Do you think it is true that marriage...

MaximalLife

Kids is a major factor for most, specially for women since the body changes during pregnancy. But what about guys? They also gain weight. And although when having kids, life takes a different twist, it shouldn't really be a reason not to pay attention to ourselves. In fact, healthy fit parents have a bigger chance to educate their children about being healthy and also opens the door to be more active with them, etc.

I'll second that kids have a big effect on women's weight gain!

My husband was 19 when we got married and only weighed 120 lbs, so yes, he definitely gained! Part of it was because he wasn't finished developing yet. Part of it was that I packed his lunch every day and cooked dinner every night, and he happens to think I'm a good cook! In 15 years, he's gained 20 lbs, so he's still not overweight, by any stretch.

Now, me, on the other hand... I was thin when I got married, but I didn't have a chance to get off the weight from my second pregnancy before number three was on the way, and then it was next to impossible to get it off, due to some imbalances. My youngest is 4 and I've finally gotten back to where I should be. My dear husband has loved me through every phase, which makes me appreciate him even more!

I suppose some of the trend is because "he/she loves me just the way I am," which is (or should be) true. Sometimes, life happens. But, I don't think that's a good reason to let yourself go, if you can help it. The way I see it, If I love him, I'm going to keep myself attractive and healthy for as long as I can (and vice versa).

Kids cause weight gain?
That's just an excuse.
My wife has had 5 of my kids, and every single time she was back in peak condition within 1 year of delivery.
It was not easy, but she got to work a month or so after delivery and never stopped until reaching her goals.

After 5 kids and at age 46, she can still wear a bikini and turn the right heads.
All it takes is work.

picassoadagio

What's it matter if you gain weight or not. My hubby and I have been married for 6 years and he married me at my heaviest of 268 lbs. I'm almost 100 lbs lighter, and he tells me everyday he'd love me no matter what, and to top it all off, I had 2 babies. The only part in marriage that puts the weight on is stress.

And for those who feel like they have to look good for their spouse, then there is something that goes deeper, because I always thought I had to look good for my spouse, but it's not that I want to look good for my spouse, I want to know men are looking at me. Let's face it, 9 out of 10 of us, married or not, want to know to that the opposite sex is still looking at us.

blessmy5

I think its true...sad but true...More people need the mentality to keep themselves looking and feeling FABULOUS for their spouse...its a win win.
Happy Monday!

Which is unfortunate because looking FABULOUS for their spouse keeps the flame on forever! So I agree with you, its a win win :bigsmile:

Happy Monday to you too!

I've been married for 28 years and I want to look and feel good for ME. It really has nothing to do with my husband. His health and wellness needs to be about him. Otherwise, if we hit a rough patch in our marriage (which we all do), we'd both be a mess.

grinch031

Even though I'm married, I don't only want to look good physically for my wife's benefit, but I tend to like the attention I might occasionally get from other females as well. I think the reverse is true with her. Its a confidence booster.

hsmithway

My husband definitely makes it harder for me to lose weight, but in our case it has more to do with his eating habits. When I was single, I ate a really healthy near-vegetarian diet. But my husband is your typical "meat and potato" kind of guy. Whines like a baby if I try to feed him anything that doesn't have meat in it, wants biscuits at every meal, only eats a few kinds of vegetables, thinks a salad should consist of nothing but iceberg lettuce smothered in french dressing and croutons.

The worst part is that even if we eat separate meals he'll complain and carry on about what I'm eating if he thinks it looks or smells gross. I'll buy him a frozen pizza to pop in the oven so that I can eat the salmon that my dad sent me from Alaska, and he'll complain that it smells like fish. Drives me NUTS.

And every time I go to the grocery store he asks for breads, biscuits, cookies, and all sorts of things I don't need to be eating. Though I do al the grocery shopping, so lately I've just been telling him no. He wanted cookies the last time I was making a grocery list, and I told him to buy some himself and keep them in his desk at work :P

He's also very sedentary, and kind of prissy. Computer programmer who likes to play video games in his down time. Dislikes dirt, sweat, bugs, and sunlight.

