Hubby trying to lead me astray

beneanickerson

I understand. My goal is to lose 60lbs. I know my husband wants me to, but his motto is if it doesn't have sugar, grease or fat he doesn't want it! Just last night he sat next to me in bed eating a bowl of ice cream. Huh!......What I have started to do to prevent me from having to cook two meals every night is 1. Find recipes that are good from weight watchers and other sources and trick my family into eating healthy with me and often times they don't know the difference because I don't tell me. 2. I plan my week meals on Sunday and I cook things that I can take for lunch and eat for dinner throughout the week. Like baked fish, chicken etc...... Dont give up if you stick with it he will eventually come around!!!!

easuess

Not only does my boyfriend cook most of our dinners, he even puts my portions on the kitchen scale for me! I realize I'm very lucky that he likes to cook and sees making dinner for me as some kind of challenge he must overcome. :happy:

He still eats what he wants though--and eats lots of it. He also loves his candy and has bowls of peanut M&Ms just sitting around our house. There will always be temptation, and sometimes I give in. But most of the time, I just remember how badly I want to wear flattering clothes!

I just feel like I'm responsible for what I eat and he's responsible for what he eats. If I want something different than what he's having, I will cook it myself. And if he's not excited about what I'm cooking, he can prepare his own meal. It's fun to eat together, but that doesn't mean we have to eat the same thing.

gregpack

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT TRY TO FEED YOUR HUBBY GROUND TURKEY!!! Nothing screams "diet food" worse than ground turkey. But look at the nutritional stats for ground turkey vs 90/10 ground beef, or even 85/15! Turkey has a little more protein, but that's it. IMO, The only thing you get for switching to ground turkey is some sort of weird self flagellation that you're sacrificing something (taste and flavor!)to lose weight.

Does hubby need to loose a few pounds also? If so, hubby needs to get on the program, but he will still need more calories than you.
He doesn't have to live on carrot sticks,apple slices, and celery while you diet. A lot of foods are healthy you can both eat. You can both pretty much eat lean meats and non-starchy vegetables. Add a filling carb (potatoes,yams, beans or rice) to his meal and you can both skip the bread. You could put him on a healthy eating plan and him not actually realize it.

Don't fall for the "no-eating at night rule" many dieters adhere to as some sort of law of the diet universe. Save the bulk of your calories for dinner together. You can eat like a bird during the day and more of a regular meal at night together. As long as you are in a daily negative caloric state you will loose weight. I lost a buttload of weight last year, and I eat more calories between 6pm and bedtime than any other part of the day.

LoraF83

I'm sorry you have to deal with this situation.......I am feeling very blessed right now to have a supportive husband. I do all the cooking (he will help with prep and clean-up!) and he is always appreciative of what I make. Even if he doesn't like it. I made black-bean enchiladas the other day, and he was less than thrilled that there was no meat, but he ate most of it.

I am going to go out on a limb and guess that your husband is making this difficult for you because he is scared of what will happen if you do reach your goals. He is making this hard so you will stay stuck in the same place you are now.....because it is comfortable for him. If you improve yourself, where does that leave him in your marriage? Maybe if you help reassure him that just because you are trying to lose weight, it doesn't mean you love him any less or that you are planning on leaving him. That might help him be more supportive......just a thought! Good luck!

ArroganceInStep

I do a majority of the cooking for my fiancee and I, and I have no problem making two entirely separate meals if necessary so we can both meet our diet goals. It's really not that big a deal, the only harm is it's usually one extra pan to wash.

I also have the same expectations of her though, when she does make me food (usually breakfasts on the weekends), I expect her to make something that fits into my diet, even if she has to then make something separate for herself.

A lot of folks are saying to cook and let him decide if he wants to eat. That is an option, but from my perspective it can put strain and make the tone of the meal more negative. I'd gladly take the work of washing one extra pan to avoid that.

EDIT: Also reading some of the responses, I don't get why people assume that resistance to change signals some kind of insecurity in that person. We all resist change, heck that's the very reason a lot of us are on here and need to lose weight, because we didn't change sooner and stuck with bad habits and an unhealthy lifestyle. I don't like eating rabbit food because it tastes like rabbit food, not because I think my fiancee is suddenly going to get way hotter than she is already and leave me for some other guy.

