Do you think it is true that marriage...

neaneawy

I would bet having children is a much bigger factor than just getting married. Once you have kids everything revolves around them, not yourselves anymore.

Virginia90

I was fat before I was married, but I got fatter once I was married. My husband did the cooking the first couple years of marriage (it's how our schedule worked out), and he likes to make very calorie dense food - biscuits and gravy, pancakes slathered in peanut butter, etc. and I chose to eat it. We both "let ourselves go" but in different ways. I gained fat, he lost muscle(he used to be a buff military man.) We are both getting more fit now.

RachCx

I'm not married yet (this year woohoo) but when I met my fiance I put on alot of weight eating out etc. I won't let myself get fat in marriage after losing weight (fingers crossed) for my wedding! I am however looking forward to not having to diet in my honeymoon I'm already fantasising about it! Lol

Rae6503

I'm guessing you don't have small children. They walk really slow. They ride bikes slow. The play with my weights in unsafe manners (or ride them like a horse). It's really better to work out when they aren't around AND to be active with them.

Actually I don't have kids yet, but aren't this great physical activities to do with kids? Going to the park for a walk, planning field trips on the weekends, doing active fun stuff with the kids, riding bicycles, rollerblading, playing games outside, etc.

Now, if you're going to have them ride bicycle or have them walk all the time, of course it defeats the purpose. But how about any of these:







All I'm saying is, if it wasn't possible, everybody with kids would be obese, and I know and have seen a lot of parents with more than one kid keeping a normal active life and staying in shape.

Oh I know it's possible. I'm in good shape. I'm just saying getting up early to work out is often a better idea than trying to work out WITH my children around. We do still try to be active with the children but for me that doesn't count as my work out. I'm a little more advanced than that.

hsmithway

These strollers are a great idea for when your kids are babies. But once they get a little older and want to walk, or ride bikes, you will find out how well this works! It's one of those things that you'll understand when it happens to you.

Haha, this is so true. When they're tiny you can put them in a stroller, or backpack, or baby seat on your bike, and when they get older they can be active with you, but there's definitely an in-between stage when they've outgrown the baby stuff, but they still don't move very fast.

MountainMia

I think it's true in general that you gain weight when you are married. But I don't think it's for the same reason. I gained, but it wasn't because I was secure in my relationship. Marriage is stressfull and it takes a lot of adjustment to accommodate another person in your lifestyle and make it healthy. If your partner isn't on board with healthy habits, then it's deffinitely tougher, but it's NEVER an excuse.

Personal fitness is a Personal responsability. I gained weight because I didn't handle the stress and change of being a grown-up verry well. I still struggle with it... both the weight issue AND being a grown up. :grumble:

YassSpartan

i dont think its fair or particularly nice to say that married people stop caring or trying.

There was no intention to offend anyone, but I'll apologize to you feel that way.

Coyla

But how does one determine the cutoff? I mean if you are no longer attracted to your spouse because of weight gain, how do you deal with that?

All marriages have times when you will not be attracted to your spouse. That's the whole "sickness and health" part of the vows. Does anybody really pay attention to those anymore? I mean, you're just making a promise to your spouse, friends, and family, and--if you're religious--to God, but I guess they're just words.

Ugh....

Okay, I'm done ranting about our culture's attitudes towards marriage.

Great points by so many here. I'm single, and I realize a big turn off for me would be a husband who isn't healthy. If he's never active and wants the cupboards packed with junk food, it's going to drag me down. But I've been around the block enough to know that not all thin people are healthy, so I would not be judging him on fatness or thinness but his lifestyle.

krystico

When we got married, we got "comfortable". "Comfortable" = Relaxing at home together. In your sweats. With some ice cream... And eventually realizing you LOOK too "comfortable" - and then you join MFP!

tillyborn68

I gotta say, probably the fact that after marriage most couple stop complimenting each other, might have a psychological effect that contributes to gain weight and not caring anymore. In other words, Self-esteem goes down and weight goes up.

I tend to agree with you, at least for some couples. When I was married I asked my ex-husband why he didn't open doors, bring me a glass of water after.... things like that anymore? His response was...."We are married now, the courtship is over" needless to say so is the marriage

JanetLM73

I would bet having children is a much bigger factor than just getting married. Once you have kids everything revolves around them, not yourselves anymore.

I agree with this, and add one child that needs 2 major surgeries and another with other health issues.....it equals 50 pounds!

YassSpartan

I gotta say, probably the fact that after marriage most couple stop complimenting each other, might have a psychological effect that contributes to gain weight and not caring anymore. In other words, Self-esteem goes down and weight goes up.