Don't get me wrong, he's also got a lot of great qualities, but many of his habits do make losing weight more difficult. He does compliment me a lot, though, and he's quick to point out the positive changes from me working out regularly.

hdlb123

I think it's a lot of things when you get married that contribute to weight gain. Kids are a huge part of it. Between keeping up with the house, laundry, 3 kids and their preschool/playdates/activities etc. there isn't a ton of time at the end of the day, not to mention my husband works 6 days a week and he doesn't get home until late each night. On top of that I have health issues to deal with too. Obviously it's not the same for everyone, but I just wanted to point out its not always a case of "find time".

My husband and I are also 100% comfortable with each other, no matter our size. We have been through a lot and an extra 20lbs doesn't change anything. I still want him, and he still wants me.

I also don't buy into the whole eating crap because the kids do. I think that is nonsense. If it's not good for our bodies, it's not good for our kids either. Its pretty rare our kids get mac and cheese, hotdogs etc. I haven't bought frozen chicken nuggets in years. Almost all these "kids foods" can be made from scratch (in a much healthier way) with a little effort on my part.

carolann_22

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I've been married for 28 years and I want to look and feel good for ME. It really has nothing to do with my husband. His health and wellness needs to be about him. Otherwise, if we hit a rough patch in our marriage (which we all do), we'd both be a mess.

I agree - I can't believe there are people out there who want to be fat now that they are married, or don't care if they become overweight since they snagged a mate. I'd like to think I value myself more than that. I want to look good for me - it's a bonus if I look better for him, too

russellma

Kids cause weight gain?

That's just an excuse.

My wife has had 5 of my kids, and every single time she was back in peak condition within 1 year of delivery.
It was not easy, but she got to work a month or so after delivery and never stopped until reaching her goals.

After 5 kids and at age 46, she can still wear a bikini and turn the right heads.

All it takes is work.

Thankfully for me, my husband didn't think it was an excuse! Granted, 25 lbs overweight is not huge, but he knew I hated all 25 of them...LOL... and he loved the real "me" that was under them, even when it was hard to love myself.

You wouldn't understand hormonal imbalance unless you know someone who's struggled with it. If he had beaten me over the head or threatened me, if wouldn't have done any good, because I was already trying. I dieted and exercised and lost and gained the same 5 lbs. over and over until I figured out how to fix the imbalance and kick it for good. Now, that I've got it figured, we're both thrilled!!

kneubee7

I think that you get comfortable with that person and it's not that you feel like you don't have to work out for them but you'd rather just hang out with them and relax.. My husband and I both let ourselves go after we got married and are now trying to look better than ever for each other.

AmandaDaley

Most of the excuses I hear about gaining weight after marriage involve eating your wife's food. Most of the people I work with are men, and all the married ones will eat whatever the wife puts on the table, and as much as possible to show their love.
I wouldn't say it's completely her fault either. She may be making perfectly good food but he doesn't want to leave leftovers and scarfs down more than he should.
They need to work together and strike a balance. that's always important in relationships.

bcattoes

The only part in marriage that puts the weight on is stress.

I disagree with this completely as a blanket statement, though I'm sure it can be true for some. I've never been a stress eater, instead I exercise to manage stress. I tend to put weight on more when I am content than when there is stress or crisis in my life.

MaximalLife

I think it simply depends on the individual. I have always been into fitness and the way I looked. So even after 10 years and 2 kids, I look the same as I did. However the hubby, not so much. He can care less and yes a part of his not caring comes from being married. However one thing is for certain, if I ever left him he would diet and workout and look like I have asked him to look for the last 8 years.

I was deluded into the absurd notion that was was "carrying it well".

My wife's disclosure was a wake up call.