Doug185

Download the app to his phone or start an account for him on the website and enter in one of the unhealthy meals he wishes to have with you. Let him see what the impact is, and explain why it is important to you. Most men need to see why something is being done or how it works -- it is part of our nature (don't try to understand it, just go with it). If he can see what a cheeseburger and fries does to your daily diet, he may be swayed to see your point. Seeing proof that if he continues to eat and (not) exercise the way he does will cause him to balloon up to an unhealthy weight will motivate most men.
If he isn't willing to join you and support you, the next step would be to challenge him compete against you using the app. Most men will compete at anything. It can be football or who has the most horsepower under the hood of their car... he's going to compete. Use that. He will be texting you from work and comparing progress the whole time. Even though he feels like he is competing, you both will be winning through losing.
Last resort.... tell him he is welcome to cook (and clean up afterwards) anything he wants, if he doesn't like what you prepared -- just, you won't be doing it.

d2footballJRC

It's not your hubby leading you astray. You are an adult, you need to be responsible for yourself.

"Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly." — Stephen R. Covey

Don't rely on others for this journey, use them for short bursts, but in the end it's all about what you hold inside.

JNettie73

I had a similar situation when I first started out on here. I don't think my husband was intentionally trying to lead me astray. He just didn't know any better. He was used to me eating poorly. IE homemade french fries that were fried in oil After a few months my husband started to catch on. Now on nights when it is his turn to cook, because I get home after 8pm, he makes a healthy meal for me. In my case, it just took a little time to teach him what is a good choice vs a bad choice for me. Now if I can only get him to grasp the concept of portion control. :laugh: I am constantly having to empty half the food off my plate into tupperware before I eat when he serves it. His claim "Well, I thought you could just eat what you want out of it and then save the rest. when you get full." :noway:

I suggest you sit down and talk to him about it. You can meal plan together. Or if he is going to cook for you try giving him some healthy suggestions prior to him cooking.

Best of luck to you. Hang in there. It gets easier over time.

JackieLM

I am genuinely shocked that so many women seem to cook for their husbands on a daily basis, honestly - do they never cook or do you not cook together? I've always cooked with my partners, it was a bonding, romantic sort of thing. Though to be fair I am the single one on this thread - perhaps I need to get my apron on!

my hubby is actually the one that does all the cooking... I need to learn to start doing some of it. :-) Cooking together is all and well if you don't have kids but throw a few little ones in the mix and that "romantic" cooking tends to fall to the waste side at least for us. I would rather be "romantic" when everyone else is asleep and little eyes are staring at me. (I have 4 kiddos). Now don't get me wrong, we hug and kiss in front of the kids... we dance and are "romantic" just don't have time to be romantic and cook. hahaha!

cowgirlslikeus86

I love the lingerie part!!! That will work on any husband. Better yet, let him go with you to pick it out, it will get him involved and you'll be assured that it will be in the front of his mind for the next months.. ..you can't catch a bear with vegetables.....

cook your food when its your turn... and have a spare tucked away for when he does his stuff... freeze leftovers or give it to the dog... I suggest making yours as yummy as you can seduce him x x x

or buy some sexy lingerie and tell him the sooner he gets with the program the sooner you will wear it x x x

jsyburkhead

I have the exact same problem with my husband! He'll even go as far as making me a surprise dessert knowing that I'm trying to
eat healthier! Just stick to your guns! You HAVE to be REALLY determined enough that no matter what your husband does, you're going to continue to be healthier for yourslef! And I agree with the others as far as cooking healthier for the 2 of you. Healthy cooking is tasty when done right and before long, he'll be right there with you, eating healthy. Cooking 2 seperate meals is going to wear you out and eventually throw you off from being successful in losing weight! Dig your heels in deep because you HAVE GOT to do this for YOURSELF!

