have separate accounts and always have done. When we first moved in together Dom earned a lot more than me so he paid most of the bills. Now our salaries are pretty much equal he pays the mortgage and I pay other bills which works out pretty much equal. We're not like 'this is yours and this is mine', we just never got round to switching accounts over. Now its been so long I kind of like our accounts being separate, I can't imagine Dom being too happy seeing the £50 i just spent on makeup, or me seeing all the £££'s he spends on his koi fish on a joint bank statement lol

grassette

I need advice people!!

If you are married/living with a partner and have different paygrades; lets say for example A) makes 100,000 and makes 30,000

Before they got married they kept finances seperate. But now that they are married their finances are still seperate. Except A)pays most of the bills and pays for the childcare, groceries and home exspenses + cooks & cleans. A & B still have their own seperate bills from before they were married too!!

It is causing problems because A) always puts it in 's face that A) pays most of the bills! When & where do you draw the line? Is this not healthy or fair? Should their finances be combined!? I need help....

Thanks!

You need help on this one because quarrels about money can really sour a marriage. And it does not help if your husband is not generous with you. My advice is to see a marriage counselor about this. There are no rights and wrongs when it comes to handling money, but you both have to be on the same page about it. It is bad news when one feels screwed by the other. So don`t let this one get bigger. Deal with it now by getting a qualified marriage counselor mediate this between you.

JThomas61

I love how most people are saying to combine incomes that it should not be seperate. Well I live in the real world and have delt with literally hundreds of married people who combined their incomes and it has cause huge problems. "A" normally makes more money than "B" but there are exceptions. "B" cooks maybe 1-2 meals a day and cleans for about 30 minutes then sits on the couch and watches Oprah and Dr. Oz then goes shopping with "A's" money. What I have found is that "A" is sick and tired of "B's" lack of contribution to the marriage and is lashing out in what they believe is a subtle way to get "B" motivated to do more. "B" uses the excuse that we are married and the "LAW" says.

Marriage is a form of extortion, Divorce with alimoney or awarding a spouse that has done little to nothing to contribute to the financial part of the marriage is nothing more than indentured servitude.

And yes I am married 28 1/2 years and counting and yes we have seperate accounts and we pay our own bills.

mander1621

I am soooo glad you posted this...I have the same problem with my husband....We have separate accounts and each pay different bills but, since he makes more, he takes on more of the bills which he CONSTANTLY throws in my face. I'm glad I'm not the only one having that problem...

crystal8208

I know my way may not work for everyone, but it works for us. I make more than my husband does to the tune of about 40 %. I figure everything that can be counted on every month, buget billing for utilities, mortgage, insurance, gym memberships, etc and divide by 2. That's what we put into a separate account each payday. Then we use what's left to buy a budgeted amount of groceries. The extra after that goes to gas and other expenses. We each take some out for cash spending. I usually take more, just because I'm always the one that says, "oh poo, the cats need kibble tomorrow" and I go buy it, with my money. I handle all our bills because my husband gets confused on bill due dates. Also, we pay every bill the day we get it, so we are never late.

Not saying it works for everyone, but my husband loves to spend on beef jerkey, pretzels, and other snacky type things. He loves getting pizza and breadsticks. So, he uses his money for that. And he is fine with me having a little extra "spending" money, because I take care of the unbudgeted expenses that come up in between paydays, like running out of cat food, or tissues or paper towels, what have you.

Money is a huge killer of relationships. We tried the separate thing for a while. Bills were late we always seemed broker than normal and we had to "borrow" money from each other. Now, everything is much smoother. This system allowed us to learn budgeting and to buy our first house together at 21. That's huge right now. Loans are hard to come by. So, just talk about different options. I liked a PP about figuring out that you make X% of the total monthy income so you contribute that percentage to the total bills per month. Try that.

And IMHO, I bought my car before hubby and I got married, but that didn't mean the car payment was mine alone. We joined every bill, pre-marriage or not. We share everything. Hardships and triumphs. That has made our relationship that much stronger. :flowerforyou:

HotMummyMission

Since the day we moved in together our money's been our money we pay for bliss rent shopping ect then what's left we will take it in turnsmy daughters first to spoil then it's either one of us then the week after the other one but its so much better when our money's ours that's how marriages end I think I'm my opinion if you fight over money ( from my own experience with my mum n dad) x

Stenobun

I find that one thing that stresses a couple is scorekeeping. If partners are shoving it in each other's faces that one is doing more than the other -- whether it's finances or chores or whatever -- it's not a good thing. I think the only way to not keep score is to accept that you're in it together, which means joint finances.

HMD7703

I will be in the 1% here but I am strongly against joint accounts. Yes have one joint account that you both contribute to, and pay bills out of, but never have only joint. Then you list out the bills and split them. I take on more bills because I make more.

People tend to live in this fantasy world where marriages last a lifetime. Go through one bad divorce (or watch your best friend go through one) where they lose everything, and you will change your tune. Yes, be positive and have faith but faith won't pay your bills when she/he leaves with your savings. Protect yourself and your kids' futures.

wilmnoca

The fairest way is to do it by percentage. For example 65% of his check and 65% of your noth go to pay the household bills. The one who makes less will obviously have less to contribute but its the same percentage of your wages. So its even.

jcpmoore

My husband and I run our finances the same way my parents did. We have one joint account into which we both put the money we contribute for joint bills. Examples: mortgage, car payments, utilities. We each have our own separate accounts as well, where we keep the rest of our money. That is for individual bills, such as haircuts, credit cards, etc. We also use individual accounts for buying gifts and such.

This has kept things pretty smooth in our marriage. The money for joint bills is always there first. After that, I don't have to get on his case about where he spends his money because I don't have to see it. And vice versa. This has worked for us for 10 years with no issues.

treehopper1987

This is a difficult topic in all marriages. My husband and I have always kept our bank account separate and we have a shared savings account (this allows for easier transfers of money if need be plus we can have one savings account). Anyways... he makes more income so he pays most of the bills whereas I help when needed. We work as a team even if our accounts are separate. Having the separate accounts allows us to still have some independence of what we spend without feeling guilty of spending the others income.

I know most people that are married have a joint account, but in my situation we have what works. He never throws it in my face that he makes more, because I still have an income and I help with a lot of little things at home (I do most of the cleaning/cooking...)

I think this is something that you all have to communicate about, and express how you are feeling with them in order to get a solution.

Hope this helps!

rmchapman4

guess I'm old school but if your married, so are your finances. Whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.

100% agreed!

VanessaGS

Sounds to me like you got a pretty fair deal going with the billing arrangment. However, THE OTHER PERSON SHOULD NOT BE RUBBING IT IN ANYONES FACE WHAT THEY PAY. It's a team effort.

wellbert

I dont understand why this is an issue. A marriage is a partnership. It doesn't matter if someone makes $8/hr and someone makes $80 an hour. If you can't trust your spouse with your money, you maybe made the wrong choice.

DontWeightStartNow

Hubby makes twice as much, but all our finances are combined as well as our bills. I pay all the bills with our combined incomes, he wants nothing of it. We BOTH agree that retirement savings (20% set aside from each of our paychecks) and regular savings ($700/mo.) comes FIRST. After that, paying down credit card debt and regular household expenses and everybody's happy. We don't argue about money and neither of us throws anything up in each other's face. Marriage is a partnership, we've been married 19 years and it has worked well for us from the get-go. You have to find what works best for you and stick with it.

PinkHurricane88

Joined, for reasons many of the PPs have already stated. Marriage is a partnership, and everything that comes along with it should be shared or together.