MaximalLife

Kids cause weight gain?

That's just an excuse.

My wife has had 5 of my kids, and every single time she was back in peak condition within 1 year of delivery.
It was not easy, but she got to work a month or so after delivery and never stopped until reaching her goals.

After 5 kids and at age 46, she can still wear a bikini and turn the right heads.

All it takes is work.

Thankfully for me, my husband didn't think it was an excuse! Granted, 25 lbs overweight is not huge, but he knew I hated all 25 of them...LOL... and he loved the real "me" that was under them, even when it was hard to love myself.

You wouldn't understand hormonal imbalance unless you know someone who's struggled with it. If he had beaten me over the head or threatened me, if wouldn't have done any good, because I was already trying. I dieted and exercised and lost and gained the same 5 lbs. over and over until I figured out how to fix the imbalance and kick it for good. Now, that I've got it figured, we're both thrilled!!

Good for you!

And for the record, I never beat the poor wife over the head - my God! I just would not do that.
She beat herself up far worse than I ever could, and don't think it was easy. She worked, and worked and worked.
It was all internal drive and motivation.

zenchild

For me it was eating the same as my husband and being less active. The year before we met I was living on campus and I walked everywhere. I didn't have a car so that was how I got around. Then I met him, worked a desk job for a year as an intern, and learned about Greek, Italian, Japanese, Indian, Thai and Vietnamese food. And I matched the amount of food he was eating. And he was underweight. That didn't end well. I lost a lot of it when I started being aware of my portions and I started a retail job that required being very active. And I gained some back when I got my current job and started sitting at a desk again. And I'm back to stricter portion control and rollerblading during lunch.
It's not that I didn't care anymore and stopped trying, I just didn't pay as much attention as I should have.

hsmithway

Kids cause weight gain?

Not in my case. I didn't have any trouble losing weight post-partum. And my son is a great eater. I never fed him "kid food", so I never fell into the trap of eating it myself because of parenthood. He's actually way less picky than my husband, and we often make and eat all kinds of fun and different things when my husband isn't home. We also garden together, and I walk him to and from school every day.

triciaj66

I gained about 10lbsafter getting married .. Than kids came and another 20lbs .. I stopped caring about what I looked like and it was all about my babies... I think a lot of people dont make time for fitness and eatting right as they have familys .. 2 years ago ( ten years of Marrage ) I woke up and said I wanted to get healthy .. It's not just about working out and eatting less cals. It's about eating better foods like more fresh veggies and fruits.. . I want my kids to grow up and make better food choices!! So it was haveing a family that made me gain but also that's what made me loose as well !!

YassSpartan

I think for some women, after having kids, getting rid of the weight is really hard. To understand that there has to be a knowledge of how the body works, how many internal changes women go thru during pregnancy and even after. So if the weight is related to this issues, I understand it will take time, but to blame kids for not having time to lose weight is more of a excuse than anything else.

I constantly see parents riding bicycles, running around, doing outdoors activities with their infants in specially designed carts or however they're called, and everybody is happy

grinch031

I think for some women, after having kids, getting rid of the weight is really hard. To understand that there has to be a knowledge of how the body works, how many internal changes women go thru during pregnancy and even after. So if the weight is related to this issues, I understand it will take time, but to blame kids for not having time to lose weight is more of a excuse than anything else.

I constantly see parents riding bicycles, running around, doing outdoors activities with their infants in specially designed carts or however they're called, and everybody is happy

65% of Americans are full of excuses. Doesn't solve the problem though.

Rae6503

I think for some women, after having kids, getting rid of the weight is really hard. To understand that there has to be a knowledge of how the body works, how many internal changes women go thru during pregnancy and even after. So if the weight is related to this issues, I understand it will take time, but to blame kids for not having time to lose weight is more of a excuse than anything else.