I tend to agree with you, at least for some couples. When I was married I asked my ex-husband why he didn't open doors, bring me a glass of water after.... things like that anymore? His response was...."We are married now, the courtship is over" needless to say so is the marriage

wow :frown: that's not nice at all

fiberartist219

I didn't read through all 7 pages, but I wanted to say a few thoughts on this anyway:

1. A lot of women use it as an excuse. They say, "My husband and my children won't eat the healthy food I make, so we have to eat crap every night". Uhhh NO. You are an adult. You are a wife and a mother, but no one's b!tch. You do not need to make junk food for anyone. Make whatever good food you want to make, and either the family will eat with you, or they will find something else to eat.

2. I am not gonna lie. I probably do eat more as a married woman than I did in my single days. When you cook, you want to eat... again, it is just an excuse. I can wait until I'm done cooking to portion out my food, and put the rest away before I eat it all, but it is all too tempting to taste the dinner as it is cooking.

3. Sometimes people's incentives change. They want to look cute to find a mate. Once they find their mate, their priorities change. Again, it's just an excuse. If you want to be fit, you will be fit.

4. "I don't have time to work out because I have to take care of X, Y, and Z." No, you have to take care of YOURSELF, and then you can try to take care of X, Y and Z.

5. Personally, it's easier to overeat with my husband around. When I was single, I couldn't really afford much food. Now that I have a sugar daddy, my life is an all you can eat buffet. Again... just an excuse.

6. Some of it is just age. I was skinny before I met my husband, but I met him when I was 19. Who wasn't skinny at 19? My hormones and metabolism have changed, and I have the lab results to prove it. It just so happens that I was married at the same time. It would have happened if I was single, too.

7. One that I struggle with is the holidays: Twice as many dinner parties to go to, and twice as many grandmothers get upset when you don't eat their cooking. Ugh.

woou

Will never get married or have children of my own. May adopt. Thus I will never know. :laugh:

qtiekiki

Really depends on the person. I weigh the same now as I did in HS. We had been together for 10 years, married for 6 of those years, and have a 2 and a 3.5 years old.

Pebble321

I think it's about a change in lifestyle for a lot of people - not so much about deliberately stopping caring how you look, but changing how you cook and eat and what you do on the weekends has a big impact.
I eat more good food but less junk (DH doesn't like sweet things so I don't bother to buy/make dessert just for me), I drink more beer, less cocktails (because we don't have as much disposable income now and we hang out at the local pub).

I've put on weight and lost it while being married (several times) so I think there are lots of different factors at play here.

mhncaldwell

We've been married almost 34 years...I weigh 6-7 pounds less than I did on our wedding day and my husband is still in great shape! :-)

bcattoes

But how does one determine the cutoff? I mean if you are no longer attracted to your spouse because of weight gain, how do you deal with that?

That, to me, sounds like a very superficial marriage. What if they were in an accident and become disfigured? What if they are struck with a disabling and/or disfiguring disease? I would not marry someone if I was only attracted to their looks or body because life is full of uncertainties. I wouldn't stop loving my husband if any of these things happened to him any more than I would stop loving my daughters if something similar happened to them. They are all my family and I love them unconditionally. If they gained enough weight that it became dangerous to their health, I'd encourage them to lose. Just as I would nag them if they smoked or used cocaine. But I wouldn't leave or threaten to leave. But that's just me.

shvrngrl

I did gain weight when I got married, but I don't think it was because I didn't want to maintain my pre-marriage weight. My life all of a sudden went from just me to my husband and my step-daughter and me. It is an adjustment to go from a family of 1 to 3. Coordinating our time was hard. I have a really supportive husand who backs me 100% in all my endeavors. So its not that I just "found" someone so I dont' have to make an effort anymore, its more that my life changes as time goes by and I have to adjust to the changes and make sure my eating and exercise habits don't fall back into old unhealthy habits.

DMZ_1

Do you think it is true that marriage is a major factor when it comes about gaining weight? Some people use it as a joke that all you need to do in order to gain weight is to get married.

The logic I'm finding behind this, although that statement is not always true, is that when people get married, they feel they already have someone with them, so there's no need to take care of themselves anymore. That goes for both women and men.

What do you think about this?

Agree completely. Staying unmarried, you need to keep your body looking good in case you need to go out on the singles market again. It is always more difficult to woo new people than keep your current relationship. I think there's a sense of complacency after marriage, and one partner may start taking the other for granted.

grinch031

So I asked my wife why she still cares about her looks despite being married and having 2 kids. Her response was she also wants to look good for other people, not just me. That is the same way I feel.

grinch031

But how does one determine the cutoff? I mean if you are no longer attracted to your spouse because of weight gain, how do you deal with that?

