Do you mind when....?

LaSutopia

Like texting, calling just to talk. Bored or whatever. And as a side note you are not friends with this person nor to you even know anything about them.

If it's not his mother, sister, aunt or niece... I would be pissed beyond belief. It would have to be some extremely unlikely circumstance... like a death or horrible accident prompting some chick from his past to contact him... otherwise, this would NOT sit well with me.

So your partner is texting & talking to a girl you know NOTHING about? This would just never happen in my relationship, and if it did... I'd question my husband's sanity, and then he'd probably be getting away from me very quickly because I'd probably come after him with an evil glint in my eye.

hahaha! You crack me up! LOLZ! Love it. Thanks everyone for all the input!! I guess I just have to figure out what I am comfortable with...I did not give all the details or as many as I could cause you all would have been like "you are crazy for even being with him in the first place" But I chose to marry him...most of the things I did not know ahead of time and I like to think I would have broke it off if I did BUT we did not date that long and it is my bad as well as his for not taking more time to learn each other before getting married and having 2 kids....so now we just have to try and make the best. I talked to him about it and a compromise is being considered and we will see how that works out...I also texted her that I did not like it and would like her to stop...she did not text me back but she did text him that she would not be talking to him anymore except at work (they work together) cause she did not want me texting her....so we will see what happens...He has to agree with full disclosure like a lot of you suggested, if he wants to continue to talk to any new girl he meets at all. If I find out he is talking to her and I did not know about it or he did not show me what they were talking about then yes, I will be pissed! But I did promise to do my best not to find something wrong where there might not be.

ItsCasey

I honestly think this is such a personal issue, that being said... I had the perfect husband and amazing father to my children. He did everything any women would ever ask for. I never once had trust issues with him, he loved me with all his heart. I never questioned anything when it came to us. We had the perfect family for 10 years till one day it all changed. She was just a friend at work and she ruined my family. I think something small like texting can turn into something bigger. It always starts small. 3 years ago I would not have had a problem with it, now yes I would!!

This is a good point. It is absolutely true that our experience colors our thoughts on something like this. I have never been cheated on (to my knowledge) and never had to "compete" with a guy's female friends, so I don't feel threatened. But I am positive that if a guy were to cheat on me with a girl who was "just a friend," it would change my views. I would like to think I'd still be okay with him having female friends but only if I know them and aware of any and all contact between them.

The way I see it now, I know that my boyfriend had female friends in his life before he met me. We're talking women who are genuinely just friends, many of whom he's known all his life. I have the right to expect him to be faithful to me if we're in a monogamous relationship, but I do not have the right to tell him he has to end friendships with people he's known for years or even decades. That's not HIS problem; it's mine. I have a lot of male friends I've known for as long as I can remember, and I know how I would feel if my boyfriend asked me to stop keeping in touch with them because he's insecure, so I could not, in good faith, ask him to do that.

But I agree that it becomes a completely different situation if we're talking about some new "friend" who I don't know at all, and it is definitely different when you're talking about a marriage. I'm sorry, but once you get married, nobody comes before your spouse. There's only one possible reason why a married man or woman would want to have a secret friend of the opposite sex.

kiminikimkim

Tell him honestly how you feel and if he can include you in their friendship so that he doesn't go around hiding this relationship from you.

I told my boyfriend to stop acting like he was single. He never cheated on me, but there were times where the messaging between them was too flirtatious to the point the girl asked him to come over for a 'one night stand'.

brandyosu

And as a side note you are not friends with this person nor to you even know anything about them.

My husband's ex-girlfriend was a bridesmaid in our wedding...and I had never met her until he and I started dating. I've always approached the idea of exes or female friends from the perspective that he's with me by choice, so I don't worry about them. And I never worried about someone cheating either - even prior to my now husband. I believed I should trust them until they gave me a reason not to. And if they gave me a reason not to, they were history.

TheHorribleBlob

Nope. If I had a problem trusting my wife, I wouldn't have married her.

She is not with me, because I have her on a leash. We're together, because we choose to be. Want to be.

Good for you! That's how it's supposed to be! Well said.

theoneandonlybrookie

Nope. If I had a problem trusting my wife, I wouldn't have married her.

She is not with me, because I have her on a leash. We're together, because we choose to be. Want to be.

This. Exactly.