I constantly see parents riding bicycles, running around, doing outdoors activities with their infants in specially designed carts or however they're called, and everybody is happy

I think the statistics say "Most" women lose their pregnancy weight within a year. I have a better body now, after 3 children, than I did before.

wells0707

YES! Well..maybe you don't gain weight, but it sure is hard to stick to a diet when your spouse is always telling you how sexy you are and that you don't need to diet. And it doesn't help when your kids are in sports and need the extra calories and your husband has a killer metabolism. phew...glad I got that out.

grinch031

YES! Well..maybe you don't gain weight, but it sure is hard to stick to a diet when your spouse is always telling you how sexy you are and that you don't need to diet. And it doesn't help when your kids are in sports and need the extra calories and your husband has a killer metabolism. phew...glad I got that out.

So here's the paradox. If your spouse calls you sexy, it makes you want to eat because you don't need to diet. If your spouse says you are fat, then it makes you want to eat because you are now dpressed.

crystal8208

YES! Well..maybe you don't gain weight, but it sure is hard to stick to a diet when your spouse is always telling you how sexy you are and that you don't need to diet. And it doesn't help when your kids are in sports and need the extra calories and your husband has a killer metabolism. phew...glad I got that out.

I have no kiddos, but I do have a hubby with killer metabolism. He can eat like a whole pizza and lose weight!!!! He also grew up living on pizza rolls and hot pockets so the boy WILL NOT touch a vegetable with a ten foot pole. So I'm with ya there. He also is super supportive with the "you look beautiful to me all the time". So I understand that part too.

The only difference that I really noticed when I got married was make-up. I stopped wearing it since I had one hooked. My weight gain post-marriage is firmly attributed to life-style and the way my hubby ate. I worked increasingly sedentary jobs and he continues to want pizza rolls for dinner. But, together we are making some changes. I know that I will never be able to eat like him and I know that he will never eat cauliflower. So, some nights we compromise. He eats his junk and I make my own dinner. But, he's trying things, for that I give him great credit. (His face was priceless when he tried the asparagus!!!!! Remember the commercials with the little kids trying the name brand vs the Meijer brand vegetables? Yeah, that was him.) So, we compromise and we go to the gym together. Eventually, he may need to start eating more like me. But until then, I just keep cooking what I need and I make him try the new stuff. And, after 4 years of marriage, he finally eats green beans with minimal whining. LOL!

JulieH3art

On the contrary.. my very serious boyfriend whom I live with is part of what makes me want to stay fit and healthy!

If I'm one day so lucky that he proposes, and we get married, I fully intend to stay as fit as I possibly can so he'll never stop wanting me :smooched:

yankeedownsouth

I've always been thin, and when I got married to my hubby in 2009, I was thin and fit because I was cycling all the time. Then we got married, and he promptly left for Iraq for a year. I got depressed and got even thinner. When he finally got home, I was so excited to be with him that I didn't want to spend any more time than necessary apart from him. I became a velcro wife. And all he wanted to do was stay home and rest because commanding a company in a war is tiring. So I sat down on the couch with him and pretty much stayed there for a year. Lost all my fitness and gained 10 pounds.

So I guess you could say that marriage made me gain weight. But really, I think it was just pure laziness...

bcattoes

On the contrary.. my very serious boyfriend whom I live with is part of what makes me want to stay fit and healthy!

If I'm one day so lucky that he proposes, and we get married, I fully intend to stay as fit as I possibly can so he'll never stop wanting me :smooched:

Does anyone go into marriage planning on gaining weight? I doubt it. I sure didn't. But if I thought for one second my husband would stop wanting me because I put on a few lbs it's for d**** sure he would not have be my husband. Love is not about something as silly as a waistline.

grinch031

On the contrary.. my very serious boyfriend whom I live with is part of what makes me want to stay fit and healthy!