TaraStingray

Here's what I did.... I made what I wanted for dinner. I told him he could eat it or, I put stuff in the fridge for sandwiches. I also told him to go get whatever he wanted out to eat. It has taken him 2 weeks but...he will eat what I cook...lol
It's been really hard for me to do this by myself. My good friend Jesse is on here too. She does the same thing with her husband. I'm pretty new to MFP. I'm not having much success so far. If you have any advise, I'm open to any I can get. Good luck!!!

BTW I agree with jsyburkhead!!!

kealey1318

I know this might sound mean, but I would just cook whatever you need to cook for yourself to stay on your plan. If he wants a meal, he can eat what you make. If he doesn't want it, he's fully capable of fending for himself. It's not your responsibility to feed his cravings.

Loved ones are often sabateours for a variety of reasons (jealous, afraid, resistant to change, etc.). Don't let his choices/actions affect your progress!!!

Congratulations on beginning your journey and welcome to MFP! I have found this to be an amazingly supportive and informative community!

(p.s. Loved the post about the lingerie and offering to wear it based on his support... LOL)

SassyCalyGirl

let him cook his own unhealthy meals!

DefyGravity1977

I have the same issue, except add 3 kids (a teenage boy, a 9 year old, and an extremely picky 5 year old). I have learned to have smaller portions of what they are having. In fact, I have started making smaller portions all around. I sneek in healthier options when I can and they are none the wiser.

aly5077

I agree. At worst we take turns cooking dinner.

ruggedBear

It is so hard to cook healthy meals for a family when they don't have the same motivation that we do! Here are some things I try to do to ease the pain for the husband and kids:

1. Cook chicken or fish every day and red meat once a week - if they need a sauce, dip or gravy - just make it but reserve your naked piece before serving
2. Use 94% lean ground beef - it has almost the same macros as ground turkey and goes over much better with the family
3. Add a starch like rice, potato or corn to every dinner for them, but don't eat any
4. Cook 2 vegetable dishes every night so they have a choice (I like lots of veggies they don't like)
5. Buy good non-stick cookware so you can reduce the cooking oils (I use Calphalon Unison with olive oil)
6. Find alternative ways to make their favorite meals - like chicken parm (breaded and baked, with reduced fat cheese), tacos (lean beef and fat free beans), chicken fettucine alfredo with a light sauce, etc
7. Bring back the toddler magic - hide the vegetables! I recently started adding chopped zucchini, peppers and even cabbage to ground beef for stuffed peppers to keep them juicy so I can use the leaner beef.
8. One "normal" meal each week - something they love like homemade pizza or our favorite butcher shop burgers (mine with blue cheese, red onion and tomato please!)

They don't want you to fail, they just don't want to give up their favorites - so I try a lot of smoke and mirrors magic to make them feel like they're not missing out!

Good luck!

ViSabbi

It's funny how everybody has the same issue. Me too! We both cook but while he's preparing pasta, I'm preparing salad. Sometimes I will eat some even if it's processed food just to please him but I never take more than half a cup if I have the calories (which I usually do) and load up my plate with veggies. Since I'm going more hardcore on avoiding carbs this month, he finds it annoying but it's worst during the weekends. He always want to eat out and that makes things difficult because most restaurants are pretty bad even if you order just a salad. I try to look at the calories before heading to the restaurant so I know what's the best choice to make.

Isn't it hilarious that most men want you in sexy lingerie and see you look even better but they don't like the sacrifices that it requires?

BattyMama

My husband used to cook but I have kicked him out of the kitchen because he would cook a meal and come to find out he used alot of butter or something that would send me over my calories lol......he's banned from the kitchen I know he meant well, he's learning slowly yet surely lol

My husbands the same way! I have a rule in our house, If you don't like what I fix you are more then welcome to cook for yourself ,just remember to clean up your mess or you will be cleaning up mine (i cook 3 or 4 days at a time)

shelbyfrootcake

Cook one meal, if you hubby wants something else have him make it himself.

This.

If I'm in the mood for cooking two meals I'll do one for me and one for my partner. If not, he has to sort out his own food (I think he'd rather starve than eat most of the things I do).