That, to me, sounds like a very superficial marriage. What if they were in an accident and become disfigured? What if they are struck with a disabling and/or disfiguring disease? I would not marry someone if I was only attracted to their looks or body because life is full of uncertainties. I wouldn't stop loving my husband if any of these things happened to him any more than I would stop loving my daughters if something similar happened to them. They are all my family and I love them unconditionally. If they gained enough weight that it became dangerous to their health, I'd encourage them to lose. Just as I would nag them if they smoked or used cocaine. But I wouldn't leave or threaten to leave. But that's just me.

If I suffered a bad accident, disfiguring disease, or gained 1000 lbs and it dragged both me and my wife's life down the toilet, I would probably tell her to cut loose and enjoy her life while she can and not let me burden it.

ltosoni

Do you think it is true that marriage is a major factor when it comes about gaining weight? Some people use it as a joke that all you need to do in order to gain weight is to get married.

The logic I'm finding behind this, although that statement is not always true, is that when people get married, they feel they already have someone with them, so there's no need to take care of themselves anymore. That goes for both women and men.

What do you think about this?

Unfortunately I think it might be true for most married couples. I never wanted to let married life get in the way of staying fit and healthy and passing that along to my kids!

bcattoes

But how does one determine the cutoff? I mean if you are no longer attracted to your spouse because of weight gain, how do you deal with that?

That, to me, sounds like a very superficial marriage. What if they were in an accident and become disfigured? What if they are struck with a disabling and/or disfiguring disease? I would not marry someone if I was only attracted to their looks or body because life is full of uncertainties. I wouldn't stop loving my husband if any of these things happened to him any more than I would stop loving my daughters if something similar happened to them. They are all my family and I love them unconditionally. If they gained enough weight that it became dangerous to their health, I'd encourage them to lose. Just as I would nag them if they smoked or used cocaine. But I wouldn't leave or threaten to leave. But that's just me.

If I suffered a bad accident, disfiguring disease, or gained 1000 lbs and it dragged both me and my wife's life down the toilet, I would probably tell her to cut loose and enjoy her life while she can and not let me burden it.

My husband would probably tell me the same, and I him. But I wouldn't do it, and I don't believe he would either. It's just not what family does IMO.

cydonian

I don't think it's true. I'm the same weight I have been for the last 4 years, and I got married a year and a half ago. I do think, however, that a lot of people get married in their younger years, and as they get older and put on weight from aging and slowing metabolism, they think it's due to their marriage. I'm sure some people do gain because their sig other may cook for them all the time and they find themselves overindulging. But to use it as an excuse? Not a fan. My husband put on 20 lbs. when he moved here from England, and we're sure it's from the change in diet and the switch from being active and bike riding to work every day, to being sedentary and out of a job for nearly a year. There's usually another reason other than just "you got married"!

MrsNoir

Well, so far I'm at my fittest since I got married, I mean, I lost all the weight before the wedding, well I was losing it until I got pregnant in the same week, so besides the obvious baby weight and some extra fat, my hubby won't let me go overweight, so in my case it would be the opposite, he sort of keeps me on track 24/7, and I want to be fit for both, me and him, but mainly me and my baby! I want to be MILF rather than another overweight and shapeless mum. Also my mother has never been fat and is an inspiration for me to follow. My husband is also quite fit, so I think we'll stay that way.

MOesmama

I would bet having children is a much bigger factor than just getting married. Once you have kids everything revolves around them, not yourselves anymore.

I believe this is the heart of the matter, at least for me. I was very fit and active prior to having children. Priorities change when your family expands.

AndiJ2011

Not in my house... I don't mind if my husband gains some weight... but I did not marry a bigger person so that would turn me off if he got out of shape. My husband is not attracted to larger women. Also, I think we inspire each other when we work out & eat healthy.

shvrngrl

I don't think it's true. I'm the same weight I have been for the last 4 years, and I got married a year and a half ago. I do think, however, that a lot of people get married in their younger years, and as they get older and put on weight from aging and slowing metabolism, they think it's due to their marriage. I'm sure some people do gain because their sig other may cook for them all the time and they find themselves overindulging. But to use it as an excuse? Not a fan. My husband put on 20 lbs. when he moved here from England, and we're sure it's from the change in diet and the switch from being active and bike riding to work every day, to being sedentary and out of a job for nearly a year. There's usually another reason other than just "you got married"!

I lived my childhood in Europe and began putting on weight when I moved to America. The food and culture is so different here, its a very rushed society and there are a lot of convience foods to be had. My husband gained wieght as well when he moved her from England.