If I'm one day so lucky that he proposes, and we get married, I fully intend to stay as fit as I possibly can so he'll never stop wanting me :smooched:

Does anyone go into marriage planning on gaining weight? I doubt it. I sure didn't. But if I thought for one second my husband would stop wanting me because I put on a few lbs it's for d**** sure he would not have be my husband. Love is not about something as silly as a waistline.

There's a reason 50% of marriages fail. People don't always know what the future holds for themselves and their marriages. I'm sure most people don't consider their spouse gaining a whole bunch of weight years into their marriage. When it happens, they then have to deal with it.

jenniet04

I think for some women, after having kids, getting rid of the weight is really hard. To understand that there has to be a knowledge of how the body works, how many internal changes women go thru during pregnancy and even after. So if the weight is related to this issues, I understand it will take time, but to blame kids for not having time to lose weight is more of a excuse than anything else.

I constantly see parents riding bicycles, running around, doing outdoors activities with their infants in specially designed carts or however they're called, and everybody is happy

You're right, most of the time it is an excuse. However, it is much more difficult after having a baby and you have to dedicate yourself to losing the weight and when I worked 40+ hours a week, was up half the night with a baby and had other obligations, I got lost in all of it taking care of everyone else instead of myself - and this is usually the case with most women. I was tired, felt guilty for taking what time I had for myself and not spending it with my baby and my husband. Most women are born caretakers and will put all others needs above their own. For me it's always been less about food and more about just being active.

I couldn't tell you why my husband gained weight. If I had to guess, it's probaby the same as mine - just not being active enough. We don't eat out much, and don't snack a lot at home - if we did we would be much more overweight than the 30 lbs I am and the 50 lbs he is that occurred over the last 12 years.

iKapuniai

Unfortunately, I definitely feel there's some truth to this. When I met my man 7 years ago, he was in WONDERFUL shape. He'd play basketball for 2 hours every day, and still have the energy to come home and work out for another hour. He had wicked upper body strength and amazing muscular definition.

We've been together for 7 years, had a beautiful baby boy who is almost 4 years old now... and my man has gained about 15lbs, his abs are no longer super visible, and he's losing strength and endurance. Now he gets tired after 20 minutes of playing ball, and he only works out a couple times a week, and eats a lot more than he used to.

I definitely feel that I have a lot to do with it because I'm overweight, I haven't worked out a lot throughout the years we've been together, and he sees me eat a lot. So yeah... I think if I were more active and thinner he might have continued to take care of himself. Of course, I think his job has a lot to do with it too... he works a LOT and he's getting older (he's 39), and our son takes up a lot of our energy lol

Anyways... yep. lol

Love and Alohas,
Ihilani Kapuniai

chrystalheart

I would bet having children is a much bigger factor than just getting married. Once you have kids everything revolves around them, not yourselves anymore.

I think this is definitely true.. plus getting older (slower metabolism, less free time, more aches & pains and what not). I got married in 2010 and gained two children. Now there are snacks in the house I would never buy, meals I would never make, etc. That makes it much harder for me. The kids tend to eat the healthy food meant for me (in addition to everything else.. they're teens). So, when I go looking for food, it's often doomed. When I was single, I ate on the run.. a few bites of this.. half of that.. now it's sit down meals and family time (which is precious, don't get me wrong). It's a completely different lifestyle.

My husband has to eat more to keep weight on, so we are working at cross purposes. I think the key for me is portion control.

ttwsweet

Meh. I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with the "I've got my partner, now I don't have to look good" mentality...

...and more to do with the fact that you are suddenly cooking "meals" and portion control goes out the window,
...lives become busy(er) when you're scheduling two people (and/or plus kids) so it's easy to grab crap-food,
...and a different set of stressors come with being in a married/committed relationship... and for emotional/stress eaters (which, I can't speak for the men... but I KNOW lots of women are emotional eaters) that can take it's toll.

There's also that "nesting" sense which I experienced in those first few years of marriage... in that I really just wanted to curl up on the couch with my husband after we got home from work, rather than head to the gym. That takes it's toll eventually.